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Theo had never seen himself as judgemental, he never had had a problem with people of different races or religions, he had never had a problem with people with different physical characteristics, he accepts the different personality traits everyone has, and he had never had a problem with LGBT people.
That is until Liam had started bringing Brett to their apartment.
Liam was respectful when Theo was around, keeping the touching light and appropriate. They would hold hands and touch softly, keep the kisses to a minimum and include Theo in most of the conversations they had.
But Theo didn’t like any of it, it felt weird.
He didn’t like to see them sitting so close, he didn’t like to see them holding hands, he didn’t like to see them touching lightly and he absolutely didn’t like to see them kissing.
And it worried Theo. Did it make him homophobic to not like the sight of Liam and Brett? Or was it all simply because Theo was uncomfortable with PDA?
But Liam was happy with Brett, he was happy and everyone could see that, so Theo didn’t say anything. He didn’t ask Liam to keep everything Brett-related outside of their house, he didn’t ask him to stop the touches and kisses; he just let it happen, let them be, and kept all the uncomfortable feelings to himself. Because he was Liam’s friend and he would never interfere in their relationship, he would never interfere in Liam’s happiness, not like this.
This went on for weeks, Liam and Brett go to Theo and Liam’s apartment to hang out and they would act like a couple. Theo wouldn’t say anything, he would pretend that everything was okay and nothing was bothering him, he would act normally for as long as he could. But, eventually, Theo started making excuses to be out of the room, or even the house, anytime Brett was over. And he got used to it, he got used to the lies and all the excuses.
But all of it came to an end abruptly.
In a week, Brett stopped showing up and Liam stopped talking about him. Liam started spending more time in the house and, when Friday came around, he didn’t leave for his weekly date night with Brett. He also didn’t seem as happy as he had been and Theo started worrying, part of him already knowing what had happened.
However, Theo had always been a selfish asshole and he didn’t want to ever touch the Brett subject, still as uncomfortable as ever, so, for the first few days, he didn’t open his mouth, convincing himself that if Liam needed anything he would ask him. And it worked for those few days.
But then the weekend came around, Liam seemed sadder than ever and Theo couldn’t take it any longer. Even his selfishness had limits. Liam had somehow managed to settle that limit.
So, Theo shoved his selfishness and uncomfortableness in a dark and hidden corner of his mind and sat down on the couch with Liam on Saturday morning. He asked about Brett, asked why he didn’t come around anymore, asked if everything was ok. And Liam told him what had happened. He told Theo that Brett and he had broken up, he told Theo that their relationship didn’t seem to be working, that they had started to get bored of the relationship and started seeing each other as only friends again, he told him that he was glad it had ended now rather than later, but that it still hurt.
And Theo heard. He heard what Liam had to say and, when Liam finally broke down and let the tears out, tears that he had been holding in for the whole week, probably, Theo was there to hold him and support him.
They spent that weekend home, watching movies and eating junk food, even building a blanket fort in the middle of the living room, anything to make Liam smile like before again.
The rest of the week was like going back to the old times, the times before Brett, and Theo caught himself thinking that the break up might have been a good thing. He hated those thoughts because he wanted Liam to be happy, but he couldn’t stop himself from having them.
On Friday, Theo had dragged Liam to a club, he had told him that he needed to have fun and not worry about relationships and romance in general. Liam had laughed and told him that it was a good idea and thus they spent their night in the club, dancing with strangers and with each other, laughing, drinking and just having fun.
Liam seemed happier after that and somehow it became a tradition. Friday nights stopped being date night between Liam and Brett and started being having fun night between Liam and Theo.
And two months after Liam’s break up with Brett, everything seemed to be fine again. Liam was back to his excited, cute puppy self and Theo was able to spend more time with one of his only friends. It was nice, but Theo’s discomfort, whenever Liam was dancing or kissing some other guy in the club, was still nagging him in the back of his mind.
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It was Friday night. Liam and Theo were at Sinema having their weekly fun night. Theo was at the bar, drink in hand and eyes on the dance floor where Liam was.
Theo had once thought, in the privacy if his mind, that Liam knew exactly how to move his body just right, he had been watching him play lacrosse when the thought had flashed in his mind and he couldn't help but think the same thing now. Liam knew how to dance.
Theo averted his eyes for a bit to order a new drink and, when he looked back at Liam, he was already dancing with a boy that hadn’t been there moments ago. Theo tore his eyes away, stomach making the same flips it used to do when Brett was with Liam.
“Why was he feeling like this?
He hated this feeling, he had no right to be feeling it; it had to stop. And maybe stopping the feelings started with Theo telling Liam what was going on in his mind.
He waited, though, he didn’t go to the dance floor to separate them, he didn’t grab Liam’s arm and dragged him home; he just let it be, let them be and when Liam left the dance floor and sat next to him at the bar, he acted as if everything was alright and didn’t show his relief to have the boy near him and away from the other guy in any way.
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Theo wouldn’t say that they were drunk because they weren’t. They had drunk, yes, but not enough to be drunk, so when they got home they took a glass of water and sat on the couch with the television playing something random in the background.
“Liam,” he called. “There’s something I have to tell you…”
This was as good time as ever to tell Liam what was going on inside his head and maybe ruin their friendship in the process.
“Everything is fine?”
“Yes, I mean, not really? It’s just something that it’s bothering me…”
Liam sat up straighter on the couch, the tv completely forgotten and eyes not leaving Theo’s face.
“What’s wrong?” Liam asked. “You’re worrying me.”
Theo groaned, why was he doing this?
“I hate seeing you kissing boys.”
Liam looked taken aback like he hadn’t been expecting it at all; Theo didn’t blame him, it was really sudden.
“What?”
“I just… I didn’t like to see you with Brett, but I didn't say anything because you were happy and that was all that mattered, but now you make out with boys on the dance floor and I still hate to see it. I hate feeling like this,” Theo rambled.
“Theo,” Liam tried to interrupt him, eyebrows furrowed.
“I hate feeling like this, I want to see you happy and I have no right to not like who you date or kiss, but I just can’t help it. I don’t want to be homophobic or something.”
“That’s ridiculous, Theo, you never had a problem with Corey and Mason, or Tracy and Hayden.”
And Liam was right, but that didn't mean that Theo wouldn’t feel awful for having certain thoughts whenever he saw Liam with another boy.
“Theo,” Liam called, a thoughtful expression on his face. “Do you also feel like that whenever I kiss girls?”
“I haven’t seen you kissing many girls lately.”
“But you do know how you would feel if you did, don’t you?”
When Theo had started this conversation, he had expected Liam to get mad, to punch him in the face and kick him out of his house, what he hadn’t been expecting was Lim to be smirking with a knowing look in his eyes.
“I don’t know.”
“Ok, what if I go knock on Rachel’s door and ask her to come here so that we can see how you feel if I kiss her?”
“Liam,” Theo yelped. “No.”
“Why not?”
“Because I don’t want to see you kissing her,” Theo almost screamed. “I don’t want to see you kissing anyone.”
“And why is that?”
“Why are you being so difficult? Shouldn’t you be punching me and shoving me out of the house?”
“Of course not, Theo I’m just trying to understand you!”
Everything was quiet for a few seconds before Liam interrupted it again.
“What would you do if I kissed you right now?”
“What? Liam, are you out of your mind? Haven’t you listened to anything that I told you?”
“The only thing I heard you say until now was that you don’t like to see me kissing other people which sound like jealousy more than anything else to me.”
That worked to shut Theo’s mouth, leaving him without knowing what to say. Was Liam right? Was everything he felt a consequence of jealousy? Of wanting to be the person Liam kissed?
“So, if you don’t mind, I’d like to kiss you know and test that theory.”
And with that, Liam leaned forward and pressed his lips against Theo’s. Theo kissed him back, enjoying the feeling of Liam’s soft lips against his and the taste of alcohol in his mouth. And, yeah, Liam probably was right and what Theo had been feeling for months now had been jealousy.
“How was it?” Liam asked when their lips let go of each other.
“Perfect,” Theo answered and dived in to kiss Liam again.
They kissed for a while just enjoying it and settling Theo’s mind, making him see that he liked Liam and that he wanted to kiss him every day.
“Not worried anymore?” Liam asked eventually.
“No, now I know what I was really feeling.”
“Good,” Liam pecked his lips. “Because I want to give this a try and I don’t want you to feel confused or insecure about your feelings.”
Theo smiled.
“Don’t worry, let’s give it a try.”