Archive of Our Own

It’s another cold morning in Toronto. The concert is later that day and the boys were told to meet with the staff first thing in the morning. The meeting was agreed to be held in the hotel lobby, nothing too big, just the 7 boys, the director of the show, their agent and other two staff members.

Jaebum was the first one to wake up. He was sharing a room with Youngjae. Meanwhile, Bambam was with Yugyeom. Jackson was with Mark and Jinyoung. The room arrangements are always changing, but because they all get on really well, they never really had problems. They only had a situation once, when they were in Singapore and Jaebum stayed with Bambam and Jackson. He had to change rooms in the middle of the night because for some reason, Bambam couldn’t sleep so Jackson stayed up all night with him watching girl groups on Youtube.

Youngjae is a heavy sleeper, though. And Jaebum is about to lose his shit. “C’mon man, it’s already half past 8. The staff is waiting for us.”

“But it’s so coooold.” The younger says covering his face with a pillow, making his voice sound muffled.

“I don’t care, really. We need to get down there, like right now.”

There’s a knock on the door.

Jaebum is startled for a second. “Shit, what if this is the director? You know, i’ve heard he’s kind of psycho.” - He’s whispering now.

“You’re the psycho here, please.” Youngjae lets it out.

“Shut up, brat.”

Jaebum opens the door and suddenly feels relieved and happy, because it’s Jinyoung and he has a breathtaking smile on his face.

“Good morning!!!!” Jinyoung is wearing a cute beanie, Jaebum thinks.

But instead of praising his smile or his choice of clothes, he only responds with a “I’m glad I’m not the only one with puffy eyes this morning.”

“Rude.” Jinyoung answers but he knows the older is only kidding.

Jaebum hums and gives the boy some space so he can enter the room.

Jinyoung comes in and jumps right into Youngjae’s bed, giving him a hug. “Good morning, sunshine! It’s time to wake up! Come on!” He’s almost singing the words while smacking the younger’s butt.

Ten minutes later the three of them are heading downstairs. They decided to have coffee and something to eat after the meeting.

When they get to the lobby, everyone is already waiting for them.

“What took you so long, guys?” Mark asks, but he sounds more concerned than pissed.

“I’m sorry, everyone. We had some difficulties, but we’re okay now. Director-nim, staff, I’m sorry for keeping you waiting. Let’s do our best, shall we?” Jaebum always does that. Instead of saying they were late or that Youngjae was lazy, he just puts the blame on himself or just pretends nothing really happened. Maybe it’s a defense mechanism he had to learn throughout the years as the leader. As the father of 6 children. The boys think he exaggerates sometimes, but he says it’s for the sake of the group and the company, so they ended up accepting this side of him and loving him anyway.

“Excellent! So… " - the director starts talking. "For today you have rehearsals and then the concert, right? I’m thinking about some backstage footage, minutes before you walk on stage. What do you think?”

Bambam and Yugyeom are staring at each other, ready to scream “EASYYYY!!!” but they look at Jaebum’s expression and change their minds instantly.

“I think it’s a nice idea, director-nim.” Jaebum answers.

“Nice? I think it’s perfect. And about tomorrow… my team did some research and we’re thinking about dates.”

“I’m sorry, you said dates?” Mark repeats the word but without the korean accent. Maybe he heard it wrong.

“Yes! I’m thinking about splitting you into couples, you know? The public love those things! I’m sure the ratings will be amazing!” The director sounds excited.

“Ah…” Jaebum is suddenly regretting coming downstairs. Maybe Youngjae was right, maybe sleeping was the best option after all.

“I’ll do it.” Jackson is the first to speak up about the matter.

“Yes! My man, Jackson! I knew you would be the first one to agree to this! Actually, we came up with this amazing theme for you! What about the Wang Gae/Park Gae date?”

“Oh, cuuuuute” Yugyeom sounds like a shipper all of a sudden.

“You mean gross, right?” Jaebum says with a low voice and hopes nobody listens.

Jinyoung is laughing about the director’s idea, covering his mouth with his hands.

“That’s crazy! But sure, director-nim. I’ll do it.” Jinyoung agrees after a few minutes and pretends he doesn’t see the expression on Jaebum’s face.

The truth is, they don’t really care about going on dates. But they decide, together with their manager, that is better for them to do different activities. Jackson will have a date with Jinyoung, while the rest of the boys will be doing some extreme sport. After all, the name of the show is Hard Carry for a reason. Youngjae decided he would explore the city by himself, but of course this was just an excuse so he could sleep a little bit more.

Later that day, they had their concert and also recorded some backstage footage in which they basically said “EASY!!!!” and “WASSSSABI”. But the main reason was to set the date between Jackson and JInyoung. They were both excited at this point. They knew they would have a nice time. They honestly love each other. Maybe not in a romantic way, but they always had an amazing chemistry and nobody can deny it.

And it was, indeed, a very nice date. They laughed a lot, prank-called Youngjae, bought each other presents, got lost in the city, met an Emma Watson’s look-a-like. But Jinyoung—Jinyoung felt something was off. Not because they were being filmed, because he knows that the minute the cameras are off, his relationship with Jackson will still be the same.

Maybe it’s because deep down he misses having someone. Going on real dates, holding hands and well… being in love.

He thought he had someone not so long ago, maybe that’s why he’s a bit sad too. But as a great actor, he was able to laugh all day long. And Jackson’s company is also a good one, almost distracting. And that’s all he needs right now, a distraction.

They just came back from the date. It’s still afternoon. They heard from the staff that Youngjae is still around the city with a crew. The rest of the boys are two hours away from the hotel, but apparently they are already returning.

Jinyoung decides to take a hot shower and lay down for a minute. They actually didn’t have a chance to rest from the concert, so he thinks that’s the perfect opportunity to relax and read a book, since he can’t sleep during the afternoon.

He has his glasses on, ready to start on a new reading, when he hears his phone buzzing. He thinks it’s the group he has with the boys and that Bambam is sending selfies, like always. He doesn’t mind checking it at the moment, so he just goes back to the book.

The phone is buzzing again.

“Aish…” - He whispers to himself.

He looks down at his screen. It’s a text from Jaebum.

His heart skips a beat. He thought this phase was behind him. Apparently not.

JB: heyyyyy

JB: where are u

JY: what do u mean? im in toronto ㅋㅋ

JB: stop with the jokes

JB: i meant where r u as in the city

JB: r u alone?

JY: if ur asking me if im still on that date the answer is no

JB: wow guess it wasn’t meant to be then

JY: what do u want, hyung?

JB: im just… bored

JB: we’re on the road

JB: i think we’re still 1 hour away from there T-T

JY: im sure its not that bad

JY: u have ur ipod, right?

JY: just… have some inspiration, write some music

JB: u know i can’t read or write on the road, i get sick

JY: you know you r reading and writing right now while ur talking to me, right?

JB: for some reason i don’t feel sick when i’m talking to u

JY: okay…

JB: hey

JY: what?

JB: how was it?

JY: how was what?

JB: stop playing dumb, u know what i’m talking about

JY: it was okay, i guess

JY: jackson is really funny

JY: we had a great time

JB: hmmm

JY: what? are u jealous?

JB: why would i be?

JB: i know it’s all for the show, jinyoung

JY: what if it wasn’t

JY: would u be jealous

JB: why? are u guys planning on going on real dates now?

JY: omg u sound so jealous

JB: what if i am

JY: ???

JB: ???

JY: okaaaay i gotta go then

JY: have a book to read

JB: don’t be rude

JB: we’re still talking

JY: …

JB: are u okay?

JY: yeah

JY: why wouldn’t i be

JB: i know u

JB: i think you forget about that sometimes

JY: stop talking like u’re defsoul

JY: i need real words here

JB: i know how u feel about dates

JY: i know how u feel about dates too

JB: maybe i’ve changed my mind

JY: oh now you like them?

JB: i’ve never disliked them… i just never thought they mattered

JY: do u really want to have this conversation again, hyung

JB: actually, yes

JY: why now?

JB: first of all im bored

JB: second of all

JY: ??

JB: i miss u

JY: i think we should talk, hyung

JB: we’re talking

JY: no i mean face to face

JB: okay i guess

They talk a bit more and agree to meet later that night on the hotel rooftop. It’s deadly cold but at least it’s silent and they are alone.

Jaebum doesn’t really know why he’s feeling so nervous. His whole body is shivering and although his mind is blaming the cold weather, his heart is telling him it’s because he’s meeting him—Him. The person he knows for almost a decade now. His co-worker, his partner, his friend. So he thought the best way to start was by saying how much he appreciated their friendship.

“Friends? Really?” Jinyoung says nonchalantly, not even surprised to hear that coming from the other.

“You sound like the fact that we're friends is a bad thing” Jaebum is doing it again. Taking rounds, fogging his words and his feelings.

“Of course not. That’s not what I meant and you know it.” Jinyoung rolls his eyes. “Look, I also don’t think we should be discussing this right now, but I’m just… tired, you know?” - He looks down and let’s out a breath he didn’t know he was holding.

“I’m sorry, I just-“ Jaebum begins but he’s not even sure anymore what it is that he’s sorry about. “I thought I was over it, okay? I'm always trying to convince myself I'm over it… but today, knowing that you were out, on a date, with another person I just-"

“You just what, hyung?” Jinyoung starts to sound impatient.

“I don’t know what it is, I just felt something in my chest… something I never thought I would feel again, not since, you know…”

“You’re defsoul-ing again, hyung.”

“Oh, I’m sorry if I can’t talk about my feelings properly, okay? Maybe I should write a damn song about it, I don’t know-” Jaebum sounds like he’s losing his temper.

“Hyung, look. This. Right here. It’s all a deja vu to me. We’ve been here before, we’ve talked about this. You were the one to tell me to forget about-“

“No, no, no. Don’t put this on me. I thought we’ve both agreed the best thing was to forget about, you know… us.”

The word us, coming out of Jaebum’s mouth felt like a bullet going through Jinyoung’s chest.

Other people can interpret this word as many things. They’re JJP, after all. They’re Jinyoung and JB, they’re the mother and father of the group. But Jinyoung knows it has another meaning. A deeper meaning, he doesn’t even have to read between the lines. It’s crystal clear to him.

“You say this like forgetting is the easiest thing to do.” Jinyoung sounds hurt.

“Don’t- Don’t ever say that. It was never easy. It’s—it’s still not easy.” Jaebum’s voice is lower now. If he looked pissed two minutes ago, now he looks sad and tired.

“I just don’t get it.” Jinyoung has too much to say but at the same time he’s tired too, tired of these little games they have been playing for years. But he continues, because honestly, it’s time for the games to stop. “You keep pushing it away, like, every time we talk about this, you say we should forget about it, you say it’s dangerous, but at the same time you keep saying you miss me and—" He’s almost losing his breath but he keeps going. “I see how you look at me, hyung, you think I don’t, but I do. And it’s fucking exhausting. Because I honestly…” - He hesitates after saying the next words. He had exposed himself before, but it feels different now, they’re older, they’ve grown up. Maybe this time, it can have a happy ending. “I honestly still love you, hyung. I’ve never stopped loving you. And I know I’ve been pretending not to, but you know how good of an actor I am and—

Suddenly the cold wind that was meeting Jinyoung’s skin through his clothes was completely gone because he feels the warmest and sweetest lips meeting his own. Jaebum was kissing him.

The first thought that came in Jinyoung’s mind was to push him away. But he couldn’t. His body and his heart was telling him otherwise, so he just gives in and kisses Jaebum back.

They’ve done this before, a few years back. But it hadn’t felt like this. This time it feels like their lips knew how much they’ve missed each other. But it wasn’t needy, it wasn't rushed. They were slowly reminding themselves of their feelings, like it was reassuring them that whatever they’ve been keeping inside—those feelings were real and they were more alive than ever.

They kiss for a few minutes and Jinyoung stops to catch his breath. He keeps his forehead pressed against Jaebum’s and let’s out a smile.

“What was that, hyung?” Jinyoung sounds like he had just woken up from a dream. A very nice dream.

“I said I wasn’t good with words…” - The older’s face is burning up.

They’re looking at each other now. Their eyes darker then the skies above them.

Jaebum couldn’t hold back anymore. He starts with a light laugh but then he’s almost throwing his head back laughing. He looks like a child, flustered by his own actions. He couldn’t believe he had just kissed Jinyoung.

“You think this is funny?” Jinyoung is trying so hard not to laugh along with him.

“It’s not funny, it’s—I’m, I’m happy, that’s all.” His laughs are softer now and his eyes are traveling between the floor and Jinyoung’s eyes. “So, you still love me, huh?”

“Yes, I guess I do.” Jinyoung’s smiling so wide his face hurts.

“Wow, you seriously deserves an Oscar, dude.” Jaebum starts to tease him.

“I’m not sure if I should take that as a compliment?”

“I mean, I know you’re good but I really thought you hated me at this point. Not hate hate me, but you know what I mean.”

“How can I even hate you?” Jinyoung grabs the other's hands on his own.

“Well, I know I hate myself sometimes… I hate myself for making you wait all this time, I hate myself for thinking I made you suffer or made you hide your true feelings… I feel like a coward, you know? For pushing you away.”

“I think someone’s finally learning how to use words…” - Jinyoung is teasing him while pressing his hands softly.

Jaebum rolls his eyes in return but continues speaking. “I’m serious, though. I’m sorry, Jinyoung. You deserved better. You were always so open about your feelings and I never treated you fairly.”

“It’s okay, hyung. I know you had to be the bigger person and look after our careers and I know that you only did it because you were worried this could affect us and the others… I think it was for the best, after all. We were so young and reckless…”

“You were reckless, I could contain myself just fine.” Jaebum teases with a small grin.

“Oh, if that night in the dorms was an exemple of you containing yourself…” Jinyoung responds while shaking his eyebrows.

Their fingers are slowly intertwining as they talk.

“Oh my god. We were so stupid back then. Can you imagine if someone had caught us? If Bambam or Jackson had caught us?” Jaebum wants to bring his hand to cover his face, but Jinyoung’s hands come along and now they’re closer than ever.

“Hyung?” Jinyoung is now looking deep into his eyes. He hopes the older doesn’t hear how erratic his heartbeats are.

“Yeah?”

“What are we going to do about this? About us?” Us—The word that earlier made him tremble in fear, now is coming out from his own mouth. And it feels good, so so good. “Do you think we should tell the boys?"

“I honestly don’t know, Jinyoung-ah.” His racional side is showing. “I think we should see how this goes first. How we’re going to handle it, you know. And then we decide our next move. Together.”

“Yes, together. As it always has been. Since the beginning.” Jinyoung agrees and goes for a hug. He thinks he could be in Jaebum’s arms forever. Because even if this is one of the coldest nights of his life, it’s still the warmest place he’s ever been.

They both go to their rooms. it’s past midnight and all of the boys are already in bed.

“Where the hell were you, man?” Jackson sounds like he had just woken up.

“Go back to sleep, Jackson-ah. I’m okay, don’t worry. I just—I just needed to walk a little.”

“In this weather? You’re crazy, dude.” Mark is also awake, apparently.

“Jeez, guys. Relax, I’m back now, okay? Go back to sleep, both of you.”

“You should too, we have a busy day tomorrow.” Mark says in a low voice, turning around on the bed, trying to find a new position to sleep.

“Yeah yeah, I will. Goodnight, guys.” - Jinyoung knows they’re probably asleep again, but still responds.

He’s already on his pijamas when he hears his phone. He doesn’t even have to look because he knows it’s Jaebum.

JB: youngjae is sleeping like a rock ㅋㅋㅋㅋ

JB: what about jackson and mark-hyung? r they sleeping?

JY: sorta ㅋㅋㅋㅋ

JY: but it’s okay, they didn’t suspect anything

JB: good

JB: it’s good

JB: we’re good

JB: right?

JY: jeez, hyung

JY: we’re good, don’t worry

JY: it’s not like we’re going to start making out in the middle of rehearsals now ㅋㅋ

JB: …

JY: ur kidding, right?

JY: and i’m the reckless one?????

JB: ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ

JB: of course we’re not making out in public

JB: not yet

JY: ㅋㅋ ur crazy hyung

JB: crazy for you

JY: ewwww

JY: who r u? and what did u do with im jaebum?

JB: ㅋㅋㅋㅋ im just happy

JB: im so happy i might ask u on a date

JY: omg

JY: omg

JY: omg

JB: or maybe not

JY: ooooh no

JY: too late now

JY: we’re so going on a date

JB: if that’s what u want

JY: i’ve never wanted something so much

JY: ok, maybe our comeback as jjp

JY: but this is clearly more important right now

JB: ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ

JB: okay then, it’s settled

JB: u choose the day and the place

JY: i’ll probably have to ask kwanghee-hyung for some advice on places we can go without worrying about people seeing us, i heard he’s dated a lot ㅋㅋㅋ

JB: wait

JB: do u have kwanghoon’s number???

JY: his name is kwangHEE,

JY: and yes

JY: we were mc together

JB: whatever

JB: i don’t think u should text him

JY: hyungggg

JY: stop being jealous, he’s just a friend

JB: this is not about jealousy

JY: then im texting him

JB: omg ur so stubborn

JB: i’m your hyung

JB: u should listen to me

JY: yeah yeah okay

JY: i’m going to sleep now, okay?

JB: hey we’re not done talking

JY: bye bye, hyung

JY: goodnight

They’re silent for almost 5 minutes, when:

JB: u’re not really texting him, right?

“Come on, hyung! We’re going to be late!” Jinyoung is in their living room, checking his watch for the third time now.

“I’m coming, baby. Just a second!” Jaebum is answering from the bedroom.

“Ewwwww” Bambam is also in the living room, laying lazy on their sofa, checking his twitter. He couldn’t contain himself and had to react to the pet name Jaebum had just used.

“I heard that, you brat!” Jaebum is now talking to Bambam.

“I don’t know why you still react like this, Bam. They’ve been doing this for a while now.” Yugyeom is next to him, also on his phone, watching some random videos on Youtube.

“This is all because he’s jealoussss” - Jinyoung says while pressing Bambam’s cheeks with both hands. “Jealous that JB hyung loves me more than him.”

“As if” Bambam sounds like a teenager at this point.

“Okay, kids. Enough.” Jaebum comes from the bedroom. He looks stunning, Jinyoung thinks. He’s always beautiful, but Jinyoung loves when he takes the time to dress up for their monthly dates

“Waaa, am I in heaven?” Jinyoung says while approaching Jaebum. He presses a peck near the double spots the older has in his left eye. It has become a habit, almost.

“Ewwww” - Now the reaction comes from both Bambam and Yugyeom.

The hyungs look at them rolling their eyes.

“Come on, Jinyoung-ah.” He takes the younger’s hand. “Bye, kids! We’re back in a few hours!”

Since they came back from Toronto, they started going on dates. At the beginning they thought it would be a one time thing, but suddenly they were doing it every month. They had this special day, almost like an anniversary.

It was after their third date that Jackson finally confronted them. They arrived around 2 in the morning and there was Jackson, sitting on the living room sofa, looking like a parent waiting for their teenage kid to return from a party they never asked for permission to attend.

“What do you think you two are doing?” Jackson knows he’s being overdramatic, but he loves how the only light in the room is coming from the desk lamp next to him, making him believe he’s acting in a movie.

“Jackson? Is that you? And why are you sitting in the dark?” Jinyoung asks in a low voice, trying his best to not wake up the rest of the house.

“I knew it! I knew it all along. Did you think I wasn’t going to find out?” Jackson is so excited right now, he’s almost jumping around the couple.

“Jackson, you’re being too loud. You're going to wake up the boys. We can talk about this tomorrow, okay?"

They realize it’s a little too late, because when they see it they’re all coming from their bedrooms with puffy eyes and confused expression on their faces.

“What’s going on, guys?” Mark is the first one to ask.

“Tell me we're not rehearsing at this hour.” Youngjae sounds like he’s about to cry.

“Guys, I’m sorry for waking you up, you don’t need to worry, really. Go back to sleep” Jaebum’s trying his best to get out of the situation.

“What do you mean? So you’re going to keep lying to us?” Jackson sounds like he’s been drinking coffee all day. Maybe he has.

“Lying about what? Guys, what’s going on?” Bambam is suddenly curious.

Now they’re all awake.

“Wait. Why are you two dressed up? I don’t remember us having any events today. How many hours did I sleep?” Youngjae is so confused right now.

Jinyoung and Jabeum look at each other and they talk without using any words. They know it’s time to tell the boys.

“We… we were on a date.” Jinyoung is the first to say something.

The guys weren’t that surprised, actually. They all took it very well.

They spend all night talking, the seven of them. It was a great night. They all talked about their feelings and romantic experiences, sexual too. And it didn’t feel weird at all. They’re all open about everything. Because that’s what friends do, that’s what families do.

Jinyoung and Jaebum are in their 7th date now and it’s amazing as always. They’re in a cozy restaurant near the dorms. It was a recommendation from Kwang Hee, Jinyoung’s friend. And even though Jaebum was reluctant at first, he now admits he's grateful for discovering this place. It’s never crowded, the owners are the nicest people and they always feel comfortable there.

“So, what do you think Park PD-nim is going to tell us tomorrow?” Jinyoung says while finishing his dessert.

“I don’t want to create any expectations, you know? But it is kinda weird he’s calling both of us." Jaebum is on the other side of the table. “If it was just me, I would assume it was GOT7 stuff, but the two of us?”

“I know, I know… it’s crazy. Because we’ve been talking about it for a long time. I never thought he would consider it again.”

“Me neither, honestly. But I’ll be lying if I say I haven’t been preparing myself.” Jaebum shares.

“What do you mean? Have you been writing stuff?”

“Yeah, I mean. I always am, but you know. With everything that have been happening with me, with us… I just feel more inspired these days.”

“Ah, you’re so sweet, baby. Why don’t you show me some of the stuff you’ve been working on?”

Jaebum widens his eyes in response. “Are you crazy?” - He says.

“Why? We’ve been doing this forever, we’ve always shared our ideas.” Jinyoung sounds confused.

“Yeah… except now the songs are about you.” Jaebum’s cheeks are warm and he wonders if Jinyoung can see it.

“Even better. C’mon, give me something, a little spoiler.”

“I’m not giving you spoilers, Jinyoung-ah.”

“Ahhh, come one, baby. Just a little hint. I promise I’m not going to ask again.” Jinyoung is pouting at the older, looking like a lost puppy.

“You know I can’t resist that face.” - He pauses but then gives in. “Okay, I just finished this song… I actually wrote it that night, after we met at the rooftop.”

“Okay…” Jinyoung wants him to keep going.

“You said you wanted a hint, this is a hint.” The older opposes instantly.

“Are you kidding me? I need more, I need real spoilers, come on.”

“You’re impossible!” He’s honestly so weak for Jinyoung it’s almost funny. “Okay, the name of the song is Coming Home.”

“Coming Home? Okay…” Jinyoung likes it but he doesn’t get it at first but then,

“It means you’re my home, silly.” Jaebum doesn’t know the effect of his own words until he sees that the both of them are flustered and with their cheeks tomato red.

Jaebum's not the talkative type, but he felt like his heart was about to get out of his chest, so when he opened his mouth again, it was like his soul was speaking for him. “After we talked that night, I forgot the fact that we weren’t in Seoul, I forgot that we were far from home and then I realized home is not actually a place, it can be a feeling, it can be a person. I realized you were my home, Jinyoung-ah. You’ve always felt like home to me. Since our debut days, you were always there, by my side and I honestly can’t see myself going anywhere else.”

And for the first time, the younger is the one lost for words.

The next morning, as expected, they had a meeting with Park Jinyoung PD. They found out they were coming back as JJ Project after 5 years and they couldn’t feel luckier. Not only because they were going to promote their songs and record an album together, but because they were in love with each other and they were finally home.