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On the surface, Killua seemed quick to be in control of any situation; if it was a fight, that was almost a certainty. Perhaps thanks to Gon, he had learned a thing or two to aid him in his overall successes as well; particularly those in battle as the two boys continued to fight and train alongside one another. But on the inside… Killua felt more lost than ever.
That was thanks to Gon as well.
‘Tch...’ At times, Killua felt like he could have solved all of his problems at once simply by screaming; letting his feelings out in the open without having to think about the consequences. But thinking about the consequences was precisely Killua’s problem.
The slightest touch or look from Gon set Killua's heart ablaze. It was all he could do to attempt to hold the reaction inside him each time; but even he knew that the look on his face must have been telling of what he was actually feeling. The question was… did Gon ever notice? It… definitely wasn’t possible that Gon looked at him the same way, at least. But even just Gon’s smile was enough to melt Killua’s heart in a way that he had never felt before leaving the confines of the Zoldyck family mansion. The kid… didn’t even have to try. Gon got to him that easily.
Killua’s chest clenched tightly as he watched Gon’s sleeping face just inches from his own; both cursing and blessing his luck at how Gon seemed content to completely ignore the fact that they usually slept in a room with two available beds. Gon was breathing softly; a peaceful, warm expression flattering his features. Killua was completely and utterly smitten.
‘What do you think of me, really…?’ Was the thought that nagged at Killua’s mind as he tried to find sleep that night; like so many before it a difficult task when all he desired was to be close to Gon like this; no... closer. So, so much closer.
☆ ☆ ☆
Killua woke the next morning to too-bright rays of light shining through the curtains. A groggy hand moved up to cover his eyes as he tried to adjust to the sudden brightness. His body was warm; nestled in a mess of thick quilt and basked in the intruding sunlight. He shifted a little, rolling to his side where he found yet more warmth; the sheets beneath him coupled with his body almost uncomfortably warm. Gon’s earthy scent flooded his senses; ‘Ah… he must've gotten up before me.’ Killua allowed himself to soak in the other boy’s lingering warmth a little while longer; at this point, indulging himself was completely unconscious. Gon had grown so alluring to him that he simply couldn’t help himself.
When he finally pulled himself out of bed, he lazily let half of Gon’s quilt come with him; his small feet catching on the end of it and sending him stumbling forward a foot or two. Cursing over his freshly stubbed toe, he half-hopped the rest of the way to the bathroom; stifling a defiant yawn with the back of his hand. He opened the door and stared back at his unamused reflection in the mirror. Going days without sleeping? Easy. Having to get up in the morning? Killua wondered how Gon did it every day with a smile on his face.
Gon’s smile...
… Right. Brushing his teeth. He should probably get on that. But even as he reached for his recently-purchased Chocorobo-kun toothbrush, he couldn’t get Gon’s smiling face out of his mind. Killua’s hand moved mechanically; his thoughts much more focused on Gon than the task at hand, and it was probably just that that caused him to overlook something that should have been painfully obvious to him. Something he hadn’t even factored into the equation. His guard was down.
A soft rustling sound alerted Killua to his mistake a fraction too late; as he rinsed his mouth and spat into the sink, his eyes widened as he glanced over his shoulder to see the tips of Gon’s spikey hair poking out of the far side of the bath curtain. Killua’s insides froze; the tap left running as the blood in his veins ran cold. ‘Shit…!’ Gon was definitely naked. Right now. Naked and about to get out of the bath, soaking wet and only a few feet away from him. ‘... This is bad.’
… And yet, Killua couldn’t pry his eyes away. He kept them rooted on Gon’s face as he came into view, even as Killua’s entire body tensed knowing that the rest of Gon would soon be following with it. A wet slapping sound as first one, then two of Gon’s feet hit the floor reassured him of that; and despite his usual preparedness in any situation, Killua’s heart rate began to skyrocket. Sure, they had bathed together before…! But it had been completely innocent; something not unbecoming for young kids to do at their age that he had never gotten to experience before. It had seemed so natural. This was… an entirely different beast. Killua was fully clothed and caught completely off-guard, and there Gon was; standing sopping wet and naked before him.
A bead of sweat ran down Killua’s cheek. Gon still hadn’t noticed the way Killua was staring at him; his large golden-brown eyes fixated on what Killua could only guess was the towel he was hopefully going to wrap around his waist. Another soft rustling of cloth… hopefully indicated that that had been the case. Killua wasn't quite sure how he would have handled seeing Gon's lower extremities right at that moment.
Blinking once, Gon turned toward Killua almost comically slowly; the look on his face a perfect mirror of Killua’s own surprise. "Killua?"
Reflexively, Killua reached behind himself to blindly fumble with the tap and turn it off; the absence of that extra noise immediately making the silence between them almost deafening. He hoped that it would say, quite clearly; ‘I was brushing my teeth.’, and not ‘I swear to god I did not mean to come in here to catch you naked.’ "--Sorry." Killua blurted out despite bothering to go to all that effort. His face contorted slightly in embarrassment."I didn’t know you were in here." Well, that was true, at least. Killua cursed at himself in his head for his own carelessness. ‘Where else would he have been, stupid!?’
This shouldn’t have even been a problem. But it was Killua himself that was making it one; he knew for a fact that it wasn’t any ordinary 'friendly' feelings that were making this situation a lot more uncomfortable for him than Gon probably realized. But as usual, Killua was positive that he hadn’t noticed at all.
"For what?" Gon’s voice was the very light of innocence, his hands coming up to towel his hair dry as he replied. Killua’s eyes followed the toned, surprisingly muscular lines of Gon's arms; noticing the small, dark patches of hair under them. Those differences between them served to only interest him further--Killua was lean and light, pale skinned and completely hairless, his eyes narrow and cat-like and his hair as white as snow. Gon was nearly the opposite of him in every regard; he had darker, sun-tanned skin, more defined muscles, wide eyes and pitch-black hair; even noticeable hair on his legs, at least compared to Killua’s. He was perfect.
"I didn’t think you’d be in here." Killua felt like his answer was dishonest; it was certainly true that he hadn’t thought about it, but a non-distracted, alert Killua probably should have at least noticed Gon’s presence. It was almost terrifying how often he let his guard down in front of Gon now; thankfully never for more than a split second in situations where their lives depended on it, but in ones like this it was enough to make him worry a little. He wasn’t exactly sure what Gon would think of him if he knew exactly how Killua felt. And exactly was just how much Killua would need to be sure before he even so much as thought about telling him.
The problem was… if Killua let his guard down so easily, he was liable to slip up eventually. He could already feel himself slowly cracking on the surface; his outward facade threatening to crumble to pieces. All because of a boy he found far too dazzling to stare at for long, but braved the sight of just the same.
Gon seemed to think about his response for a moment, his lips pursing. "Mmm… but I wouldn’t have breakfast without you, so where else would I be if I wasn’t still in bed?"
Killua had to try his hardest not to show a physical reaction to that. It would have been much easier if Gon didn’t have such a stupidly cute look on his face. "I don’t know! Don’t you have more catching up to do with Mito-san?" Killua knew that was unlikely; he had waited for hours after dinner the previous night for Gon to come back up to his room, but it had taken long enough for Killua to get tired--tired enough to slip into Gon’s bed and realize that it still smelled of him strongly; like Mito hadn’t washed his sheets the entire time he’d been gone. Killua had fallen asleep while indulging himself in that; only waking when Gon had slipped beneath the covers to join him. He couldn’t see Gon’s face in the dark, but he could have sworn he had smiled.
"Not really." Gon replied, as if the answer had been obvious. He frowned. "Why does it even matter, though?" That put Killua a little on edge. His skin prickled defensively. Gon was right… it shouldn't have mattered, not to the Killua that he suspected Gon saw.
But he wasn't that Killua.
Killua's expression softened, a hint of darkness in his eyes. His gaze fell to the floor. "It doesn't…" A lie. But one Killua had to make. Even if his behavior seemed suspicious, he had to lie here… otherwise he wouldn't hear the end of it; Gon would press him until he talked. He hoped that, with this, his reaction wouldn't be enough to make Gon curious enough to pry. It was just a little misunderstanding; nothing more than honest surprise.
"… Okay…" Gon didn't sound completely convinced, but it seemed enough to prompt him to drop it. Killua sighed in relief, thinking the moment had passed--but just as he had dared to look at Gon again, the towel around his waist came loose and dropped to the tile floor below. Killua's entire face went red and he jerked his head to the side violently. Okay, that time, he had definitely gotten a glimpse…! 'Shit!!'
"Idiot!!!" Killua practically screeched, his eyes clenched shut and his hands balled into fists at his sides. He didn't know how much more of this he could take…! Between Gon's cluelessness and his own oddly aware 12 year old heart and mind, he was going to break.
Gon's eyes widened at Killua's sudden outburst, and his eyes slowly fell to his bare waist. He rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly and looked back up at Killua; who could feel Gon's eyes on him even with his own closed. "Hehe, whoops!" Gon's voice shook softly with laughter, and Killua couldn't help but open his eyes and look at him; for a brief moment forgetting that he was still blushing, was still so obviously affected by what should have only been mildly embarrassing to him.
"... You're shameless, you know that?" Killua sighed, his eyebrows softly furrowed. He had managed to regain his composure, at least momentarily. It was truly a blessing that Gon was so carefree; if it weren't for that, Killua would have had much more trouble coming back down to earth when he got caught up in his feelings for him. Ironic, that it was Gon who could calm Killua down when he was the one who was at fault for making him feel that way in the first place.
Gon winked and stuck his tongue out, and Killua managed to smile despite himself and the increasingly dangerous predicament he had cornered himself into. It was really only a matter of time until something gave; this little fiasco had made him sure of that.