Chapter Text
The first real memory Javi has of Yuzu is Yuzu saying his name when Brian introduces them.
Yuzu struggles to wrap his lips around the syllables, mangles it horridly. Javi would think Yuzu doesn’t really know who he is but for the shiny glint in his eyes, Javi recognizes it as admiration.
At that point, Javier had known who Yuzu was, Brian couldn’t stop talking about him. His chest prickled at the thought of Yuzu joining him.
Jealousy.
It made Javier feel ugly.
But maybe.
Anticipation.
Like his body had known long before his mind had caught up.
*
The earliest memory Javier has of falling in love is closing his eyes and hearing the slide of skate against ice.
He’s six, seven, seventeen.
And then he’s twenty.
He opens his eyes and then it’s Yuzu sliding across the rink, the comforting whoosh of the skate, his legs taught, arms held wide like he’s molding the air to make wind.
Javi feels it wash over him, the magic of what Yuzu creates, pulsing from his muscles and released from his fingertips.
Yuzu comes to a halt and looks at him, even before Brian.
Javi puts a thumbs up and a smile.
Yuzu smiles back.
Javi’s stomach churns with his mind catching up.
*
He’s just a boy, Javi thinks.
Javi should want to protect him.
And he does.
Yuzu finishes his performance and when he walks out of the rink, swaying with the strain on his body, the tiredness of having sustained on pure adrenaline alone for long minutes. Yuzu sees him and lets go because Javi is there to catch him.
They stay in that hug until Yuzu can catch his breath, can collect his wits, can come down to reality. Javi likes to be the one grounding him, even when it’s Brian who always congratulates him first.
Javi knows that Yuzu can’t calm down until he’s had Javi’s fingers in his hair, whispering, ‘you were brilliant’ into his neck
Javi wants to protect him.
But he also wants to have him.
In his arms. All to himself.
*
Javi wonders if hating Yuzu would be less ugly than wanting him.
No one would blame him if he did. Everyone is pleasantly surprised that they don’t hate each other, like it’s a wonder, the greatest mystery on this earth.
But loving him?
What would people say if they knew Javi loved Yuzu?
That he desired him.
Would they hate him for that?
Would Yuzu?
*
It’s Yuzu who says it first.
At least Javi likes to think he does. They’re eating sandwiches and he must have smeared it onto his face somehow because Yuzu laughs, holds up a tissue. Javi takes it, wipes at his face and Yuzu chews, joy etched into every line, fondness emanating from every twitch of his body.
Javi’s heart races even before Yuzu’s finished swallowing, even before he says, ‘Suki!’ like he’s talking to himself, like he doesn’t expect Javi will know what he’s saying.
Javi crumples the tissue up, it’s a short lunch break, they take these every day, stopping their training due to the limitations of their bodies, it’s need for sustenance.
Javi smiles at Yuzu, knocks their shoulders together, heart too full to say it back.
*
Yuzu kisses him a lot.
His hands, his cheeks, blowing them through the air.
Yuzu has affection to give in buckets.
Javi takes and takes and takes.
When Javi finally gives in and bridges the gap between their lips, he thinks it will feel like giving something back.
But it oddly feels like taking too.
*
Javi doesn’t know if he’s afraid of Yuzu or if he’s afraid of himself.
Yuzu’s fingers always feel too fragile, too precious clasped in his.
But they never move away or let him go.
Be that in the rink or in private when Yuzu pulls him in to give him something Javi can’t yet believe he has.
Realizing that Yuzu needs him is the most surreal experience he’s ever had.
Even more than needing Yuzu, even more than being with him, even more than the time Yuzu had called him his boyfriend and blushed for three weeks straight after.
But when he injures himself and he’s frantic for weeks, Javi knows that he’s the only one that can soothe him, knows it by the way Yuzu’s heart beats underneath the soft caresses of his fingers.
It’s ugly to enjoy this, Javi thinks.
He wants Yuzu to get better, to skate with him again. But he wants Yuzu to need him.
Sometimes just like this.
*
It’s sinking in even as he’s walking.
Meeting Yuzu’s eyes across the room, knowing they’ll be up on the podium together feels oddly like deja vu.
Like a prickling in his chest he can’t quite place.
Yuzu pulls him in, and it feels like forever as he thinks, it’s over, it’s over, it’s over.
Yuzu finally withdraws, they high five and there’s a glint in Yuzu’s eyes.
It’s only just beginning.