Chapter Text
Isak is rarely certain of anything. Well, he’s certain that his homework is done correctly. He’s certain that his parents will find a way to pull him into their fights. He knows that his mother isn’t doing well and that his dad blames him. He knows a lot of things.
He’s less certain that his parents even care. He can’t be certain which days his mother will act like his mother and which days he’s someone she doesn’t recognize. He doesn’t know what he’ll do with his life or what the parallel universe Isaks are doing at this moment.
So, yeah, he’d say he’s rarely certain about anything. Except...he’s certain he likes Jonas. Not in the way he thought he liked Jonas when he’d moved to their elementary school in the fifth grade and instead of having no friends he had a really cool friend who could skate and play guitar and liked the same chips as him. He’s pretty sure he likes him like Ingrid liked him (before that all fell apart). Like Eva likes him.
Isak is really not certain of what to do.
The thing is, he knows what he would do if everything was perfect and Jonas noticed that Isak liked him and he liked him back. He knows what he would do. But Jonas has Eva. Eva is almost as awkward as Isak feels and about five times as pretty (Isak might not have had a crush on a girl YET but he knows pretty). And Eva might be his friend now too. They’ve been hanging out since the big blow out between Jonas and Ingrid and Eva. She doesn’t have any friends. Or rather she has the same amount of friends that Isak did up until Eva started hanging out with them (two. He thinks he has three now, but it might not last).
Really, the BIG FIGHT was fairly good for Isak’s social life. He no longer had to deal with Jonas ditching him while they were hanging out with Ingrid and her friends. He didn’t have to put up with Sara trying to flirt with him (he knows he should be flattered but it just makes him feel uncomfortable). There were really only a few downsides to the fight: the part where he got slapped by Ingrid for covering up the fact that Jonas was going to break up with her (which in all honesty, he probably deserved. It had hurt less than Jonas asking Ingrid if she was alright after she had hit Isak instead of checking on him) and the fact that he now has to deal with Jonas ditching him for Eva.
But here they all are, sitting on the back steps of Jonas’ house. They’re sitting in dead silence sipping their bottles of mineral water from the corner store down the street.
“Can I stay over?” Isak asks, breaking the silence. Eva sighs and takes another sip of her water. Jonas frowns.
“I don’t know, Isak. You’ve already stayed over for four nights this week. Do you want to move in?”
Yes.
“No! Of course not,” He shoots back immediately. “Sorry, I just...I don’t know...”
“Ok, so then you don't need to stay. I want to spend some time with Eva. We’re going to watch a movie,” he says, his voice lowering even though Eva can still hear them.
“Yeah, ok. I understand.”
“You can hang with Elias or something. Or...I don't know, go to a party. Or hang with your parents.” Sometimes Isak wonders if Jonas knows him at all.
“I’m…”
“You probably haven’t even texted your Mom while you’ve been here,” Jonas says. He’s right. Isak hasn’t texted her. She’s texted him a lot. His parents probably haven’t even noticed that he was gone, if he’s being (painfully) honest.
“Yeah, I have,” he says instead. “She was fine with it.”
“Ok,” Jonas replies, sounding like he doesn’t believe him.
“Really. Everything is fine. She said that she understood wanting to spend time with friends before school starts up again.” He looks between Jonas and Eva. “I think it’s nice that we’ve all gotten to hang out.”
“Yeah. It’s been nice,” Jonas says slowly. “Ummm...so when are you heading home?” He asks. Isak’s stomach drops. He knows that’s his cue to leave. He’d been hoping that he’d at least get to stay until it got dark out. It’s barely 15:00.
“Uhhhh...now, I think,” he says, because he knows that’s what Jonas would want. Jonas smiles at him. He knows he’s made the right choice even if it hurts. Jonas is happy.
He grabs his coat from the hanger in the hallway, giving the two a quick wave before making his way back to the tram. The walk is only about 5 minutes but it feels longer. He wonders what the two of them are doing now. Probably making out.
He has support group tonight but he’s not really sure he wants to go. Vilde hardly shows up anymore so it's not as enjoyable as it used to be. He’ll go home. He’s hungry anyway.
The tram is almost completely empty. The ride is about 20 minutes, so he puts in his headphones, flipping through music to find something he wants to hear.
Eventually, he lands on his playlist of American and British 80s music and he figures this will be fine for 20 minutes. More like 15 since he spent so long choosing something.
He stares out the window, but it’s getting dark and the lights inside the train make it so the windows are almost like mirrors. He can see himself overlaid on the passing scenes. He looks like shit. His hair is getting long, isn’t it? It's not too bad, but it's starting to fall into his eyes.
He almost misses his stop. He manages to slip through the sliding doors right before they close though and stumble out onto the train platform. It's another 10 minutes to walk home.
He stops at a cafe on the way, getting something with a lot more caffeine than he should be ingesting. But he's tired and he wants to kill time, so he sits in the cafe scrolling through Instagram until he's finished.
Evas posted a picture. Her and Jonas lying in Jonas’s bed. He closes his phone and tosses his empty cup before getting back out onto the sidewalk. Maybe he just doesn’t need to be happy.