Chapter Text
"I'm sorry, you've already lost me. What's the article about?" Ryan leaned back in his chair, bringing a hand up to rub his temples. He had barely gotten past the first sentence and was already beginning to feel a headache coming.
"It's about the rising threat of genetic discrimination that can arise from opting-in to DNA testing," Shane answered, not looking up from where he was copy editing said article.
"And you wonder why people never read your section," Ryan teased, spinning in his chair to face his computer.
"You're just upset because commentary is a section for intellectuals."
"Hey! Sports is way more interesting than political commentary! I swear your writers have covered climate change every single issue this year!" Ryan argued.
"Okay, but all of your article titles have basically been 'Why *insert name of sports team here* is the team to watch this season.'"
"You come up with more interesting titles, then. My titles get straight to the point, and you don't need to be an AP Scholar to understand them," Ryan taunted, and Shane finally looked up from his paper.
"Further proof that my section is for the intellectuals. And I suppose you don't need unique titles if all of your articles are going to be about the exact same thing."
"Shane, there's a difference between football and hockey."
"Well, I can't tell. Both have horribly high statistics when it comes to injuries, you really could write something about-" Shane was cut off by Eugene Lee Yang, in all his glory, slamming the door to the newspaper office open, storming into the room, and slapping a piece of paper onto the main table.
"Who. Did. This." Eugene looked up, eyes scanning the room with a glare that could ruthlessly slaughter puppies and children alike with no remorse.
"I love those memes," Steven, the back page editor, piped up, unfazed by Eugene's rage.
"Those don't count as memes, you illiterate fuck," Andrew, the arts and entertainment editor, commented monotonously.
"Would everyone shut up! As editor-in-chief of this newspaper, I cannot stand for this!" Eugene wailed, holding up the poster that was causing his third meltdown of the day.
On the poster was one of those Valentine's cards that trended every year on the internet, with a picture of Hans from Frozen, with the caption, "if only someone actually loved you." (A/N pictured below)
Under that image, were the words, printed in bold:
For $5, put a Valentine for a special someone ;) in the February issue of The Shallot. All proceeds will go to the local food shelter. Sales will be during lunch periods in the newspaper office. Can be anonymous and must be school appropriate.
"That right there is artistic genius," Shane wheezed.
"Aw, thank you," Isaac, the student life editor, pretended to swoon at the compliment.
"Isaac, you're off the paper."
"You can't fire me, I'm the one with the passwords to all the accounts," the junior scoffed in reply, pulling his phone out of his pocket and beginning to text someone.
"This is an established newspaper with a reputation to uphold, you can't just go around printing these by the hundreds and slapping them on walls all over the school," Eugene reprimanded, but everyone could tell that he wasn't as angry as initially expressed. The EIC plopped into a chair at the main table, ready to move to grab an article to copy edit, when everyone's phone buzzed with a notification.
"We're right here, you know," Ryan commented as he read his screen, seeing that Isaac had just texted in the group chat. But Isaac paid him no mind, he was too busy hysterically laughing at pictures of cows sitting like dogs.
"I also sent a mass text to the school with that same info, FYI," Isaac told Eugene, wiping tears from his eyes.
"How does someone even send a mass text to every person in the school," Ryan said with disbelief.
"I'm the student life editor. I'm in charge of the only section that everyone actually reads, because people like to feel important. Plus, my memes about Principal Erickson hold this public establishment together. You really shouldn't question my power at this point."
"You're like a mini Eugene," Shane whispered under his breath, before trying to find some good images for the layout of his page.
-
"So, Ryan, are you going to send in a Valentine to someone special?" Becca nudged him with her elbow while he was scrolling through pictures of last night's hockey game.
"He has sent in a Valentine, actually," Isaac commented from his computer on the other side of the room.
"You only know that because you're in charge of the money," Ryan quipped, ears going red.
"To who?! Oh my god, was it Sh-"
"Rebecca!" Ryan slapped a hand over her mouth, her eyes growing wide, the corners crinkling from how hard she was smiling.
Shane chose, at this moment, to stroll into the room. He seemed unfazed as he made his way to his computer next to Ryan's, even with Ryan's hand clamped over Becca's face as she jumped excitedly in her chair. Just typical newspaper stuff.
"Are you guys talking about the boys swim team again?" he poked, and Isaac spun around in his chair so fast it almost gave Shane whiplash just watching him.
"I have pictures if you're writing an article about boys' swimming."
"Isaac, we all know about your hundreds of pictures. I really think we need to talk about how much you've been abusing your press pass," Shane tried to reason, but Isaac was already pulling up the files on his computer.
Everyone, thankfully, had forgotten about why Ryan was freaking out, and moved on with talking about the spreads for the month and what pictures they'd be using.
"Aw, Ryan, someone sent you a Valentine's," Isaac commented a few hours later.
"Why are you reading those? I asked you to look over-" Andrew began to talk, but was disrupted by Becca practically falling out of her chair to read it.
"AW RYAN IT'S SO CUTE!" she squealed.
"Let me see," he stood to walk over to the computer, but Isaac threw a pen at him.
"Nope! You have to wait until it goes to print."
"Then why does Becca get to see it?"
"Because the Valentines are going on her pages," Isaac explained, and Eugene turned to him, eyebrows furrowed.
"If they're going on her pages, then why are you going through the spreadsheet with all the love notes?"
"I already finished my layout and converted it to a PDF. And, I'm tech savvy enough to figure out how to manage the survey without compromising the integrity of our paper. I even know who sent in each response, so I'm able to report to administration if we get another one of those stalker incidents like last year."
Shane, who had been taking a sip of tea, began choking. Isaac, observing this response, began to laugh hysterically. Everyone else, well, they remained thoroughly confused.
"Remind me to never get on Isaac's bad side," Steven commented. He was just trying to make this month's crossword in peace and SL just had to go starting drama.