Archive of Our Own ^beta

The first time they met, there were no cameras, no flashing lights, no fans, nor a buzz of anxiety in the air. They met after dance practice with the stench of hard work clinging to their skin. It was an accidental meeting, just two gangly teens asked to clean up the room by their sunbaes.

They knew nothing about each other, hadn't spoken to each other before. Merely, Chanyeol couldn't stand the awkward silence and filled the room with his chatter.

"Annyeonghaseyo, I'm Park Chanyeol, a '92 liner?" he greeted hesitantly.

The boy stared at him, large doe eyes blinking slowly before he smiled.

"Annyeonghaseyo, I'm Kim Seokjin. I'm a '92 liner too."

Now. The conversation could have gone several ways. Chanyeol could've asked how long the other had been a trainee, could have asked if he was a rapper or a dancer or a singer. Instead, what came out of his mouth was this.

"Let's be monkeys together?"

The year of the monkey, they said, but Seokjin laughed like a rubber duck, and Chanyeol barked like a dog.

This was the first time Chanyeol saw the 'pretty boy' mask crack. Seokjin's eyes crinkled and his laughter lines deepened, and as he watched happiness roll off those wide shoulders, he wanted to chip away at that mask even more.

The first time Seokjin uttered the word 'handsome' in front of Chanyeol, there was no Irene or Sana in-between them. There was only their breaths.

Dance practice had been difficult; it was always difficult. They weren't natural dancers; Chanyeol's long limbs were in constant need of reeling in; Seokjin's shoulders were too wide for the rest of his body, from his small face to his large doe eyes. Neither of them wanted to dance, but necessity made them.

Chanyeol was closer to debuting than his friend was. His company introduced him to his future groupmates, which contained two other people his age. Thankfully, they got along. The three of them were loud and outgoing and boisterous, and already, management called them the 'beagle line.' After months of being told that he'd never debut if he danced like that, that he wouldn't make it, that he should just save himself time and quit now, meeting EXO was a relief.

(He spent every day getting to know his future members, but secretly, Seokjin would always be his favorite.)

A month after EXO's debut, Seokjin held Chanyeol's hands. They quietly breathed in the cold air, huddled together outside of SM long after the moon had risen and begun falling. Seokjin pulled his hands away to cough, and Chanyeol took that time to wrap his scarf around the trainee's neck.

"Thanks," Seokjin muttered as he shuffled closer.

"Hard day, Yeolie?" the boy asked. The taller's boy frame drooped with exhaustion. His normally bright eyes were dull.

Seokjin too, was the epitome of a beaten down man. He held his muscles gingerly as if every movement caused pain. Dancing wasn't getting any easier.

"Yeah. Hard day, Jinnie?"

It was two in the morning. Seokjin held a cooled cup of coffee in his hands, and they shared it.

Chanyeol sipped on the liquid, his fingers shaking. He debuted but the workload hadn't lessened, the nervousness hadn't abated. In the eyes of the company, they were a flop. Just last week they'd set up their own fan sign event in a parking lot, he and Yifan-hyung and Kyungsoo set up tables while the others went around town to stir up excitement.

Their 'booth' was lit by the street lights. A handful of people came, and they made sure to sign each paper as sincerely as they could. Maybe they met a fan or two, maybe someone who liked their music, and maybe they met a handful who recognized their name but not their music. They weren't unknowns but they were a part of the largest company in the kpop industry, and this level of rookiness was unacceptable (to management, that was. They all cried when just one person knew their name).

How many flops would the company allow before pulling the plug on them? How many until they were shoved to the side, lining the road for shinier, younger rookies?

"I'm no good," he whispered. Seokjin tapped him gently on the cheek.

"Don't say that," the boy said sternly. Chanyeol dropped his chin.

"They made me a rapper," tears pricked his eyes, "It's okay, but... I never- I'm no good- I'm not a rapper." Management needed a rapper for EXO-K, and as the worst singer, he had been delegated the task.

"I'm no good," he whispered again. Seokjin remained silent as he watched him, squeezing Chanyeol's larger hand.

"You're so handsome, Chanyeolie," Seokjin murmured. They both headed towards the nearest bus station where the Night Owl buses still ran. Their fingers were interlocked, their sweater paws pulled over the appendages to keep them extra warm.

"And talented. You can play the drums and the guitar and sing, and you can debut as a one-man band yourself, you're so good," Seokjin inhaled. In the quiet of the city, they heard the bus' brakes screech a street away.

"You're a star, Chanyeolie. You have a light all to yourself," the vocalist said as he pushed Chanyeol onto the bus. The elder watched as Seokjn's profile disappeared, as the bus raced down the empty streets.

He held those words sacred for years after he debuted. When he doubted himself, he remembered Seokjin's words, his steadfast conviction. The scent of salt and tears and sweat filled his nose as he mouthed the words just as his memory of Seokjin said them.

You're a star, Chanyeolie. You have a light all to yourself.

He hid a smile behind the back of Jongdae's head. A trainee turned towards him, and when he stepped away, the insipid smile was back. They bowed to him, told him how talented he was, and professed how they aspired to be him.

Be confident, he advised. Believe in yourself.

The trainees' eyes stuttered. Chanyeol understood. It was so easy to tell someone to love themselves. So easy for words to pour out of a sunbaenim's mouth without sincerity.

Recently, people told him how talented of a rapper he was, how surprised they were when they saw him play guitar. How handsome you are, Chanyeol-ah. How tall you are. How talented.

Their platitudes meant nothing. They were there when he was a trainee, when he debuted, and they were there when EXO finally made it. He watched as they stayed silent, as they waited for him to sink.

He accepted their words with a polite bow. Too little, too late. Where had those kind words been when he needed them? Where had selfies been when EXO needed the exposure, where had the gifts of food been when they were too poor to use the vending machine? Nowhere. But now, with EXO's latest hits, people were crawling out of the woodwork to meet them.

He hated it. His big heart wasn't meant to accommodate more people; it was large so that he could love his precious people more wholly.

But now, facing these rookies, he wasn't sure what advice to tell them. Beware of sharks? Trust only your group mates? Don't stand out?

That last point had been his hardest lesson to learn. It was contradictory to being an idol. The difference between veterans and rookies was team mentality. Rookies always strove to prove themselves, sometimes to bring recognition to their team and sometimes to bring recognition to themselves. In the latter case, resentment accumulated, a little at first, just enough to know it was there, and then escalated until it was an avalanche. Ignored inside of SM as a rookie, Chanyeol had watched that resentment explode.

His main takeaway was that the goal wasn't to stand out. If he did, fine, but recognition would be a byproduct, not the main attraction. Every day he practiced his raps and his guitar, and every day he listened to his members warm up their voices and practice their lines too. They were all stars, his members and he. They were each paragons of their field, and recognition of that talent never threatened his self-worth,

You're a star, Yeolie. You have a light all your own.

The goal of an idol was to shine brightly themselves, to never need the group but want to be in it. Did all of the members of EXO have the skills to go solo? Absolutely. Did they? Obviously not. (But later on? Sure. Later. Like, twenty years later.)

They were all stars in the same patch of sky. They shone brightly alone but were better together, like constellations.

"Find your light," he wanted to tell them. "Find your Kim Seokjin."

Seokjin didn't learn the guitar via his own volition; Chanyeol goaded him about it for years.

The vocalist learned his first chords on the same guitar Chanyeol did, the taller man instructing him patiently on his father's instrument. Seokjin complained that his fingers were too crooked to play, and the rapper replied that they were long and perfect, maneuvering into the correct positions. They practiced on Chanyeol's bed, Seokjin repeating the chords to 'Stairway to Heaven' as Chanyeol sang the next chord.

On their days off, Seokjin could be found strumming in EXO's dorm with Chanyeol accompanying him on the piano. Ideas for a personal SoundCloud bloomed in the rapper's mind, and Seokjin bobbed his head in agreement. They effused a duet between them, written and sang by them, for them.

However, it wasn't meant to be. After Seokjin debuted, they had less time to practice. EXO went on a world tour, and Bangtan acquainted themselves with the spotlight.

Their song remained unfinished.

The first time Chanyeol heard Seokjin acknowledge his own handsomeness, he almost missed it, not because the words were abrupt or quiet but because he hadn't realized that it was Seokjin saying those words.

He peeked through the open, waiting room door before walking through it.

"Yes, I know that I'm handsome." He smelled of sweat and heat and desperation. Makeup beads rolled down his neck, and his eyes were red from a lack of sleep.

Chanyeol almost didn't recognize him in the hip hop costume. Seokjin wiped tears from his eyes, and unthinkingly, Chanyeol untied the bandana from his own wrist and offered it to his fellow '92 liner.

Around him, the rest of Bangtan bowed in greetings; he awkwardly reciprocated. He wasn't worth bowing to, didn't want Seokjin's family to bow to him like this. Chanyeol's limbs flopped just like Namjoon's, and the two of them bumped against a folding chair. Seokjin smiled.

"Did you come from Heaven?" the vocalist asked with a cheesy smile. Chanyeol heard a chorus of stifled groans from the rookies.

"Why? Because I'm an angel?" Chanyeol teased, already used to Seokjin's jokes. The joke was on him, however.

Seokjin winked.

"Because you're a star, Yeolie."

One of the Bangtan members thumped their hyung on the shoulder but the man kept his sappy smile. Chanyeol blinked in surprised silence, the words echoing in his memories.

You're a star, Chanyeolie.

He wanted to hold Seokjin close and thank him for those words, wanted to tell him how precious they were. If only they had the time, he wanted to recount the nights when those words saved him, when Seokjin's own light led him through dark times.

"I know that I'm handsome," Seokjin giggled as a manager dragged him out of the room, "-but that's no reason to stare."

Minutes later, Jongin found him inside the emptied room.

"It's time to go, hyung," his dongsaeng gently pressed. Chanyeol numbly followed him into the corridor.

Later, after the broadcast ended and idols were ferried home, he returned to that room. Seokjin stood in front of a floor length mirror as coordinators and managers hastily packed.

"I'm handsome," he said again. Chanyeol saw the dark bruises under his eyes, a sallow tint to his youthful skin now that the makeup had been removed.

There was no conviction in his voice. He had no energy to convince himself, no strength to convince Chanyeol who already thought of Seokjin as the most beautiful person in the world.

"I'm handsome," he repeated. As Kyungsoo pulled him towards the van, the rapper wondered why Seokjin couldn't see what he could.

'If I'm a star,' he thought as he climbed into the back seat, '-then you're the sun, Seokjinnie.'

They were MCs together. It was a shock; firstly, because they were so rarely MCs in general, and secondly because they hadn't physically seen each other in years. EXO and BTS had back-to-back tours with nary a moment to breathe.

He pressed Seokjin against his chest, one hand on his waist and another on the boy's cue cards. He hooked his chin over the other's shoulder and breathed as softly as he could with his heart beating so fast.

"Need help?" he murmured, his deep voice rumbling in his chest. Seokjin hummed, crooked fingers spreading the script cards apart.

"Just refreshing my lines," he explained. It took Chanyeol just hours to memorize his, SM training kicking in. He gave the vocalist tips, and unconsciously, the other rewarded him with a hand reaching behind to massage his neck. It was a motion he frequently saw on Bangtan Bombs.

As he continued practicing, Chanyeol subtly maneuvered them out of the way of the busy stage crew. With his height, he easily spotted the other Bangtan members scanning for their hyung backstage; he tucked the boy deeper into his arms and away from their sight.

He caught Kyungsoo's raised eyebrows. Chanyeol ignored him and pressed a kiss to Seokjin's hair.

"You're going to do so well, Jinnie," he whispered. Seokjin craned his neck backward.

"I don't think my handsomeness can help me here," he snorted sardonically. Chanyeol's fingers squeezed the boy's hipbone.

"Besides," he continued ruefully, "I'm not a star like you. I can't improvise or-"

Chanyeol spotted Kyungsoo running interference but knew that Bangtan would find them soon.

"If I'm a star, then you're a sun, Seokjin-ah. You're the brightness behind gloomy clouds, warm even on cold, winter days, and you're always there to light the way."

Only Chanyeol's reflexes caught the cue cards before they dropped. The boy's wide eyes focused on him, and Chanyeol hugged him once more before gently bumping him towards Bangtan.

"You're a sun, Kim Seokjin. There are a billion stars like me, but you're the only star that truly matters."

When they went on air, a fan screamed that Seokjin was 'handsome,' and he replied, "Yes, I know that I'm worldwide handsome." Chanyeol's laugh was bright and unscripted.

Backstage, people teased the vocalist. Seokjin broke away from them and sidled up to Chanyeol with a blush.

"Thanks, Yeol-ah."

He spotted the other Bangtan members as they impatiently waited for Seokjin to return to them. When he did, they wrapped the eldest in their embraces, hiding him from the world much like Chanyeol had. Seokjin was a sun; Chanyeol couldn't monopolize his warmth.

Seokjin groaned as he flopped on Chanyeol's bed. His guitar laid atop his stomach, balanced on the man's hidden abs.

It was a rare weekend that they both had free. Seokjin had stomped over early that morning with a box of fresh muffins and without thinking, Chanyeol kissed him on the cheek. The other '92 liner took it in stride and sent him a kissy face as he slipped through the door. Chanyeol stumbled as he leaned back to avoid being hit by guitar strapped to Seokjin's back.

"Oh, Seokjin-sshi!" Jongdae bowed as the two met. The Bangtan member offered him a muffin which he gratefully took. Jongdae sent him a meaningful look over the top of his chocolate muffin.

"BAEKKIE! HUNNIE! WE'RE GOING OUT!" the shorter man screeched. There were protests they went ignored by those in the kitchen. Chanyeol started a pot of coffee to pair with his muffin.

With the smell of caffeine guiding him, Kyungsoo exited him room only to pause at the sight of the muffin brigade.

"Seokjin-hyung," he said as the elder handed him a blueberry muffin. The shorter male glanced at Chanyeol and said assuringly, "I was just about to leave," while still in his fleece pajamas. By the time Minseok came to investigate the noise (Baekhyun and Sehun had finished dressing and were complaining loudly to Dae's face), Chanyeol had begun pouring Kahlua into his coffee. He had no idea why his group mates were suddenly deciding that they were going to sexile themselves.

When everyone had left, Seokjin snorted.

"I want you to know that I have a legitimate guitar in this case; I'm not sneaking sex toys around."

Chanyeol whimpered and made himself another cup of alcoholic coffee.

Despite his friends' gentle ribbing in the group chat, the two of them legitimately write music for the two hours that Seokjin was there. Sure, they cuddled up so intimately that it took half an hour for the rapper to notice that the threads he'd been pulling out weren't from his shirt but from Seokjin's, but everything was PG-15.

Seokjin nosed at his neck and complimented him on his cologne choice. Chanyeol offered to give him a bottle but the man refused.

"If I want to smell it, I'll just come find you," he replied, and the rapper's brain froze because Seokjin couldn't just say things like that!

Two hours and no hanky panky. Joonmyun-hyung would be relieved but everyone else would be disappointed in him.

When they parted, Seokjin tilted his head and looked up at him with a shy smile.

"You're really handsome, Yeol-ah," he said.

Chanyeol's lips quirked.

"Like a Michaelangelo?" he teased back.

"You know, I have a history of kissing statues." Seokjin raised himself on his tiptoes and licked his way into Chanyeol's mouth. Reflexively, the taller male rested his hands on the other's waist.

"I hope," he panted, "-that you didn't kiss your last statue like that."

Seokjin's eyes crinkled.

"I didn't have to. He was already hard."

Chanyeol stared at him. All of a sudden, he felt dead inside.

"Get it? Because he was made of stone?"

Seokjin's squeaky laughter echoed through the halls. Chanyeol prayed for the elevator doors to close faster so that he could, 1, hide his beet-red face: 2, escape from this newly made, dad joke hell, and 3, because was sure that the entire floor knew just who had visited him.

Stars burned out, eventually. It took billions and billions and billions of centuries, but yes, it happened. One day, he knew, he'd burn out too. A year in an idol's life felt like a decade for anyone else. A career may span only a decade but the hardships were enough for a lifetime.

For the most part, EXO and BTS had led spotless lives, but Chanyeol knew that there would always be something to complain about. He'd been lucky; he'd escaped most of the hate, and even when people caught them together, the articles merely exclaimed over how surprised they were at their friendship.

One day, the media would no longer care about them and Chanyeol would be free to wrap his arm around Seokjin's waist as they window-shopped. He would never wish for EXO to fade, or for him to lose a foothold in the music industry, but maybe one day he could be like Epik High-sunbaenim, just make music and tour, but be left alone.

But surely a beauty like Seokjin could never fade. Even if people couldn't recognize him, there was something about his small face and doe eyes that made people stare, and the longer they looked, the more chance there was that they'd scream "BTS" in the restaurant.

Stars burned out, eventually. They dimmed first, however.

EXO and BTS were at the height of their popularity; neither of them could imagine being any more popular than they already were.

Everyone dimmed, even the gods and goddesses of an industry.

Yoona sat across from him at the studio, her hair a mess as she bit her pen. He'd been helping her with the lyrics for her new song.

"It has to be perfect, not just good, Chanyeol-ah," she sighed morosely. This was the first time she'd been included in the music process, and she wanted to impress. After a decade of ruling kpop, SNSD had dimmed to the point where SM was willing to let go of the reins a little, to give their artists some creative power.

Chanyeol read over her lyrics. He admitted that they were good but agreed that there was just something missing.

"A hook!" she cried. "It needs a better hook!"

He inched away from her flailing arms. He'd brought her four iced americanos from the cafeteria, and they were finally kicking in.

"Are these lyrics hypothetical?" he cautiously asked. She'd written her lyrics like a flashback. Politely, he hadn't directly asked if her words were about Seunggi even though her shifting eyes hinted that it was.

"..." she twirled her pen. "Does it matter?"

"Lyrics are always better when there's a story behind them," he explained. "Tell me about this hypothetical couple."

So she told him. She told him about 'hypothetical' dates, about how he always calmly handed her the jars that he couldn't open, how they would trade scripts and stories of their days.

"We were so happy," she mused. "So naive and innocent."

It was different. Yoona and Seunggi were both stars when they met; it was nothing like his and Seokjin's relationship, yet there was a tone to her words that summoned Seokjin's words.

"He was your star," Chanyeol scribbled on the page. She stared at him uncomprehendingly.

"You didn't need him all the time," Chanyeol doodled. "Like, you don't need stars in the morning or when there are street lights, but it's nice to know that he's always there if you do need him. He's bright and helpful, but you don't need him. He's a choice; you want him."

She hmmed and sketched cartoon stars on the corner of the sheet too. He scooted it back towards her.

"He was..." she trailed off.

"He was just a star to me but he wasn't a special star, not like yours," she smiled mischievously. Chanyeol blushed.

"What- what do you mean, noona?" He willed his heart to be still.

Her smile was gentle.

"The way you said those words... it's clear that they're special to you. I don't want to take them away."

He shook his head and quickly pointed to his revisions where he'd added that sentence to her chorus.

"It fits perfectly! You should use them," he pressed. "He's not my star," he smiled sappily. "He's my sun."

She laughed at his corniness and thanked him for his help. They recorded another demo, and both of them glowed with happiness

"It's perfect. Thank you so much, Chanyeol-ah."

He bowed and after he ducked out of the building he expected never to think about the lyrics again. This was her song, after all. It was her chance to shine.

"It's so my mood!" Seokjin exclaimed as he pressed against Chanyeol on the couch. Around them, other members of EXO were getting dolled up, except for Sehun, whose coordinator had gotten pulled away and left his hair as a shaggy, gelled tower atop his head.

"Ha! Even with that hair, you're still shorter than me!" Chanyeol heckled. Sehun sent him a middle finger.

A firm knock precluded a commotion at the door. Joonmyun straightened his jacket and hastily opened the door.

"Oh! Noonas!" he ushered their guests in. Seokjin knocked his head against Chanyeol's chin in his haste to bow to the members of SNSD.

"AHHH," he cried. Hyoyeon and Yoona sent him smirks as he pouted into his bow, all the while holding his smarting chin.

Yoona headed towards them, a determined glint in her eyes.

"Aw, poor Yeolie," she cooed. Beside him, Seokjin laughed as well, stars shooting from his pupils.

"Well, I wouldn't have gotten hurt if he hadn't been fanboying," he stressed. Seokjin blushed but refused to acknowledge his claim. Chanyeol pulled out the man's headphone cord.

"You are my star. You confessed to me. You came to-"

Seokjin shoved him away and immediately silenced his phone.

"It's an amazing song, sunbaenim!" he hastily explained as he bowed again.

"Yeah! Seokjinnie's been telling me how it's been his mood for weeks, and-"

"-It's a good song!" the vocalist defended himself.

Yoona chuckled.

"I have Chanyeol to thank for it, actually," she admitted.

"Really?" Seokjin asked with large eyes.

She nodded.

"That 'You are my star' line was his idea," she snuck a smirk when Seokjin flushed in realization, "Actually, most of the ending was, too"

The vocalist furrowed his brow. The chorus was easy to remember but how did the end go?

She reached over to his phone and skipped to the end.

Ah, fuck.

If the reddening of his neck was any indication, Seokjin was acutely aware of what she was talking about. It pleased Chanyeol to know that Seokjin remembered that night too.

Yoona shot the rapper a smirk and excused herself. Chanyeol wanted to flick Seokjin's forehead; he had just exposed whatever they were to her.

"I'm- you don't, you don't have to be thankful, Yeolie,"

"Um, no? I'm definitely thankful," he replied. Seokjin blinked.

"But I'm thankful to you, too," was the reply. "And I don't even have a song to prove it," he gave a wry smile.

They sat in silence for a moment, Seokjin twitching as he fought the urge to put his earbuds back in.

"It's not just that," Chanyeol piped up. Across from him, Sehun's coordi finally returned to tame his hair.

"When we were trainees, your words really helped me. It was the first time that anyone other than my parents said that they believed in me," he revealed.

"-and during EXO's hiatus, I'd think of your dad jokes and your crazy laugh right before I went outside, you know, just so that I could smile for the cameras," the words spewed out- "And I'd think of all the alpacas your fans must have brought you, and how fluffy your room must be, and how comfy, and how you were pretty comfy and fluffy and-"

Seokjin pressed a finger to his mouth, his face red. Chanyeol looked around, taking note that the members nearest to him were blushing and steadfastly looking away from him. Right in front of them, Baekhyun and Jongdae were screaming about some game on their phone. Upon further inspection, the rapper noticed that the screen was dark and that the two were just making shit up and trying to cover up the words of his sudden confession.

His face heated up.

Shielded by the other '92 liners, Seokjin leaned close to his ear.

"I thought that I was your sun, not just a star?" he teased.

Chanyeol's hand pressed down on Seokjin's.

"At this point," he whispered back, "I'm pretty sure that you're my entire universe."