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Phineas Taylor Barnum was, in a word, infuriating. His overconfidence, his pompous red suit, his fantastically curly hair, that cocky smile of his that always seemed to be talking even when he didn’t speak. His irritatingly gorgeous face.
Phillip probably should have hated him. He was the opposite of everything that Phillip knew. But Phillip could never hate Barnum. He didn’t quite understand exactly what he felt towards him, but it wasn’t hate. Whatever emotion he felt, it made him feel fuzzy inside, like swallowing a fine wine.
This had been going on for some time, and Phillip was beginning to get worried. Perhaps he had some kind of disease that made him feel like that. And so he decided to consult someone who knew a lot about the heart.
“Lettie. You know a lot about people, right?”
“I try my best. What’d you need, hon?”
“What does it mean when you look at someone and your insides kind of feel like they’re melting? Or like they get knotted up in a ball?”
A smile spread across Lettie’s face. “You really don’t know?”
“No, should I?”
“You’re in love.”
Phillip’s eyes widened. “No. That can’t be. I… no.”
“Well, it’s either that or tapeworm.”
“Seriously?”
“No. I know nothing about diseases so truth be told I couldn’t tell you. But I know what it feels like. You’re in love.”
Phillip sat down on a nearby crate, putting his head into his hands. “Oh my god. How did this happen?”
“Judging by your reaction, you’re in love with someone you shouldn’t be in love with.” Her expression grew concerned. “Want to talk about it?”
“Yes, but you have to promise not to tell anyone.”
“Of course.”
“It’s Barnum. I’m… I’m in love with Barnum.” Now that he said it, it seemed to roll off of his tongue with ease.
Lettie’s eyes widened. “Really?”
“Yes.”
“Well, first of all, you’ve chosen well. He is adorable.” She pulled up a crate, sat down beside him, and put a hand on his shoulder. “Second of all, I can tell you’re worried. But you don’t have to run into it. Take it slow. It’s like learning how to dance. Love takes time.”
“Should I tell him?”
“Only if you want to.”
“I do. Or at least I think I do. But I wouldn’t know where to go from there.”
“From there, it’s best not to plan. You just have to let things unfold as they will.”
“That’s confusing.”
“Oh, absolutely. But the best things in life are.”
——————
Finding the right moment to tell Barnum was harder than Phillip had expected. They were both equally busy with the show, and it seemed as though the second a show ended, Barnum would disappear. And it was excruciating. He was beyond distracted with the whole situation, and it was starting to show in his work.
Lettie, naturally, was the first to notice. “Have you forgotten how to talk to people?”
“No, but I haven’t had a chance to talk to Barnum about you-know-what, and it’s driving me crazy!”
“Seriously? You two work together literally all the time.”
“Surrounded by other people! I don’t want anyone else knowing. I just… not yet. Maybe not at all. I may move to a cabin in the woods and never talk to anyone ever again.”
“Oh, for the love of god. Let’s get this over with.”
Lettie took him by the hand and led him through the building, up the stairs, and into Barnum’s office, where the man himself stood, staring confusedly at their sudden arrival.
“Hello Carlyle, Lettie… should I even ask what’s happening?”
“Phillip here has something he wants to tell you, and he’s going to do that. I am going to leave, so he can’t back out of this.” True to her word, Lettie left the room, leaving Phillip standing there awkwardly.
“Shit. I’m sorry about this. I should probably go.” Phillip muttered, heading to the door. “She locked it.”
“Lettie can be very persistent.” Barnum said, with a slight smile. “So what is it you wanted to tell me?”
Phillip felt his face begin to burn. “Uh… so this is going to sound odd, and you have every right to not want to talk to me after I tell you.”
“Goodness, you’re making it sound like you’re about to tell me that you’ve killed someone.”
“No, it’s nothing like that.” Phillip took a deep breath. “There’s no easy way to say this, but I…”
“Wait. Let me guess.” He leapt dramatically over his desk, so that he was standing right in front of Phillip. It might have been his imagination, but he could’ve sworn that he could feel the warmth of Barnum’s breath on his lips. “You’re moving to Canada.”
“No.”
“You have a terminal illness.”
“No.”
“You’re running for President.”
“No.”
“You’re secretly two children stacked up inside of a coat.”
“What? No. How would that even work?”
“I don’t know. I’ve seen pretty much everything. That wouldn’t be so weird.” Barnum now wore that cocky, charming smile. “You’ve decided to quit your job and become a monk.”
“No.” He sighed, exasperated. “Barnum, this is serious. I…”
“Give me one last guess.”
“Alright, fine. One last guess.”
“You’re in love with me.”
Phillip’s heart skipped a beat. “Yes. That’s it. How… how did you know?”
“You don’t exactly try to hide it.” Barnum’s smile turned from cocky to something more sincere. Admiration, maybe? “And I don’t mind.”
“You don’t mind, but you don’t…”
“Wait, that came off wrong.” Barnum placed a hesitant hand on Phillip’s lapel. “You’re right. There is no easy way to say it.”
Phillip’s heart was racing. “Then maybe we should do something about it.”
“Maybe we should.”
Before Phillip could comprehend what was happening, Barnum’s lips were pressed against his, and his back was pressed against the wall. His hands coursed across Barnum’s powerful chest, and he moaned when he felt the older man playfully bite at his lip.
“God, Phineas.” Phillip muttered, once they pulled apart for air. “I love you.”
Barnum gave him a peck on the nose. “And I love you.”
Phillip shuttered when Barnum nipped at his earlobe. “What if… what if someone hears us?”
“I don’t care.”
Soon, Phillip found himself to be swept away by the swift, adoring kisses being peppered along his jaw and down his neck. But he knew that the man was teasing him.
“Kiss me like you mean it, Barnum.” He said, voice rough with arousal.
“Gladly.”
Barnum’s lips mashed hungrily against his, betraying the fact that he had clearly been holding back the first time around. It tightened that knot in Phillip’s stomach, letting him know just how much he was attracted to the other man. And his stomach wasn’t the only area arousal was pooling in.
Suddenly, there came a knock on the door, shattering what little privacy they had in the office. Luckily, it was only Lettie, and she didn’t enter. “Just wanted to warn you guys that we have a show starting in ten minutes.”
“Thank you, Lettie. We’ll keep that in mind.” Barnum replied. She said nothing more, so Phillip assumed she had left.
“We should probably get ready.” Phillip tried to mask the hint of disappointment in his voice. “It’s my turn to act as ringmaster.”
“Right. We’ll just have to get back to this later, then.”
“Yes. Definitely. Though we probably shouldn’t do this here.”
“You have a point. We’ll go to my house after the show.”
Phillip nodded, smiling. But then, he felt something. The mildest hint of hesitation. It must’ve shown in his face, because Barnum immediately looked concerned.
“Is something wrong?”
“It’s nothing, I just… I’ve wanted this for so, so long. But I didn’t know until like five minutes ago how you were going to react to me telling you. And truth be told, I’m still a little scared you’ll back up and turn me away.”
Barnum brushed his hand along Phillip’s cheek, before placing a kiss on his lips. This one was quick, without the same ferocity as the others, but somehow betrayed much more emotion. “I promise you, on all that I hold dear, I will not change my mind. It’s only natural to be afraid in something like this. Even some well-cemented relationships are fraught with worry. You just have to roll the dice and hope that you landed on the right person. I certainly did, with you.”
It was Phillip’s turn to mash his lips against the other man’s, delighting in his slight surprise at the advance. He couldn’t help but smile into the kiss, almost bewildered that it was happening in the first place.
“Now.” Phillip said breathlessly, after they had pulled apart. “I have to go put on a show.”