Chapter Text
We are told love is beautiful. That it is wonderful. It makes life worth living.
But it can kill you.
We were in mementos when I pulled the first petal from my lips. We had just finished a request. Ryuji grinned, a stupid joke falling from his lips on the ride back. He was radiant, glowing with the pride he got from helping someone. I had laughed, affection for the boy blooming in my chest. The laugh was cut off by a cough. I held my hand over my mouth as I hacked, feeling something come up my throat.
“Hey, man, you okay?”
Once the cough subsided, I closed my hand, lowering it to my lap, “yeah, I’m fine.” Satisfied, he turned to pull Ann into conversation. I looked down at my hand, slowly uncurling my fingers. There lying crumpled from the force of my grip were flower petals. I looked up and saw Ryuji smiling at Ann as she tried to fake being irritated at him.
Oh.
Right.
How did I not see this coming?
I closed my fist, crushing the petals, before shoving them into a pocket.
—
“I asked Ann out! We’re dating!”
I feel the flowers coat my airways.
“That’s great!”
“Congratulations.”
“Aw, why the bone head, Lady Ann?”
Ann smiled and held Ryuji’s hand at the table, blushing. Ryuji looked over at me, happinesses glittering in his eyes.
I could only return his smile, holding back the cough fighting to be free.
—
I eventually became to weak to move. Sakura-San only knew that I was sick, and brought me food and water I couldn’t consume. Mona knew. He would sweep the petals away when our friends came over to visit.
The fits were always worse after Ryuji stopped by.
—
“You have to tell him!”
“It wouldn’t make a difference.”
“It might! You never kn-“
“Morgana. Stop.”
“But you’ll die!”
“Everyone dies, eventually. He’s happy the way things are. Leave it.”
More flowers are vomited onto my pillow.
—
It feels like I’m still dreaming when I slowly open my eyes. Ryuji is holding my hand, begging me to be alright. His voice sounds muffled and he’s blurry through my failing vision. Morgana is next to him, voice strained with sadness.
“Akira, why didn’t you tell me?!” He reaches out and cradles my face. I lean into the touch automatically, selfishly taking the affection that I don’t deserve.
I feel my consciousness slipping, closing my eyes.
“Akira!”
Ugh. Why do I love someone who is so loud? “Open your eyes! Akira!” I feel him grip my shoulders and shake me. “Damn it, I love you! Don’t die on me! I love you!”
If I had the strength to smile, I would. It was such a beautiful lie.
I slipped into the dark, his voice fading away.
It was better this way, really. He had Ann, after all.
And I could finally let go.