Chapter Text
“Truckie, can I ask you…“ Sniper shook his head, deciding to change how he asked. The two men were twined together, heavy and sleepy after having sex. Spy was absent that night, for reasons of his own. “You might be a bit better at noticing this kind of thing – do you feel like Spy calls you by your real name a lot. Almost…“ Sniper couldn’t think of the right word, “like he really likes knowing?”
Despite their contract swearing them to secrecy, having his lovers call him “sniper” had gotten old very quickly, and he’d been relieved when Engineer told him his name too, though they still used their nicknames as often as not. At first, Spy had used it occasionally, like a pet name, and it had always given Sniper a bit of a thrill, but lately Spy seemed almost gleeful every time he called Sniper ‘Lawry’, and he wondered if Spy was doing the same with Engineer. Sniper didn’t know Spy’s real name, or even an alias he was willing to use. A large, jealous part of him hoped Engineer didn’t either. It wasn’t pretty, but it was true.
Engineer stifled a yawn. He was worn out. “He has been using them a lot lately. And he still hasn’t shared his,” Engineer had to admit, that irked him. As much as he respected Spy’s private nature, he also wanted them to give and take in equal measure. But Spy always seemed to take more than he gave. They didn’t know his name, his aliases, his age, even where he was born or what his family was like. Or even if he had any family left. It was enough to drive a man crazy.
Sniper laughed, seeing his thoughts and feelings mirrored and Engineers expression. “Glad it’s not just me,” he said, hoping his relief wasn’t obvious to his lover. “It’s not that I don’t like it, it’s just… It’s like… I feel like he’s teasing me. “
“I don’t think he means it that way,“ Engineer said, pressing his nose in again Sniper’s neck and breathing out a sigh. “But it is hard to keep from wondering about him, about his name…“ he sighed again.
Sniper raised an eyebrow. “Are you sure he doesn’t mean it that way, even a little?” He shook his head, grinning. He shivered at Engineer’s nuzzle, pulling his lover even closer. His grin broadened as he had a thought. “We could just… both start calling him something?”
“What, just pick a name for him?” Engineer laughed, “I don’t know if I could do it.“
“Yeah, why not? See what he makes of it,” Sniper laughed. “I’m tempted to tell him we’ll keep picking names until he chooses one, but I know how well an ultimatum would work on him.“
“Yeah, not at all. Stubborn thing. I always thought I was a stubborn man.“
“You are,” Sniper reassured him. “He’s just... Spy.” He laughed again. “I always thought I was paranoid.”
Engineer sighed. “You are. Just not like he is.” Sniper slept with his kukri more often than not, but Spy pretty much always had a knife or two on him. He wouldn’t even let them see where he slept when he wasn’t with them. It was strange. It made Engineer feel untrustworthy. And he didn’t like it.
Sniper looked down at Engineer, surprised. “It really bothers you, doesn’t it?“ Sniper mostly thought it was funny – mildly annoying at worst – but he could hear genuine hurt in Engineer’s voice.
“It’s not that important,” Engineer said softly. “He’s got his reasons for not trusting anyone.“
“I know. And you know. But… It bothers you? A little?“
“Well… heck, I don’t know anything about him. And it’s hard to love someone you might not even know.”
Sniper was growing increasingly uncomfortable with this conversation, and strongly regretted bringing the topic up. He could feel how tense Engineer was in his arms – he didn’t feel like he was about to fall asleep, not anymore. “What… what do you want to do about it? “
Engineer sighed. “Nothin’. he’ll share in his own time.”
“…or he won’t.“ Sniper said, softly, regretting his words a little even as he spoke them, “and it’ll just keep building up.“
“I can’t force him to be honest. I just have to trust.”
Sniper nodded, relieved that this conversation seemed to be coming to a close. Something occurred to him, and as tempting as it was to let it be, he felt like he had to speak up. “Would you like me to talk to him about it?” He loved Engineer and Spy, he really did – more than he’d ever loved anyone besides his family – but they were both so stubborn, they would just let this build up and up without ever changing anything. Sniper didn’t want to talk about this anymore, but he definitely didn’t want to end up in the middle of all these unspoken hurt feelings.
Engineer shrugged, pulling the blanket up over them both. “It’s up to you, but I understand why he’s like this.”
Sniper contained a frustrated sigh and settled for rolling his eyes, which he knew Engineer wouldn’t notice. “I know you understand but… understanding here,“ he tapped Engineer’s forehead “isn’t the same as understanding here,” he reached lower to tap Engineer’s chest. He was frustrated that he couldn’t express himself better, the way Engineer or Spy could have.
Engineer kissed Sniper’s shoulder affectionately. “I just don’t want to drive him away because I wanted more than he could give,” he admitted.
Sniper nodded, relieved by the kiss.
“I just don’t… don’t want him to get upset.” Engineer said.
“Neither do I, but I also don’t want you to be upset.”
“I don’t expect him to change,“ Engineer murmured, stroking Sniper’s hair. “Love you.”
Sniper made a small, frustrated sound. “You’re all right with this though? Really?“
“I’m not going to talk to him.” Engineer said, as though that was final.
Sniper nodded, pulling Engineer against himself again a little roughly. He wasn’t sure what to do. He didn’t want to lose either man, or have a rift form between Engineer and Spy.
Engineer fell asleep slowly, warm in Sniper’s arms.