Chapter Text
there are days when i miss you
not the you that you are now
for even in my hazy sight
clouded by the dull pricks
from my past, left by
pins in my veins
and across my stomach
even i can tell that you are
so much better than the man
i fell for those years ago
when all you cared for was
how to keep a secret without
lock and key
i miss who you were, which is bizarre-
crazy, if you look between the lines
for the man you were was nothing
except someone who loved me
someone who loved complimenting me
and the horrid look in my eyes when you did
you'd always hold my waist until i smiled
and had no choice but to take the
foreign words from your tongue
everyday i miss you
i miss the way you loved me and
how i never knew what to do
with the fact. and i know you
still do, for even with my vision
showing me that you smile again now;
showing me you still know
what you need
i still hear the words you spoke when
you let me go - you always would love me
and i think i'll always love you too
for nobody else could live under my skin
like you did, could they? nobody would
ever know my heartstrings and lungs
the way you encoded yourself to know me-
how your heartbeat was tuned to
my favourite song and how you adored
the colour of my eyes so much
you'd spend hours looking into them
but you also
knew your way around a knife and
burrowing yours deep inside my kidneys
until the subtle stabbing became part of me
i remember how it felt in the beginning
when you'd still kiss with
teeth and never any heart
i scrambled for months
searching for yours
there are days when i miss who you were
but then i recall the days i woke up
next to you and couldn't tell you my own name
for yours was engraved into my skeleton and
i lost myself in your blood and your veins
your nerve-endings were more important
than mine and i'd rather live missing you
than lose my compass inside your thumbprint
then i come to this fact
i wish to miss who you are:
the better man, the man
i never got to have -
i never had a man who didn't
know his way around this
knife firmly between
my shoulder blades
with your old persona's face
sketched into the rubber holding
on the weapon
i never got the man who both knew me
and knew who he was so we
never needed maps that never
got lost for we had
ourselves and one another so yes
i miss you
i miss you, i miss you
i miss us
i miss who we were but never could i
lose my skin cells in your old creaking bed
again: i can't afford to lose myself in your ribs
i will always love you, and you'll always
hold my key in your palm but i never got
to have the person i miss:
he turned up after i left