Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

---I.

“Oh, you’re my sister’s girlfriend,” said Dia, facing Yoshiko. “You’re Yoshiko. I’m her sister Dia.” She was holding a cigarette, which she put up to her mouth. She had a stern, discerning gaze. Behind her eyes was experience in not-easy parts of life. There was also a tinge of concern, a tinge of sincerity. She wasn’t so much worn-down or jaded as afraid, somewhere inside her.

“You smoke?” was Yoshiko’s reply. Dia looked at the cigarette as though it had put itself in her hand. She blew smoke to her left so that it wouldn’t hit Yoshiko in the face, and she motioned for her to follow. They went out onto a small balcony that overlooked the sea. There was a sailboat and a ferryboat. The ferryboat was parked at the docks.

“I smoke,” said Dia. She said it with reluctance, as if she didn’t want to admit it. Maybe, Yoshiko thought, I shouldn’t have said anything.

“Sorry for bringing it up.”

“No, no. I don’t smoke much, but---” Dia waved the cigarette. “---sometimes I get stressed.”

“Ah.” Yoshiko couldn’t think of anything to say. She was used to joking away troubles.

“You are gay, right?” asked Dia.

“What?”

“Ruby dated a straight girl once. It ended.” Yoshiko heard an entire dirge in that sentence. The story that it conveyed was long, so that Dia couldn’t hide that it existed. “You’re gay, right?”

“I like girls,” was Yoshiko’s reply. “But I’m not sure.”

Dia took this in, stared in the distance at a road that bordered a railing. On the other side of the railing was a slope that went into the sea. Cars drove along the road, their lights turned on even though it wasn’t very dark yet.

“I don’t like to admit that I’m worried,” said Dia.

“You’re worried?”

“About Ruby, yes.” She had a thoughtful expression that was ready to fall apart in a second. It kept together, kept up a facade. “She’s never had many friends, you know. She has one, nowadays, Hanamaru. You’ve met her, right?”

“Yeah.”

“She’s the only person. Ruby only met her last year.” Dia’s phone rang. She took it from her pocket and unlocked it.

“You can take the call if you want.”

“No, it was a text. Chika’s on her way. Also, Ruby should be back in about ten minutes.” Dia threw the cigarette over the balcony, into the water. It bounced off a rock and then drowned. “Don’t tell.” It wasn’t an order, it was a vulnerable request.

“Okay.”

“Ruby’s close to me, but she doesn’t say anything. I think she’s afraid all the time. I don’t know about what. She’s put up a mask. I’ve done the same.” Dia pulled out another cigarette but shook her head. “Our bond was stronger years ago. Then, high school. I had problems. Then, she went to high school. She had problems.”

There was a lot unsaid, Yoshiko noticed. On the surface of it all she could hear everything. But she couldn’t understand everything. Some events were swept under the rug, hidden from view. You could hear them in Dia’s tone, but…

It occurred to Yoshiko that people make a habit out of hiding things. They don’t want to say everything. There was probably a reason why.

“She seems so cheery.”

“That’s just her. You’ll see her cry eventually, I promise.” She took out a cigarette, muttered, “Dammit, Chika’s going to chew me out for this,” and then blew smoke into the air. She looked at the cigarette closely. It burnt and burnt, smelled like chemicals and sadness.

“Chika’s your girlfriend?” Yoshiko asked. It broke up the wordlessness. Dia stared thoughtfully at the sky, as thought the answer was in the stars or the firmament. As though the question was philosophical rather than everyday. Yoshiko recognized this all as performance. It was melodrama, it was Dia trying to create a mood, to act the part that she saw herself in.

Yoshiko was both impressed and jealous at the effectiveness of it.

“Yes,” Dia finally answered. “We’ve been together for a year.” Dia smiled. “I think she’s made things okay. She’s helped Ruby a lot, too.”

They heard the door open, and Dia quickly threw the cigarette over the balcony. It hit the water and died.

“Promise me you’ll treasure Ruby,” Dia said.

“I promise.”

“I’m home,” Dia and Yoshiko heard from the entryway. It was a man’s voice.

“It’s just dad,” said Dia. She yelled back to him, “I’m talking to Ruby’s friend on the balcony!”

“Okay!”

Dia sighed, the last of the smoke in her mouth drifting into the air, dispersing and spreading. “He’ll go right to sleep. He’s been working since midnight last night.”

“Okay," said Yoshiko.

“So.” Dia took a tin of mints from her pocket and put one in her mouth. If there’d been a thought, it wasn’t finished.

“So?”

“Ruby says you don’t like to talk to people.”

“I don’t, really. Except when I want to. It’s a rule I break a lot, but I don’t like to.”

“Do you break it for Ruby?” Dia swallowed the mint and had another.

“Yeah. Of course. She’s my princess.” Yoshiko realized what she said and hid her face from Dia. This was awkward. Having a conversation like this with your girlfriend’s sister. Bluntly stating your feelings like that.

Yoshiko unhid her face to see Dia, who had an odd look. She had an emotion like pity, but wasn’t so condescending. It must be concern. Yoshiko couldn’t tell why she was concerned though.

“I hope you two are okay,” said Dia.

“Really?”

“Yes. You’re a nice girl.”

---II.

Yoshiko’d been looking for a place to sit. The classroom was crowded, so it’d be hard to sit alone. And people tended to bother you when you sit alone. Sometimes it was mean, sometimes it was altruistic. Regardless, it was better not to sit alone, to instead quietly and unobtrusively invade the spaces of others like a parasite or a scavenger.

If you succeeded at this, you wouldn’t be talked to, wouldn’t be bothered. You’d be in the crowd, of course, but, in a sense, you’d also be alone. You’d be exactly where you wanted to be.

Yoshiko wanted friends. She just didn’t like anyone she knew enough to be friends with them. It was a personality fault, prob'ly. Even thinking that, Yoshiko lived how she liked: spending her days playing video games between classes and her nights preparing her online webshow.

Being an online star has several advantages. For one, your hundred-thousand followers were spread across Japan (and outside of Japan, actually), so that basically no one in class’d ever heard of her. It was a nice thing, being famous in an era of media fragmentation. There were a lot of things you wouldn’t have to worry about.

Yoshiko saw, in the corner, a girl sitting alone. She had red hair in pigtails and she was short. Maybe a head shorter than Yoshiko. She’d talk so quietly when reading aloud in class that the teachers rarely called on her anymore. She was that shy, so she’d be a perfect ‘mark.’ She wouldn’t, Yoshiko thought, talk much. She’d leave Yoshiko to herself. After, of course, introductions.

Yoshiko thought of what to say first. Should she put on an act or be honest? Putting on an act would become a problem quickly, and anyways Yoshiko should be able to trust the girl. You had to be careful, but you could also be not-careful sometimes. This girl wasn’t threatening.

“Hey,” said Yoshiko. If she was putting on a persona, she might’ve acted shy to arouse sympathy, or happy to seem friendly. Since she wasn’t, though, she instead spoke nonchalantly in a monotone. “Mind if I sit here?” The other girl’s eyes were wide. Her cheeks were blushing. There were people this shy?

“Sure,” she finally managed.

“I’m Tsushima Yoshiko.” She sat on the edge of the heater, which wasn’t on right now.

“I’m K-kurosawa Rr-ruby.” Ruby opened her bento and started to eat. She seemed to be taking small bites in an attempt at politeness. She didn’t say a word, and Yoshiko would’ve felt like she was in heaven if Ruby didn’t keep sneaking glances at her. Maybe Ruby wanted to say things, wanted to be sociable. She’d try to make small talk and then Yoshiko’d have to answer.

Well, thought Yoshiko, I know where I’m not having lunch tomorrow.

“Can I ask you a question?” Ruby asked.

“Go ahead.” There goes the silence. The nice silence.

“Are you Yohane?” Ruby was nervous, Yoshiko could tell. Like she’d asked a personal question and, really, she had.

“Don’t tell anyone, but yeah.”

“Can I see your set-up? I’ve always wondered what kind or microphone you used. I’ve gotten a similar sound when I plug in my USB mic, but I can never get rid of this distortion. I was hoping your model would have figured out some settings, or would I have to jury rig it?” Yoshiko raised an eyebrow at Ruby. Here was someone she could talk to.

“I don’t remember the settings for my old mic, but my new one I have to set up the gate and adjust the threshold. Sometimes I have to rerecord the audio, but getting the lip-lock right can be such a pain that I rerecord the whole episode, visuals and all.”

“Oooh. I’ve tried adjusting the threshold. I wonder if there’s a loose cable in the mic, or maybe the USB cable is bad.” Ruby was shy, and seemed to put in an effort to speak. It came out in an uneven stutter.

“What brand is it?”

“It came with the mic.”

“That might be the problem, but it’s probably the mic, depending on how cheap it was. Have you checked the reviews.”

“A few others seemed to have the same problems I do.”

“I’m surprised your interested in recording yourself. I can tell you’re pretty shy.”

“I-it’s--- I don’t want to record m-myyys-self, it’s just ‘at I, uh, gh, um, I record the ha-, the cat, ‘sually, and I, um, I, record my sister, for practice, she doesn’ do any, um, any---”

“I get it,” said Yoshiko, trying not to be harsh. It wasn’t something she tended to do, but she seemed to have gotten it right. Ruby stopped to breathe and calm down.

“I want to be a recording engineer,” said Ruby. “I also do a little fashion design, I really like it, but that’s not the, um, cheapest hobby.” Yoshiko laughed.

“God, I know about expensive hobbies. I wore gothic fashion for a year or two, but stopped it when I realized how much money I was spending. I used those for my first costumes, though. That was nice.”

“How about your costumes now?”

“They’re expensive to make, so I don’t make as many as I want.”

The conversation continued longer than Yoshiko thought it would, and they were still talking when the bell rang for the end of lunch period. Yoshiko was surprised that a conversation could go so well.

Ruby’d made a habit of having lunch with Yoshiko after that. Her friend Hanamaru joined her. Surprisingly, the two of them mostly left Yoshiko alone. Ruby had questions every other day, but she didn’t really impose. Yoshiko appreciated this. Not many people respect personal space like Ruby does, she thought.
Hanamaru, for her part, knew Yoshiko from kindergarten but didn’t seem to have much to say. Hanamaru tended to talk about books or music with Ruby, or would read a book. She liked steamy romances and old fairy stories and folktales.

Ruby talked more to Yoshiko on the days when Hanamaru read. Weeks passed before Ruby was entirely comfortable with her. She opened up slowly. She was a flighty sort of shy person, who was uncomfortable in the world and so had to take her time to understand the whole situation. Once she did, she spoke very normally.

It took some getting used to for Yoshiko, but she actively seeked out Ruby’s company after a while. You get accustomed to others, Yoshiko thought. Be in the same room as someone for long enough and you either love them or want to kill them.

---III.

Yoshiko’s room was a mess. One half of it was conspicuously clean, but the other half had scraps of cloth and wires running along the floor, and skirts and dresses stripped of their frills and other affectations, which would be reused to make new costumes. It was an act of recycling caused by the cost of constantly making angel wings and dresses from scratch.

The clean half of the room had a backdrop and a lot of candles. Papers with occult symbols were on the tables and hung on the walls, and a pentagram covered the backdrop. The floor had a nice rug, whereas the other half of the room was hardwood flooring. Eldritch tomes (actually random HP Lovecraft hardcovers) were stacked on available surfaces, and demonic stuffed animals filled wherever looked empty. It was cluttered on this side too, but it was an organized, artistic clutter that earned that side of the room the designation of “the clean half” by Yoshiko’s mother.

The clean half had a table, and on the table was a computer, a camera, one of the many microphones among among the papers and tomes and stuffed animals, and a stack of CDs. There was also a speaker system which Yoshiko used to play the background music for certain parts.

These days, all you need to make music is one or two hundred dollars for digital music software. With that software and some basic music theory, you can make a passable accompaniment for projects. Time and experience makes the music slowly more complex and, well, actually good. Yoshiko had the curse of all creatives who begin young. She could see all the faults in her old works and it made her cringe.

Yoshiko and Ruby sat at the computer, while Yoshiko showed Ruby how the program worked. “The other mics are mostly there to add echo and fullness. Most of the time I only use four of them. Sometimes, though, one of the mics doesn’t work, or catches extra noise, so I end up using the feeds from the other mics to make up the audio.”

“Which episode was that?”

“There’s eighty of them by now. I don’t remember.”

“Oh.”

“Some of my fans know my show better than I do. Thankfully there’s no continuity, or else I’d’ve made so many mistakes by now.”

“How do you handle the music?” asked Ruby. Yoshiko opened up a program on her computer and it autoplayed a morose melody.

“Techno music program with outside sound files. I’ve had to figure it out myself and… I’m sorry that the first few episodes were so bad.” Yoshiko played around with some of the settings on the song as she talked, adjusting a part of the song that just sounded too happy.

“No. They were good. I really liked them.”

“I don’t. I can see every mistake.” Yoshiko played the soundfile. It screamed like a cat being crushed under a truck, complete with the crunching of the bones. “Well, that’s useful for something, but not what I wanted it to be.” She checked in the settings for what had caused that.

“Um, if you ever want any help, I’d be happy to volunteer.”

“I shouldn’t but I’ll keep that in mind.” Yoshiko adjusted a digital dial and added, “thank you.” Ruby bit her lip, holding something back in her throat.

“I’d like to hang out m-more actually, if you don’t mind,” Ruby said. Yoshiko thought for a second. She got bored on weekends, when she wasn’t working on the show. She had to admit it was nice to talk to someone every once in awhile, and Ruby was pretty quiet, so:

“Sure.” Yoshiko played the soundfile and it was adequate, now. “Too many effects in this program for me to keep track of which is which. Name it ‘spring reverb,’ not ‘spacializing,’ and don’t have a separate special effect called ‘space.’” Yoshiko closed the laptop. “I’m too mad to do that now. Want to see the costume I’m working on?”

“Yes!”

“I’ll go change in my closet.”

“Your closet’s that big?”

“My mom told me it was meant to be an office. When I was younger we stored old family heirlooms and stuff in there.” Yoshiko went through a door and locked it behind her. While she changed, Ruby stared about the messy half of the room. From force of habit, she began to clean up.

She thought about Yoshiko. She was a small-scale superstar. Ruby’s dreams didn’t reach as high as two hundred thousand followers. She wanted a girlfriend she lived with in an apartment and a stable job. There was a question she wanted to ask in relation to that. She wondered if it would be rude to ask it today.
The door opened. Yoshiko posed in a long dress with a black rose motif. So far, it lacked the black angel wings, but those would be added in a few days.

“Do you really have a boyfriend like you said in your show?” Ruby blurted rapid-fire. Yoshiko could tell she hadn’t planned to say it.

“No. That was a lie so I’d stop getting creepy fanmail. It barely had any effect, though.”

Ruby sat on one of the tables on the messy side of the room. She entangled her fingers and twiddled her thumbs.

“Um, because I was wondering if you liked girls.” Ruby blushed brightly, and grabbed a random piece of cloth to hide her face. It was a black thigh-high that failed to block much of anything.

Yoshiko was thinking back over the past few months. A lot of Ruby’s behavior didn’t make sense. Errant glances, a little staring, a lot of blushing, a lot of clinging. At the time, Yoshiko thought, I’ll find out what’s going on, and then it will be obvious in hindsight, and then I’ll be pissed that I didn’t get it. In hindsight, Ruby’s behavior lead pretty linearly to that question.

Yoshiko was dense, but it was hard to ignore the signs.

“Yeah,” said Yoshiko, scratching the back of her neck. “So, you have a crush on me?”

“You could tell?”

“Not until you asked if I like girls.” At this point, Ruby dropped the thigh-high and reluctantly revealed herself. “Do you want to go out then?” asked Yoshiko.

“You like me too?” asked Ruby. There was surprise in her voice, and hope. Yoshiko didn’t want to lie to her.

“I think I could be happy going out with you.” Yoshiko sat on the edge of her bed, which was covered in piles of clothes. The clothes slipped under her and her butt hit the ground. “Ow.”

Ruby helped Yoshiko up, asking, “are you okay?”

“Yeah,” said Yoshiko. “I’m fine.”

“You want to go out with me?”

Yoshiko put her arms around Ruby. “I’d be very happy to go out with you, yes.”

---IV.

Dia leaned on the balcony, looking over the sea. The sailboat was going back to dock. It was time for bed, time for sleep, time for dreams. Not everyone would dream, of course. And since Yoshiko was staying over, she and Ruby’d be awake for most of the night, prob’ly. Talking. Watching videos. Recording things, maybe.

Ruby’d be back in a few minutes. She didn’t have that long alone with Yoshiko. Dia took a deep breath. “I don’t know if Ruby’s ready for this. I’ve protected her a lot. She hasn’t had to deal with much. The straight girl I told you about?”

“Yeah?”

“It was a relationship that lasted a week. Ruby had a big crush, but there weren’t many feelings.” Dia took out the package of cigarettes and considered another one, like kissing poison. “She’s been ignored a lot. Not meanly, but she’s always been so quiet. That no one’s talked to her has made that worse. She didn’t know how to talk to anyone until Hanamaru.” Dia put the cigarettes in her pocket reluctantly.

“She’s been alone a lot. I’ve had a busy life, sometimes a lot of stress. But the important thing is, I didn’t have time for her either. Not whenever she needed it. I like to think I helped, but.” Dia had a faraway stare. It was like the pulling back of the tide, the loss of the sea, the drying up of the sea basin, suddenly all the water was gone, all the life was gone. Dia didn’t want to say more. She didn’t want to continue this line of thought.

“There’s a reason,” she said, “I worry about my sister. I’m overprotective, but what I’m thinking about, I have my reasons. She’s okay now. I just want to trust you that you’ll help her so things stay that way.”

“She’s my princess,” said Yoshiko. “She’s the only person I’d ever date this long. Everyone else I get tired of.” Yoshiko felt she’d said too much, but there wasn’t any point in withholding anything.

“Did you used to be a playboy?”

It took all of Yoshiko’s willpower to not be offended at that. “No. I meant that I’ve never dated anyone, or even really had friends. I never planned on it. I don’t like people very much. Most of them bore me. Ruby doesn’t.”

“Do you think you might get bored of Ruby someday?” Dia had suspicion in her voice, and the beginning of anger. A spark that might become a fire.

“I don’t think so. But I know myself, and I’m not big on people. They tend to annoy me. Ruby’s the only exception, so far. She’s my princess.” Yoshiko thought back over those words, repeated them. “She’s my princess.” Those words were true, but had an unspoken hesitation in them. They’d been tangible, before. They’d become abstract.

Dia hugged Yoshiko. “Please take care of her,” said Dia.

“I will.”

“Thank you.”

Dia let go of Yoshiko, and in a minute they heard the front door open.

“We’re home!” yelled Ruby.

---V.

They’d been dating for three days, technically. They hadn’t gone on a real date yet. Yoshiko adjusted the collar on her school uniform. It was itchy today, and wrong. Had it shrunk somewhere? No, her mother was too careful for that.

Her hair wasn’t done up. She hadn’t had time. Her alarm clock hadn’t been turned on the night before. When she’d woken up she had ten minutes to get ready unless she wanted to run to catch the bus, and she didn’t like running. She hadn’t taken a shower, so she prob’ly smelled… she should start taking a shower before she went to sleep, she thought.

She got to school and opened her locker. There was a note in the locker. The note said, “meet me on the roof at lunch,” in hastily scrawled letters. It’d been done last minute, Yoshiko could tell. The paper was crumpled, the paper fringe still on the side, and almost wasn’t readable.

“Dammit,” she said.

The morning passed like mornings do, like days do. Slowly, mundanely, nothing notable happening. The English teacher was boring but the History teacher told history like it was a story. History didn’t always have heroes and villains. It had actors and characters that did good and bad things. The history teacher made them real, made them complex and interesting.

While the history teacher was trying to fix the projector for the slide presentation, after it broke for the fifth time, Yoshiko looked back at Ruby. Ruby’d been staring at her. Ruby suddenly turned her head to face the board as the projector turned back on, and the history teacher tried to find his rhythm, like he’d closed the book without bookmarking the page and didn’t know where he was.

Ruby was intense when Yoshiko saw her. Something was going on.

Like all interesting history, today’s class period ended with an account of a coup d’etat. Then it was Pre-Calculus, Japanese literature, and then lunch. Hanamaru took out her bento, stretched in her seat, and reached into her desk for a book. This one was on the philosophy of fishing. Hanamaru had eclectic interests.

“Tell Ruby someone asked me to go to the roof,” said Yoshiko.

“Do you know who it was?” asked Hanamaru.

“Nope. Not at all. But if they want to talk to me they’ll find a way. Mind as well get it over with.” She went out into the halls as Hanamaru chuckled to herself that Yoshiko didn’t know.

Yoshiko paused at the top of the steps, at the door to the roof. She took a breath, prepared for something bad. It’s better to prepare for bad things. If a good thing happens, your expectations have been so lowered that the good thing seems even better.

She opened the door and stepped onto the roof. Flowers rested in a half-full glass, red roses. Puzzled, Yoshiko approached the roses slowly. This wasn’t dangerous. It was pretty confusing, though. Yoshiko heard someone running up behind her. She’d started to turn when someone tackled her, and arms were wrapped around her.

“Gotcha!”

Yoshiko struggled for a second before she recognized the voice. “Ruby?”

“Yeah.” Ruby smiled up at Yoshiko. Like a gemstone. “I got you flowers but I didn’t know if you wanted me to give them to you in public, so I made this up as I went along. I hope it wasn’t too weird.” Yoshiko laughed.

“I loved all of this. Thanks.” She hugged Ruby back and stared at the flowers. She had no idea how to take care of them.

_

The flowers went in her room, on the shelf. When Yoshiko’d gone to the Kurosawa’s house, they were still alive, but wilting. Flowers don’t last forever.

---VI.

Ruby came out of the dressing room wearing a blouse under a jean vest, and a skirt. What made the outfit, thought Yoshiko, was the bow in her hair. Ruby rarely out her hair down, but had done so when she put the bow in her hair. Yoshiko was glad she did.

“You look beautiful, Princess,” said Yoshiko.

“Princess?” Ruby smiled sweetly, shrunk a little from embarrassment.

“You look like a princess to me, right now.”

“I love you Yoshiko.”

“Love you too, Princess.” Yoshiko didn’t know if she meant it at the time, but she couldn’t bring herself not to say it back. Ruby’s smile was too bright.

“Th-thanks.” Yoshiko waited, able to tell that Ruby had more to say. “A-angel,” said Ruby, who bowed her head, embarrassed. She wasn’t used to saying things like that. After a minute, she glanced up to see Yoshiko’s reaction.

Yoshiko had a smile on her face too.

Ruby ran and hugged Yoshiko, who struggled to keep herself upright. Part of the reason was her own dignity, but part of it was also that they were right next to the edge of the store, and if they fell too far they’d pass through the theft detectors.

She managed to fall back into the store, on top of Ruby. “You didn’t hear anything rip, did you?”

“No,” said Ruby. They got up and she dusted herself off. The skirt was a loose fit, so it'd shifted a few inches up her torso. She adjusted it quickly and smiled at Yoshiko.

Yoshiko ran a hand along Ruby’s hair. “It got a little messy when we hit the floor.” Ruby nodded. “Hey, you want that outfit?”

“What?”

“I make money from my show. Not much, really, but I make enough that I can splurge every once in a while.”

“Thank you!” Ruby screamed.

_

“Can we hide for a second?” Ruby asked later. Yoshiko looked for a good place to go. Malls aren’t built with the idea of hiding in mind. In fact, malls are built so that customers are in view at all times of the storefronts, except for when they’re inside the stores themselves.

The only thing Yoshiko could think of was the karaoke booth. The karaoke parlor was on the second floor. Yoshiko lead Ruby into it, and paid for a half-an-hour in a small booth. Ruby leaned on Yoshiko’s shoulder, and said, “hold me. Please.”

Yoshiko did what she was asked to. Ruby was bothered, and wasn’t saying what it was that was bothering her. Though Yoshiko wanted to ask what it was, she had the impression that Ruby wouldn’t give an honest answer. She could only wait. Ruby buried her face in Yoshiko’s shoulder, shaking her head like she was wiping her eyes. She brought her gaze up. Yoshiko couldn’t tell if she’d been crying. She had a smile again, as if it hadn’t left.

“I’m better,” Ruby said.

“What was wrong?”

“Nothing, nothing. I was just so excited I couldn’t sleep last night. I;m so tired I got overloaded.” Ruby wasn’t a very good liar. She didn’t want to talk to Yoshiko, however, so Yoshiko decided to not ask about it.

“Okay, Princess. Where do you want to go next?”

“Food.”

---VII.

Dia moved from the balcony. “Time to go in, I guess. I enjoyed talking to you.”

“I, uh, think I want to look at the sea little more. Could you tell Ruby I’m outside?”

“Sure,” said Dia.

The waves licked the shoreline. If Yoshiko could stand on the shore, feet in the water, a child again, she wouldn’t have to worry about feelings. She’d be so innocent, so bereft of the complexities of real life. That’s why she played video games, to escape everything.

She felt a face buried in her back. In spite of everything, she smiled. “Ruby?” she asked.

“Yeah.”

“Love you, Princess.”

“Love you, Angel.”

“My sister said you and her talked.”

“Yeah.”

“What about?”

“Stuff.”

“What sort of stuff?” Yoshiko paused before continuing.

“Are you doing okay?” she asked, concern in her voice. Yoshiko felt Ruby shift uncomfortably at the question.

“Did she tell you anything?”

“No.”

“Good.”

“I want to know.”

“I’ll tell you eventually. Don’t ask about it tonight, okay? Just hold me if I’m too sad, okay?”

“Okay.” Ruby let out a sigh of relief.

“Thank you.” Ruby didn’t let go of Yoshiko.

“So how was dinner with your mom?”

Chapter Text

Worn Down People

---I.

“I’ll get us a seat,” said Ruby.

“Okay,” said Yoshiko. She glanced back at Dia and Chika. Dia looked more human, less of a performer next to Chika. Almost as though she felt safe enough to act herself. She didn’t have to prove anything. Yoshiko squinted to see if she could spot any signs of pretending, giving up on it after a cursory check. It was mean.

Yoshiko and the other two stood in line. Tinny music played through the speakers, which was unusual. Usually the maintenance department made sure the speakers played well. It must’ve been a recent problem. Yoshiko breathed out, breathed in. She didn’t know how to act around Dia or Chika.

On some level, she didn’t know how to act around Ruby of Hanamaru, either. But the difference was that they accepted her quietness, her awkwardness, her subtle but jarring inability to read social cues. The most insignificant signs can completely destroy the rhythm of a conversation. Yoshiko cowered invisibly.

Chika put a hand on Yoshiko’s shoulder. “Don’t worry. I don’t bite.”

“I didn’t think you did,” said Yoshiko.

“Haha. I meant I’m not mean.”

“Intentionally,” said Dia, cutting in.

“I was busy. It’s not my fault your birthday was the same week as my essay.”

“If you didn’t wait until the last minute, it wouldn’t have mattered.” Dia had a smug grin on her face. Chika furrowed her brow but lightened up and turned to Yoshiko.

“But, I’m nice. You don’t have to be afraid of me.”

“I'm not,” said Yoshiko.

“You are. I can tell.”

“She’s really observant,” said Dia. “In a previous life she was a mindreader, I think.”

“I can smell your fear,” said Chika, smiling. She seemed to be entirely serious about that. Yoshiko shuddered.

“Mari told you to say that, didn’t she?”

“Yes!” said Chika. Yoshiko made a note to herself that Mari was probably a bad influence.

“Please don’t be so loud in public, please.” Dia said this in a way that implied she might or might not be listened to, and hoped that today she would be. Yoshiko wouldn’t think that Dia’d date someone who wasn’t reserved, but hey, people are surprising all the time.

They ordered their food and sat where Ruby was, in a booth. “They’ll call when the paninis are ready,” said Dia. The tin music became a pop song that was dramatically improved by the imposed lo-fi production. Yoshiko sighed when the speakers were finally fixed.

Ruby didn’t speak too much today. Did Dia say something, or was it something else? Yoshiko was conscious of her arms. They didn’t feel very warm, they didn’t feel very protective. If Ruby wanted to be held… Well, Ruby liked when Yoshiko held her. Yoshiko just had to trust that she was enough for Ruby.

This is what happens when you get involved with people, Yoshiko thought. They come to expect you to be yourself, but imagine that the facade crumbles, that you aren’t as much yourself as you used to be, that yourself has become a different person. The tides of change, eroding and reshaping the coastline.

Would people still like the coastline as much?

“Yoshiko?” asked Ruby. Not knowing what was asked, she hazarded a guess.

“About a month? Three weeks I think.”

“Um, actually I was asking if you were in any clubs,” said Chika.

“Oh. No. I don’t like people. Groups are like excessive amounts of people.”

“But you like Ruby.”

“Of course. Princess isn’t like other people.”

“Princess?” Chika had the widest grin.

“She’s my Princess,” Yoshiko mumbled.

“So cute. Does she have a nickname for you?”

“Angel,” said Ruby. She was comfortable around Chika too. She didn’t seem reluctant to say that. It set Yoshiko at ease.

“Cute.”

“Do you two have nicknames for each other?” Yoshiko asked.

“Not really,” said Dia.

“We could,” said Chika.

“Could I trust you though, to not choose something embarrassing?”

“Maybe. Probably not. No.”

“Excuse me,” said Ruby, getting up from the table and then leaving.

“I wouldn’t think Chika’d think of anything that bad,” said Yoshiko.

“She’s not like Mari. Mari will intentionally push your buttons. Chika just doesn’t always think before she speaks.”

“Yeah,” said Chika.

“Not that I’m better,” Dia said, glancing at Chika out of the corner of her eye. She prob’ly felt guilty for criticizing her, Yoshiko thought. “I get stressed too easily.”

“You should talk about your stress more. Talking to people helps.”

“Mmph,” said Dia. She took a sip of her coffee. The corner of her lips fought a smile. Dia was very relaxed around Chika, became an entirely different person. Dia fit into that role incredibly well. Relaxedness seemed almost natural for her, moreso than her usual serious demeanor.

It occurred to Yoshiko that Dia prob’ly used to be a lot happier, prob’ly a lot like Ruby. That wasn’t entirely a bad thing. Dia was maybe more reliable than Ruby, more assertive than Ruby. Dia and Ruby didn’t want to be so somber, though. For Dia, it was an accident of time. For Ruby, it was a possible future she’d want to avoid, if she saw from Yoshiko’s perspective.

Yoshiko couldn’t do anything about this. Or rather, she could, but she prob’ly couldn’t prevent it no matter what. Ruby might end up okay, or might end up like she wouldn’t want. And anyways, Yoshiko might be wrong. She’s looking at Ruby on the outside in, through foggy glass that hid Ruby’s thoughts and fear from her. She couldn’t necessarily see what was really going on.

The best thing Yoshiko could do, as a friend, was try her best. And tell Ruby. “Love you Princess,” she said when Ruby got back from the bathroom. Ruby was confused for a second, which turned into embarrassment, which turned into a sentimental smile.

“Love you too, Angel.”

---II.

The one disadvantage of making your own music for your webshow is that sometimes you need something you don’t have, like a convincing piano recording. Yoshiko knew, at this point how to play keyboards; she’d bought and occasionally used one every now and again. She just had to record herself playing the actual piano, this time. She hoped her laptop mic would work well enough, or she’d have to figure out a new arrangement for the teddy bear sacrifice in the new episode.

Poor teddy. But he knows what he did.

And she’d asked Ruby to repair it after the recording. It’d have a second life of only being cuddled. Teddy’d be okay.

The halls were quiet, except for the low, low sounds of the musical instruments being practiced in near-soundproofed rooms. One person played a guitar, fingerpicking randomly. An oboe bleated pleasantly. Then, there was the piano room. It was quiet when Yoshiko entered, but the plinking began, and didn’t end when Yoshiko closed the door behind her.

It was recognizably pop, but the pianist was a bit of a show-off. There were an excess of trills and arpeggios, and extended improvisations. She not only knew what she was doing, they wanted to show the world.

Or, did she know Yoshiko was there? Maybe she was playing to show herself. Some people have trouble convincing themselves of their own skill. Yoshiko never did, she trusted that she was a talented person. On the other hand, Yoshiko could remember a time when there wasn’t much pride to be had for herself.

The song ended in a gaudy flourish, and Yoshiko was about to speak up when the piano player stretched her right fingers while her left hand began a riff. It felt rude to interrupt, so Yoshiko listened to the music silently. This song was restrained, quiet. There weren’t many flourishes, and each one was both carefully placed and prob’ly notated in the sheet music.

When the second song ended, Yoshiko was quick to speak up, saying, “um, hello!” The piano player looked up at Yoshiko, blushed, then closed the piano.

“Um, hello. How are you doing?”

“Fine,” said Yoshiko, trying to put on the appropriate mix of ‘you seem like an okay person’ and ‘I don’t really feel like talking right now.’

“I’m Riko,” said the piano player. Yoshiko nodded, tapped her foot.

“I’m Yoshiko.”

“I didn’t know someone had signed out this room. No one had, last I checked.”

“You… have to check these rooms… out…?” Yoshiko palmed her forehead. Of course.

“How did you think it was arranged?”

“First come first serve?” Riko laughed at that, and smiled.

“What do you want to practice, Yocchan. I like listening to people play.”

“Do you want to be a music teacher?” Yoshiko asked, setting up her computer on top of the piano.

“No. I might teach on weekends, though.”

“I’m setting up to record for an, um, project.” Please don’t ask what the project is, thought Yoshiko. She liked the anonymity of almost no one knowing she was a minor (really more a sub-minor) celebrity.

“What for?” Dammit.

“My webshow. ‘Fallen Angel Yohane.’” Yoshiko set up the microphone and plugged it into the laptop.

“Is it popular?”

“A hundred thousand or so views per video, usually. I was on a talk show once.”

“You must have a lot of friends.”

“Nope.”

“Why not?” Yoshiko sat on the piano bench, glanced at Riko, mumbled incoherently, and shushed her. Putting on microphones, she heard the metronome and played through the arrangement, which was depressing simple compared to Riko’s playing, but no one expects a teenager to do that amazingly, so.

“Why don’t you have many friends?” Riko said as Yoshiko rested. The music was recorded, production should fix any errors… things were good. Except for that Riko just asked her that again.

“Because I don’t like people,” Yoshiko said. “Of course, there are some I like.” Yoshiko might not have said that a month ago, but now it was very true. She treasured Ruby, and Hanamaru was fun to talk with when she wasn’t buried in a book.

“I understand the feeling. Though, I don’t agree with it.”

“Do what you want.” Yoshiko unplugged the microphone from the computer. She paused, then began to wrap up the microphone. “By the way, thanks for letting me use the piano during your time.”

“I didn’t really sign up. I picked this room because no one signed up for it.”

“Oh.”

“But I am signed up for the next few days. Why not come by Yocchan. You seem like you’d be nice to talk to.”

Yoshiko tilted her head. “I’m dating someone.”

Riko shook her head wildly. “No no no that’s not what I meant. And, I’m dating someone too. I’m not interested in anyone except my partner.”

“Right.” Yoshiko packed up the computer and waved goodbye.

---III.

Yoshiko tapped Riko on the shoulder. Riko, who was playing, jumped in her seat and scowled at Yoshiko. She frowned less, but still was angry. “Please don’t interrupt me when I’m playing.”

“Sorry.” Yoshiko laid down on a bench. “Wanted to let you know I’m here. It’s been ten minutes and you didn’t say a word.”

“I was concentrating. I guess I should’ve paid more attention. But don’t do it again if you can.”

“Right.”

Riko played chords experimentally.

“How’s your show going?”

“Good, good. The next video should go up in a few days.”

“I looked them up. They’re interesting. Not the sorta thing I usually watch, but I liked it.”

“I wouldn’t think you’d like to watch it. You’re too normal and I am---” Yoshiko posed, “the Great Angel Yohane, Fallen From God’s Graces.” She unposed and laid down again. “My girlfriend will be by to pick me up. She’s helping her sister with student council work.”

“You’re gay?” Riko asked.

“I thought you’d’ve figured it out after yesterday.”

“No. I didn’t.”

“I don’t know, really. I am that I am. ‘Ehyeh ‘asher ‘ehyeh. It's not a big deal to me.”

“I’m gay too.”

“Okay.”

“It’s okay, you know. You don’t have to worry about it with me.” Riko had the kind of face that accompanied people asking if you are really okay. Yoshiko could see how it could be helpful to others.

“I’m not worried about that.”

“But you’re worried about something else?”

“Play me another song, Riri. Play me Piano Man.”

“Why…?” Riko played the opening of Piano Man, fumbled on the start of the verse, and was vexed trying to remember it. “Why…?”

“Change of subject,” said Yoshiko.

“Angel!” called Ruby, peeking into the piano room. Yoshiko muttered relief under her breath and sat up.

“Well there’s a nice change of subject. Coming Princess!”

“Angel? Princess?” asked Riko, grinning.

“Quiet.” Yoshiko bit her lip, decided to say to Riko, “I’ll keep you in mind if I need help. And I’ll come visit again.”

“I’ll be waiting. I should be in the same room, most days. I try to sign up for it because there’s no draft.”

“Okay.”

“Oh, what’s your Line username?” asked Riko. Yoshiko said hers, then Riko said hers.

Out in the hallway, Yoshiko grabbed Ruby’s hand tightly.

“It’s nice to see you making a new friend,” said Ruby. Yoshiko thought over her tone in case there was a hint of jealousy. There wasn’t. Ruby was childish, but she wasn’t petulant.

“I like her, but I’m yours, Princess. You don’t have to worry.”

“I wasn’t worried.”

“I know you weren’t. I just wanted to say it.”

“I’m glad to hear it then.” Ruby smiled brightly and sweetly.

---IV.

Yoshiko stared at the teddy bear dejectedly. She didn’t know if she was happy or sad that her mother wasn’t letting her use a knife to cut up a teddy bear. At least the teddy was safe from her hands. Yoshiko was feeling guiltier and guiltier about her plans as she neared the date of the sacrifice.

She had to think of something to do for the episode, but the music was prepared and the costumes were prepared and there wasn’t much to scripting an episode, really, because Yoshiko has that great gift for improvisation. It came from building lies to her mother when she was five or six or seven years old that never really worked, but were entertaining enough that her mother’s punishments weren’t as harsh when she made them. Grand stories that, on the whole, never made sense or were always consistent.

On the table was the costume, a robe with black rose patches sewed on and black wings attached. Maybe little red--- little black riding hood could work, but that’d need a lot of work to not be lame. Besides, Yoshiko wasn’t tall, but she wasn’t short or petite either, and medium-sized riding hood didn’t have as nice a ring to it.

Ruby’d be by soon. Yoshiko should think of an idea before she comes, or else she’ll be distracted all night. Running a small business isn’t easy, even if it’s a webshow and associated merchandise, and anyways Yoshiko couldn’t regularly spend a whole day getting ready for her shows, because she had school.

That reminded Yoshiko, she’d need help packing all the shirts, there were fifty bought last night, and there’d probably be twenty bought tonight. Usually only seventy or so were bought per month, but she’d posted a coupon code on social media so… And it’d take two hours to pack them all up and then she’d have to bring them to the post office, and it would be so much easier if she made enough that she’d feel okay paying someone. Her profits were going to pay for college and apartments.
She laid on her bed, giving up for the time being. She’d have to spend time packing the shirts after Ruby left. That was the only reasonable option. Things were going to get busy soon, even busier when she manned the booths at conventions with her online friends.

Don’t think about that, Yoshiko thought. Think about Princess. Princess’ll be here in twenty minutes or so, maybe less because you haven’t checked the time lately.

You’ll hang out, have fun. She loves you, despite everything. Though you don’t really know if you love her yet.

Yoshiko frowned at herself. She hadn’t meant to let herself think that. She’d been trying to ignore it. It wasn’t something a person should admit to themselves. She acted so mean to herself right then, but maybe, really, she was being mean to Ruby by not thinking it through. Didn’t she promise Dia that she’d treasure Ruby? And she had, she had.

But was that enough when Yoshiko didn’t really know if she loved her?

This relationship might last another week and then end, and Yoshiko was the sort of person to rebound quickly, to find a new rhythm and routine. Ruby wasn’t exactly like that. Ruby was sensitive to the people she loved. Yoshiko wanted to cancel the date but, that’d make both of them feel worse.

Stress, stress, stress.

Her phone rang. Ruby was a few blocks away. Chika’d come with, but wouldn’t be staying long, she had to meet Dia for a date in thirty minutes. Yoshiko sighed. Keeping up conversation with just one person was tiring, but what could she do?

Her world might come apart tonight, but she’d done pretty well lately.

Yoshiko’d do a question and answer session for her next webshow. She could post the video early too, and start preparations for the next show. She hadn’t done a Q&A in six months. That was enough time, right? She had thirty emails asking questions that she could use. That was one problem solves. Now she only had her life problems to solve.

Maybe if she prayed hard to God, it would magically end up so that she’d have no life problems but a ton of professional problems. For some reason that seemed preferable.

The clock ticked, the door opened, Ruby and Chika came in, both smiling. Chika gawked at all the affectations that get put up and arranged for the creation of a quality web show. Yoshiko started off with a simple dress and black wings and a mic. She’d grown beyond all of that. Saving up money, making merchandise.
Yoshiko smiled, not having sat up, as she heard Chika going over all the microphones and teddy bears and the rest of the set while Ruby told her not to mess up anything. It was okay though. Yoshiko could fix anything that needed fixing.

“This is so cool, Yoshiko!” Chika yelled. Yoshiko turned her head, realized she had to sit up. She sat up and yawned.

“Thanks,” she said.

“Are you okay?” asked Ruby.

“I’m tired. I have a lot of work to do. I was looking forwards to today, though” Yoshiko wondered if she meant that. It was something that was just said. She hadn’t put any thought into it. Maybe she’d just said it because it was better than not saying it. She couldn’t read her own mind for once. She wasn’t used to having feelings.

She wanted to sleep.

Ruby gave her a hug and ran a hand along her hair. Yoshiko closed her eyes and didn’t say a word. Chika, somewhat tactfully, said, “I’ll go ask your mom for some tea,” and left.

When the door clicked closed, Yoshiko said, “I won’t be that much fun today, Princess. I’m sorry.”

“That’s okay, Angel. I’m just happy to be with you.”

“Mmph.”

“Are you really just tired?”

“Y---... no. I’m thinking too much, I think. I don’t really want to talk about what I’ve been thinking of, but some things have been on my mind lately. They’ve been a little overwhelming.”

“Is there anything I could do to help. At all?” Ruby had an expression of powerlessness, of hopelessness. Yoshiko tried to think of anything that Ruby might be able to do.

“Could you tell me I’m enough for you?” asked Yoshiko. “That would make me feel better.”

“Of course you are. Do you think you aren’t?”

“Yeah. I don’t know if I really do enough for you.” Neither of them said a word. “...princess.” Yoshiko mumbled.

“What?”

“You’re a princess. Who… probably deserves better than me.”

“I… Why do you think that?”

“I don’t want to say.”

“Are you hiding something from me?”

“I hide things from everyone. There’s so much I’ve never told anyone. I don’t intend to say everything, either. Not everything needs to be said.”

“I want you to say it, though.”

“It might not be nice for you to hear.”

“I still want to hear it. Especially if it will make you feel better. I love you, Angel.”

“Thanks, Princess.”

“I’ll ask Chika to leave early and give us some time alone. You can tell me as much or as little as you want. Just, um, I want to hear it eventually, if that’d be okay.” Yoshiko thought about that for a second. She would have to admit it eventually, no matter what happened.

“Yeah. I’ll tell you eventually.”

Ruby left the room, and Yoshiko laid down in the bed, facing the wall. Alone in her thoughts, her tiredness overtook her, and she almost slept. But Ruby was here. Ruby’d be here, here to listen to her, here to tell her that things could be okay.

That fixed nothing, but it made the situation bearable. Yoshiko turned over in her bed, faced the rest of her room and the door. The door opened slowly, and Ruby brought a plate and a cup of tea in. There were cookies on the plate, made by Yoshiko’s mother.

Ruby sat on the edge of the bed and put the cup on a bedside table.
She put a cookie up to Yoshiko’s mouth. “Want one?”

“Yeah.”

Yoshiko chewed on the cookie while Ruby ran a hand along her arm. The minutes aged and they died, died by the dozens one after the other. “I really love you,” said Yoshiko.

“I love you too, Angel.”

“Are you okay?”

“I’m worried.”

“Why?”

“Because you look so tired.”

“Ruby, what did you not want Dia to tell me?” Yoshiko turned her head so she wouldn’t look her in the eye.

“What?”

“It was a bit ago, but it’s been one of those things that bug. I’ve been troubled lately. You need to be held sometimes, but I don’t know why, and I don’t know if what I can offer is enough.”

“...it’s the best anyone can do,” said Ruby.

“I don’t understand.”

“It’s not enough to make it okay, but it’s enough to make me feel loved.”

Yoshiko looked at Ruby. She pulled up the blanket and her bed, and gestured with her head for Ruby to lay down next to her. When they were both in bed, they held each other tightly.

“Am I enough? I don’t know if my feelings are enough. This might have to end one day, because what if my feelings for you are weak? I get tired of people easily. I don’t want to get tired of you. I don’t know if I can stop that though. This is just who I am.”

“Do you love me?”

“I think I do.” Yoshiko started to cry. She wondered if Ruby was doing the same. “If I don’t, then, I want to love you. You’re so cute, so sweet, so nice to me. I don’t want to stop liking you. I just don’t trust myself.”

“I love you,” said Ruby.

“Am I enough?”

“You are because I love you.” Ruby sniffled, and Yoshiko ran a hand along her back. The way she was holding Ruby, Yoshiko’s chin was on her shoulder. She wanted, suddenly, to see Ruby’s face, but couldn’t.

“It sounds like we’re pretending, trying to fool ourselves.”

“It’s real,” Ruby insisted.

“It’s real,” said Yoshiko.

“I think you’re worried over nothing.”

“I’m not. It could happen. But maybe it won’t.”

The minutes died, one after the other, a dozen of them.

“What didn’t you want Dia to tell me?” Yoshiko hadn’t let go of Ruby all this time, but pulled away, keeping one of her hands on Ruby’s arm. Ruby didn’t want to say.

“Would you let me wait a little longer? I don’t know if I want to yet.”

“I’d understand.” There was a knock on Yoshiko’s door.

“Yoshiko, honey!” her mother called. “Do you or your girlfriend want anything?”

“No!” said Yoshiko.

“Okay then!”

“You told your mother?” asked Ruby.

“Yeah. She should’ve made enough cookies for you to bring some home.” Ruby buried her face in Yoshiko’s chest, crying. This’d been a day, a long day, because of the past thirty or so minutes. Yoshiko held Ruby again, hoping that helped.

“I’m a year older than you,” said Ruby.

“What’d you say?”

“I’m a year older than you. I was held back a year. I started staying home every day. No one was talking to me, so I didn’t see the point. I bought a phone. I got people’s Line usernames, but they didn’t message me back. I guess they didn’t know what to say to me.

“So, I stopped going to school. I told Dia I was eating lunch, but
I wasn’t. I didn’t want to starve myself, but I didn’t see the point in putting in the effort. I barely left my room. Mom and Dad didn’t understand, but Dia tried. She loves me so much. She forced me to leave my room. Eventually, she forced me to go to school again, but I wasn’t happy.

“I met Hanamaru and things got better. But I still want, and all I want, is for someone to be close to me. When you hold me, I know you’re that person. You’re so amazing, you don’t even know. You’ve cared about me so much. You bought me a gift. You’ve told me you love me. You were telling the truth, right?” Yoshiko hesitated. She didn’t want to lie. But she could remember every time she’d said I love you, and none of them seemed like lies, not when looking at Ruby’s face.

“I don’t know. It hasn’t been long enough. I’m scared. I’m not used to this. We’ve been dating a month, we’ve been friends for three. I’m not as passionate as you, and that’s why I’m troubled. One day, I might be able to give you everything you need. Right now, I don’t know. But you deserve more.”

“I want you,” said Ruby. Yoshiko looked at Ruby, honestly looked at Ruby, and thought about how happy she’d been over the past three months.

“Do you think Dia’d let you stay the night?”

“What?”

“It’s Saturday, right? Why don’t you stay the night. We can talk this through all night. Because you deserve more. So I want to try. Can that be enough?”

“Y-yeah.”

---V.

Riko responded to Yoshiko’s message and gave her number. Yoshiko went into the closet and dialed it. Riko picked up, yawning.

“You said Ruby’s over. What’s she doing?”

“I think Ruby’s sleeping,” said Yoshiko into the phone.

“Ah. Of course, because it’s four A.M.”

“Sorry.”

“That’s fine, I was awake anyways. I put my phone on silent when I go to bed, so if I wasn’t awake, we wouldn’t be talking. She won’t wake up?”

“She… might. I hope she doesn’t. She needs the sleep. We spent too long talking.”

“Is that why you called?”

“Yeah.”

Yoshiko explained what she could without giving away any secrets. She started with when she first talked to Ruby up to the previous night. The unimportant parts were elided over, but at least given lip service.

“That’s a lot of things to think about, Yocchan.”

“That’s why I called you. I need someone unrelated to this to tell me, do you think we’ll be okay?”

“Probably.”

“Really?”

“It doesn’t sound like you’re screwing up. I mean, you are, but you’re not hurting each other, really. It can be okay if you let it.”

“You aren’t lying to make me feel better like my mom would, right?”

“I’d tell you if you were screwing up. You’re doing fine, Yocchan. You just need to be ready to work a bit. I’ll help if you need me. But keep in mind I’m not usually awake at four A.M.”

“Why are you up?”

“I have a friend over too.” Riko had a familiar tone of exasperation mixed with a sense that life was much better when she was a little exasperated.

“Oh. She didn’t mind you making a long call?”

“She has a video game.”

“That I understand.” Yoshiko could ignore an earthquake if she was playing a video game. One time, the game-over screen came up, Yoshiko set down the controller, and looked at all her things having fallen from the tables and shelves.

“Her name’s Chika.”

“Takami Chika?” Yoshiko asked after her tired mind connected the dots,

“Yeah. How’d you know.”

“I just realized what my mom meant when she said ‘it’s a small world.’”

“Oh, you know her too.”

“She’s dating Ruby’s sister.”

“Really?”

“Yeah.” Yoshiko heard noises from her room on the other side of the closet door. “I should go back to bed. Thanks for this, again. Goodnight.”

“Goodnight.”

Yoshiko went back into the bedroom and slipped in beside Ruby. Ruby didn’t snore, but she breathed audibly when she slept. Right now she was silent.

“You’re awake,” said Yoshiko.

“I’m not.”

“Funny.” Yoshiko sat up. “I was calling Riri for some advice. She’s friends with Chika, too.”

“I heard,” said Ruby, softly. “I was listening. Sorry.”

“She gave me a lot of encouragement. She helped me think we’ll be okay.”

“She did?”

“She did.” Yoshiko stared at the ceiling. “I don’t think anything’s too fixed, but I’m more hopeful now.”

---VI.

Minutes died, one after the other. Sixty dead minutes is an hour. Twenty-four dead hours is a massacre, but we can also call it a day. Thirty days is a month, twelve months is a year. Two years is two years, because humans haven’t needed to invent a word that means ‘two years.’

A year is a long time. A lot can happen in a year. For that matter, some wars have lasted only weeks and some heads of state have lasted only a few months. All good history ends with a coup d’etat, but history doesn’t exactly end. When some history ends, it’s always arbitrary. A history book might end with the death of Julius Caesar, but the history of the Roman Empire extends for hundreds of years afterwards.

But histories have to end, because it would take a million times the length of history to take in all of history. All good history ends with an exciting coup d’etat, or the rising of an empire. Or, a history can end with a train ride, two years after Riko and Yoshiko’s call.

-

Ruby sat in the train, leaning on Dia’s shoulder. She’d been asleep, but she hadn’t moved since she’d woken up. If her sister knew she’d woken up, Ruby’d have to stop leaning on her shoulder, and Ruby loved her sister.

She felt another hand squeeze hers.

“You’re too quiet Princess, I know you’re awake.”

“Am not,” said Ruby. Yoshiko put an arm around Ruby’s shoulders and pulled her so she leaned against Yoshiko instead, and her head rested on Yoshiko’s shoulder.

“Love you, Princess.”

“Love you, Angel.”