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Phyllis Crane was very satisfied with the life she’d carved out for herself and when people asked her whether she regretted the fact that she had never settled down with a husband she was happy to report no such worries, thank you very much. She had to admit however, she sometimes felt that her maternal instinct had never been properly fulfilled. It wasn’t exactly regret, if she had her time all over again she wouldn’t have made different choices, but sometimes as she saw the young mothers of Poplar fall in love with their babies and felt a pang of something. Her secretly soft nature came out from behind her stern exterior in other ways, she was the first to slip an extra sweet to a child looking sad at the clinic and she found herself becoming the nurse that the children ran to first to show the gold star sticker on their bookbag or complain to about their new little brother’s crying. Genuine warmth combined with an utter lack of time for nonsense saw many finding a motherly figure in the older nurse.
It was this exact feeling that gave Phyllis the sense of purpose that kept her in Poplar. Being a voice for the silenced and a shoulder to cry on for the ostracized, as well as a straightforward reality check for those truly in need one. She found her place in Poplar. However, when she found the one who needed her the most she was surprised that it occurred directly inside Nonnatus.
“Goodnight, Deels.”
Phyllis had found herself frozen at the bottom of the stairs, cut off by the muted voice of Nurse Mount. From where she stood she could see two hands clasped together, a shared look of sad longing that could hardly belong to a pair of friends, no matter how close. Phyllis was not unaware of such afflictions, in fact she had heard several accusations of being similarly inclined over the decades. Although herself she had never really seen why such a harmless thing was seen as such an evil by many, she was certainly not naïve as to what was at stake for the young girls. It made a lot of sense for Nurse Busby and Nurse Mount to be seeing one another, Phyllis couldn’t see any other reason why two bright and kind young ladies wouldn’t have any gentlemen chasing them. In the moments she remained out of view she made a quick decision, it wasn’t her place to make comment but now that she knew she believed it was her place to ensure their safety. God knows love was worth protection.
She got her chance to help, if only by a little, much sooner than anticipated. The month following her discovery, Nurse Mount announced abruptly over the dinner table that she would be leaving for Hong Kong. A hastily faked choking fit wasn’t enough to explain away the tears that shone in Nurse Busby’s eyes, as far as Phyllis was concerned. She didn’t want to say anything directly if she could help it, feeling that it might be an intrusion of privacy. But when she saw that same sickeningly sad look on Nurse Busby’s face as Nurse Mount bid Nonnatus goodbye, she knew it was her duty.
Nurse Busby had very quickly excused herself from supper that night. Phyllis knew better than to go directly to her, the young woman needed some time to process things a little. Besides, it gave Phyllis some much needed time to consider precisely what she ought to say.
“Keeping up with your Spanish?”
Phyllis felt a tug in her chest at the smile that looked crudely painted onto Nurse Busby’s tear-marked face. As Nurse Busby turned away Phyllis quickly reached out to her, afraid she might lose her nerve otherwise. Phyllis was no stranger to love but was quite unaccustomed to the comfort of those facing the labours of love.
“If I may quote a poem?” Phyllis began before sure what exactly she was going to say, she certainly hadn’t been planning to do it like this. “Ay, the pain it costs me to love you as I love you. For love of you, the air, it hurts, and my heart, and my hat, they hurt me. Who would buy it from me, this ribbon I am holding, and this sadness of cotton, white, for making handkerchiefs with? Ay, the pain it costs me to love you as I love you.”
Phyllis watched Nurse Busby’s face shift between confusion, abject horror and what she hoped was trace of comfort. She didn’t want silence to pressure the young woman into words she wasn’t quite sure she would be capable of, rushing back into speech.
“I have a volume of his book, should you wish to borrow it.”
Nurse Busby’s hurried nod assured Phyllis she had made the right decision. She felt she had already overstepped a boundary, and that she may as well continue.
“If I may, the pain it costs to love, I believe, is always worth it.”
* * *
Although they never spoke directly of their meeting in the hallway that night, after it took place Delia became a much more frequent presence in Phyllis’ life. Phyllis could see that the young nurse was struggling, not only with the clear absence of Nurse Mount but with finding her own place in Nonnatus beyond ‘Nurse Mount’s friend.’ She watched as she tried to find out where exactly she fit in the dynamic of the other nurses, always making her way back to Phyllis’ side. Not that she minded, she was growing to enjoy Delia’s company and taking her under her wing was more enjoyable than she had expected. She turned into an avid reader of Lorca’s work, no matter how much Phyllis at been trying to steer her towards some of the British greats, and Delia had been delighted to hear of the older woman’s love for the Welsh countryside. Alongside a shared love for Shakespeare that was soon discovered, the pair found plenty to talk about. Keeping an eye on Delia was no longer just a duty.
Phyllis had taken to encouraging Delia with her midwifery studies, she was clearly an able nurse and the sooner she passed her exams the sooner she could become an asset to the perpetually understaffed Nonnatus team. She was usually quite the diligent student but in this particular instance, Phyllis was finding her almost infuriatingly distracted.
“Come on Delia, you know this. What is the procedure for an infant presenting as breech?”
Delia knew the procedure perfectly, a very quick learner. But today she offered nothing more than a shrug and a distant look.
“What’s the matter, dear?” Phyllis knew the revision wasn’t going anywhere.
Delia sighed deeply, seemingly conflicted about whether to talk openly. “She hasn’t- Patsy hasn’t written. Again.”
Phyllis squeezed Delia’s hand, taking the younger woman by surprise somewhat. She knew that Nurse Mount was going through a lot but the toll that weeks without any correspondence was taking on Delia made her feel fiercely protective.
“I know it’s hard, but I suppose we must remember how much she must be handling right now.”
“I do try to remember but sometimes it feels like she isn’t coming back.”
Phyllis deliberately held Delia’s gaze. “She will come back, Delia. And if she doesn’t get in touch with you soon, she’ll have me to contend with when she does.”
Delia smiled weakly. “Thank you, Phyllis. For everything.”
“Come on then lass, shall we see if we can interest anyone in some tea?”
* * *
Barbara’s wedding left Phyllis on a high she hadn’t felt for such a long time. She hadn’t realised how much of a family she had found at Nonnatus until she had watched her young friend walk up the aisle. She had retired to her room earlier than the others, somebody had to be on call after all. Almost as soon as she had opened her Spanish dictionary, there was a knocking at the door.
“Phyllis, can we talk to you?”
Delia stood at the door, Nurse Mount nervously twirling a strand of red hair beside her. Phyllis immediately invited them inside, both women sitting on the edge of Barbara’s bed.
“So,” Delia took a deep breath. “Patsy, Phyllis knows about our…situation. I just thought it was best you know.”
Nurse Mount’s thumb leapt to her mouth. “And you won’t say anything, Nurse Crane?”
Phyllis noted the nurse’s hard tone, assuming it was defensive more than anything. “Of course not, Nurse Mou- Patsy. I am aware of the potential jeopardy.”
Delia gently stroked the back of Patsy’s hand. “Phyllis has been such a good friend whilst you were away. You can trust her.”
Patsy caught Phyllis eye, softening slightly. “Then I owe you a lot of thanks. Truly.”
Phyllis waved her hand but couldn’t conceal a smile. “Don’t be daft, Patsy. Now, if I hear from young Delia that you’re the cause of any more heartaches I can assure you…”
* * *
“We have a postcard from Nurse Mount and Nurse Busby, it appears they’re on safari in Botswana.”
Phyllis always brought the postcard straight to Sister Julienne, she wasn’t sure why as neither nurse appeared to have an especially close bond with the nun. But it always brought a smile to her face and Phyllis thought she deserved a moment of relief from the stress of handling Nonnatus, however brief.
“A safari? My goodness, how exciting.”
“To be young again, right Sister?”
Sister Julienne smiled softly. “Seeing the world is good for all of us, Nurse Crane. I believe Nurse Crane and Nurse Busby deserve it more than many.”
Phyllis paused for a moment to examine Sister Julienne, the look of understanding dawning on her. “Yes, I believe so.”
She passed the card over to the nun, pleased with the knowledge that her girls had another guardian.