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"Alright, alright! That's what I'm talking about! Now everyone give it up for the maid man of honor, Angelica Schuyler Richie Tozier!" The best man, Stanley Uris shouted, hanging off the shoulders of Bill Denbrough, the groom. Laughter circled the room, and Richie stood up and picked up a champagne glass. He'd never been one for formal parties, but this was his best friend's wedding. He was going to be the best man, but Bev had gotten to him first. And Richie had accepted because the two of them had always been close.
Richie stood up, his eyes sweeping the crowd of the people he had grown up with, and their parents. Well, almost all of them, as they did have dysfunctional families growing up. His mouth ran ahead of his mind, which was always a blessing and a curse. "A toast to the groom!" He shouted, and the crowd parroted the words. "To the bride!" Another round of shouts from the gathered group of families. "From your 'brother', who is always by your side!" Richie said, walking around the small room. Bill and Bev who were holding hands, laughed. The two of them had always considered Richie an extension of their family. "And to hope that you always provide for each other, and may you always be satisfied!" Richie finished, winking at the newly-weds.
All this cheer from the collected group made Richie remember the very first time Bill and himself met.
...R...E...W...I...N...D...
Helpless, Bev had been. It had been love at first sight, Richie remembered. He too had been helpless.
Drownin' in em, when Richie had seen Bill's eyes, it felt like he was drowning in them. The eyes that held an entire conversation in them, even when the mouth couldn't speak the words. Bev had read the conversations in Bill's eyes too.
Memories swirled around Richie, taking him back to a time where not all had been lost for him. "I remember that night, I just might," A voice said, coming from all directions in Richie's mind. It was Pennywise, the voice that had haunted him from his childhood. Richie couldn't remember a time when she hadn't been there. Penny reminded him of old, forgotten memories that lay dormant in his brain. "I remember that night, I just might regret that night for the rest of my days." Richie joined Pennywise as he remembered that night.
It had been a party. A college party. The college parties had always been elite, and Richie, Bev, and Eddie always knew who was invited. Richie had been messing with Eddie, and Bev had been telling him to knock it off. The doors to the gym had burst open, revealing a lanky boy in a suit. Since Richie was too far away to see his face, he shrugged it off until later that night, when the boy spoke to him, and stole Richie's heart. Bev hadn't clearly seen the boy's face yet, either.
"I remember those soldier boys, tripping over themselves to win our praise," Pennywise whispered in his ears and the rest of the scene was painted in Richie's mind. It was true, all the boys in their school had been just about scrambling to get a piece of Beverly Marsh, the pretty girl who was the best for a less intimate relationship, Richie Tozier, the smartass who was the best for one-night stands, and Eddie Kaspbrack, the quiet one who was the best for a steady relationship. Currently, all three of them were single, but no one had been surprised that Richie was. Many boys had been on their knees, hoping to sway themselves into any of their good graces.
"I remember that dreamlike candlelight, like a dream that you can't quite place," Richie said, looking around in his memory. He was standing off to the side, watching the memories play out, safe from the embarrassment he would soon suffer. It had been a beautiful party, as the theme had been "Elegant". Even the lights were elegant, as they had chosen fucking candles as the lighting. It had made everything dim, and hard to see. Even now, Richie hated it. Someone walked through his body, and he shuddered, as it reminded him that no matter how hard he tried, he could never change the past. These were the memories he was stuck with, and this was the life he was stuck with. He and Pennywise were the only witnesses.
"But Alexander Bill, I'll never forget the first time I saw your face, I have never been the same," Richie said quietly, watching himself. He was helpless as he watched the Richie of the past look around at the gathered people, never once landing on them for too long. That suddenly stopped when Richie landed on the face of a boy who was the most beautiful boy in the world. His auburn hair was flipped over the right half of his face, shading the top of his eye. His eyes, which were a lighter blue, scanned the crowd, following Richie's pattern of never landing on one person for a longer period of time. Richie's face turned from disinterest to lovestruck in a heartbeat. He didn't know why, but the boy called to him. It was if the two of them were soulmates, but Richie almost scoffed at the thought. If they had been soulmates, the universe would have never torn them apart.
"Intelligent eyes in a hunger pang frame, and when you said 'Hi', I forgot my dang name." Richie's eyes watered, knowing exactly what would happen next. The past Richie moved away from Beverly and Eddie, making sure to keep his eyes on the boy. He saw the moment that the boy's eyes landed on Richie, as Richie seemed to light up like a pack of firecrackers. Behind those thick, bottle glasses were eyes that could have been mistaken for hearts. The boy began to cut through the crowd to Richie. At this point, everything else in the memory seemed to blur out, as the boy became the center of Richie's attention. The only thing that wasn't blurred out was Bev, and Richie could see that she was searching for someone, presumably Richie, as he had walked off without saying a word. Weakly, the boy raised a hand and waved at Richie, whose face had already been tinted pink. By the time the boy had reached Richie, he had already gone red in an entire face flush of color.
"Set my heart aflame, every part aflame," Richie cried out, grasping at his chest. The other Richie was making awkward conversation, tripping over his own words, but the boy didn't seem to care. This is when Richie realized that the boy had a stuttering issue, but he hadn't cared. The boy smiled like Richie was the only person he had ever seen, and Richie flushed an even deeper red if that was possible. All he wanted to do was kiss the boy, but he didn't.
"THIS IS NOT A GAME!" Pennywise's voice reached him, sounding like it had been through a walkie-talkie. It was as loud as the surrounding party, and Richie saw her sitting on a table nearby, swinging her short legs. Even though Penny did nothing but torture him on a daily basis, she looked sad. Richie knew it was sympathy for him. Even a disembodied voice in Richie's head could still feel sad at this situation, especially one that knew the outcome.
"You strike me as a woman someone who has never been satisfied," The boy said, causing Richie to stand up straighter, as though offended. Richie knew from experience that his mouth would run faster, running on pure emotion and not logic, and Richie had been offended, as there was no way he was a virgin!
"I'm sure I don't know you mean, you forget yourself," Richie stated, reminding the boy who he was talking to. He was Richie Tozier, the One Night Stand man. He was also good for blowjobs a the drop of a hat, but it all came at a price. If one was willing to pay, he would do it.
"You're like me, I'm never satisfied," The boy said, winking at Richie. Richie "fake" swooned, causing the boy to laugh. They were striking up a good conversation, and Richie knew it.
"Is that right?" Richie flirted, batting his eyes and it was the boy's turn to swoon. Richie felt a little switch inside him 'click', and from the look in the boy's eyes, he had felt it too.
"I've never been satisfied." The boy shrugged, his eyes dropping to the floor, and Richie fought the urge to put his hand under the boy's chin to force him to look up.
"My name is Angelica Schuyler Richie Tozier." He introduced himself, sticking out his hand. The boy stared at the hand for a moment.
"Alexander Hamilton Bill Denbrough," Bill said finally, and the two shook hands. To Richie, sparks jumped from Bill's hand to Richie's and all the way around his body. He would have reacted, but he was taught from a young age to hide his feelings. It was the best feeling in the world, and Richie would never give it up, he told himself. All that would change in a few moments, Richie knew. To Bill, it was like touching fire. He could see that Richie was a strong-willed person, and would never budge in his beliefs. He liked that, and he wanted to know more about Richie. Until tonight, if he had been told he would talk with Richie, the infamous "Prostitute", which was a nickname Bill hated, he would have laughed. He still had no idea how he was invited to the party. Stanley Uris, who was close to Eddie, had pulled some strings to get Bill invited. It worked, apparently. Now, he was chatting with one of the prettiest boys Bill had ever seen. He could almost feel the mutual attraction between the two of them.
"Where's your family from?" A question from Richie. He wasn't asking about his actual family, no. It was the "family" that he stayed with on campus. Bill knew that Richie belonged to the "Trashmouth" Family, which was located on the lower half of campus, near Bill. Bill stayed with the "Schuyler" Family, which was named after some girl who had donated a lot to the school and was near the "Trashmouth" Family. Unlike the "Trashmouth" Family, however, the "Schuyler" Family was well known for being a shitty place to live. Many of the junkies stayed there, but Bill had gotten in on a writing scholarship. It was the only place left on campus where Bill could have stayed.
"Unimportant." Bill waved the question off. Without a proper explanation, it would amount to nothing, and Bill didn't want to explain to Richie the terms of why he was here. "There's a million things I haven't done, just you wait," Bill said, ending the conversation. He left Richie behind, as he had seen Stanley Uris, and wanted to thank him for getting him into the party.
"So, so, so, this is what it feels like to match wits with someone at your level!" Pennywise and Richie said in unison. The two of them were melancholy at the situation, as there was no avoiding the inevitable, but for now, Richie could relish in this warm, tingly feeling that came with talking to Bill Denbrough.
"What the hell is the catch?" Richie saw himself wonder with this boy. He could name a few off the top of his head. One, it would ruin his reputation of doing anything for a price, two, it would all come crashing down the moment he realized that he couldn't handle a steady relationship, and three, it would have destroyed his "close enough to him to be a sister" Beverly Marsh. Richie, Bev, and Eddie all called each other siblings because they knew practically everything about each other.
"It's the feeling of freedom, of seeing the light. It's Ben Franklin with a key and a kite, you see it right?" Richie asked Pennywise, who nodded vigorously, and Richie smiled softly. He could always count on her to agree with him on certain topics.
"The conversation lasted two minutes, maybe three minutes, everything we said in total agreement!" Richie exclaimed, and with every beat of his heart, a fresh wave of pain spread through his body. The two of them were soulmates. They had been created for each other. But, not every pair of soulmates could be together.
"It's a dream, and it's a bit of a dance, a bit of a posture, it's a bit of a stance, he's a bit of a flirt, but I'll give him a chance. I asked about his family, did you see his answer?" Bill asked Pennywise, who gave him a thumbs-up. He had noticed how Bill avoided the question of where his family was. He couldn't possibly be from any family that Richie normally hanged around. Otherwise, Richie would at least know who he was. That left quite a few options, but there were a couple that stood out to him. Later, Richie would always wonder why someone like Bev went for someone from the "Schuyler" Family. They were the junkies, after all. But, that would have never stopped Richie from loving Bill.
"His hands started fidgeting, he looked askance? He's penniless, he's flyin' by the seat of his pants," Penny said, and it circled around Richie's brain like it usually did. Richie agreed whole-heartedly with the statement.
"Handsome, boy does he know it! Peach fuzz and he can't even grow it!" howled Pennywise, cackling with laughter. Richie chuckled, as Bill's little fail at a goatee had almost made him laugh up close. Right before he got married though, he shaved it off. Now, Richie missed it.
"I wanna take him far away from this place, then I turn and see my sister's face and she is-" Richie said, and watched as the other Richie walked back to Bev and Eddie. Keeping his eyes focused on Bev since she looked angry with him, Richie could pinpoint the exact moment that Bev spotted Bill behind him. It was if he had been watching himself just a few minutes before. Her expression softened, and she seemed to melt where she stood, her knees shaking, and a soft breath escaped her lips. If it had been anyone else, Richie would have laughed his ass off at how stupid they looked, but this was Bev, his sister. Soon enough, he would be crying instead of laughing, hiding away from the rest of the world because he knew nothing would mend his broken heart.
"Helpless," Richie said, describing the feeling that he had been feeling at that exact moment. Richie turned his head, looking for the possible suitor of Bev with a cocky grin on his face. It took him only a second, but he watched the bright light that had been illuminating Richie for the past few minutes go out like a candle. The smirk was wiped off his face, and it was replaced by a look of utter and complete despair. The person Bev had been staring at was Bill, the boy Richie had just spoken with.
"And I know she is-" Richie's voice broke, falling to his knees. His other half looked to follow the same thing, but Eddie gripped him in a tight hold. He seemed worried for only a second, he was talking with Stan.
"Helpless-" Pennywise cut in. She moved from where she had been sitting over to where Richie was.
"And her eyes are just-" Richie sobbed, and he felt cool hands grip his shoulders. It was Pennywise, who else would it have been? It was true, Bev's eyes looked like she had just seen the entire world.
"Helpless," Penny said, hugging Richie's neck, wallowing in his sorrow. She relied on his feelings. If he was sad, so was she.
"And I realize three fundamental truths at the exact same time," Richie said between sobs, and it was true. At the moment where Bev had fallen completely and totally in love with Bill was the same time he realized things. Richie saw Bill again, and made his way over to him, grasping his arm tightly. Bill stared at him for a moment, then began to speak, making Richie's heartbreak all over again into a million pieces.
"Where are you taking me?" He asked, and Richie nearly laughed. I want to take you far away from here, he thought. But I can never get my wish. Richie's shoulders dropped, and he put his head in his hands, not wanting to see anymore. But the scene was painted inside his eyelids.
"I'm about to change your life," Richie said as flirty as he dared. Although he didn't know it, Bill now belonged to Bev. Richie would stand aside and watch the two of them live for each other, and eventually, Richie himself would settle down for someone.
"Then, by all means, lead the way." Bill flirted back, not catching on that Richie's expression was serious. Richie cracked a fake smile and tightened his grip on Bill's arm. Besides, there was no way it could work out, regardless if they were soulmates. He felt the need to explain why the relationship between Richie and Bill would never work out.
"Number one: I'm a girl boy in a world in which my only job is to marry make it rich. My father has no sons others, so I'm the one who has to social climb for one. So I'm the oldest only one, and the wittiest, and the gossip in New York City Derry, Maine is insidious, and Alexander Bill is penniless. Ha! That doesn't mean I want him any less." Richie broke, the tears flowing freely from his face. He could feel the anguish rolling off the other Richie in waves.
"Elizabeth Schuyler. Beverly Marsh, it's a pleasure to meet you," Bev said affably, sticking her hand out for Bill to shake. Richie almost scoffed, as Bev was never happy to meet anyone. But, Bill was the exception, because it was love at first sight for her, wasn't it?
"Schuyler Marsh?" Bill asked, turning his head towards Richie. His calculating eyes met Richie's, who just shrugged, hoping his glasses would hide the pain in his eyes.
"My sister," Richie said as honestly as he could. He believed it too, and so did Bev. And Eddie, who was no longer watching their interaction, but kissing Stan. Richie thought it had been more than enough time. The sexual tension between the two was thick enough to cut it with a butter knife.
"Number two: He's after me because I'm a Schuyler sister. "Trashmouth". That elevates his status, I'd have to be naive to set that aside. Maybe that's why I introduce him to Eliza Bev, now that's his bride. Nice going, Angelica Richie, he was right. You will never be satisfied." Richie watched, as that was the only possible thing he could do. He knew, in his heart that Bill and Bev would eventually marry, and Richie would be the male equivalent of the maid of honor.
"Thank you for all your service everything you've done," Bev said, making small talk. Richie wanted to scream at them to get to it. He was divided between screaming and leaving.
"If it takes fighting a war planning a party for us to meet, it will have been worth it," Bill said, rubbing the back of his neck. He acted sheepish, but it did help him get into Stan's good graces, and then for Stan to ask Eddie if he could be invited. Everyone at the college wanted to go to at least one of the "Trashmouth Siblings" parties because they were so amazing. He figured that it was just his time.
"I'll leave you to it," Richie said, backing away. Bill broke eye contact with Bev to look at Richie. Perhaps he saw the pain in his eyes because he opened his mouth, but Richie shook his head real slow so Bev couldn't see it. This was their night, Bill and Bev's, and Richie wouldn't be the one to ruin it.
"Number three: I know my sister like I know my own mind. You will never find anyone as trusting or as kind. If I tell her that I love him, she'd be silently resigned. He'd be mine! She would say: 'I'm fine,' she'd be lying!" Richie screamed, getting to the real reason he could never take Bill away from Bev. Bev, who was the sweetest girl he knew, if you only looked past the defenses she put around herself. She would do anything to be treated kindly, and Richie could never take that.
"But when I fantasize at night, it's Alexander Bill's eyes, as I romanticise what might have been if I hadn't sized him up so quickly!" Richie could perfectly picture Bill's eyes. The shade of his eyes was nothing Richie could ever place, but he could guess that Bev could, as they never stopped looking into each other's eyes.
"At least my dear Eliza's Beverly's his wife, at least I keep his eyes in my life." Richie stood up and dusted his ghostly self off, and suddenly the memory shattered, taking him back to the small, stuffy room where the reception was being held. He could feel tears coming on, and his love for Bill beat in time with his heart, spreading throughout his body. He better wrap it up before he started bawling like a child.
"To the groom!" Richie repeated, and the gathered crowd parroted it with as much enthusiasm as the first time around, as Richie had just finished a long speech about how he loved the two newly-weds, and how he had hoped they were happy. Pennywise had been the true speaker behind the scenes, as Richie was lost in between the memories of pain and loss and love.
"To the bride!" He yelled, throwing his arm around Bev's neck, who had stood up. She grinned at him, and he returned the smile easily, and behind him, Bill smiled at the two. Richie caught the gaze of Bill, and the tears began to fall. Both of their expressions morphed to one of worry, but Richie paid them no mind.
"From your sister brother! And the hope that you provide, may you always be satisfied." Richie said, removing his arm from Bev. Bill, who had been watching the two of them, felt his face morph into one of surprise, as he recognized the words from when he and Richie first met. Struck now by the realization that Richie still remembered that night, he stood up, wanting to talk to him, but Richie had already taken off. As he looked around, Eddie and Stanley were also missing.
"And I know, she'll be happy as his bride." Richie looked back at the other two men. Eddie whose look was forlorn, and Stan's was sympathetic. The two of them would never truly understand how it felt to love someone who loved another. Now that Richie's soulmate was married off to his sister, he looked back and saw that Bill was standing, searching for someone, and Bev, his sweet sister, was grinning from ear to ear, chatting with Mike Hanlon. She was so happy, Richie knew that he made the right choice, giving Bill up.
"He will never be satisfied," Richie murmured, as he realized this. Bill would never be satisfied with everything that he had, he would always reach for higher things. Suddenly, Bill swept Beverly off her feet, kissing her with such a passion that a sharp burn went through Richie as he thought: That could have been me.
"I will never be satisfied." It was just above a whisper, and the words were carried with the wind. No one but Eddie and Stan would ever know about the love Richie held in his heart for Bill. Until the day he died, Richie swore to himself that he would keep this love deep inside of him because if it reared it's ugly head while he was still alive, Bill and Bev would know, and Richie would never let anything come between Beverly and her happiness.