Archive of Our Own

“Oh come on,” Jess pleads. “Can you be quiet for five minutes?”

Ruth ignores Jess’ begging and continues to scream at the top of her tiny lungs, her squished face bright red. Jess frowns and continues rocking her back and forth, trying to calm down her crying goddaughter.

It’s been over two hours since Cece and Schmidt dropped Ruth off at the loft along with a small army of diaper bags filled with the approximately 50 million things that an infant apparently requires to spend one evening at the loft. Jess had been so excited when Cece had asked her to watch over Ruth. She had thought this would be perfect, that she’d get to spend time with her best friend’s sweet little baby and get a little glimpse into what the next chapter of her life might hold.

But apparently Ruth had other plans. The five month old bundle of joy started crying not even ten minutes after her parents left and hasn’t let up no matter what Jess tries, and Jess has tried everything. Feeding, burping, changing, rocking, swaying, singing, you name it and she’s tried it. All with no luck.

“Please, Ruth? It’s me! Aunt Jess,” she tries not to let too much of her frustration come through in her voice as she bounces Ruth in her lap. “No crying with your favorite Aunt Jess!”

Ruth hiccups and goes quiet. Jess’ heart soars and she smiles wide in celebration. She did it! But not even a minute later Ruth sneezes and her crying returns in full force, somehow twice as loud as it was before. Jess lets out a groan and soon a few hot tears of her own are spilling down her cheeks.

She’s supposed to be good at this whole motherhood thing. She’s a teacher. Her professional career is built upon her ability to take care of children. But apparently she can’t even handle an infant for a few hours without falling apart.

Maybe she can’t do this. Maybe she’s not cut out to be a mom after all. It’s fine. It’s not like this is something she’s wanted ever since she was five years old or anything. Besides, Nick’s doesn’t want that kind of thing anyways. So really, this all works out for the best. They’ll be that quirky old couple that sits in the park and feeds birds in their free time. And yeah, she’ll never gets to know the joy of bringing life into the world, which was one of the things she’s been looking forward to all her life, but it’s fine. No big deal.

“Jess! I’m home!” Nick calls out as he walks in through the front door, shaking Jess out of her spiraling thoughts. He drops his keys in the dish on the table and sets his laptop bag down beside it.

“Hey, Nick,” Jess says, her lip wobbling as she tries to keep herself together. She stands up from the couch and balances the still-screaming Ruth on her hip.

“Hey,” he says with a soft smile. Nick gives her a quick kiss and frowns at the crying baby in her arms. “What’s wrong?”

Jess lets out a frustrated huff and suddenly everything comes tumbling out. “She started crying like two minutes after I picked her up and I’ve tried everything but she won’t stop and also I’m gonna be a horrible mother so I’m never ever having kids even though I’ve always wanted them and also I’m crying now too which I’m sure is really helping this situation and-”

“Jess, woah, slow down.” Nick chuckles. “She’s probably just upset because this is the first time she’s been away from her parents. Isn’t that right Ruthie?”

Ruth lets out another wail.

“See?” Jess whines, trying her best to stay calm despite the fact that her stress level is through the roof.

“Here, let me try.” He holds his arms out and Jess tentatively passes Ruth over to him.

Nick cradles Ruth against his chest, gently rubbing her back and murmuring something Jess can’t quite understand. Ruth’s crying slowly subsides and she hiccups a few times before she falls silent and stares up at Nick with her huge brown eyes.

Jess gapes at him. “How did you do that?”

“Eh, lots of practice,” Nick says sheepishly. He shrugs and looks down at Ruth as he slowly sways his weight back and forth. “And babies love me for some unknown reason.”

Ruth yawns and brings her hand up towards her mouth. Nick smiles down at her and offers up one of his fingers, which she curls her tiny hand around. Jess stares at the two of them in shock and awe. Somewhere in her chest she can feel her heart exploding into a thousand pieces at the sight.

“You know how crazy my family is. Once they figured out that kids liked me I’ve been like the go-to babysitter.” Nick explains as he carefully lowers himself to sit down on the couch. Ruth snuffles and presses her face into the fabric of flannel, her eyelids drooping shut. “And you know, it’s all about confidence. Little guys can like, smell fear. You gotta make em think you know what you’re doing.”

She drops down to sit across from him on autopilot, captivated by the scenario she’s suddenly stumbled into. There’s something about this whole scene that is making Jess twirly in the weirdest way. Nick Miller with a baby- who would’ve thought? But it’s real. He’s so good at it. It’s like some weirdly domestic fantasy: him cradling a tiny little baby against his broad chest, wearing the green flannel that makes his dark eyes shine and the shadow of few days of stubble on his jaw. The sleeves of his shirt rolled up to his elbows, exposing his strong forearms and huge hands that rest so sweetly on Ruth’s tiny little body. It’s adorable and charming and precious and why is this turning her on?

“Uh huh,” Jess nods, biting down on her lip and surreptitiously crossing her legs.

“And Jess, honey.” Nick looks at her, his eyes soft and warm with affection. “You’re gonna be a great mother. Trust me. This is the easy stuff, you’ll pick it up in no time. You’re sweet and kind and loving and one day you’ll be the best mom a kid could ask for.”

“You think so?” she asks, blinking to fight back the waterworks that are threatening to spill over any minute now. Damn Nick Miller for making her so emotional.

“I know so,” Nick says reassuringly, his voice gentle as he rubs his thumb soothingly over Ruth’s back.

Jess feels like there’s something melting deep in her chest, warm and gooey and pooling in the pit of her stomach. Forget what she’d said earlier. She wants a baby right now, and she desperately wants Nick to be the one to help her make the cutest little baby this world has ever seen.

But he’s not ready for that. They’re not ready for that. They’re still working on figuring out whatever it is that’s going on between them now that they’re back together. It’s… complicated. She knows how Nick gets about feelings and the future, and the last thing she wants is for their relationship to crumble apart again. She’s wanted this for so long, and she’s happy, she really is. So she doesn’t mind keeping the peace and carefully skirting around the big questions that become more and more important now that they’re in their upper thirties.

Nick stares at her for a moment and worries his lower lip between his teeth. It’s a habit he’s been doing a lot lately. Like he’s trying to figure out the right words to say, or like she’s a puzzle he’s trying to figure out. “Honey?”

“Hmm?”

He takes a deep breath. “Do you ever think about us having kids of our own?”

Jess’ heart stops.

“I mean, I know this is all new still. So you don’t have to have an answer or anything,” Nick clears his throat nervously and looks down at Ruth, who’s fast asleep. “But this is something I want. With you. And I guess I was just wondering if we’re on the same page.”

It takes her a moment to recover from the shock of hearing his statement. But it makes sense. Nick’s grown a lot over the past few years. He’s matured and taken on more responsibilities and started to actually think about what the future holds instead of shoving all his problems away in a box to deal with later. He wrote a book and owns a bar and he actually uses the calendar app in his phone for something other than trying to figure out how long its been since they ordered Chinese takeout for dinner. Nick actually tells her what’s going on inside his head and he loves her and he wants to build a family with her.

“Yes,” Jess breathes, and even she can hear the want straining her voice.

Nick’s eyes widen in surprise, a slight smirk pulling at the corner of his mouth. “Is this doing it for ya, Jess?”

“What?” she splutters. “It’s not- I- Don’t you-” She blushes and stares down at where her hands rest in her lap. “This is unrelated.”

“Uh huh,” Nick says with a raised eyebrow and that dumb smirk firmly in place.

“Yep.”

“So it would have no effect on you at all if I were to say something like, oh I don’t know…” Nick looks directly into her eyes. “Jessica, I want to put a baby in you.”

Jess has to bite back a whimper. “Nope.”

“Huh. Well alright then,” he concedes with a wink.

The rest of the night goes on without a hitch. It doesn’t take long for Ruth to warm up to Jess, and soon she’s grinning and laughing as Jess plays sing-a-long peek-a-boo with her. Nick is incredible with Ruth, and Jess loses track of the number of times she catches herself imagining their own future family and a little baby with her blue eyes and his curly brown hair. By midnight her cheeks are sore from smiling so much, and her heart aching from the way Nick keeps looking at her with that soft affection he had earlier.

Ruth is fast asleep when Cece and Schmidt finally come by to pick her up, and Schmidt has the decency to only act somewhat surprised that Nick and Jess managed to successfully make it through the evening. They head off to put Ruth to bed and promise to visit again soon.

Jess jumps Nick the minute the door is closed.

She literally jumps him, throws her arms around his neck and wraps her legs around his waist when he hoists her up in the air and carries her off to their bedroom.

“You know,” he murmurs against the skin of her neck. “I didn’t mean we should have kids right now.”

Jess tugs at the buttons of his shirt and moans when he latches onto her pulse point. “Well,” she whispers back, “It doesn’t hurt to practice.”

Nick laughs and kisses her again.