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LEVI!
I calculated the amount of force necessary to tip the tank over, but I’m not sure if the water is actually going to hit the recruits. It’s all a matter of timing. Let’s work on it after this party is over, yeah?
- Hanji
Four eyes,
I don’t think it’s going to hit anyone if we don’t move it closer to the edge of the roof. We could try tipping it with one of your stupid titan-catching nets, but it still might be to heavy. Suggestions?
- Levi
Levi,
If I catch you and Hanji passing notes during a meeting again, there will be serious consequences. Also, please refrain from glaring too much at the royals. The supplies used in our last expedition are not yet payed for.
- Erwin Smith
Erwin,
Am I supposed to feel threatened? If I can make some dusty officials piss their pants then all the better. But you shouldn’t be too worried, since that would imply them actually having dicks to speak of.
- Levi
Sometimes I wonder what I’m going to do with you.
- Erwin Smith
Now who’s passing notes during an official meeting?
- Levi
Levi!
If you’re wondering where this lovely smell is coming from, I am pleased to tell you that I have the answer! Albert got a little sick after dinner (ours, not his, naturally) and threw up on the courtyard. This is great news considering the fact that I now have titan regurgitation to study, but bad news in the sense that four of my squad members are out cold. Please send assistance and take them to the medic base? There are more detached limbs in here than I’d like to count.
- Hanji
Hanji,
- Ew ew ew ew.
- Fuck no.
- Get that shit off the courtyard before I shove all of it back down your throat.
- Levi
Levi,
If we use the nets, like you said, we could probably pull it to the edge and then tip it over using our grapple hooks. Had a brief idea about dying the water red for maximum terrorizing, but it might be over the top.
- Hanji
Shitty glasses,
Red dye would have been brilliant if not for the fact that someone would have to wash it out of their fucking uniforms.
That someone being me.
- Levi
Levi,
No one asked you to do the laundry. That’s your free will, buddy. Would green stains be easier to wash out?
- Hanji
Don’t ever call me buddy again. No dye.
- Levi
Okay, sugarplum.
- Hanji
Eat a whole sack of shit
No, you
Levi,
What did I tell you about passing notes? If you keep doing it, it’s only a matter of time before Nile catches on and starts reading them out loud. Please don’t put us through that. I don’t want to know what the two of you get up to in your free time.
- Erwin Smith
My dearest darling,
I want nothing more than to fuck you as hard as I can, straight in the ass, until you can’t walk for a week. I’m gonna break your fucking bed, big boy. See you tonight.
Love,
- Levi
Levi,
I can’t decide if I’m impressed or horrified. Was the look on Nile’s face worth it? I’ve never seen a person go red and white at the same time before.
Well done, soldier. I salute your bravery.
- Hanji
Hanji,
The things I do for duty.
(If you don’t think that look was worth it then what’s even the point).
- Levi
We need to have a conversation, young man.
- Erwin Smith
Hanji,
If you’re going to hurl a rock through the office window then at least tell me to duck in beforehand. I could have died, you ass. Anyway, you’re on your own for dinner. Erwin’s making me do his paperwork in retaliation for the “big scene” I caused during the meeting.
He’s such a fucking prude.
- Levi
P.S. Payment for the window is coming straight out of your paycheck. Luckily, I have it right here in front of my very eyes. Power is real.
Hanji,
If you’ve found this, I’m going to assume that you’ve actually opened your clothes drawer and got some new shit out instead of that piss-yellow shirt you wear every day. In any case, I just wanted to tell you that you stink, and that you should go take a bath.
That’s all.
- Levi
Levi,
If you’ve found this, I’m going to assume that it’s about three seconds from now and you’ve already broken out the potash soap from this very cabinet. Sorry for knocking that coffee cup over.
Not really.
You suck.
- Hanji
Dear Hanji,
Is it love I smell or just good old sexual tension?
In any case, please do something about it. It’s messing with my sinuses.
- Mike
Mike,
Kindly go fuck yourself with a broom.
- Levi
Levi,
Didn’t know you were into that kind of stuff. Each to his own, I suppose.
I can’t believe you tore my note up. I thought it delivered the message loud and clear.
- Mike
Levi,
Why did you take all of Mike’s tea rations today at breakfast? Did I miss something?
- Hanji
Assface,
Never mind that. When is operation water tank a go?
- Levi
Levi,
Later today, if you’re up for it. The recruits have drills at ten.
- Hanji, most recently known as assface (???)
See you then. Assface.
- Levi
Levi,
Well.
It worked.
-Hanji
Hanji,
I was in the bath for half an hour and I still can’t feel my toes. That backfired in the worst way possible. Didn’t think water could be that cold.
-Levi
Levi,
Now we know. Look at is an experiment gone awry! There’s always something to learn form those too.
-Hanji
Hanji,
Yeah, in this case it’s “don’t fucking mess with the fucking water tank you fucking morons”.
Did the recruits even get any on them?
- Levi
I don’t think so.
- Hanji
Fucking shit.
- Levi
Hanji,
If you every try to start a food fight at dinner again, I’m going to throw you straight out the window, followed by whatever rations you’ve managed to scrape up for the day. If I get so much as a speck of gravy in my hair again, I’m literally just going to do it.
You won’t know what hit you.
- Levi
Levi,
To be fair, I was aiming for Mike. Who, granted, is a pretty hard target to miss, but still. It’s the principle of the thing.
- Hanji
Levi,
Please be nice to Eren. I think he’s freaked out enough as it is, so nothing over the top, okay?
I’ll see you later. Take care.
-Hanji
Hanji,
You’re getting sappy on me, which is never a good sign. Have fun with your pets.
Take care
-Levi
Levi,
The preparations for tomorrow’s expedition are almost done. What do you think about Erwin’s plan? To be honest I’m not sure if it’s going to work, but I guess we’ll just have to go with it. When are you guys coming back from the castle?
Hanji
Levi,
I’m so sorry.
Can I come by your room?
- Hanji
Levi, please answer.
- Hanji
I’m getting worried. I don’t think you should be alone right now.
Does my sliding these under your door increase the chances of your opening it at all?
Are you even reading these?
I’m sorry.
Door’s unlocked.
L
Hanji,
I’m sticking this in one of your lesser used books in hopes that you won’t find it and I won’t have to die from mortification.
Be careful fighting today.
See you later.
- Levi
Levi,
I’m putting this under that old official uniform in your closet that you never use. I really hope you never clean under here. Anyway, with the big mess that things have been recently, I just wanted to tell you to be careful.
I can’t believe Erwin lost an arm.
I can’t believe Mike won’t be coming back.
This is all too surreal.
I’ll see you later.
Hanji,
You forgot to sign that last note. Never assume that there’s a place in my room that I don’t clean.
It’s surreal, all right.
I have an old bottle of wine stashed away if you want to get sentimental about it.
- Levi
Levi,
You weren’t supposed to find that note, ever, so I’m only going to take you up on that offer if there’s over 20% of pure memory loss in that bottle.
Is it the good Sina stuff?
-Hanji
Hanji,
What do you take me for, a toddler?
Bring cheese.
- Levi
Levi,
Since the two of you are both sporting terribly concealed hangovers and won’t do the Legion any good in your current state, I’m giving you both the morning off.
Go pack your things, be ready to leave by lunch.
- Erwin Smith
Levi,
I have an idea.
It’s sappy and stupid as hell, but when if we get to the ocean, let’s scatter all of these over it, okay?
Don’t laugh at me.
Sometimes sentimentality is all there is to get you through the day.
- Hanji
Hanji,
I don’t laugh.
Did you really keep all of them?
- Levi
A few were lost when I blew up that bottle of bleach in my lab, but mostly, yeah.
Fuck it. I always wondered where that missing bottle went.
You criminal.
Oh, you’re calling me a criminal, now?
Who was it that stole my grey t-shirt, not one, not two, but five years ago and still hasn’t given it back?
Fun fact:
When I washed that shirt it came out at least three shades lighter that it was going in. I’d say it’s in better hands now.
You’re so fucking weird, you know that?
The sea sounds good.
That’s decided, then?
I lov
It’s decided.