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The first time they kiss all Sid can taste is the promise of heartache.
Geno won’t mean to do it, Sid’s sure, but it’s going to happen.
Geno’s fingertips burn marks on his skin- his cheeks, his jaw, behind his knees.His lips blaze their own trail down the side of his neck, over his ribs, beneath his bellybutton.
It tickles and Sid laughs and knocks his hand gently against the side of Geno’s face.
Geno smiles into the cut of his hips. He presses his lips there and whispers something Sid can’t understand.
He will regret this, Sid thinks as Geno’s teeth nip at his skin, he will regret me.
Sid closes his eyes and presses the back of his head into the pillow. He tries to chase the thought from his mind. He tries to focus on the feel of Geno all around him, the way he’s overwhelming him and making his heart beat out of his chest and his skin feel too small for his body.
Sid wasn’t made for things like this. His body and his heart and his mind can’t wrap themselves around it.
Geno crawls up his body and kisses him.
It makes his heart hurt.
Sid expects him to leave right away.
To gasp and freak out and pull on all his clothes. His socks are in the hallway and his shirt is in the kitchen.
He’ll say it was a mistake.
He was drunk and dumb and it’ll be a lie- Geno doesn’t get drunk off two beers- but Sid will nod and tell him it’s okay. He understands. He had been drinking too.
Instead Geno stretches out on his stomach and shoves his arms beneath the pillow in front of him.
He arches his back and stares at Sid like he’s something special. Soft and fond and warm.
“What,” Sid asks. He’s sweaty and itchy and uncomfortable.
Geno leans over and kisses his shoulder. “Happy,” he answers, “you?”
This is all going to blow up on us.
He nods and Geno smiles. Sid watches him fall asleep with it playing on his lips.
Geno lives his life almost exactly as he did before.
The only difference is that he invites himself into Sid’s hotel room on the road and follows him home after games and practices.
He leaves his hand on the small of Sid’s back as Sid is making lunch and drops it lower to cup his ass while he’s telling him about the movie he wants to watch tonight.
Sid bats his hand away and laughs as Geno kisses him senseless against his kitchen counter.
Sid lives his life waiting for the other shoe to drop.
He’s going to get tired of you. He’s going to going to get bored. Find someone more interesting. Someone he can start a family with. Someone he can hold hands in public with.
Days, weeks, and months pass.
Geno looks at him like he’s his whole world. He tells him he loves him in the morning before the toast pops up and after practice when they’re trying to figure out dinner plans and when Sid comes out of the shower still flushed from the steam and heat.
Sid says it back every time like everything he’s ever said has been a lie and “I love you, too” is the only truth.
It doesn’t calm his fears.
It feels like the hole is getting deeper and deeper with each minute that passes. Each word that’s whispered and each kiss that’s shared.
It’s inevitable.
It’s gonna hurt like hell.
Sid kisses him back as Geno presses him against the counter. He holds Geno’s face in his hands, strokes his thumb against his cheeks and Geno hooks his hands behind his thighs and lifts him up. Sid puts his hands flat on the counter and helps him.
“We don’t have time,” he says but he locks his knees around Geno’s hips and tips his head into another kiss.
“Have plenty of time,” Geno says as he pulls away. He rests his forehead against Sid’s and tugs on the waistband of his shorts. “Don’t have to leave for practice for another forty minutes.”
“That’s not-.”
That’s not what he’s talking about but he has to drop his head to Geno’s shoulder when he starts to jerk him off.
They go home for the summer.
Sid goes to Canada and Geno goes to Russia and Sid thinks that surely, this is it.
They won’t survive this distance.
Geno lives a different life back in Russia with people Sid doesn’t know and will probably never meet.
“Call you all the time,” Geno says before he leaves for the airport. “Miss you all the time.”
Sid kisses for what he’s sure will be the last time.
Geno does call him all the time.
Almost every night and Sid’s always there to answer.
Geno sends him pictures of himself on a boat with no land in sight holding a fish.
He’s deeply tanned and smiling with all his teeth at the camera.
Sid sends some pictures of the kids at the hockey school and Geno texts back two dozen parenthesis and then ‘going outside at all?’
Sid sends him a picture of the sun setting over the lake. His bare feet are visible at the bottom of the picture where they’re stretched out in front of him in the lounge chair.
Wish I was there, Geno texts and Sid’s finger hovers over his name for a moment before he taps the screen and the call connects.
They comes back to Pittsburgh.
They play hockey and share beds and meals and secrets.
They win awards and Cups and every summer they part ways with a kiss and a ‘talk to you later.’
It’s been years and Sid expects each call to start with ‘I met someone else.’
‘It’s serious.’
‘She’s beautiful.’
‘She’s pregnant.’
Clean and cruel and predictable.
But tonight, just like every other night, Geno answers with a sleepy “hi, Sid, how was your day,” and ends it with “I love you, see you soon.”
They have a short summer and the day Geno’s supposed to fly back Geno asks him if he’s going to be home when his plane lands.
“Aren’t you getting in at like, four in the morning. I think I’ll be home.”
Geno’s silent on the other end and Sid checks to make sure they’re still connected.
“G?”
“Right. Forget about time difference.”
Sid frowns. “You want me to pick you up at the airport.”
“No,” Geno says quickly. “Should sleep, talk when we wake up.”
“Talk about what?”
“Just talk, catch up.”
“We’ve been talking everyday. Is everything okay?”
“Is fine, is fine. Have to go okay. Still need to pack.”
“Geno, what-.”
“Love you. Can’t wait to see you soon.”
“Geno-.”
He hangs up and Sid drops his phone on the table and jams his hand through his hands.
He’s been expecting this.
He has no right to be surprised or upset or anything other than vindicated.
Sid doesn’t sleep the next night.
He thinks about Geno getting closer and closer over the atlantic.
He tosses and turns and finally gives up and sits for hours at the kitchen table with his head in his hands.
Geno’s things are sprinkled all over his house.
Extra shoes and shirts and an electric razor in the bathroom upstairs.
It’s going to take forever to gather everything. He spends more time here than he does at his own place and Sid’s sure he’s going to be finding little things of his for months.
At four forty five a car door slams in the driveway and a few seconds later the front door opens.
Sid jams his fingertips into his eyes hard enough that he sees spots.
There are footsteps and then a quiet “Sid,” and Sid takes a ragged breath.
“I get it,” Sid says. He lays his hands flat on the table and stares down at them. “Can you just say it and get it over with? I know it’s coming, I’ve been expecting it for awhile so just…do it.”
When Sid looks up he Geno has his hand in the inside pocket of his coat. He’s staring at Sid with wide eyes.
“You know?”
“I always knew this was going to happen, Geno. Since the beginning I knew it was going to end like this. I never understood what you were doing with me, why you were wasting your time.”
“Sid-.”
“You could have so much more. You deserve it.”
“Sidney.”
Sid brings his hands up to the side of his face. His skin is burning beneath his palms. “You don’t have to explain it or give a reason or say you’re sorry. It’s fine. Just say it. Just break up with me. Anything else is going to hurt me more.”
Geno pulls his hand out of his jacket. There’s a box pinched between his fingers, small and square, and he drops it to the table.
“You want to break up with me?”
Sid stares at the box then back up at Geno.
“Don’t you?”
All the air rushes out of Geno’s lungs. “No.” He looks down at the box. “Bought a ring.”
“You said you wanted to talk.”
“Want to talk to you. Want to marry you, you want to break up with me,” he repeats.
“No, I don’t, I just thought….you want to marry me?”
Geno crosses the distance between them in three giant steps and drops to his knees in front of him. His elbows dig into his thighs as he pulls Sid’s hands away from his face.
“It’s been years, Sid. We love each other, this is the next step. Wanted to talk to you about selling my house, I know you love this place. Or we could get a new place. We talk about that, not breaking up with you. How could you ever-.”
Sid laughs or sobs, he’s not sure. But Geno is fuzzy from the tears in his eyes and it only gets worse when Geno gets closer and wraps his arms around his shoulders.
“Want to spend forever with you, Sid,” Geno says into his hair. “Thought you knew, should have told you.”
“You did,” Sid whispers. “It’s hard for me to believe. You could have anyone you wanted and you picked me.”
“There is no one else,” Geno says fiercely. “It’s you and me.” He holds Sid’s face in his hands. “You believe me?”
Sid nods.
“You want to marry me?”
He nods again and Geno kisses him.
“Want to see your ring?”
“In a minute,” Sid says and kisses him again.