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Gladio was in a bad mood.
The most romantic night of the year, and he was sitting on the couch with his sister who wouldn’t fucking stop kicking him-
Knowing that he was just frustrated and lashing out, Gladio closed his eyes and took a deep breath, centering himself. He only had himself to blame for the fact that he didn’t have a date: he’d been asked out plenty, but he’d turned them all down out of some misguided romantic hope that Ignis would suddenly have a revelation and sweep him off his feet.
He supposed that it could have gone worse when he’d blurted out that Ignis was sexy, but there was nothing particularly encouraging about the confused stare he’d received in return. He’d practically run away afterwards, Ignis making him feel so unbalanced and stupid that there had been nothing else for it.
Maybe he’d try again on a day when there was less pressure.
“You’re pining again.”
“Don’t even,” Gladio warned, but Iris jammed her heel into Gladio’s thigh and giggled.
“Oooh, I’m Gladio,” Iris said, dropping her voice as low as she could accomplish and pushing her eyebrows and mouth into an exaggerated frown. “I have a big dumb crush like a five year old and I’m just gonna sit around and frown about it.”
“You’d know all about acting like a five-year-old,” Gladio muttered, although it was a struggle to keep a straight face. Iris look hilarious with her cheeks all puffed out, and he reached over to haul her into his lap as she flailed. It was what he’d used to do when she was younger, but for once she didn’t seem to want to complain about being treated like a child.
“I’ve been captured by the enemy!” She wailed, Gladio grinning for a moment before tickling her sides. It was a welcome distraction from thoughts about how often he fucked things up with Ignis: beautiful, witty, dedicated Ignis who Gladio swore made the sun shine a little brighter.
Their friendship was one of the relationships that Gladio valued most in his life, right there alongside his family and Noctis. He hated himself for wanting more from someone who already gave him so much, but he couldn’t help it.
The way Ignis made him feel was beyond anything else he’d ever experienced. Even a brutal workout couldn’t make his heart beat as fast as Ignis could with a simple smile, and-
Okay, maybe Iris had a point. He was pining, and she knew it.
His dad probably knew it too, but he tended to prefer sly comments that left Gladio wondering how much he realised to outright teasing.
“Anyway, what do you know about relationships, huh?” Gladio asked, letting off with the tickling and lightly jabbing his finger into her side instead.
“I know more than you do, you dumb garula,” Iris laughed, slapping Gladio’s hand away. “Just go tell Iggy that you’ve got a big gay crush on him, he’ll love it.”
“Since when does he let you call him Iggy?” Gladio asked, purposefully avoiding the rest of what Iris had said. Regardless of what she thought, she didn’t understand the issue, and Gladio didn’t want to accidentally chase Ignis away.
Lifting her nose and crossing her arms over her chest, Iris was the picture of noble haughtiness when she said, “He lets me call him Iggy because we’re friends.”
“If you’ve been telling him about me-”
“Ew, as if,” Iris said, sticking her tongue out. “We’ve got better things to talk about than your stupid face.”
“Oi,” Gladio growled playfully, grabbing her arms. This time, she reached across to grab one of his wrists, making a few quick moves to expertly break his- admittedly weak- grip and somersault off his lap. Landing back in her previous spot on the couch, she raised her hands and let out a triumphant, “Tah-daaah!”
“Impressive,” Gladio nodded, leaning across to ruffle her hair before she could stop him. “You been training with dad?”
“Whenever he has the chance,” Iris grinned, and Gladio felt unspeakably proud. He’d like to train her some himself, but between his own training and working with Noctis there wasn’t a lot of time left over.
“Kick some ass, kid.”
Iris laughed gleefully again, and they lapsed into silence as Gladio turned his attention back to the TV. It was quietly playing some sports program that he didn’t particularly care about, and he let himself fall back into his thoughts.
Astrals, he was pathetic, and it was all because he couldn’t pull his head out of his ass and talk to Ignis properly. Alone and pining on the last night of the Shiva Festival, hanging out with his little sister. At least she was in contact with her friends, if the constant pinging of her phone was any indication; Gladio’s own was as silent as it only was when Noctis was otherwise occupied, and he didn’t even want to think about the probable reason why Noct had given Ignis the night off.
He blinked when Iris made a sharp, excited-sounding gasp, and he curiously turned his head to watch her as she sat up straight and practically smashed out a message on her phone. Her grin was wider than usual, which easily raised Gladio’s suspicions.
“Far out, kiddo, what’s got you all excited?”
“None of your business,” Iris shot back, holding her phone out of reach when Gladio swiped for it.
“If you’ve got a boyfriend or a girlfriend, better ‘fess up,” Gladio grinned, making another half-hearted attempt to steal her phone. “Dad’s gonna want to meet them.”
“I’m not dating,” Iris said with a truly dramatic roll of her eyes, although her expression quickly turned mischievous.
“What’s that look for?” Gladio grunted.
“It’s not my boyfriend,” Iris said, a slow smile spreading across her lips. “It’s yours.”
“Wha-” Gladio yelped, grabbing Iris’ wrist until he could lean over far enough to see her phone screen. Sure enough, her current message thread was with ‘Iggy (ง⌐□ل͜□)ง’, and Gladio was definitely going to tell Ignis about that.
Breaking his grip on her wrist again while Gladio was distracted, Iris pulled her phone protectively into her chest. “We’re talking about important things, okay? He’s catching up on RHOI so we’ve gotta talk about Sabine throwing her wine glass in Pridie’s face and trying to flip a table.”
“Sounds scintillating,” Gladio said dryly, only to pause when he finished interpreting what Iris had actually said. “Wait, you’re telling me that he’s spending his night off watching shitty TV?”
“Yeah?” Iris said. She shrugged her shoulders casually, settling more firmly against the arm of the couch. “Why, finally gonna stop staring at him from a distance and actually do something about your crush?”
“Don’t be an idiot, Iris.”
“Oooh, look, I’m Gladio,” Iris said, falling back into her fake deep voice. “I’m a big waste of muscles because I’m a coward.”
“Iris,” Gladio started warningly, but she wasn’t done.
“I prefer to subject my awesome, totally great sister to all my dumb whining, because I’m too much of a wimp to-”
“You know what,” Gladio snapped, his pride hurting more than anything else. “I’m going over to Iggy’s. It’s better than putting up with you.”
“You know you love me,” Iris said, completely unconcerned. “Go spill your heart, bro.”
“Maybe I will,” Gladio said, fully aware that he was playing right into her hands. She’d be a feared negotiator on Noctis’ council if she ever wanted to be: she’d annoy a foreign delegation into giving her exactly what she wanted. As much as Gladio didn’t want to give in, Iris was one of the only people who knew how to bait him, and she was one of even fewer who were willing to actually go through with it.
As much as he didn’t want to admit it, though, Iris was giving him the push he needed. He could sit around and whinge about Ignis not dating him, or he could actually do something about it.
Maybe he’d wimp out again, and maybe he wouldn’t, but that was preferable to sitting around and letting his sister tease him.
“You should probably change first,” Iris said, looking far too self-satisfied.
Looking down at his old, too-tight shirt, Gladio had to agree that she was right. Ignis would probably want something more formal, right? A dress shirt like he usually wore himself?
“Wear the douchey open shirt, he likes that one.”
Freezing in place and then turning to fix Iris with a suspicious stare, Gladio pointed his index finger into her face. “When I get back, you and I are having a serious discussion.”
“Whatever, Gladdy,” Iris said with a casual wave of her hand, turning back to her phone. “Go bother someone who cares. Like Iggy.”
Shaking his head, Gladio ducked into his bedroom to change his shirt, swinging by the bathroom to pat down his hair and throw on a quick spray of cologne. Iris was still on the couch when he practically ran towards the front door, and the last thing he heard before it closed behind him was her obnoxious, gleeful shout.
“You’re welcome!”