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“It’s late.” The young director’s voice echoed through the empty walls of his penthouse as he sat upright on one of his living room couches. He was holding a bunch of papers on his hand while sipping on a mug. His gaze then traveled from the papers towards the unexpected guest this late hour. The sound of the thunderstorm outside suddenly grew loud due to his opened door. “And it’s raining outside.”
The locks of his doors clicked as a certain turquoise-haired man entered, shaking off his over coat in the process. The newly entered visitor now tried to fix his wet hair as its strands were sticking to his face. Upon hanging his over coat on the rack, he started removing his boots just before he entered.
“Forgive me for the unannounced intrusion,” V’s voice echoed as he sported a sheepish smile towards his friend who was now raising a curious brow at him. “I happen to be by the area and I thought I’d pass by.”
With a sigh, the raven-haired man flopped the papers on top of another pile of brown envelopes that were situated over the coffee table and carefully stood up. His mug still in hand, he walked towards the kitchen, waiting for V to follow him.
“Would you like any coffee?” He queried as he placed his mug on top of the kitchen counter upon reaching it. “Though I’m not confident I’d be able to serve you a coffee that tastes like what Assistant Kang makes.”
“It’s fine, Jumin. Really, I’d rather not have caffeine at this hour,” V shook his head while pulling a stool in front of him. He climbed up and sat, his arms leaning on the bar counter. Jumin just shrugged as he poured himself another cup, the aromatic odor of coffee enveloping their senses. “Hmm … Arabica. Very aromatic. Were you stressed?”
“Indeed, I am. I had to take work back here.” A sigh was heard and a clink of ceramic getting contact with a marbled surface resounded. Jumin gingerly pulled a stool just in front of V and relaxed his shoulders as he sat in front of him. He massaged the bridge of his nose and blinked several times before he curiously gave the other a do-over. “And I’m sure you did not come here just to listen about what I do at work. What happened, V?”
V released a soft smile as he lightly shook his head, fingers fiddling with each other. “You do get directly to the point now, don’t you?”
“I couldn’t comfort you now if you needed that,” He breathed, words slowly escaping his mouth. “Not until of course, you tell me what happened.”
What was he expecting? An answer? A prompt push?
Maybe. Maybe he needed a confirmation.
Though what the other could only offer was his silence.
A warm, comforting silence on a deeper level.
Jumin patiently waited until his friend finally decides to let him on his reasons with his late visitation.
With a sigh, V’s hands moved as he slowly remove the sunglasses he had been wearing since he arrived. He had been very hesitant while doing so - like he was having an internal struggle as to whether say it or keep himself mum about it. Normally, Jumin would comment to his very odd actions - his reason why he was wearing dark sunglasses at night.
Eyes now primly closed, he carefully placed the accessory in front of him. He spoke, voice as quiet as a tranquil sea, not wanting to be disturbed.
“Jumin,” V paused, his voice slow, deep and steady. He gradually fluttered his eyes open and gave the other a blank stare. “I think I’m going … blind.”
Jumin squared his jaw, his brows knitting in the process. He looked at V with bewildered confusion. He noticed it. He would be severely blind if he hadn’t. The usual vibrantly clear and crystalline spark of V’s turquoise jewels were gone … almost but not completely turning into a light shade of white.
His eyes looked dull … and dead.
He curled his knuckles and spoke, almost too quiet to be heard, “What … in the world, V?”
Swallowing several times did not help him calm his nerves. Oh, how he hated stuffs like this. V knew Jumin was his friend and they go long way back but he was not a bit comfortable about disclosing his condition. He did not fancy the idea of other people worrying about him.
Even maintaining a proper eye contact had become hard for him. This severe deterioration of his sight had expanded in less than a few weeks, much faster and way worst than he predicted. Tightly shutting his eyes and re-opening it did not clear the haze that almost covered everything in his vision. Tainting the beautiful colors he often see with a clouded blur.
Slowly… but surely… he knew this was bound to happen.
The raven-haired man kept mum the entire time. What was he supposed to say?
Was he supposed to say anything? Consolation? Comfort? Assurance?
He could tell … Jihyun tried his best to conceive the situation about his eyes, pretending as if it was not that severe. It made him frown, not because of the fact that he was sick but because V was still trying to pretend that everything is okay and in his control. And in front of him, of all people.
His own orbs stared at the other’s, trying to assess the weight of the situation. But the way V was unable to focus properly on him even though they were in front of each other was a dead give away of how worst his condition was.
"Which eye?” He asked, his voice deathly grim. “Or is it both?”
“I’m sorry for coming this late.” The other pursed his lips as he slowly returned his sunglasses back. He did not answer him.
“Believe me, it is not my agenda to visit and whine.”
With a frustrated sigh, Jumin ran a hand through his hair, messing up his locks. He should get mad, the least, for it’s been several weeks since they last saw and talked to each other. He had high hopes that he’d be fine that’s why, worried as he was over V’s welfare, he decided to let him off the hook. Frustrating as it is, the turquoise-haired photographer and president of the RFA was not actively participating in it anymore - he’d been MIA. Luciel wouldn’t even tell them where he’d been, which country he goes. It feels unfair and unjust that out of everyone, he only lets Luciel know his whereabouts? Not only that, he did not he return any of the calls he made over the course of the days.
“Answer me,” he growled, voice raising a few octaves. “I don’t want to get mad at you right now, Jihyun. You haven’t been returning any of my calls and you come to me with such news. What do you think I should be feeling?”
His brows furrowed more when he heard the sound of a soft laughter from the other. What was funny? Was there anything funny about the situation?
How could he laugh at such serious matter?
“No, sorry. It’s just that … you rarely get agitated.” The other mused, a ghost of a smile plastered upon his features. Take it for V to be calm even at times like this. “And yes, it’s both eyes.”
“For how long?” A part of him wished he never would have known the answer. His heart was already grieving for whatever his friend’s condition was.
Ever since then, V had always been the secretive type. The type to never let you get a glimpse of any of his burdens. The type to take on the challenges of the world on his own.
V is exactly the type to grace you with a smile even though he’s probably dying inside. And Jumin wished he’d stop doing that.
“Does it matter?” the other drawled, clearly thinking deep about something. Trouble, sadness and worry flashed across his features. “This is a wound I knew ... I deserved myself.”
V then lifted his head to smile sadly at the other. A smile that only someone who’ve been through a lot and almost got tired of everything could ever muster.
“I’m a sinner, Jumin.” A pause was made before he exhaled deeply,
“We all are, yes ... I’m very much aware of that. But my sins ... are far bigger than everyone else.”
Silence. There was nothing around them but silence.
Nothing else could be heard but the pouring rain on top of the roof and their breathing. And it took everything for Jumin to keep quiet the entire time. He wanted to argue - to tell V that he shouldn’t be saying such.
That, of all people, V should know he always got his back. And that he didn’t wish anything else for him, for both of them, but to find their respective happiness.
Jumin was happy that V found his happiness through Rika, even though he silently wished it should have been his instead. She could have been his instead. But he settled for the kind of joviality he felt for them, thinking that maybe, this was his own form of merriment. He was happy for them. Truly.
“I have been a very bad friend, haven’t I? I kept you waiting … ignored your calls … didn’t bother to get in touch. Maybe,” V’s voice dragged him back to the reality of the matter at hand. He focused his gaze towards the other and noticed how he produced a sad and tragic smile. “This is what was meant for me - for someone like me who wished for something more … who wished to be able to never let go and to continue to hold on tight on something I shouldn’t have.”
A pause.
“Maybe I would be able to make it up to everyone if I ... just die.”
That was it.
It took all of Jumin to restrain himself from arguing with the other as he respected that maybe, just maybe he had a reason for not showing up. A reason for not tapping him and ignoring him for weeks. A good reason why he’s acting like an estranged person in his life.
And all those restrains broke free in an instant.
It was fast that he was not even able to realize what he was doing. His hands were now suddenly on V’s collar, shaking him badly, the stool he was using falling on the marbled floor with a deafening thud. He couldn’t help the hurt that was rushing through his veins, shaking his nerves badly. His grip on the other was so tight he swore his knuckles almost immediately turned white.
“How dare you say that in front of my face?” Jumin gritted, anger seeping through his words. His eyes desperately searching for any aggression or argument on V’s features but to his surprise, the other only held a silent surrender. “Is this what I’m all worth for you, Jihyun? Is this ... friendship that shallow and light for you? Tell me!”
Anger. Restraint. Hurt. Trust and Dishonesty.
All of these were ingredients in perfectly destroying any harmonious relationship. And all of these are what’s eating Jumin’s relationship with V.
Secrets. Unsaid words. Irrevocable actions and wrong decisions.
Things that will lead to a broken and undefinable bond.
No matter how hard he tries, he seemed to only go farther and further away from him. No matter how hard he get a hold of him, he slips away from his hands. He had once let V get his own happiness from him, seeing as that it is rightfully his. He settled for the simple happiness of being by their side, by his side, as his friend.
And now, nothing hurts more than the fact that he wanted to help but he couldn’t.
V wouldn’t let him in.
He released his tight hold, his eyes narrowed at V who seemed to be avoiding his gaze. He said he was going blind ... and not yet blind, right? Jumin cleared his throat and inched himself away, his back now facing V, hiding his distressed look in the process.
“I’ll get you treated.” The raven-haired man began, his voice calm and firm. “I know a doctor. I’ll give him a call.”
“Jumin …” V began, uncertainty and apology lacing his tone. From the very moment he spoke his name in that manner, he knew he would never accept his help. Regardless, he remained silent and let him continue.
“I’m very sorry. For whatever it’s worth, I hope you understand.”
“I do. And that’s what I’ve been always doing for you, V.”