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It took years for Taako to open up to anyone on the Starblaster. He wasn’t used to people (besides his sister) sticking around for extended periods of time. But he was stuck with these five strangers for...maybe forever? They didn’t know. He didn’t like not knowing. Apparently, he liked to slowburn friendships. He could goof around all day with them, but they’d need to develop some serious trust before they unlocked any of his backstory. Taako didn’t like relying on other people: he never had the luxury before. It was always just Taako and Lup, Lup and Taako. They were basically one unit, completely self-contained. It was hard to break a pattern so set in stone, decades old and consistently effective.
They weren’t even a quarter way into their journey when things went a little bit (read a lot) to shit. They had been in this new plane for a few weeks, and had a couple small altercations with a freaky religious cult. They didn’t like the way the IPRE crew dressed - Taako in particular really got their gears grinding. So they threw acid in his face. Lup made sure they would never be a problem again while Magnus carried her brother back to the ship. Merle didn’t recognize the substance and Lucretia was struggling to find anything similar in her books. Davenport, who had a mysteriously thorough background in chemistry, was able to neutralize the liquid and save Taako’s face from further pain and damage, but one thing was evident after he got out of shock: that boy couldn’t see.
The whole crew worked on trying to find ways to restore his face, lessen the damage, anything. This substance, whatever it had been, was impervious to healing spells. The damage it did was magical but also not, because counters didn’t work either. That was the problem with being in planes where things were different - problems they couldn’t solve, variables they didn’t know they had to account for, illnesses they couldn’t heal, blows they couldn’t recover from.
Taako didn’t like being blind. He’d been used to vision all his life. He’d taken it for granted, apparently. He fucking hated losing his vision. Firstly, he didn’t know what was around him and that freaked him out. He was already usually a bit jumpy, or at least cautious. He required everyone to announce when they entered and exited a room. He asked Lup to put bells on the others and it sounded like that had been a success. At least he could navigate around his room and the rest of the ship just fine, because they’d lived there for so long and he made a point of memorizing every nook and cranny, even before they set off from their home plane.
Secondly, Taako had no idea what he was wearing half the time. He had so many clothes, and he shared it all with Lup, so he couldn’t tell most of the things apart by texture. He just grabbed whatever was closest to his hands. Some days, Lucretia or Lup would see him in the morning and help him change into something that matched. He hated losing this aspect of himself. He couldn’t apply anything more than BB cream and mascara. His style gave him confidence and comfort. The luxury of having all these options soon, in this cycle, became a hinderance. He felt like this was all a bad dream. In the beginning, when his eyes still burned and he couldn’t sleep, it felt like the first nights in Cycle 1. He was lost and confused and scared. Taako didn’t like being scared. He didn’t like not knowing. He didn’t like these memories.
Thirdly, he found it difficult at first to do his magic. He couldn’t see where he was aiming his attack spells and his confidence was lacking due to his seeming loss of agency. He couldn’t cook either, not the way he used to. He couldn’t see where the ingredients were (the others always messed up his organization) or where his knife was landing. He couldn’t see the edge of the stove or when a pot was about to boil over. This was his nightmare scenario, he soon realized. He was completely at the whim of other people. Everything was dark and he could barely take it. He wanted color, the red of their jackets, the yellow of his hair, the brilliant white of the ship. He wanted to see his sister’s face, and Barry’s jeans, and Dav’s mustache, and Merle’s terrible shirts, and Magnus’s puppy dog eyes, and Lucretia’s fancy notebooks. He missed the things he used to take for granted. He was born with vision, he was used to it. His elf eyes could see so much and now here they were, scarred and burning, suddenly changing his entire existence.
He didn’t even tell his sister how it made him feel. He was useless, a burden, a mess. He couldn’t fight, he couldn’t cook, he couldn’t read or research or plan. He was a man who didn’t like to do nothing, and here he was forced to do nothing. He couldn’t even apply a face mask without help, what the fuck was he good for? He was so close to just cutting this world off and returning the next cycle. Was it worth it? How could this be worth it? In less than a year, he’d have his eyes back. He felt like he was weighing the team down. They were waiting on him hand and foot - not that he’d asked them too - and that took a lot of time away from whatever fucking else they were doing. Whatever the mission was, it obviously wasn’t getting done. (The mission, in Magnus’s mind for instance, was to keep his family safe. His mission was going quite well, after the guilt and worry wore off. Davenport’s mission now was to keep them alive. Taako hadn’t died, and he still wasn’t dying. He was keeping an eye on that.)
Taako had to rely on people now and he hated it! They were all finally starting to get along and find a rhythm and now the whole balance was screwed. The first few weeks were hard on Taako. The transition was rough and he didn’t trust his memory. He soon learned he could, but he still doubted every step he took and every wave of his arm. Most of the crew treated him like a helpless child, or an injured old man. He didn’t like being doted on or coddled. Merle was the only one to treat him at least anywhere near normal. It was nearly two months after the acid incident before the dwarf explained why.
“Handsome dwarf incoming.” His gruff voice warned, entering the lounge room where Taako was currently rubbing his hands along a purposefully heavily-textured wooden duck Magnus made him.
“Keep telling yourself that. You get me a sympathy present too?” Taako’s head moved to face the general direction of the entrance and he waved the duck towards Merle. The cleric laughed and sat on the couch beside the wizard, the bells in his beard ringing as he settled himself.
“No, no, of course not. I don’t got anything you could possibly use or find interesting.” He pat Taako’s arm in a gentle and friendly manner, but the elf still flinched.
“Then what do you want?” Taako leaned back and fiddled with the duck more, ears making it obvious that he was still on edge. Merle sighed.
“Well kid-”
“I’m older than you.”
“In age, not maturity. We’ve had this argument multiple times.”
“Whatever.”
“Anyway, kid, I just wanted to chat.”
“That’s about all I can do, Merle.”
“Well then good thing that’s what I want to do! You see, I knew this guy back in my hometown.”
“The Pan cult?”
“Yeah, the Pan cult. He was born blind.” Taako stopped fiddling with the duck and straightened his back. “He went through a phase of what your probably feeling right now - worthlessness, disappointment, what have you. I remember that. But he became proud of himself and what he could do. He was smart, for one. He was real interested in bats when he was younger, thought they were so similar to himself, and he taught himself how to echolocate like one. It was the closest he could ever get to seeing. It was pretty impressive, actually. He could figure out distance and size, shit like that.” The elf suddenly stood.
“Holy shit, Merle, that’s brilliant!” Taako stumbled through the room and towards the study, yelling for Lucretia or Barry.
“Not even a thank you.” The dwarf scoffed, before settling down in the couch to take a nap.
Taako spent the next three months with various members of the crew, studying bats and dolphins (sonar was also pretty cool) and trying to figure out the strengths and limitations of elf senses. With a few magical boosts and a lot of trial and error, Taako learned how to pretty effectively echolocate. He grew more independant that year, as well as more quiet. Suddenly, Taako was stepping back and listening. They took him out on an expedition later that year, and when they were about to enter a clearing from the brush, Taako simply stated “I’m good out here” after making a few weird noises with his mouth and letting his ears swivel around. Magnus and Lup found multiple opponents in that clearing, remnants of a similar organization to the one that blinded Taako. He did not enter the fray.
He used that skill in later cycles too. He became far more observant. Magnus was more of a rush in man while Taako now waited and listened. “There’s something in that bush.” “They’re waiting in that big tree.” “Someone is invisible over by that fence, I can hear them.” Maybe it had been worth it, but he still wouldn’t be the same. He couldn’t trust his eyes anymore, or any of his senses. Who knew if they would last. The next cycle, he started training with his eyes closed, or his ears plugged, or his mouth tightly shut. He wouldn’t be caught off guard again. He wouldn’t be dependent, which in his mind could mean weak. Taako was more open to the crew, yes, but that didn’t mean he liked why that progress was made. He wouldn’t be forced to take steps forward ever again. Taako was good out here.