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Pidge is clearly struggling today; it doesn’t take a genius to work it out. Despite succeeding in her role in today’s mission with time left over, Pidge just seemed slower than usual, and her voice was flat when she talked to her fellow Paladins through her helmet. And Allura isn’t the only one who noticed all of this; Coran has noticed too.
“Are you feeling all right, Number Five?” Coran asks when the Paladins all return to the Castle.
Pidge turns to look at Coran and smiles weakly. “Yeah, I’m fine.”
But her voice is flat and no one believes her. Allura shares a glance with a worried Hunk before walking over to her girlfriend and putting her arm around her.
“Are you sure about that, Pidge?” she says.
To Allura’s surprise, Pidge pulls away from her. She looks at Allura and Coran and the other Paladins, before turning her head. She folds her arms across her chest and sighs. “No, I’m fine. Can everyone just leave me alone?”
And Pidge walks off, leaving a very confused Allura stood in the corridor surrounded by her equally confused friends.
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Despite Coran’s insistence that Pidge might want to be left alone, Allura decides to go and talk to her. Knowing that Pidge must be in her bedroom, that is where Allura heads. She can’t help but worry about her girlfriend, hoping that she will be able to help Pidge feel better.
When she reaches Pidge’s bedroom, Allura knows on the door. Sure enough, she hears Pidge reply.
“Please leave me alone,” she calls, her voice wobbling.
“But there is something wrong,” Allura says. “I want to help.”
“I don’t know if you can.”
“Please, Pidge,” Allura calls, really starting to worry. “At least let me try.”
Pidge doesn’t reply, but Allura hears a heavy sigh and then the door opens. The room is dark and Pidge is sat cross legged on her bed, sitting hunched forwards with her head hanging. She looks so weak and defeated. Just what is wrong with her?
“Pidge?” she whispers.
Slowly, Allura crosses the room and sits down beside her girlfriend. Pidge doesn’t look at her.
“Yeah?”
“What’s wrong?”
Pidge sighs again. As Allura looks at her, something occurs to her, and she wonders why she didn’t think of this before.
“Is this related to you being trans?” she asks.
When Pidge flinches, Allura knows she has the right idea.
“Are you feeling… dysphoric?”
Allura doesn’t understand human gender very well, but she listened when Pidge told her about being transgender and gender dysphoria and how important it is to use the right pronouns for Pidge. And she’s certain that Pidge is suffering from gender dysphoria today.
“Um… yeah,” Pidge mumbles. “That’s it exactly. I just feel so… uncomfortable with my body today and everything is getting to me and I just feel so weak and sad. And I hate it.” Her voice hitches, and Allura hates how she looks like she’s about to burst into tears.
“That must be awful. Why didn’t you tell me?”
Behind her glasses, Pidge’s eyes shine with suppressed tears. “I dunno. Maybe because there’s nothing that’ll make me feel better. And… and I don’t want you to think I’m weak.”
Allura sighs and puts her arm around Pidge. “Of course I don’t think you’re weak. You’re strong. You’re my strong, beautiful Pidge.”
Pidge smiles weakly and tears spill down her face. She burrows her face into Allura’s shoulder, sobbing quietly, and Allura feels like her heart is breaking. Allura rubs her back and Pidge slumps against her.
And for what seems like forever, they cuddle together on Pidge’s bed and Pidge cries, and Allura keeps rubbing her back and mumbling soothing nothings into her ear until, eventually, she stops crying.
“Do you feel any better now?” Allura asks.
Pidge sniffs, wiping her face with a tissue. “Not really, to be honest. But… but this helps.”
“What does?”
“You being here with me,” Pidge says. “Thank you, Allura.”
She kisses Allura’s forehead, and her still-drying tears are damp on her face.
“It isn’t a problem,” Allura says, just glad that Pidge is letting her help as much as she can.
Allura kisses Pidge in return and Pidge gives her a tight cuddle.
“I love you,” Pidge whispers.
Allura smiles. “I love you too.”