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Being alone. For Kageyama, it was the stuff of nightmares. Quite literally.
That devastating, shocking moment on the court from middle school. That’s what loneliness really means to Kageyama. The echo on the hardwood of the gym floor as the ball slammed against it. The glare from his teammates - who he had slowly grown to trust - who were on the sidelines, leaving Kageyama all by himself on the court. He heard mumbles of, “king” and “king of the court” passing through the group as they huddled together without him.
That was his new nickname. “King of the Court”. Most people would dream to have that kind of reputation. The King has power and influence. The opposing team would gasp, “Look! It’s him! The King of the Court!” in a fearful but admiring sort of way. But that’s not what the nickname meant to Kageyama, his team mates, and anyone who heard the story of his past.
“The King of the Court” was sort of an ironic nickname. The King has power and influence, and in middle school, Kageyama’s team stated that he used his power to dictate what everyone else would do. An oppressive King. And as soon as the nickname was bestowed upon him, he instantly hated it. He was hurt because the people he had slowly grown to trust had turned on him so quickly. Kageyama knows he’s had difficulty trusting since.
Kageyama has changed since middle school. He’s been trying his best to put his trust issues aside. He no longer has the shiny, red crown on his head. He’s a team player with value and talent, and Karasuno will always have his back.
If that’s true, then why does Kageyama still fear about being alone? Why does he still worry that his team with fade away from him as soon as he begins to trust them completely?
He had that dream again. The moment from middle school - in vivid detail. The team was traveling to Tokyo for a summer training camp, so most - if not all - of the team was asleep. So, in a way, Kageyama was alone.
The sound of the ball slamming against the empty court echoed in his head. It was so loud to him, he feared others would hear it and wake up. The noise seemed to resonate and vibrate in his chest, and he felt his heart drop.
“It’s from middle school. You’re in high school now. Get over it already, dumbass,” Kageyama mentally scolded himself as he felt himself tear up a bit.
“Pathetic,” He thought as a tear made its way down his face. He sniffled as quietly as he could, wiping away the stray tear as he looked out of the window once more.
A shuffle was heard from Kageyama’s left. He stiffened and almost held his breath when he saw Hinata stretch out of the corner of his eye. Hinata yawned and Kageyama hoped he looked like he was asleep, or that Hinata wouldn’t initiate conversation. Tears kept sliding down his cheeks, slowly, but it didn’t seem to end. It was like a leaky faucet - drip, drip, drip.
“Oi, Kageyama, you’re awake?” Hinata whispered, leaning closer to him as to not wake anyone else up. Kageyama stiffened further when Hinata’s leg lightly brushed against his.
“Y-yeah,” Kageyama replied, not looking away from the window. He discreetly wiped the few tears off of his cheek with the hand he was resting his chin on.
“Can’t sleep?” Hinata mumbled, yawning. Kageyama hummed in agreement, a single tear sliding down the cheek that just so happened to be closest to Hinata’s eyeshot. He hoped that it was too dark in the bus to notice. Kageyama sniffled again.
“Me either… I’ve been trying for like, an hour, and I just can’t fall asleep,” Hinata hummed in a low voice, stretching out his small legs before tucking them back properly against the chair. Kageyama glanced his way for a split second without moving his head. As soon as Hinata looked back to him, his eyes shot back to the window, gluing themselves on literally anything that could pose as a distraction.
“You okay?” Hinata questioned quietly. The two simple words destroyed any and all of Kageyama’s previous attempts to not cry. More tears began to prick and poke at his eyes, and he had to bite his lips to hold them all back.
“I’m fine,” Kageyama replied, his voice failing at the end of his sentence. It cracked and withered away, and he silently swore at himself as he gave in. Kageyama sighed, releasing every teardrop he had been holding in.
“No you’re not,” Hinata observed, furrowing his brows at the taller boy. Hinata’s stare softened when a soft sniffle came from the latter.
“What’s going on?” Hinata queried softly. Kageyama bit his lip again to hold back a sob. He had to let up a little because he was afraid that he was gonna draw blood.
“N-nothing, it’s dumb. Just ignore me, I’m overreacting,” Kageyama muttered, sniffling as quietly as he could as he used both of his slightly shaky hands to wipe his face.
“Something’s bothering you,” Hinata pressed, raising an eyebrow. Kageyama exhaled and leaned back in his seat, facing forward after looking out of the window for a while. The pale, silvery light from the windows parallel to them shone just right on Kageyama’s face, showing the sodden trails where the tears had traveled - and continued to travel - down his cheeks. Hinata turned slightly towards him.
“What’s going on?” Hinata repeated, his voice low and soft. Kageyama’s lip trembled and squirmed under the pressure from his teeth.
“I just,” Kageyama’s breath hitched in his throat. He shakily sighed before continuing. “I had a bad dream. That’s all. It’s stupid.”
“It’s not stupid,” Hinata assured softly but firmly. Kageyama took a deep breath, eyeing Hinata, who was looking at him.
“What was the dream about?” Hinata questioned curiously. Kageyama peered around the bus to see if anyone was awake. To his luck, everyone except for Coach Ukai, who was driving, was asleep. The two boys were close to the back and everyone was out cold, so Kageyama wasn’t too concerned about waking someone up.
“The… middle school thing,” Kageyama mumbled, looking to his hands as he fiddled with them in his lap.
“Ah, the ‘King’ moment?” Kageyama tensed at the mention of the name, albeit brief. Hinata sighed when he noticed the setter stiffen.
“It… it screwed up everything for me… I trusted them, and they didn’t trust me back,” Kageyama began, not looking up from his lap and continuing to fidget with his hands.
“They betrayed me, and all because I got too cocky,” Kageyama spat loathingly. Hinata frowned, and Kageyama sighed heavily.
“It stings, knowing that that fucking name will stick with me… probably forever,” Kageyama huffed, the tears coming back.
“I hate that fucking name.” Kageyama whimpered, feeling pathetic at the fact that he was still crying about it.
“I know you do, and, honestly? I don’t think it applies anymore,” Hinata replied after a small pause. Kageyama looked up from his lap to the smaller boy. Hinata’s eyes glistened softly when a small ray of light shone through the window as they passed by some trees.
“You’re not an egocentric, controlling King anymore,” Hinata pointed out. Even though his words were went as a compliment, they still kinda stung like an insult.
“You trust this team, don’t you?” Hinata questioned rhetorically. The taller boy raised an eyebrow and nodded.
“This entire team trusts you, too,” Hinata declared firmly.
“Each time you toss the ball, someone will be there to hit it,” Hinata added. Kageyama felt himself tear up again, but in a good way this time.
“If not Tanaka or Asahi, it’ll definitely be me,” Hinata declared boastfully, causing Kageyama to snicker.
“Dumbass,” Kageyama mumbled with a small smile tugging at the corner of his lips. Hinata beamed when he noticed that the setter was smiling.
“We’ve all got your back. And if someone else ever calls you ‘King’ again, I’ll jump on top of them, no matter how tall they are,” Hinata stated protectively, pointing to himself. Kageyama chuckled quietly and shook his head.
“Thanks,” Kageyama muttered under his breath. Hinata threw his arms around Kageyama’s torso and hugged him tight. The taller boy was caught off guard by Hinata’s actions, but hugged him back. Hinata’s small figure fit against him perfectly, like a puzzle piece.
“You’re not alone anymore. We’re all here for you,” Hinata mumbled into Kageyama’s shoulder. A few tears slid down Kageyama’s cheeks and dripped onto Hinata’s shirt. The smaller boy tore himself from the setter’s grip, grabbed his shoulders, and stared into his eyes.
“You’ve gotta believe that. We’re gonna kick Seijoh’s ass at any match, and show your former teammates who’s boss,” Hinata encouraged. Kageyama sniffled but smiled lightly. Hinata pouted and reached to the setter’s cheeks to wipe the tears away from them.
“You’re not the ‘King of the Court’ anymore; you’re Karasuno’s #9, an amazingly talented setter who helps his team succeed,” Hinata continued. More tears made their way down Kageyama’s cheeks and he couldn’t help but smile wide.
“ We don’t need to prepare for Seijoh at nationals, they need to prepare for us ,” Hinata declared. Kageyama fought back a laugh. Hinata released Kageyama’s shoulders and they both sat back in their seats properly.
After a brief hesitation, Kageyama pulled the smaller boy into a gentle hug. Hinata smiled, closed his eyes, and rested his chin on the taller setter’s shoulders. Kageyama sniffled and sighed shakily, and Hinata rubbed his small hands comfortingly up and down the taller boy’s back.
“I’m not alone anymore,” Kageyama muttered, smiling to himself as happy tears slid down his face.
“Nope,” Hinata sighed, pulling back and holding Kageyama’s hands in his as they sat properly again.
“You’re not alone anymore.”