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"I'm not a photographer-"
"Yes you are."
"...But I can picture me and you together." Y/N smirked and finger gunned at Ultra Magnus, who was just trying to get some goddamn peace and quiet.
'If I wanted that, why did I bring Y/N in here?'
Magnus sighed, pinched the middle of his face, added a few more words to the Datapad he was working on, and set it down.
"Y/N, I am working on a very delicate contract and I need some peace an-" Magnus began but was cut off short by Y/N.
"Oooh! Oooh! I got another one! Do you know what my shirt is made of?"
Ultra Magnus rolled his optics and scoffed.
"Polyester and cotton."
Y/N frowned and shook her head.
"Girlfriend material. You aren't very good at this are you?"
"I might be if you left."
Now it was Y/N's turn to roll her eyes.
"You would be if you actually listened to my pickup lines."
Ultra Magnus picked up the Datapad, ignoring Y/N's comment.
"How about...some puns? I think you're getting bored of my awesome pickup lines."
'Please Primus. I haven't done anything wrong today. Why are you punishing me.'
"They're finally making a movie about clocks...here it comes...it's about time!" Y/N howled with laughter and almost fell off of Ultra Magnus's desk. Luckily Magnus caught her arm with his massive fingers just in time.
"Wasn't that a real knee-slapper?"
"Y/N-" Magnus began, setting her back to where she was sitting. "I really need to get this done. If you don't want to leave, can you at least sit quietly?"
Y/N crossed her arms and thought about it.
"Sure. I think I can be quiet."
Magnus sent a silent 'Thank you' to Primus and picked up his pen and began writing.
'Senator Crosscut
I have arrived on Earth to offer my services to the Autobots working here. To save some time I'll just say their resources are sad. They have teamed up with a few of the inhabitants of Earth to try and fight back the Decepticons. They are here on Earth, led by Megatron himself. We may need-'
Y/N coughed.
Magnus ignored it.
'-reinforcments and fuel to help push the Decepticons back to Cybertron. There, we may be able to-'
"Hey Magnus?"
Ultra Magnus tightened his grip on the pen and looked up, optic twitching.
"What?" He may have said that a bit harshly, but he really needed to get this done.
Y/N placed a hand on her chest in mock offence.
"Well excuse me for trying to ask a simple question."
Ultra Magnus sighed and motioned for her to continue. Big mistake. Y/N grinned.
"Why did Cinderella get kicked off-"
BEEP BEEP BEEP
The alarm blared over the speakers in the base. Ultra Magnus shot up from his desk and hurriedly rushed to the door.
"Forgetting someone?" Y/N called impatiently from her perch on his desk.
In about five seconds flat, Magnus was in the main area with the rest of the Autobots with Y/N perched on his shoulder. A few of the human soldiers eyed them warily, but most of them gave Y/N funny looks. She smiled at them and waved politely. Magnus took the few seconds of silence to observe the area. They were in Hanger E surrounded by human military. All the Autobots where present and waiting for orders. Ratchet was at the monitor, watching the two Con signals move across the map before settling down in a small area in the Amazon Rainforest.
Beside Magnus, Smokescreen punched the empty air in front of him, bouncing with every step he took.
"Finally! Some Con activity!" He said excitedly, "Time to kick some tailpipe!"
The ground shook every time he hopped, setting a few humans off-balance. One fell down on its aft.
"Hey! Watch it!" The human, female, shouted, obviously annoyed with the rookies antics. Smokescreen stopped moving and mumbled an apology.
Ratchet turned away from the monitor and rolled his optics.
"No one will be kicking any tailpipe today." He said. Smokescreen crossed his arms and frowned. Optimus laid a hand on the rookie's shoulder and shook his head.
"This will only be a Scout and Report, Smokescreen. Only a few of you will be going on this mission." Optimus said, looking at Ratchet. He nodded and grabbed a Scanner. "Bumblebee and Ultra Magnus will be going."
Shocked, Ultra Magnus turned his head to Prime.
"With all due respect sir, but why send me and not one of the-erm-smaller Aubobots?"
Smokescreen looked hopefully up at Optimus, but Prime shook his head.
"This may require a surrender which is your area of expertise, is it not?"
Before Magnus could say anything else, him and Bee were standing before the rickety groundbridge.
Ratchet typed the coordinates in, the Amazon Rainforest, and powered up the groundbridge.
On his shoulder, Y/N shifted and leaned closer to Magnus' head.
"When you get back, I'll tell you the rest of that joke." She gave him a small kiss on the cheek.
Ultra Magnus picked her up from his shoulder and set her down on the ground next to the other humans. She smiled up at Magnus and mouthed 'Make it home safe please.' Magnus nodded, grabbed the scanner Ratchet was handing him, and set off to the swirling groundbridge with Bumblebee. Before he went through, Magnus heard Smokescreen grumble that it wasn't fair.
-----
The first thing Magnus noticed when he stepped out of the groundbridge was the noise. Tropical birds chirped and crowed in the high trees above, their colorful feathers drifting down. The sunlight filtering in through the leaves and somewhere, a jaguar roared in triumph. The ground was covered in vines and tropical flowers. Speaking of flowers...
Ultra Magnus leant down and picked a beautiful F/C flower from the ground gently for Y/N. Bumblebee gave him a confused look.
"For Y/N." Magnus answered Bee's unspoken question. Carefully putting the flower in his subspace, Magnus motioned for Bumblebee to follow, who nodded and took up the rear.
Beep Beep Beep
The scanner was barely heard over the commotion of the rainforest. Magnus had to stop a few times to make sure it was still working. After a few miles of walking through dense brush and trees, they approached the beginning of a clearing. The sound of wildlife and a very large waterfall came from the glade.
Magnus checked the scanner in his hand. The Decepticon's signal was just through the bush. Magnus pointed to the clearing and Bumblebee bobbed his head in understanding. They both brought out their guns and cocked them, bullets ready to fire at anything that moved. They slowly stalked towards the vines covering the entrance and pushed it open.
What Magnus was expecting to see was Cons surrounding them with their guns out and aiming at them. What Magnus got was Brockett deer spooking out of the bush beside them, leaping and bounding across the small lake that separated them from the other side of the bush.
Ultra Magnus started trudging through the thick shrubbery, gun in the air and pointing at nothing. Him and Bumblebee separated and went around the small lake, watching the sky, trees, even the lake for Con activity. Nothing. Absolutely nothing.
Magnus, confused, looked back at the scanner in his hand, which was hardly heard over the rumble of the rushing waterfall. The screen was fuzzy and glitchy, the Decepticon's signal moving across the screen erratic and sudden. Magnus flicked the side of it and the screen went back to normal before going blank. Dead. In those few seconds it wasn't spazzing out, Magnus saw where the signals were. All around them. And there were more than two.
Stiffly, Magnus turned back to Bumblebee.
"It's a trap." He whispered, watching as Bee drew up his battle-stance again. Magnus slowly moved back towards the safety of the bush. They were in the open. And that was bad. Their best bet was close quarter combat. And even that was worse. Bumblebee quickly looked to the sky for Seekers and rolled back to the rainforest.
As Ultra Magnus walked backwards, slowly, he raised a finger to his commlink.
"Ratchet, we may need reinforce-bzzzt
Static. So not only were the Cons ambushing them, they were jamming their commlinks as well. Ultra Magnus warily looked around, watching for any movement in the bush. A crack of a branch to Magnus' left sent dozens of squawking, colorful tropical birds into the air. It wasn't close, but it wasn't far away either. Another snap came from the opposite side, spooking deer and monkeys to flee. Magnus brought his guns to shoulder level. It may not do much against the whole army of Decepticons, but Magnus wanted them to know he was armed. A tree fell near the clearing edge, scattering dozens of flying insects. The Decepticon's were toying with them. The scanner snapped back to life and started beeping wildly in his right hand. The Cons were closing in.
Magnus went to move into the bush, keeping an eye on the outer area of the glade. However, a gun to his head stopped him before he even got to take a step.
'Scrap!' I spent too much time trying to figure out where they were!' Magnus cursed himself. The gun was alive and whirring, waiting for the trigger to be pulled so it can shove a bullet in his head. But the trigger wasn't even touched.
"On your knees Autobot scum." A rough, monotonous voice ordered, and the gun was cocked to show that the Con meant business. Slowly, Magnus started to kneel down. He deliberately went slower though, just to irritate the Decepticon. Ultra Magnus raised his hands and clasped them behind his head, brushing the barrel of the gun. He didn't move his head to see who was holding him at gunpoint. Magnus guessed a Vehicon, but still you never know when the Cons get new recruits.
The roar of a jet was heard over the waterfall and 8 Seekers came into view from over the treetops. They transformed and slammed down onto the ground, shaking the leaves on the tall trees. All of them pointed their blasters at Magnus's form, who remained emotionless.
'This isn't the first time I've been captured.'
The rest of the Decepticons came stalking out of the Rainforest. Magnus counted at least 19 Cons holding him hostage. There were two things he was expecting the Vehicons to do. The first thing was order him to tell them where the Autobot base was. And then they'll threaten to kill him.
The second thing he was expecting was for them to do was least have Bumblebee as their captive. And then threaten to kill him. But the scout was nowhere to be seen in the Vehicons grasp. Bee was gone.
Magnus snorted, causing a few Vehicons to jump.
'Typical scout...run and abandon the mission.'
"Now we'll make this nice and easy. Tell us where you worms are hiding." The Vehicon behind him threatened. The Con came into view, and the gun was now level with his face.
"Or we'll terminate you." The Vehicon grunt growled.
"Now, now give the Autobot a chance to speak." A new voice spoke and Magnus snapped his head up.
It was Starscream. He must have crawled out of his hiding place while the Vehicons did the dirty work for him.
Starscream smirked and flicked his wings up. "Give him some time to consider his choices."
He waited for an answer, but Magnus stayed silent.
Starscream tapped his chin in mock thoughtfulness. "How about this. I'll make the decision easier for you. Now, you either tell us where Optimus Prime is and we'll let you go-"
Ultra Magnus quirked an eyebrow. There's always an or in these kinds of sentences.
"-or-"
There it is.
"-we'll...hmmm...how to put it lightly? We'll torture you."
The gun was shoved closer to his face. Magnus looked up to meet the Starscream's eyes behind the Vehicon. He glared at Starscream.
'kzzzzt-nus? Can you hear us?' The commlink fuzzed in and out, but Magnus recognized the voice. It was Ratchet.
"Well? I'm waiting for your decision." Starscream said, hands behind his back as he watched Magnus closely. Very closely.
'Magnus? Respond if you can hear us.'
Ultra Magnus needed to answer without letting Starscream know the comms were working again.
"uh-yes." Magnus blurted out suddenly. Starscream was taken aback slightly, but more puzzled than anything. Magnus mentally facepalmed.
"Yes what?" Starscream questioned. Magnus's spark started beating faster.
"Um...yes. I'll agree to whatever terms you have."
'Magnus! What are you doing!' A new voice shouted. It was Y/N. Shuffling and swearing filled his audio feed for a few seconds.
'Y/N! Y/N move-Magnus, its Ratchet again. I don't know what you're doing but we have sent reinforcements. They are a few clicks from your position. Just buy as much time as you can.'
"You're awfully quiet Autobot. Tell us where the Prime is. After all, you told us you would." Starscream growled impatiently, taking a step closer.
'Magnus! Use a pun! Or-or anything!' It was Y/N again. She sounded frantic and scared. In the background, he could hear Ratchet swearing. More shuffling.
'Y/N! Move out of the way! I can't help him if you're constantly underfoot!'
"Well, since its apparent you aren't going to squeal I guess there's only thing left to do." Starscream snarled and raised his arm, the missile cocking and ready to fire. Y/N screamed.
'No!'
"Stop!" Magnus shouted. Starscream faltered, but kept the missile level with his head. The other end of the comm was silent.
Magnus racked his brain for anything to say.
"Um-uh..." Magnus sighed and looked Starscream dead in the eye.
'Just say it...It'll buy the Autobots some time.'
"I seemed to have lost my phone number...can I have yours?"
Silence. No one spoke.
'What...wh-Magnus?' Ratchet was the first one to say something. He sounded shocked that the Duly Appointed Enforcer of the Tyrest Accord would say something like that. In the background, Magnus could hear multiple people laughing their asses off. Y/N was probably rolling on the ground, screeching in laughter. Someone in the background cackled, 'He actually said that?!' He recognized the voice. Shit, it was Miko.
Starscream's optics widened and he sputtered. But he dropped his guns.
"Wh-what?!"
Even the Vehicons looked confused, and some even lowered their weapons. The grunt in front of him let his weapon fall.
"I said-"
'Magnus! Bumblebee and Smokescreen are closing in!' Ratchet cut him off.
"-I seemed to have lost my phone number...can I have yours?" Magnus repeated himself, watching as Starscream turned blue in the face.
'Here they come.'
"You-you have a lot of nerve to say something like that to a Decepticon offic-"
The roar of a car engine broke Starscream's sentence off short. Bumblebee shot out of the bush behind Ultra Magnus. He flew in the air like he had hit a ramp in the Rainforest and transformed, shooting his guns at the stock-still Vehicons. They snapped out of their stupor and began shooting back.
Ultra Magnus snapped up, throwing his arms at the Vehicon, who was too busy watching Bumblebee fly through the air. Transforming his hand into his blaster, he blew the head of the Vehicon off.
Starscream roared in anger and flicked his wrist, sending his missile flying through the air. Ultra Magnus barely dodged it, the missile just grazing his shoulder. The missile flew into the Rainforest.
Bumblebee was busy shooting at Vehicons and running through the clearing, dodging the bullets that nearly hit his feet. Ultra Magnus swiped at a few Vehicons and threw him into the lake near the waterfall. The pressure and force of the waterfall pushed the Cons under the water and crushed them against the rocks under the foamy water. They'll be stuck under there for a while.
"Fools! There are more of us than of you! You really think you stand a chance against the Decepticon army?" Starscream shouted over the gunfire.
"Not anymore there isn't"
Arcee and Smokescreen raced out of the jungle, blasting the Vehicons with their guns.
Seing his army fall all around him, Starscream transformed and flew away, breaking the sound barrier with a colossal boom. Magnus watched him go, bullets trailing after him as Arcee shot at him. She let out a wordless growl and let her arms drop.
Ultra Magnus looked away from the shrinking form of Starscream and started to regroup with the others. He sauntered through the thick underbrush to where the others were waiting. Smokescreen was jumping up and down, whooping in excitement. Arcee was beside him, glaring at the sky like she was expecting Starscream to come flying back.
"Ratchet, requesting groundbridge."
'Groundbridge's coming.' Ratchet replied. Not even a minute later, a green, swirling groundbridge appeared. Before he went through, Magnus heard Smokescreen boasting about how many kills he got.
----
"Magnus! Magnus that was hilarious!" Was the first thing Ultra Magnus heard. And he wish he didn't.
Everyone was laughing and or looking like they were about to burst out laughing. Even Optimus was smiling slightly. Ultra Magnus wished he could melt into the floor and disappear. Ratchet leaning against the monitor and shaking his head in mild amusement.
The groundbridge closed behind him, Smokescreen and Bumblebee still talking about the recent battle, obviously unaware of what Magnus did. Agree, however, must have had her commlink on. She had a hand over her mouth and was laughing under her breath.
Wheeljack slapped him on the shoulder, wheezing in laughter. Magnus swore he saw a tear in Wheeljack's optic.
"Wow, commander. I think ol' Starscream is into you." Wheeljack teased.
Magnus rolled his optics.
"The tactical thing to do was distract him. I said the first thing that came to mind."
From her perch on platform with the three other kids, who were giggling under their breaths, Y/N smirked.
"So you've ACTUALLY listened to my pickup lines?"
Magnus gave her a small smile.
"I guess I did." He kneeled down and reached into his subspace, pulling out the now, almost crumpled, flower he had picked earlier. Y/N's eyes lit up and buried her nose in it when she took it from his fingers.
"Thank you." She said, beaming up at him. Before Magnus could say anything in response, one of the kids, Jack, came walking down the stairs, holding his sides.
"Magnus! You gotta teach me those pickup lines!"
Ultra Magnus got up and just transformed, driving out of the base as fast as he could.
"Aww! C'mon Magnus! Come back! I've still got loads to teach you!" Y/N called after him.
Magnus stepped on the gas pedal. But before he could even reach the outskirts of the base, his commlink turned on.
'Hey Magnus.' Y/N giggled. He sighed.
"What is it?"
"About that joke earlier. Do you know why Cinderella got kicked off the soccer team? Because she was always running away from th-"
Magnus shut off the commlink before she could even finish.