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It felt like nothing mattered anymore. Why should it? After all you had gone through it felt like the world just wanted you to suffer. Why even bother?
These thoughts had been plaguing you for a while now, ever since Hanji had told everyone about their recent findings. To be more specific, that they believed titans were human after all. It hit you like a slab of bricks, all the times you spent bragging about your kills and mocking them. How could you just go back to slaughtering them now?
You had locked yourself away from everyone since then, only helping with chores and guard duty. It was evident everyone was dealing with the news differently. Currently she was laying in the barn, on one of the hay bales as she ignored the outside world, not having the energy to deal with it.
“Hey! (Y/n)!” A voice called out, breaking you from your trance.
Jarring from your position, you lifted your body up to see your boyfriend, Connie, running towards you.
Oh Connie, after all that he had gone through how could he keep that smile on his face. You thought.
Staring up at him, blank faced as he finally stopped a mere foot in front of you.
“Hey, you’ve been so hard to find recently, I swear you’re half ghost.” He laughed, clearly amused by his joke.
“Sorry, didn’t mean to be.” You said, tightly gripping your other hand.
Connie’s smile fell, sensing the emotional struggle you were going through. He took his seat next to you on the hay bale.
“Don’t apologize, it’s not that big of a deal.”
Silently nodding, not even able to bring yourself to look at him. You knew if you did you wouldn’t be able to stop the tears.
“Hey, babe. Listen….” Connie started, bringing an arm to pull you close, “it’s okay. I’m here for you, please don’t shut me out right now.”
Everything in you tensed up, the emotions inside roaring louder than before. His words hit home, breaking down part of the wall you had up.
Letting out a sniffle, you leaned further forward, wanting to curl up in a ball and not be seen. This only caused Connie’s hold on you to get tighter, wanting to provide as much support as he can.
“H-How can you do it?” You asked, your voice weak and wavering as you spoke.
“What do you mean?”
“How can you go on after all this? How can you smile like it’s fine even when it’s not? After everything that’s happened how can you be okay?” You yelled at the poor boy.
You wanted to lash out, to yell at him that he should be sad too. That this isn’t okay. Why was he able to find joy in such depressing times. God damn, his family were Titans. Titans were humans. They were murders.
Connie stared down at you, shocked at the sudden outburst. He watched as everything inside of you crumbled down, the tears flowing from your eyes. You wailed loud, not caring if the others heard you. Wrapping arms around you, Connie rubbed your back helping soothe you through your break down.
“Shhh, shhh. Sweetie, please calm down. It’s okay.” He told you, trying his best to comfort you.
“B-but it’s not. It’s not okay.” You said, wailing harder into his shoulder.
Connie continued to whisper comforting words to you, trying his best to calm you down. It began to work, once you successfully cried a river, or so you assume.
“C-Connie… I don’t know what to do. I feel like I’m crashing down, that nothing will save me.” You whispered, finding your voice near hoarse from crying .
“Shhhh, its okay. No matter what I’ll be here to catch you. As long as we have each other we can work through it.” He said, giving a small smile to her.
“I-I don’t get it. How are you so calm? Are you not upset by all this?” You asked, searching his face for some sort of answer.
Connie removed his arms from her body, fixing his body so that he had his elbows resting on his legs.
“Of course I’m sad by all this. My entire family is gone. I saw them with my own eyes. I’m fucking terrified by what happened, haunted by my mothers Titan…. how can I not?” Connie told her, turning to stare out at the vast field.
Connie’s eyes were beginning to water, as he felt anger take over. His body was shaking as he spoke and he began tightly clenching his fists.
“Two of my close best friends are titan shifters. They tried to attack us, even after everything we went through together they turned out to be our enemy’s all along.” Connie told her, recounting to her all of the past events.
Staring up at him, you could see how tense he was getting. It was a lot to take in, the usually goofy boy showing this fierce look.
“But you know what keeps me going?”
“What?”
“You. Being able to see you and know that I have you by my side helps me to keep going. I wanted to give up when I saw my mom, staring at proof that titans were human. I didn’t want to keep going, but knowing I’d be able to come back and have you to help me was enough to keep me going.”
You could feel your eyes watering as Connie spoke, mesmerized by his words. The goofy man you had fallen for was more than just that, he was strong and brave as evident by his courage to keep going.
“Connie…”
“That’s why I am able to smile and joke with everyone now. How I’m able to seemingly act like everything okay. You gave me new courage in life and helped me deal with the pain I’m going through. There are nights I can’t sleep because I’m so terrified by everything, but I remember you and all the happiness we have and I feel just a little better.”
You were staring up at him wide eyed, finding yourself more encaptured by him then ever before.
Connie turned to look at you, smiling softly. He brought himself closer to you and planted a kiss on your cheek. He then put his forehead against yours, looking deeply in your eyes.
“Come on, say something. I’m starting to feel like I’m having a one sided conversation here.” He joked, lightening the moment successfully.
“Connie, don’t ruin the mood like that.” You said, laughing at his jab.
“No can do, babe. I need to see a smile on your pretty face.” He said, cracking a smile before bopping you on the nose.
You couldn’t help but laugh at him more, feeling your spirit being lifted back up.
“God, I love you.” You said.
“I love you too.” Connie replied.
“Thank you, by the way. I know I’m difficult to deal with when I shut down like that.”
“Of course, I’d do anything for you babe, you’re my one and only.” Connie told her, leaning down again to capture her lips in a kiss.
While everything around them felt like it was crashing and burning, all that mattered to the young couple was each other for now.