Archive of Our Own

sōlstitium (n) : summer time, heat of the summer solstice

 Summer 1988, Busan

The world is still half asleep.

Above, the sky is in a soft hue of periwinkle and the sun casts its first few rays from where it’s peeking behind the mountains.

There’s green everywhere: trees lining up the road, the vast paddy fields stretching as far as one’s eyes could reach, the mountains from far ahead.

The morning breeze softly tousles Minhyun's hair and he gladly welcomes it, drinks in the scenery contentedly as the car traverse along the long stretches of road.

It’s familiar. Memories from years ago vividly resurfacing at the back of his mind brings a fond smile to his lips.

The quiet humming of the early morning radio veils the car in tranquil air. On the seat up front is Jonghyun with his head lolling to the side, bumping against the window whenever they run a bump on the road. Minhyun stifles a laugh when it happens yet again—thump—and goes to cover his mouth with the back of his hand.

Dongho stirs on his shoulder and Minhyun is reminded of his friend who promptly fell asleep against him the moment the car roared to life. He adjusts Dongho’s head comfortably back on his shoulder before focusing back outside, the book by his hand lay momentarily forgotten against his thigh.

The trees continue to sway past the car and soon Minhyun also loses himself against the soft touch of the wind caressing his skin.

He’s awaken by a light shake on his shoulder and is greeted by Seoyeon’s smiling face, telling him they have arrived and to wake Dongho up. Minhyun blinks away the remains of sleep and shakes Dongho by the shoulder. The other boy awakes easily, stretching muscled limbs lazily in the cramped spaces of the car.

Minhyun picks up the book that has fallen on the floor and reaches for his backpack by his feet. As he swings the door open, he’s greeted by the smell of dew on grass and the fresh suburb air he has greatly missed.

Jonghyun comes out of the car next with his slightly unruly hair, eyes squinting against the sunlight. Minhyun bounces to him and throws an arm around the shorter male.

“Think we’re the first ones to arrive?”

Jonghyun promptly checks his watch and grins, “Most likely.”

The two run up the villa and Dongho yells behind them to wait, but it’s unheeded as the two just laugh in response, not even casting a glance back at the other who’s left behind.

It’s a yearly getaway. Their circle of friends spends the last weeks of summer together in a place hosted by one of them. Their parents being good friends with one another makes it easy, having a rotational plan for hosting since the boys were nine-year-olds.

This year, it’s Sungwoon catering the boys for three weeks.

They’re back in the same villa they have visited five years ago when they were still in middle school, only now they’re given the utmost freedom with their parents no longer around to guard them.

The three burst through the main door (Dongho catching up with them just in time) and are welcomed by the well-lighted and spacious living area. There are flowers and a basket of freshly picked mandarins from the orchard on the center table.

“Oh my, you boys are early.” Sungwoon’s mother enters from the back door with a vase of flowers by her hands.

Minhyun is quick to approach her, taking the vase with one hand from her and wrapping the other around the older woman in a light hug.

“Hello, Auntie.”

“Hello, darling.” She pats Minhyun’s cheek and goes to hug the other two boys, “We’re still preparing breakfast. Sungwoon’s still asleep, he was probably too exhausted from traveling late last night.”

“Would you like us to wake him up for you?” Dongho asks, voice saccharine just like his smile.

“I’d appreciate that.” She says, and Dongho is quick to run up the stairs with Jonghyun trailing behind him just as quickly.

Minhyun places the vase at the middle of the kitchen table, casts Sungwoon’s mother a sheepish smile before following his friends upstairs.

When he arrives at Sungwoon’s bedroom, the boy is already groaning from being tackled by the other two. Minhyun shakes his head and tells Jonghyun and Dongho to let Sungwoon get to his senses first.

They relent, but not without tickling the other boy one last time.

Sungwoon’s hair is a nest: dry and sticking in every direction. There’s a scowl etched on his face and Minhyun prays for the day to still have a good start.

“Your mom’s already preparing breakfast. You should get up now.” Minhyun says, picking up the towel draped over a chair to place it over Sungwoon’s head.

“If you guys wanted to wake me up, you could have done it in a less barbaric way.” Sungwoon snaps, irritation dripping from his voice and from the way he yanks the offending piece of cloth off his face.

“Where’s the fun in that?” Jonghyun teases and Dongho nods in agreement, chuckles bubbling from their mouths.

“Come on, it’s our last summer together before college. Do you really want to spoil it this early?”

Sungwoon groans and pulls himself out of bed. The scowl slowly fading from his face.

“You really know which cards to pull, Hwang.” Sungwoon bumps him by the shoulder on his way to the washroom.

Minhyun only grins.

“Let’s just wait for him downstairs.”

“When are Daniel and Jaehwan coming here?” Minhyun asks, passing his bowl to Sungwoon for a refill of the stew.

“Probably by noon. Jaehwan’s father is driving them here but I think he mentioned about stopping by somewhere first.” Sungwoon replies, pouring the stew carefully into the bowl.

They’re having the classic for breakfast: bean sprout rice, spicy stewed fish, seasoned kelp, and radish strip kimchi.

The table falls silent while they focus on their meals, the clanging of spoon and fork against ceramic being the only sound filling the room.

Minhyun hums, breaking the silence. “Good thing Seoyeon-noona had something to take care of in a nearby town or else we would have commuted ourselves all the way here.”

“That would have been a pain.” Dongho says in between mouthfuls, his brows knitted together.

Jonghyun can only wordlessly nod his head in agreement, too busy stuffing his mouth with radish.

Meanwhile, Sungwoon’s mother approaches the table with a pitcher of freshly squeezed apricot juice.

“Sungwoon, where’s your cousin? You didn’t tell him to come down?”

“He’s probably still asleep, mom.”

“You could have checked the least.” She gives Sungwoon a pointed glare to which the latter chooses to avoid by ducking down his head.

After filling four glasses of juice and placing them beside the boys’ plates, Sungwoon’s mother leaves them to their devices to check on the said cousin upstairs.

“Cousin?” Jonghyun inquires, wiping his mouth with a napkin.

“Yeah,” Sungwoon replies with a sigh, “He’s from the States. Arrived just last weekend.”

Minhyun studies the way Sungwoon picks on his radish strips while speaking, already reading through him. “Not close?”

Sungwoon nods slowly, “Not that I don’t try, but he seems closed off. Prefers to lock himself in his room and read books all day.” He then stands and picks up his plate to bring it to the sink. “His parents sent him here hoping he would clear his mind off things. Heard he’s a troublemaker back home.”

“What kind of trouble?” Dongho asks.

“Player kind of trouble.” Sungwoon replies easily.

Minhyun only mouths an oh and the topic eventually withers. It shifts to the music festival about to be held next weekend downtown. They plan on spending the night on the road and visiting the closest beach the morning after.

It’s the perfect plan, especially now that they’ll get to spend the next three weeks just by themselves—no keen eyes constantly boring holes at their back of their heads.

Jonghyun takes an apple from the basket and bites on it juicily, “By the way, is your mom staying with us?”

“Hell no,” Sungwoon guffaws, “she came to prepare the place. She’ll leave later this afternoon. Although Mijoo-ahjumma will check in on us regularly, make sure we don’t starve ourselves to death.”

“That’s amenable.” Minhyun says, picking up his own plate and joining Sungwoon by the sink. “Anyway, there’s still time until Jaehwan and Daniel arrive. Want to check the lake for the meantime?”

Jonghyun and Dongho are quick to get out of their seats, the chairs screeching against the wooden floor as they did.

They meet by the door after changing into shorts and flipflops, and soon they’re running to see the same crystal waters the lake still holds for them after years.

Daniel and Jaehwan arrive by noon, just in time when the four came back soaking wet from taking a dip from the lake.

Jaehwan whines about the boys being unfair. They all agreed to visit the lake together but Jonghyun readily puts up the defense about the lake being too inviting. Dongho tries to appease the other by promising another lake trip tomorrow at lunch. Luckily, Jaehwan is easily persuaded and the whining is eventually dropped.

They spend the afternoon soaking in the sun at the backyard, biting on slices of watermelon and playing volleyball.

Without knowing, the sun slowly sets on the west and the sky is eventually cloaked in black, with the stars dusting over its expanse.

Soon, Mijoo-ahjumma calls them for dinner by the patio and they all fight their way first to the grilled meat. Daniel playfully stuffs Jaehwan’s mouth with lettuce and the latter complains, wanting to be fed with the piece of meat remaining on Daniel’s plate instead. Daniel doesn’t give in and the banter goes physical.

Amidst the ruckus, Minhyun decides to get a pitcher of water from the kitchen.

He peeks into the cupboards in search of a tray for ease to carry the glasses and the pitcher at the same time, but the search ends futilely. In the end, he only carries with him the pitcher and two glasses.

He is almost on his way out when he hears footsteps pattering against wood. He looks back to see a person going down the stairs: black shirt, long legs clad skimpily in white shorts and dark hair kept messily in a bun.

The person meets his eyes and doesn’t leave his until he lands on the last step.

Up close, Minhyun takes note of the black earring on the person’s left ear and the book he’s holding. Minhyun peers and catches a few English words on the cover.

Oh, he realizes. It’s Sungwoon’s cousin.

When Minhyun meets his eyes again, they’re still trained on him. They’ve never left, and the intensity of the other’s gaze makes Minhyun shift on his heels.

“Hi,” Minhyun starts, “We‘re having dinner. Would you like to join us?”

The other's eyes finally leave Minhyun to gaze at the situation out the patio.

“It’s alright,” he responds, a little monotonous but not impolite. “I’m not hungry.”

“We have meat,” Minhyun tries to convince, pulling the friendly card with practiced ease and polite smile.

The corner of the other's lips tugs up in the smallest smile as he scratches his nape with the spine of the book. “I’m fine. I’ll just help myself later.”

Minhyun decides not to push it and throws Sungwoon’s cousin a small smile before turning around to go back outside.

He comes back just in time to witness Jaehwan choking on two pieces of lettuce wrap Sungwoon and Dongho have stuffed his mouth with.

He hurriedly fills one glass with water and gives it to Jaehwan, patting the other boy’s back to recovery while the other three continue to laugh their lungs out like mad hyenas.

“You asked for it!” Jonghyun says, almost doubling from laughing too much.

Minhyun glares at them as Jaehwan pitifully coughs after downing the glass, “You guys are animals.”

The three only clap Jaehwan on the shoulder, stopping themselves from laughing again upon seeing Jaehwan’s red face up close.

Minhyun fills another glass for himself and rounds the table to stand beside Sungwoon, “I ran into your cousin.”

“Oh?” Sungwoon tilts his head, bemused, “Finally went out of his cave?”

“I asked him to join us, but he turned me down.”

“Figured.” Sungwoon reaches for a glass and pours himself some apricot juice, “Mijoo-ahjumma probably stowed his portion already.”

“We could at least try invite him.”

Sungwoon scoffs, “Believe me, Minhyun. I’ve tried.”

There’s a retort at the tip of Minhyun’s tongue but it’s lost when he hears a vehicle pulling up on the house next to theirs.

“We’ve got neighbors?” Minhyun tries to squint at the figures filing out of the car.

“That’s probably Chaeyeon and her friends.” Sungwoon says and later nods in confirmation after seeing a familiar face. “Yeah, that’s them.”

Daniel soon bounds to them, broad shoulders barely accommodated by his white wife-beater.

“We got some company this year, yeah?” Daniel says, draping himself on Sungwoon’s back.

“That’s Chaeyeon and her classmates, I guess?”

“Think we can hangout with them?”

“Saw someone pretty?” Suddenly, Jaehwan is fine and is back to his usual self, standing on his toes to peer at their neighbors as well.

“Guys.” Minhyun tries to warn, but the lilt in his voice also gives him away.

“Come on, what’s the harm in asking them to hangout with us sometime?” Daniel insists and soon Dongho and Jonghyun also join their pile.

Sungwoon finishes his apricot juice and slams the glass down the table. A grin making its way to his lips.

“We can try tomorrow.”

Daniel is a persuasive person. That is a fact Minhyun learns the next day.

Daniel managed to ask the girls to a fishing adventure down the lake and, honestly, who could even deny someone with a face and social skills that of Kang Daniel?

Minhyun learns the names of the three other girls with Chaeyeon. There’s Chungha, Sejeong, and Jieqiong. They’re friendly and are able to ride on the boys’ antics easily, but Minhyun chooses to maintain a respectable distance, deeming himself responsible to be the rational, just in case. Whatever responsibility attaches to being the rational out of the bunch, that is.

He stays back at the benches to finish the book he has brought with him while the others continue to holler everytime a fish baits into their hooks.

Time passes quickly. Minhyun checks his watch to see it’s almost three in the afternoon.

He scans his friends to see they have now taken a dip in the waters, except for Chaeyeon, who is currently walking towards him with her bright yellow floral dress dancing against the afternoon breeze.

“Hi. Minhyun, right?” She asks shyly, tucking some hair at the back of her ear.

“Yeah. Chaeyeon, if I’m right?” He feigns, but is already scooting to the left to leave a space for Chaeyeon to occupy. Chaeyeon catches his action and gratefully sits down.

“Yeah,” She answers. Her eyes roam around and a bigger smile paints her lips. “Everything about this place can make you feel at ease.”

Minhyun takes in a breath and leans back on his arms, “I suppose.”

“Is it your first time to visit here?”

“No, it’s the second.” Minhyun politely answers her, eyes going back to his friends who are now mercilessly splashing water against the girls. “We came here five years ago.”

“I see.” Chaeyeon whispers in answer, nodding her head. “Do you guys have plans how to spend the last weeks of summer in particular?”

“Not really. We just go with whatever we can think of everyday.”

“That’s nice. Spontaneity is nice.”

“Spontaneity is at the core of our friendship. These guys plan everything at a minimal.”

Chaeyeon laughs and there’s a nice ring to it. At the end of it, Minhyun searches for the words to say but comes empty handed. The silence stretches for long seconds before Chaeyeon motions on his watch and asks for the time.

“It’s three, time for some snacks. Would you girls like anything?” Minhyun stands up on instinct and Chaeyeon follows her.

“Oh, I could accompany you on the way back.”

“It’s okay, I can handle it.” He waves his hand and Chaeyeon reluctantly sits back down. “I’ll be back in a while.” He gives her a small smile before jogging through the bushes to take a shortcut back to the villa.

Back in the house, he luckily catches on Mijoo-ahjumma and asks for assistance for some juice and maybe some fruit slices. The older lady tells him she will prepare it herself and shoos him out of the kitchen. He decides to run upstairs to leave the book he has been carrying all afternoon but doesn’t fail to say his thanks to the old lady before walking out of the kitchen.

On his way to the stairs, Minhyun catches a pair of leg perched against the arm of the couch. His legs bring themselves to a halt at the foot of the stairs, he turns and cautiously walks up to the couch instead.

It’s Sungwoon’s cousin, reading yet another book while lying down.

Seeming to feel somebody's eyes on him, the other looks up just in time to catch Minhyun over his head. He rouses from the couch and closes the book, placing it on the table.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to disturb you.” Minhyun apologizes, palms open in the air as if caught red handed.

“No, it’s fine. I was just. Reading.” He smiles the same smile he gave Minhyun last night.

Minhyun brings his hands down.

“I’m sorry, it was rude of me not to introduce myself last night. I’m Hwang Minhyun.”

“I’m Seongwu, Ong Seongwu.” Seongwu offers his hand and Minhyun shakes it. “You apologize a lot.” Seongwu says and Minhyun catches the teasing behind it.

“Sorry, it’s just—” Minhyun catches the smile breaking on Seongwu’s mouth and realizes what he just said again, “—no, I’m not usually like this. It’s just that I think it was a mistake that we talked last night without even giving our names. So, yeah. Sorry about that.” Minhyun scratches at his ear. He knows they’re red at the moment.

“It’s fine, really.” Seongwu ruffles his hair and messes it even more, a few more strands escaping out of the tie and it falls to frame his chiseled jaw.

He stands up and tucks a hand on his track pants’ pocket.

Minhyun realizes they’re almost the same height.

“You’re out with Sungwoon and the rest of the guys?” Seongwu asks.

“Yeah. We’re at the lake again, I just came back to get some snacks. Want to join me on the way back?”

“Uh, it’s..” Seongwu dawdles, glancing back at the book on the table.

“You can bring your book with you.” Minhyun says with a smile, walking pass Seongwu to take the book and place it on the other’s hand. “Come on, you can’t just stay inside for the rest of summer.”

“How did you know I intend to do just that?”

Minhyun laughs and Seongwu looks amused, “Fairly predictable.”

Mijoo-ahjumma comes into the living room and hands two baskets to Minhyun. He gives one for Seongwu to carry, giving the other no option but to accompany him.

When they reach the lake, the others have already settled back to the benches, inspecting the buckets of their catch.

“I brought snacks.” Minhyun announces and it effectively catches everybody’s attention.

Sungwoon’s eyes land on the figure trailing behind Minhyun, eyes going comically wide upon realizing who it is.

“Man, you got him out of the house.” Sungwoon says in amazement, unable to stop himself.

Seongwu doesn’t hold back his snicker. He hands the basket to Minhyun who places it down the bench.

After the initial shock and amusement over Seongwu’s presence (primarily on Sungwoon’s part), Sungwoon formally introduces Seongwu to his friends and to the girls. Seongwu gives each of them a smile and seeing this, Sungwoon learns that maybe his cousin isn’t as bad as he thought he was.

They spend another hour chattering until the sky blends into orange and it’s time for them to head home.

The air is comfortable and there’s a streak of playfulness in it as they recount some funny episodes from the lake. Minhyun is pretty sure they have found new friends in the girls, but he couldn’t help but think Dongho has found something more as he stares at Jieqiong long after the girls have bid their goodbye.

It’s a good teasing material.

Minhyun takes a mental note of using it against Dongho sooner or later.

Seongwu finally joins them at dinner that night and Sungwoon is amused more than anything. Seongwu still does not talk much but eagerly answers every question Jonghyun and Dongho throws his way. Minhyun also catches him laugh in one of Jaehwan’s antics and he’s glad. Maybe this can finally pave the way for Seongwu to open up to them.

Somehow, this day turned to be a lot better.

Minhyun rises early the next morning. The wind is blowing gently and the curtains are dancing on his window. He can hear the chirping of the birds outside, but it’s drowned by the sound of gushing water when he opens the faucet to wash his face.

The villa is blanketed in serene air when Minhyun pads down to the first floor. He figures it really is still too early, even Mijoo-ahjumma still isn’t here.

He makes himself a cup of tea before pushing the door open into the backyard.

It’s a surprise, though, to see someone already sitting at the patio.

But it’s also not a surprise to see that it’s Seongwu, a book in hand and his long hair still unruly as ever.

“Good morning.” Minhyun greets in accented English and he revels at the surprised look on Seongwu’s face. He’s laughing as he places his cup down the table.

“Is my English that bad?” Minhyun asks, sitting down on the chair opposite of Seongwu’s.

Seongwu laughs a little, reaching for his own cup to bring it against his lips. “It wasn’t that bad.” He says with his lips planted against the rim of the cup, “I was just surprised someone’s up this early.”

“Could say the same thing to you.” Minhyun says, sipping on his tea.

“Well, I was trying to finish this book. I couldn’t bring myself to sleep.”

“And how many books have you finished if I may ask?”

“This is only the second one. Since I came here.”

“But in all?”

A wide smile breaks on Seongwu’s lips, “I couldn’t even tell. I didn’t keep count.”

Minhyun mirrors the smile. Conversation about books is a familiar territory for him. “Do you have authors you keep track on?”

“No one in particular, but I’m leaning towards the philosophical lately. This one’s from Heidegger.” He raises the book, thumbing through the pages carefully. “It’s incomplete but so far one of the most intriguing reads I’ve had.”

Minhyun reaches for the book and Seongwu hands it to him. He quickly scans it, mind swimming in words he can barely comprehend.

“I wish I could read this too, so we can share some points.” He scans the book one last time and his mood dampens a little when he understands close to nothing.

“You like reading as well?” Seongwu asks as he reaches for the book back.

“Yeah, but more political and historical.” Minhyun says, somehow regretting not bringing along a book with him. “I’ve read Ko Un’s works. His poems are really good.”

Seongwu nods and grins, fingers tapping against his cup. “Now it’s my turn to say I wish I could read it too.” He straightens his back and massages his temple, flicking some hair away from his face. “You should lend me his book. Maybe it could help me brush up on my Korean too.”

“I would if only I have brought them with me.” Minhyun says and he sounds awfully regretful. “But hey, I think there’s a bookshop downtown. We could check if you want.”

“Oh, there is?”

Seongwu catches his bottom lip in between his teeth in a smile, and behind him, the sun slowly rises into the sky, casting rays of gold that brings the surroundings into life.

Minhyun watches as sunrays envelop Seongwu’s form from behind, covering his face in his own shadow and framing his head in a golden halo.

He’s blinded for a second.

“How about we check it now?”

Minhyun is brought out of his stupor with Seongwu’s words and his eyes clear to find the other already walking towards his chair. 

“Now?” Minhyun manages to croak out.

“Yeah,” Seongwu offers one hand out but ultimately pulls Minhyun to his feet when the latter does not budge. “Now.”

They meet by the front porch ten minutes later, Seongwu twirling the keys around his finger and Minhyun gaping at him.

“How did you even get that?”

“Sneaked it out of Sungwoon’s drawer, of course.” He walks across the yard and into the car, Minhyun following him close behind.

“This is crazy, Seongwu. Auntie doesn’t even let Sungwoon drive.” He says, but he’s already strapping himself with the seatbelt.

“Then they just don’t have to know.” Seongwu says with a lopsided grin.

Minhyun yields.

There is no way Auntie or Sungwoon would not know it.

It’s almost eight in the morning and Sungwoon’s definitely up and probably freaking out over the lack of car in the front yard. He tries conjuring an alibi as early as now, but glancing at Seongwu who remains unbothered by Minhyun’s worries, he thinks he’ll just leave the worrying until they’re driving back to the villa.

The tiny bookstore opens at exactly eight in the morning and Minhyun’s worries momentarily dissipates upon being engulfed by the smell of books.

The store is small but quaint and it has got sections properly labelled.

Minhyun bounds happily to the Historical Section first. He spots The Sound of My Waves almost instantly, and beckons Seongwu over, presenting the book eagerly to the other male.

“This is one of Ko Un’s works. It’s a collection of his selected poems. It’s a good piece for a headstart.”

Seongwu scans the book and Minhyun points out some pieces and feeds Seongwu some insights.

“Alright, I’ll buy this book under one condition.” Seongwu says, tucking the book under his arms. Minhyun looks at him questioningly. "You’ll read some of my books too.”

Minhyun wants to laugh. It’s a ridiculous idea.

“Have you forgotten the fact that I understand close to zero English?”

“That’s not a problem,” Seongwu shrugs and Minhyun knows he’s got something up his sleeves. “I’ll feed you some passages. I’ll translate it, of course, and then you’ll have to tell me what you think about it.”

Minhyun pauses, takes the time to think about it.

“So, just insights?”

“Yeah, more or less.” Seongwu says and he’s walking towards the checkout, pulling some cash out of his wallet to hand to the cashier.

When the lady gives Seongwu the paper bag with the newly purchased book in it, Minhyun waits for him by the door with a hand extended to him.

“Alright, deal.”

“I can’t believe Seongwu talked you into it.”

“I’m sorry Sungwoon, it won’t happen again.”

“I almost had a heart attack!” Sungwoon punctuates it by grabbing his chest and heaving dramatically.

It almost looks comical but Minhyun has to remind himself this is no time for laughter.

“We just went to check out the bookstore downtown.” Seongwu unhelpfully interjects, not a tinge of guilt in his voice. “We made it back safely, not a scratch on the car. Nothing to worry about.”

“Nothing to worry about when I almost lost my shit when I found out the car was missing and had no idea what happened to it? You guys didn’t even bother leaving a note!”

Minhyun steps in between the cousins and gently backs Sungwoon to a safe distance.

“This won’t ever happen again. Please, Sungwoon. Don’t be angry anymore.”

Sungwoon lets out a sigh, one bordering irritation and defeat, before resigning against Minhyun.

“Fine, I’ll hold onto those words, Hwang.”

“You can count on me.” Minhyun smiles, tight-lipped, until Sungwoon turns his back to go back inside the villa.

Exhausted, he turns to Seongwu who still appears to be unbothered by what just happened.

“You know the simplest thing to do was to apologize.”

“But we made it back safely, brought the car back safely. There was nothing to apologize for.”

“But the fact remains we drove without permission,” Minhyun runs his fingers through his hair. He didn’t expect Seongwu to be this thick headed. “Also the fact that you sneaked out the keys.”

Seongwu opens his mouth but no words come out. He raises his hand carrying the paper bag multiple times only to bring it down each time.

“You know what, forget it.”

Seongwu walks past Minhyun and into the villa.

Minhyun doesn’t stop him. Couldn’t find the words to stop him.

Not such good way to start the day.

The girls invite them over for dinner and the boys are more than happy to indulge. Well, except for Seongwu and Minhyun who are still not on speaking terms after the morning incident yesterday.

Sungwoon seems to have chucked away what has happened easily and is back with his usual treatment with the rest of them.

It’s a barbecue night with the girls with some music and a few bottles of beer (courtesy of Sungwoon). As the night deepens, so does the blush on Dongho’s cheeks darken whenever Jieqiong so much brushes arms with him.

Meanwhile, Daniel has been dancing around Chungha like an overly excited puppy. But Chungha seems to have none of it, dismissing Daniel’s advances passively and Minhyun already feels bad for his friend.

Currently, Minhyun is observing them while sitting on a stool from a safe distance, nursing a bottle of beer alone. Chaeyeon comes over with a platter of sweets they have baked in the afternoon and Minhyun takes one and says his thanks. She places the platter on the table and joins Minhyun to keep him company.

“Why are you out here?” She asks, eyes trained on the ground.

“No particular reason,” He replies, eyes landing on Sejeong who’s engaged in a rather animated conversation with Jonghyun and Seongwu.

Chaeyeon shakes her head slowly, “You always answer so dismissively.”

“Do I?” He asks, fixing his eyes on Chaeyeon who nods her head in response. “I didn’t mean to offend you with how I speak.”

“It’s okay, I figured it’s just how you talk.” She laughs a little and turns her attention back to the scene before them. “Your friend Daniel seems to like Chungha a lot.”

Minhyun snorts, and it’s dangerous with some of the alcohol still in his mouth. He feels his nasal burning.

“Even Chungha can tell it.” He answers moments later.

Chaeyeon laughs and Minhyun easily joins him. He offers her the other bottle he’s got and she accepts it, and they spend the next hour talking about random things until Minhyun’s eyes land on that particular spot again only to find it missing one person now. There’s only Jonghyun and Sejeong talking by the grill now.

He scans the entire backyard and sees none of him. As if on autopilot, his legs bring him to stand and his mouth bids goodbye to Chaeyeon.

Soon he’s running across the lawn and into their villa’s premises. He opens the main door to see the living room unoccupied. He throws his head up to see the second floor’s lights are all off.

He runs to the backdoor and pushes it open, and there he is, lying on the grass with a book covering his face.

Minhyun walks slowly towards him, toes threading through fine blades of grass. When his feet come to stop, he casts a shadow over Seongwu from where the moon shines brightly above his head.

He stands there quietly, wordlessly, until Seongwu removes the book from his face to meet Minhyun’s gaze under the moonlight.

“A philosopher once asked: do we do what is right or do what makes us happy?” He continues to speak with eyes still trained on Minhyun’s, “It remains unanswered until this day and has become one of the most fundamental philosophical questions in life.”

Minhyun moves away and the moonlight finally meets Seongwu’s face, in a way that’s even more breathtaking than what Minhyun witnessed yesterday during sunrise.

“What do you think?” Seongwoo whispers, his eyes now closed.

Minhyun brings himself down beside Seongwu, staring at the vast scroll of darkness above with the wind gently sweeping the hair off their faces.

He has never been a philosophical person, opting to settle with facts and principles, with everything that has been proven and established.

But at this moment, he disregards all of it and lets himself think.

“Is there really a right thing in the first place? Isn’t what is right right because it’s imposed upon us as it is? Isn’t a thing or an act right because it’s what the society thinks? We’re made to believe one is right because majority thinks that it is. What is right is what we think is right because we share the same notion with everybody else. But without all these impositions, is it still right?”

Minhyun’s mind whirs with his own words, but they pour out, uncontrollably. Minhyun doesn’t know where he’s pulling it, but he continues.

“But if we do the things that make us happy, there’s no more restrictions, whether it’s right or not, it’s already immaterial. Because being happy is the only thing that matters then.”

Seongwu remains silent and the wind stills at the same moment. The sound of cicadas singing fills Minhyuns ears and it’s defeaning as seconds pass.

When Seongwoo finally moves and the sound of his clothing rustling against the grass cascades through Minhyun ears, the world comes to a stop and he can only hear the steady and even huffs of their breathing.

“Thank you, Minhyun.”

Minhyun goes downstairs to the scent of earl gray wafting through the air.

Mijoo-ahjumma is going around the kitchen preparing breakfast but she doesn’t fail to offer Minhyun a cup of tea when he greets her good morning.

He sits on a stool by the kitchen island, listening to the soft buzzing of a song being played on the radio from the neighboring villa. He doesn’t know the song, but his fingers are instinctively tapping to the rhythm against the table.

“You’re an early riser,” Mijoo-ahjumma comments as she places the cup on the table.

Minhyun smiles to her, stirring the tea with a spoon, “I am.”

“Well, you’re the second one today.”

Minhyun’s brows knit at the comment and follows Mijoo-ahjumma’s eyes as they peek outside the windows, into the patio.

He’s up on his feet in no time, bringing with him his tea as he pushes through the door with his shoulder.

It’s a perfectly sunny day. The grass is moist from where Mijoo-ahjumma must have hosed on them before preparing breakfast. It brings about a smell of freshness, one that Minhyun greedily breathes in to fill every inch of his lungs.

“Trying to finish a book again?”

Seongwu is sprawled on a cloth laid on the grass, leg bent and an arm under his head, the other holding yet another book. He removes his eyes from reading for a second to catch Minhyun’s face above him, dark hair caught against the sunlight.

“No,” Seongwu replies, placing the book against his chest, “I just started this one.”

Minhyun nods and plants himself beside Seongwu, making with what little space is left on the cloth after Seongwu scoots to the side.

“Would you like some tea?”

Seongwu holds his stare for a second, bottom lip caught in between teeth before pulling himself up to sit.

Minhyun realizes for the first time that morning that this is the first time he’s seeing Seongwu with his hair untied.

It’s long, wavy, and frames his face just perfectly. It’s almost reaching his shoulders, and when Seongwu threads his fingers through it to comb some strands away, Minhyun is entranced with the motion and follows the other man’s fingers until they settle back on his thigh.

“I’m not much of a tea person. I run on caffeine.” Seongwu answers, a small smile on his lips.

Minhyun ah’s and brings the cup to his lips, the tea soothing his suddenly parched throat.

“What are you guys planning for today?”

“Volleyball with the girls in the afternoon.”

Now it’s Seongwu who answers with an ah, picking up his book again to scan on the page he’s left on.

“Chaeyeon seems to like you a lot.” Seongwu says non-commitally and Minhyun turns to him.

There’s nothing to read on Seongwu’s face, only indifference that should push Minhyun away.

But it doesn’t.

“Does she?” He tries to answer just as indifferently, “I didn’t notice.”

Seongwu lets out a sound alike to a scoff but one that holds more amusement than mockery.

“You didn’t notice or you didn’t want to notice?”

“I don’t know.”

Seongwu closes his book and stands up, his shorts riding up a little to reveal more skin, patches still unknown to the sun, patches untouched by sunscreen.

“You always answer so dismissively.” Seongwu offers a hand to him and he takes it easily.

“I’ve been told.”

His tea forgotten, Minhyun trails behind Seongwu as the other goes to the direction of the garage. Seongwu fishes a bunch of keys from a table by the door and goes to unlock the chain tying a bike from one of the table’s leg, holds the handlebar to wheel it towards Minhyun.

“We’re biking?”

“Yeah.” Seongwu goes to unlock yet another bike, fetching a piece of cloth to wipe down its seat.

He passes the cloth to Minhyun.

“Where are we going?”

“Anywhere they could take us.”

Seongwu pats down the seat of his bike before mounting it. He heads out first and Minhyun takes seconds to grapple his senses back and maneuver his limbs over the bike.

Seongwu is already up ahead when he makes it out of the gate. He shouts a good morning to Sejeong when he passes by the other house and pedals quickly to catch on Seongwu.

He’s a little out of breath when he finally sidles up to the other, droplets of sweat rolling down his back, dampening his shirt.

Seongwu lets go of the handle, it stays balanced, and teeths on the elastic band around his wrist to tie his long hair with it. His hands come back on the handle easily thereafter.

They travel far, far enough that the greens change into browns of wheat fields; far enough that Minhyun can feel the strength in his legs waning bit by bit.

When they finally stop, it’s before a thick cluster of trees. Seongwu throws the bike down carelessly while Minhyun leans his against the trunk of one of the trees.

“Follow me.” Seongwu instructs as he weaves through bushes and low branches of trees. Minhyun wishes he knew to have worn pants for this escapade, biting down on his lip as he follows Seongwu through curtains of greens.

But what lies behind the fog of green is a reward: it’s a vast field of purple and calming scent of mildness.

Lavenders.

Seongwu runs and throws himself among them, arms wide and legs apart. Minhyun thinks he would make a lavender angel.

“How did you find this place?” He asks Seongwu, lying down with the top of his head bumping against Seongwu's.

“Out of pure luck.” Seongwu replies before breathing in deeply, “Went to find some peace while you guys scream it off with the girls at the pool.”

That was just a few days ago. Daniel said it was their turn to invite the girls over and a fun in the pool seemed to be the best option then. Minhyun remembers not catching Seongwu’s shadow that whole afternoon and only learns now that the other was out and was just not copped up in his room like the usual.

“You have luck then.” Minhyun says, picking a lavender to bring it close to his nose.

“Guess I have.” Seongwu says, throwing his arm under his head again, a mirror of his position just this morning in their backyard. “This is my little world.” He whispers.

Minhyun sits up to look down on Seongwu who has his eyes closed, his feature relaxed against the mild morning sunlight. A soft breeze passes and it tousles Seongwu’s hair, loose strands escaping his tie and landing on his face.

Somehow, the picture makes Minhyun’s hands itch.

“And I’m sharing it with you.”

Seongwu adds it in the softest voice and he opens his eyes slowly, slowly that Minhyun can count the seconds before their eyes fully meet, thick long lashes defining dark chocolate orbs.

Minhyun loses his words along with his breath to the smell of lavenders assaulting his nostrils. He suddenly feels heady, dizzy. He wonders if it’s because of the scent filling his senses or because of the soft smile Seongwu gives him right after brushing the hair out of his face.

It becomes their morning routine: sneaking out in the morning after sipping on coffee and tea to pedal their way to their little hideout. Sometimes, when Minhyun voices his weariness to Seongwu, they opt for swimming in the freezing lake water instead, coming back soaked to the bones and water in their hairs but with strings of laughter tumbling out of their mouths.

On other days, Minhyun wakes up to find notes slipped underneath his door. They’re simple words of varying demands, requests if Seongwu’s merciful for the day, but they all have become adventures Minhyun has written down his notebook every night before going to sleep.

Morning swim at the lake. Don’t be late.

Old lady needs help picking fruits in the orchard. Lend a hand?

You think Jaehwan would lend me his guitar? (Minhyun heard him sing for the first time that night.)

Meet me at the balcony by nine.

It’s moments like this that Minhyun becomes awfully aware of his breathing, of the beating of his heart, of the little distance between Seongwu’s hand and his on the railing.

It’s moments in silence with Seongwu, when the both of them are bathing under the silver moonlight, that Minhyun’s mind is plagued with so many questions: how often it is lately that he loses his ability to speech whenever Seongwu is around, how his eyes always seem to find Seongwu’s across the room, how, looking at him at this moment, how he finds another man so achingly beautiful under the moonlight.

Minhyun has a lot of questions.

He wonders if Seongwu holds the answers to them.

The boys notice their escapades of course, and Sungwoon teasingly comments about Seongwu outranking the rest of them in Minhyun’s list of closest friends. Seongwu only smiles timidly over his glass of orange juice while Minhyun feels his ears burn.

The conversation takes a turn after, onto plans of heading out in the early afternoon to check out some spots in the town before the festival starts.

That evening, when they circle around the campfire they have set up for a round of beers, Seongwu leaves his spot beside Jaehwan to sit beside Minhyun. The rest doesn’t pay them attention, too busy howling, or attempt singing, to whatever song Jaehwan strums on his guitar.

I have an assignment for you, Seongwu whispers to his ear, arm brushing with his as he leans in.

Minhyun stares back at him. What is it?

Seongwu leans closer until his warm breath hits the shell of Minhyun’s ear as he whispers.

“No more things should be presumed to exist than are absolutely necessary.”

He pulls back, the corner of his lips tugged in a grin.

“Tell me what you think about it next time.”

It’s more of a disco than a music festival, Minhyun thinks, as he scans the crowd that pays no attention to the ones on the stage, but are too lost in their own little worlds as they whisk each worry away with every sway of their hips.

Daniel is working it out with Chungha, who seems to have finally opened up to the boy. It paints a smile on Minhyun’s lips. Perseverance does pay.

Back at the table located at the skirts of the venue are Jonghyun and Jaehwan laughing madly at each other, bottles of beer in their hands. Dongho is nowhere to be found and so is Jieqiong. Minhyun could only pray his friend has finally mustered the courage to confess to the girl. He has been at the receiving end of Dongho’s lamentation over Jieqiong’s beauty since the fishing adventure. Although Minhyun would like to say he is a patient listener, one could also only take too much before he’s worn off.

Minhyun is stuck on the dancefloor, unwillingly if he’s going to be honest, with Chaeyeon twirling the both of them tirelessly, fingers laced with one another. They have been dancing for five songs or so and Minhyun wants to retire to the tables and nurse a cold beer himself, but Chaeyeon is giggling and her cheeks are dusted the pretty color of pink and Minhyun couldn’t find it in himself to deny her of this moment.

When the music finally fades for the ending announcements, Minhyun pulls at their hands to bring Chaeyeon back to the tables. Dongho and Jieqiong return too, and Minhyun doesn’t miss their intertwined fingers concealed barely under the table.
Chaeyeon helps herself to a glass of juice and Minhyun finds himself searching for a face missing from their group. He hasn’t seen Seongwu for the past hour.

“Have you guys seen Seongwu?” He asks.

“What, missing your best friend already?” Sungwoon says, cheeks red from energy and alcohol.

Minhyun breathes heavily through his nose and doesn’t bother asking again.

He walks around, checks the stalls set up for the festival to see if Seongwu loitered around for some souvenir.

He doesn’t see any trace of long wavy hair and chiseled jaw.

The announcement ends and the last song for the night starts to play. It’s a relatively slow song with heart wrenching lyrics.

Minhyun stays away from the crowd this time, content on observing couples finding their way to each other and winding their arms on necks and waists.

He sniffs, the air is turning colder, and buries his hands in the pockets of his denim jacket.

He doesn’t notice the other’s presence until there is an arm pressing against his. Minhyun is startled for a moment, but it dissipates quickly upon seeing Seongwu’s face.

oh, i always let you down
you're shattered on the ground
but still, i find you there
next to me

“You were gone.” He says but Seongwu does not look at him, only stares ahead at the band playing.

“I was looking for you.” He adds, sounding awfully despondent without even trying. He shifts on his right heel and presses their arms closer in the process.

This time, Seongwu turns his face to him.

“You were?”

Minhyun nods, turning his head back to the direction of the stage.

In his periphery, he sees Seongwu lower his head. He moves away a little and Minhyun misses his warmth instantly, but it’s replaced by a sudden bolt of electricity zipping down his spine.

The cogs in his mind stop turning and the only thing it registers is the way Seongwu’s pinky finger is curled around his own.

It’s odd, strangely odd. With such a simple touch, Minhyun feels his entire body being set on fire. He’s aware of the strong gust of wind that passes, but he feels none of its cold traces. At this moment, his senses are filled with only Seongwu and it sends Minhyun into paralysis.

He cannot move.

He cannot think.

There’s only Seongwu.

and oh, stupid things i do
i'm far from good, it's true
but still, i find you
next to me (next to me)

“I’m here now.” Seongwu says and Minhyun finally snaps out of it.

The song comes to an end and Seongwu moves away, uncurling their fingers.

When Seongwu walks to head back to the tables, Minhyun wants nothing but to run to him and link their fingers again.

His mind offers him no reason why.

But the thundering of his heart in his chest seems to be a fair warning.

“Do you have a feedback for me now?”

They’re back in their little hideout, backs against the covered ground and shoulders pressed comfortably against each other.

Seongwu is now more tanned from the beach visit the morning after the music festival. Minhyun himself was pinkish after an entire morning under the scorching sun, but his skin hasn’t turned a shade darker, only reddened and it’s back to its usual paleness. Meanwhile, Seongwu has a golden glow and he shines everytime he’s outdoors, the sun personally crowning him wherever he goes.

It’s a little over five in the afternoon and they should head back before the sun sets. 

“No more things should be presumed to exist than absolutely necessary.”

Seongwu says it in the same manner he did many nights ago: hushed, like there are pairs of ears around to catch his words.

Minhyun scratches on a brow, “I guess it’s about when choosing an answer to a problem, one must go with the one with the fewest assumptions.”

Minhyun has been pondering about it since that night. He wanted to give Seongwu a good answer. He wanted to do well with everything Seongwu asks of him. He has rehearsed this, so many times, but his mind is failing him again when the words start to blur in his mind.

He picks up the last one before they all completely disappear.

“There must be preference for simplicity.” He adds and hopes it ends there.

“Do you think it applies to feelings? Emotions?” Seongwu asks out of the blue. He has his eyes fixed to the sky, the pads of his fingers toying with the pages of the book lying atop his belly. “To love?”

Minhyun doesn’t answer, couldn’t answer, and the seconds stretch into minutes until Seongwu brings himself up while waiting for an answer. Minhyun follows him.

“Let me give you some context, a situation. What if I say,” Seongwu says, almost whispers, and licks his lips. “I like you.”

Minhyun didn’t know words could have such an impact. A hard one that almost sends him toppling backward, one that hits his chest hard, repeatedly, one that makes him freeze on the spot.

“Is that purely hypothetical?” Comes his lame attempt of a response.

Seongwu grins, unties his hair and lets it fall freely against his shoulder. “Depends on how you take it.”

He leans on his arms, looking at Minhyun so tauntingly, “So? Would you labor on the different assumptions those three words hold? I like you, in a romantic way? I like you as a person, in a non-romantic way? I like you as a friend? Which is the simplest one for you?”

His heart is thundering hard against his chest, so hard he’s afraid it would jump and escape out of his ribcage any moment. His throat is parched, but the words are there. He doesn’t even need to think.

He only needs the courage to say them.

“Minhyun?”

“None.” He finally says, and with the words finally tumbling out of his lips, his heart finally eases and slows down from its marathon. “I like you. Just that.”

Minhyun’s toes are curling against the grass, his fingers are cold as ice against his thighs. Beside him, Seongwu starts picking on the lavenders by his leg, pinching them in between his nails and letting the corollas fall onto his lap.

And when he speaks again, his whisper echoes through the emptiness of the field and into the hovering greens of the trees covering them from the world.

“What if I tell you it’s not entirely hypothetical?”

If Minhyun’s heart was in a marathon earlier, now it’s beating so awfully slow, to the extent he thinks it stopped beating along with his breathing that has been stolen the moment Seongwu opened his mouth.

“I like you, Minhyun,” Seongwu whispers under his breath, and suddenly, his face is just centimeters away from Minhyun.

Minhyun curls his fists, blades getting trapped in between. He could lean away, run away. But he doesn’t. Instead, he finds himself rooted on the spot. He stays still, watches until Seongwu’s face is just a breath away, until Seongwu's breath hits his lips—and finally lets the world crumble behind his eyelids when he closes his eyes.

Seongwu’s lips are soft, warm. It reminds him of his pillows that offers him heat on the nights the northern breeze sneaks into his room. They taste like coffee. Minhyun picks on the remnants as Seongwu opens against him, their tongues slick and hot against each other. It’s not a fight for dominance, but a slow dance the both of them are eager to sway into.

A hand comes to cup his jaw and Minhyun instinctively leans against it, seeking the warmth his body has been aching for since that night in the music festival when Seongwu connected them physically for the first time.

When they part for air, Minhyun’s fingers are tangled among Seongwu’s locks, his cheeks fiery red and his chest heaving up and down.

Seongwu brings their foreheads together, tries to restrain the smile attempting to break on his lips.

“Think this is right?” Seongwu asks in a hush, and in the background, the cicadas start to sing.

The sun’s about to set but Minhyun couldn’t be bothered by it.

A small laugh escapes from his mouth.

“Thought we already agreed there’s no such thing as right?”

Seongwu echoes the laugh and presses a tender kiss on the apple of his cheek.

“Only things that make us happy.”

There’s a knock on his door. It’s Sungwoon, who peeks in the room with his damp hair and towel around his shoulders.

“Chaeyeon’s downstairs looking for you.”

Minhyun abandons the book he’s reading on the study table and follows Sungwoon out of the room.

When he reaches the leaving room, Chaeyeon is seated in the middle of the sofa, dressed in a blue flowy dress with her hair tucked in a cute headband.

“Chaeyeon, hi.”

Chaeyeon rouses on her feet and meets Minhyun halfway.

“Hello, haven’t seen you in a while.”

“Ah, well,” he quickly ransacks his mind for an alibi—books—“I was just cooped up in my room, reading.”

“Ah,” she says, sullenly. “I thought you were out most of the time.”

He was, in fact, out most of the time with Seongwu in their own little world.

Chaeyeon’s voice is dripping with unmasked disappointment when she speaks, “We’re leaving tomorrow.”

She taps the tip of her shoes’ toe cap against the floor, fiddling with her fingers at her back.

“I was hoping I could spend my last afternoon here with you?”

Minhyun couldn’t say no of course, and in a minute, he’s upstairs changing his clothes and wearing his best shoes. He goes down after combing his hair and checking himself in the mirror. Chaeyeon is already by the door, holding her purse and wearing a blinding smile quite comparable with the sun outside.

“Let’s go.”

They manage to round the entirety of the town by just little over an hour. They visit a café and drank some lemonade. Minhyun ordered a cake for her, and Chaeyeon thanks him endlessly even after they exited the little café. They pass by a flower shop and admire the colorful flowers by the display glass.

Around four in the afternoon, they stop by the bookstore Seongwu and Minhyun visited weeks ago. Minhyun browses through the new arrivals and makes a mental note to tell Seongwu about it.

When it’s finally dark and they’re at the step of Chaeyeon’s house, she hands him a paper bag.

A book, she says, since you like reading.

Minhyun appreciates her keenness and accepts the bag with both of his hands. Now it’s his turn to thank her profusely, while Chaeyeon shyly tells him it’s fine, I wanted to get you one before we leave.

“Take care.” Minhyun says and gently pats her by the head.

Chaeyeon stills in her spot before taking Minhyun’s hand into her own. With flushed cheeks and determination sparkling in her eyes, she confesses.

“I like you.”

Minhyun is taken back to time.

About how he’s heard the same sets of words just days ago. How it greatly left an impact on him, rendered him weak in the knees.

But hearing these words come out from such a beautiful girl’s lips, Minhyun feels awful about feel nothing.

He feels nothing with those words. No thundering against his chest. No curling toes and ice cold fingers.

Nothing.

“I’m sorry, Chaeyeon.”

He wrings his hand slowly out of her hold.

She looks up, eyes a little watery.

“I can’t return your feelings.”

“Were you able to say your goodbye to Jieqiong, Dongho?”

Dongho almost chokes on the piece of mandarin he just popped into his mouth. He thumps on his chest, cheeks red.

“She gave me her address, told me I can write to her.” Dongho says, smitten as he pulls a piece of paper from his pocket.

“At least you got something.” Daniel says bitterly, still not over the fact that he got nothing out of Chungha after pouring his efforts over her in the last two weeks.

 “Maybe you came on too strong.” Minhyun supplies and Daniel only rolls his eyes.

“Or maybe, you simply just weren’t her type!” Jaehwan devilishly says and it earns him a kick on the shin courtesy of Daniel.

“Anyway, there’s a worst case than Daniel’s.” Jonghyun bites into a peach and dumps himself on the sofa. “Heard Minhyun rejected Chaeyeon.”

“Who told you?”

“Sejeong. Chaeyeon was crying the whole night.” Jonghyun stares into Minhyun, not accusive but piercing.

“How could you? Chaeyeon was beautiful!” Daniel cries, falling on his knees for the drama, and pouring how he should have just chased after Chaeyeon instead of Chungha.

“Well, how could he appreciate Chaeyeon if he spends more time going out with Seongwu and reading books with him? By now, it shouldn’t be questionable if it’s actually Seongwu Minhyun is crushing on.”

Jaehwan shouldn’t have been given a tongue by the gods. The boy is so utterly careless with his speech. Minhyun has half a mind of going up to strangle him, but ultimately decides against it and just thanks the heavens Seongwu isn’t around to hear it.

“That’s disgusting! How can you even think of that? I think my toes are curling.” Daniel rebukes, mock vomits just to prove his point.

Jaehwan cackles like the devil that he is and pounds Daniel by the shoulder. “It’s the twentieth century! You think things like these are still far from reality?”

On his spot by the stool next to the piano, Minhyun could feel his blood running cold. It feels like he has been called out, like his dirtiest secret has been exposed.

He looks up to see his friends laughing, still carrying on with the conversation but Minhyun could no longer hear any of it. It’s as if an ice cube has been stashed in his ears, blocking his hearing.

What he did not expect though was to find Sungwoon’s eyes on him, confusion and certainty swimming at the same time in his orbs. He looks neither amused nor disgusted, and Minhyun feels stark naked under his eyes.

Suddenly, it’s suffocating.

Minhyun needs some air.

And so he rises from his seat quietly, leaves the room unsuspectingly.

“Minhyun.”

Minhyun pauses from pushing the door to the backyard. He looks back to see Sungwoon, gaze holding and stride confident as he walks up to him.

When Sungwoon’s just a step away, he removes his eyes from Minhyun and casts it to view outside the windows.

“I’ve been picking up hints the past week,” Sungwoon starts, his voice careful, “about you and Seongwu.”

Minhyun gulps and leans against the door frame.

“What about us?”

“What game are you two playing about?”

Minhyun’s brows scrunch, “Game? Playing around?”

“Yes, game.” Sungwoon’s voice goes an octave higher, “You couldn’t be serious about something like this, Minhyun. Not something as wrong as this.” He jabs a finger on Minhyun’s chest and it pierces, metaphorically, through his heart and into his soul.

“Wrong?” Minhyun asks, venom in his voice, “Who are you to tell me what’s right or wrong?”

“Minhyun, you know, we both know that this is going against—”

“I’m not playing any game, Sungwoon,” Minhyun shakes his head and musters a sarcastic smile.

“Not when it involves Seongwu.”

The sky is clear and is beautifully dotted by stars tonight. The grass feels the perfect touch of cold against the skin of his arms and legs and the midnight wind is warm enough not to shake him in his bones.

Seongwu is beside him tonight—under the same roll of darkness illuminated by gigantic balls of gasses thousands of miles away—warm and beautiful under the moonlight with his unearthly glow and dark raven hair framing his face

It’s their last night in the villa.

The last night of this summer.

The last night under this spell, before it’s broken by the morning sun and the reminder that they’ll have to live back their old lives; back with Minhyun in central Busan and moving to Seoul for college; back with Seongwu in the States, unreachable, too far, too much many oceans apart.

“Did you know the reason why I was sent here for the summer?”

Minhyun inches closer to Seongwu, to feel the vibration against his own skin while Seongwu speaks.

“Heard from Sungwoon you were a trouble maker back home.”

Seongwu laughs, a short one, but one that crinkles his eyes. “Well, kind of. But I think he left out the vital part.”

“And may I ask what it is?”

Seongwu falls silent, but Minhyun does not prod and waits for him until he is ready.

“I opened up to my father about my sexuality.” He starts, and his voice quivers a little. Minhyun feels it himself with their skins pressed.

“He walked in on me and a friend. A male friend. We were..doing things out of curiosity. You know, boys our age and our endless affinity for discovery.”

Seongwu tries to hide the shiver that courses down his spine by letting out a laugh, one that shakes his shoulder but has a shallow tone in it.

“I knew for a fact even before that night that I was not straight, and I told my father about it the night he caught us. He looked like he could have killed me then and there. His face was red and veins in his head were showing. He shouted for my friend to leave. And shouted at my face how much of a disgrace I was for indulging in such act.”

Minhyun sits up, looks down at Seongwu who could no longer mask the hurt, who could no longer control the shaking of his body.

But he still tries, in front of Minhyun, wipes at the tear that escapes his eyes and replaces them instantly with a smile.

“Then he sent me here, thinking Korea would be some sort of a rehab for me. Thought that America was too liberal and Korea’s discipline would hopefully knock some sense to me. He said if I return home still as sick, he would cart me off to a mental facility. Can you believe that, Minhyun?” He laughs and rubs at his eyes angrily as the tears start to spill uncontrollably, “My own father, labelling me sick just because I told him I might be gay?”

“I’m sorry.”

It’s the only words Minhyun could come up with.

I’m sorry, that your father couldn’t understand you.

I’m sorry, for this cruel society that is still hardened against other forms of love.

I’m sorry, that you are told what is right, to do what is right, without being asked of what makes you happy.

I’m sorry, that I wasn’t there to stand with you, to prove them all wrong.

“I’m sorry,” Minhyun repeats as he pulls on Seongwu’s hand to bring him into his embrace, into his arms where Seongwoo doesn’t have to be questioned about his being, about his choice in life, about his choice in love; into his arms, one he can offer to be Seongwu’s safe haven.

“But it’s okay,” Seongwu whispers against his neck when the tears subside. Minhyun can feel Seongwu’s smile against his lips. “at least it got me to meet you.”

When Seongwu pulls away, it’s only to bring his hand to caress Minhyun’s cheek and to bring him closer, kiss him tenderly, and pour all of his being into Minhyun.

Minhyun reciprocates just as strongly, fiercely, and in that moment, Minhyun lets go of all his inhibitions, his reservation, his fears.

Damn everything that is right.

This.

Kissing Seongwu.

Having Seongwu in his arms.

Seongwu himself.

Makes him happy.

Minhyun rides with Seongwu, Sungwoon and Sungwoon’s mother back to the city the next morning.

He and Sungwoon are still not speaking, but he catches the other’s eyes multiple times on the rear-view mirror. Minhyun doesn’t avoid his eyes, channels his intention of not backing down through his gaze.

The ride is long and soon, Sungwoon falls asleep on the shotgun and Seongwu on Minhyun’s shoulder.

There’s a song playing in the car radio, and Minhyun finds himself fitting his fingers between the spaces of Seongwu’s hands as he mouths the lyrics.

can't see the stars, but we're reaching
trying to get through the dark on a feeling
lost our gravity, now we’re weightless
but i know in my heart we can take this

The spell might have already been broken.

Summer has already ended.

But Minhyun hopes this discovery with Seongwu will live on past this season.

A week later, they’re standing in the middle of the bustling airport. They hear Seongwu’s flight being called in the intercom but Minhyun still couldn’t bring himself to say his goodbye.

He walks Seongwu up to the gate, their pinkies laced together just as they were back in the night of the music festival. And when they reach the point Minhyun could no longer accompany Seongwu beyond the lane, he pulls his finger away from Seongwu only to wrap his arms tightly around the other.

He squeezes, tight, and hopes that the words of longing, of missing, and of yearning that he’s already harboring can be conveyed in the way he tries to mold himself against Seongwu for the last time.

He breathes him in for the last time: lavenders—forever will be associated with this man. He finally lets go but lets his fingers linger on Seongwu’s waist for a few more seconds.

Seongwu pulls on a piece of paper from his pocket and hands it to Minhyun.

“Write to me.” He says, eyes bright and voice carrying nothing but hope.

Minhyun tries his best to mirror it and smiles his biggest smile for Seongwu for the last time, for the last time before they will be oceans and oceans apart.

“Thank you, Minhyun.”

“For what?”

“For making me feel good about myself.”

Minhyun only smiles and Seongwu finally waves him goodbye.

Before he disappears through the gates though, he loos back one more time to mouth the following words to Minhyun.

Wait for me.

Autumn 1989, Seoul

The leaves have turned red and brown, falling sickly off the branches they have held onto the past seasons.

People are wearing thicker clothes, scarves around their necks and boots to cover their feet. The days are getting shorter, the nights stretching longer.

It’s no longer summer; when basking in the sun is just one step out of the villa away, when lake baths are accessible and aren’t a luxury, when fields of lavenders are just a bike ride away.

It’s no longer summer.

It has been over a year since the spell has been broken.

But the heat is still there, deep inside of Minhyun.

It’s scalding, never put out, and it’s renewed everytime he reads the latest letter he received from him.

He read each letter enough that every word is imprinted in his mind, memorized by heart and cherished by his soul.

He tucks away the letter to his coat’s pocket and turns his attention to the cup of hot chocolate awaiting him.

The café is packed despite being early in the afternoon.

There’s a song playing through the café’s speaker. A familiar one.

oh
so thank you for taking a chance on me
i know it isn't easy
but i hope to be worth it (oh)
so thank you for taking a chance on me
i know it isn't easy
but i hope to be worth it (oh)

Minhyun is too preoccupied with observing people walking outside the cafe to notice the seat in front of him being settled into.

It isn’t until there’s a knocking on the table that Minhyun is pulled out of his trance and is met by the same beautiful eyes that has held his heart captive too many months ago.

“Waiting for someone?”

He has got the same dark raven hair, though now cut short and it shows his black earring freely. The same captivating eyes. The same easy smile. The same alluring aura.

It’s Seongwu, flesh and bones before him.

And he’s back.

Minhyun smiles, reaches for the piece of paper he has just tucked into his pocket and squeezes, crumpling them.

“Not anymore.”