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The very first time she cheated death was before her first breath of life. Her mother had experienced extreme complications during her pregnancy, due to the lack of supplies and proper medical attention while her home planet of Shili was under temporary siege. The umbilical cord was wrapped around her neck, apparently, and she was coming out breached. Her mother wasn't due for another month's time and unexpectedly went into labor while in transit from work. A mysterious stranger of whom Ahsoka never knew the name of, assisted her mother through the labor and in spite of the fact that she should have technically suffocated, she screamed and cried into the air after they unraveled the cord: a miracle.
Or perhaps, something bigger.
The second time she cheated death, she was 4 years old. Technically speaking, she would have died had it not been for the kindness and intuitiveness of Master Plo Koon. Her heart still ached when she thought of him and the moment she'd reached out through the force to try and find him, as he found her all those years ago, and was welcomed with nothing but a oneway connection. A healthy dose of guilt was tossed into the mix as well, since she was never able to return the favor he'd given her, a favor that toppled all others.
He gave her a chance to live.
After joining the side of her once beloved master (she felt like vomiting at the thought of what he became), near-death experiences came like a weekly holographic series. They came with the mileage of the job and life was never boring. She usually had him to attribute her survival, but she recalled saving his skin plenty of times. Bile seemed to climb higher up her larynx as the fondness of those memories should have seemed tainted. How could she ever hate him?
Her closest brush with death had easily been when she actually died. Had it not been for The Daughter, who still accompanied and watched out for her to this day, she would have perished on Mortis at age 16, with Masters Anakin Skywalker and Obi-Wan Kenobi to bear witness to the horrors of it all. She never understood what made her worth sacrificing for. Afterall, by that time, she'd been traveling with Anakin and experiencing the horrors of war firsthand. She understood the risk. She accepted the risk. She was willing to die so others wouldn't have to. That didn't change the fact that Ahsoka didn't die.
And everyone else seemed to.
There were countless other times where death seemed to scoot its way to her doorstep, only to be fanned away by the hands of fate or intervention. It was all incredibly ironic that she didn't even disregard death. She didn't welcome it like person who felt suicidal, but she accepted it as a part of life. Even though she was only 36 years old, she felt she'd lived a long life. Whether she really lived in the past decade was debatable, but she'd continued on.
Her grandest and most elaborate escape from death's cold clutches were thanks to Ezra Bridger. Confusingly enough, older and wiser Ezra Bridger. Even more so, Ezra Bridger without Kanan Jarrus following close behind.
Another stab to the chest.
She was no Jedi. She didn't have to let go or disregard emotion the way she was once advised. She was allowed to use her emotions as a resource if she wanted. She was never cruel nor did she experience intense hatred that burned up her core as the dark side of the force seemed to. Instead, she utilized her love for her former master as a valve to push her through their fight, no matter how much it broke her. It was true. She would not leave him in that moment, not willingly, even as it seemed he was going to kill her.
He was definitely going to kill her.
In that moment, all naive hopes and dreams of dragging him back to the light were gone, at least for now. She didn't know what happened, but she knew what she heard of Vader's current and previous endeavors. If a fraction of them were true, Anakin became the very monster he strove to fight. It meant he'd slaughtered children, murdered his friends, and destroyed all possible hopes of happiness for himself and the galaxy. Somehow, he'd turned against everything he believed in and not only submitted to evil, but became the very evil they were trying to eliminate. If she hadn't seen him for herself and felt his presence (albeit distorted with torment and darkness), she wouldn't have been capable of believing it.
It would not be Ahsoka Tano that would bring her Master back. He didn't love her enough or see enough in her to determine it was worth it. That made her want to cry, but she didn't, because she was no longer the snippy teenage girl that was desperate for approval and to fit in. Self-doubt would do her no good here. Thinking back on all of his teachings, questioning their merit or their intentions, was futile. She knew deep in her soul that every moment he spent with her was earnest and one where he was good. She didn't know his reasoning or if there was any. Humanizing the situation was unfair to those that died.
She didn't get to say, "Yes, my master may have murdered thousands, but he was tricked!" or "He is just the pawn".
The old him would not appreciate her making excuses for him. He would tell her to let the dust settle and deal with the truth, not what she wanted to be true.
She sighed. Maybe it didn't bode well for her that she still reflected back to his training so often. It certainly wouldn't help the wound heal. Then again, she wasn't sure if she really wanted it to. It formed some major trust issues that were already evident thanks to the brainwashing of the clones and the betrayal of Barriss. Now, she had the weight of her mentor's ultimate treason to live with alongside it. However, it fueled her and empowered her for some reason. She would continue to mourn Anakin, but she would not let herself submit to the darkness as he had.
In a way, it was serving as one last lesson from him.
She would push through this as she had every other odd. She would continue to live at the will of the force. She would go on.
As she exited the horrendous temple of darkness, she pondered her next steps. She swore to Ezra that she would unite with the Ghost crew again, but she knew from the whispers she overheard during her upbringing at the temple that time was a delicate mold. If she made the wrong step, she could end up preventing herself from being rescued. Life needed to play out as it had for the Ghost crew. Ezra looked older, but not like a man. He seemed to be about 2 years older.
She would possibly reignite a anonymous position in the rebellion, exclusively operated through Bail Organa. She needed to pick her allies even more carefully than she had before. She'd travel and never stay in the same place for too long, but perform covert missions for the rebellion, while also remaining at a distance from the Empire. It would be a tricky balance, and it would probably be lonely, but she hated to admit that she was used to that.
She felt a strong sensation to investigate Anakin's motives and his reasoning for choosing this path. Perhaps, it would awaken a possibility for figuring out how to defeat him and the Empire. She didn't know much about his background, just what he mentioned in passing. She knew he wasn't a fan of his home-world, because he was raised as a slave. Vibrations began tingling at the tips of her finger tips and she gazed up at the dark sky. Morai flew above her and out away from the temple. The force was strong as it surrounded her and emphasized the idea that was already running ramped.
First, Ahsoka needed to get off planet.
Then, she was going to Tatooine.