Chapter Text
Alex sits on her couch staring at the TV. She isn't really watching it; she's too consumed by her own thoughts to notice Rachel, Monica and Phoebe sitting on their couch in wedding dresses.
This would have been Alex's second Valentines Day with Maggie.
The first one with her wife.
Instead, Alex is sat in the dark, a glass of wine in her hand and her phone balancing on the sofa arm next to her.
She's never felt the overwhelming urge to call Maggie as much as she does right now.
It would be so easy to hit speed dial, to give in to the voice that keeps telling her to do it.
She has craved hearing her voice for so long, has missed the cute little dimples that consume her face as she smiles, the cheeky eyebrow that she raises as she flirts, the feeling of her soft wavy hair as it runs through her fingers.
She has missed everything about the beautiful detective for whom her feelings still run like rivers through her veins into the oceans of her broken heart.
But she doesn't do it.
No matter how much she has wanted to ever since the detective uttered those words that irreparably shattered her heart into millions of tiny fractured pieces and then left her apartment for the last time, she can't.
Sometimes she dreams about their heartbreaking goodbye and wakes with 'See you around, Danvers' echoing through her mind. Each time her eyes flit to the other side of the bed where Maggie used to sleep and when they focus, they find it empty, the pillow unruffled, and her heart sinks to her stomach as hot tears prickle her eyes.
To Alex, it's a nightmare.
Other times, for just a second after Alex wakes up, she forgets that Maggie isn't her fiancé anymore. For a few seconds she feels happy in her blissfully unaware morning haze until she realises that she can't feel the warmth of the detective next to her, and then sadness envelopes her all over again.
The nightmare becomes her reality.
When she feels empty and alone, she has to tell herself that they want different things, even though they'd envisioned a long and full and happy life together.
That doesn't make it any less difficult, though.
In fact, it makes Alex feel worse.
It was because of what she wants that they can't be together, that's how she sees it.
She loved Maggie with all her heart; she still does, but she had wanted them to have their own little family.
As much as she tried to convince herself over and over again that she could live without having a child of her own, it didn't work.
As Alex sinks deeper into her thoughts, she takes another small sip of her wine.
Her phone vibrates and throws bright light into the dark room.
Kara.
Alex has assured her sister what feels like a thousand times that she'll be okay, that there's no need to worry about her. Kara had offered to come round to watch a film or play board games but Alex had practically ordered Kara to enjoy her first Valentines Day with Lena.
Reluctantly, the younger Danvers had relented and was now probably sitting in her favourite restaurant with the CEO, likely munching on as many potstickers as she can get her hands on.
Movie night tomorrow?
Alex pings back a yes before throwing her phone across the couch.
She sighs as she tucks her hair behind her ear, deciding that it's as good a time as any to go to bed.
She quickly rinses her glass and puts the almost-full bottle of wine back in the cupboard.
A knock at the door grabs her attention and she sighs again as she makes to answer it, flicking on a lamp in the process.
"Kara, I've already told you to stop fussing!" She shouts as she walks to the door.
She frowns when she doesn't receive a response but thinks little of it as she unlocks the door and flings it open.
Alex's breath catches in her throat. She feels her heart begin to race as butterflies flutter around in her stomach. All her thoughts are jumbled and her brain turned to mush as her eyes widen at the person standing awkwardly, beautifully in front of her.
"Danvers?"
Alex's heart beats faster at the familiarity of the sound of her name as it escapes the other woman's lips.
"You in there, Danvers?"
Alex swallows hard and realises that she's staring and hasn't taken a breath since she opened the door.
"Maggie?" Alex bumbles.
The tiny detective raises a small smile at the agent.
"What're you doing here?" Alex asks, leaning against the door to keep herself upright.
"Can we talk?"
Alex stares at Maggie until she realises what she's just asked. She nods and gestures for Maggie to come in.
She steps into the apartment, her head cast down to the ground.
As she walks past Alex, the agent can smell the floral scent of her soft perfume, the one that she was so used to smelling when they were in bed, snuggling or otherwise, when they ate breakfast, when they were taking down an alien…
That smell used to mean home.
Now it just means someone that she used to know but never stopped loving.
Alex clicks the door closed, her back to Maggie. She's afraid that this is all a dream and that she won't actually be stood there when she turns around.
But she is.
She's standing by the couch, her favourite leather jacket hanging unzipped, revealing a half-tucked white t-shirt, her NCPD badge on show.
Damn, she's hot, Alex thinks almost involuntarily.
Snapping herself out of it, she offers Maggie a drink.
"Uh, just a glass of water please."
Alex grabs a glass from the cupboard and fills it from the tap, all the time her mind still racing.
"Y'know, it used to look so much better in here with bonsai trees," Maggie jokes, although her dimples don't appear as she smiles.
Alex can sense that Maggie is nervous. She can see it in the lack of dimples, the way that she plays with the zip on her jacket, the way that she pulls her bottom lip between her teeth.
Alex simply nods at Maggie's statement as she leans back against her counter.
Sensing the awkward air between them, Maggie clears her throat. "So, how're you doing?"
Alex nods, maybe a little too vigorously. "I'm good." Both women know that that's not true.
Alex is suddenly grateful for Kara's pestering. Had Maggie or anyone else called round this time two months ago, they'd have found her buried under takeout boxes and probably sat in the same position on her couch if she wasn't throwing herself into work.
Kara had insisted and then persisted in coming round almost every day to clean and tidy, to keep Alex going. She makes a mental note to thank her sister because she would be so embarrassed right now had Maggie seen the mess she'd been in.
"Glad to hear it."
There's an awkward silence for a moment while neither woman speaks. Maggie stares into her drink, swirling the water around the glass while Alex watches her, still shocked that she's actually standing in her apartment.
"So, uh, what can I do for you?" Alex tries her best to sound cool and keep her voice steady, but on the inside she is anything but calm.
All Alex wants to do is kiss her, see her smile like she means it, be the one to make her smile, but the mix of emotions inside her quashes her ability to.
There's only a counter's distance between them and Alex feels so close to Maggie, yet with what feels like a lifetime spent apart since they last saw each other, she feels so far away.
Maggie looks up from her glass before setting it on the counter. She slips a hand into the back of her jeans pocket and glances at the ground before shifting her weight to her other foot. When she looks up, her dark brown eyes find Alex's mahogany ones starting at her attentively, questioningly, longingly.
"I miss you, Ally."
Alex's whole world stops.
The beautiful woman whom she loves so much still loves her back.
Those four simple, yet completely complicated words have shattered her world again, because she feels exactly the same.
"I miss you every second of every day. I wake up and the first thing I think of is you and at night I go to bed wishing it was with you by my side," Maggie says honestly. Her voice cracks as she speaks, as she tries to fight the tears that make her throat burn and threaten to overwhelm her.
Alex can't find the words to tell her that she feels exactly same, but not because she doesn't want to say them. Instead, she walks around the kitchen island and stands inches away from Maggie. As she breathes in, she gets another hint of that sweet perfume and it tickles her nose and drives those butterflies in her stomach wild.
The tiny detective glances upwards, taking in every curve of Alex's perfect body before she sees her feelings reciprocated in her big wide eyes.
At least, Maggie thinks Alex feels the same.
Without breaking eye contact, Alex carefully moves Maggie's hair away from her face, taking in the delicate shape of her eyebrows, the fullness of her lips, the perfection of her jaw line, before she takes her soft hand in her own.
Although it's a little smaller, it fits perfectly like the universe had intended for it to be that way, that they had been moulded, sculpted just for each other.
Alex can feel the little indentation where Maggie's engagement ring has left its mark. She resists running her finger over it like she would have done when the ring used to sit there proudly, something that always used to make Maggie smile. The little mark on her own hand has served as a constant reminder of what she had, of what it meant to love someone. Knowing that Maggie's is still there too makes her feel a little better, because it shows their shared pain.
Alex guides Maggie to the couch. She sits down, legs crossed and facing Maggie as the detective perches on the edge so that she's side on to Alex. She studies her hands, her shoulders rising and falling as she sucks in a deep breath.
"You're everywhere, Alex." Maggie's eyes threaten to overflow but she scrunches them together until she feels that she can speak again. "I see your smile in the sunlight as it filters through the crack in my curtains. Sometimes I think I hear your voice when I'm listening to my radio and get called out. I see you when I get ready for work and make two coffees instead of one. I see you in every room, look for you amongst the crowds and no matter how many beautiful women there are, I don't care because none of them are you. None of them will ever come close to you. Every single one of my thoughts revolves around one thing and that's you, Alex. We talked so much about our firsts, and you're the first woman to leave me feeling heartbroken and you're the only one I've ever wanted back."
Maggie can't hold her tears back any longer. They spill down her cheeks, leaving shiny tracks in their wake. She bites down on her lip to try to stop them but it doesn't work. Alex feels her own eyes well and before she even realises she's done it, Maggie is enveloped in her arms. She pulls her tight to her body, feels her diaphragm rise and fall with every hitched breath. It feels so natural, so right. They stay like that for a moment and Alex begins to rock them soothingly.
She sniffles before she speaks, her cheek resting against the top of Maggie's head. "I miss you too, Maggie." She wipes away a tear. "That day didn't feel real for so long. I never wanted it to be real. Some days Kara had to drag me out of bed and into work, other times she had to drag me home. Except it didn't feel like home anymore because you weren't – aren't – there. When I first told you how I felt about you, all I felt was pain because I didn't think you wanted me, but that was nothing compared to the gut-wrenching feeling I still have from us being apart and knowing that you do."
Maggie untangles herself from Alex's grip. She looks up into her eyes and sees the hurt in them, the hurt that she's caused because she didn't think that she could give Alex what she wanted.
"Leaving you was the biggest mistake of my life, one that I've regretted every single day since. I want to spend the rest of my life with you, Alex, if you'll let me."
Alex tips her head back and glances at the ceiling, unsure of what to make of Maggie's words. "I cannot tell you how much I would love that, but my feelings still haven't changed."
Maggie looks at Alex determinedly. "Then we'll do it."
"Do what?" Alex is suddenly confused.
"Have a family. I'd do anything for you. I thought I knew that before, but I was wrong."
Alex stares at Maggie once again, a little dumbfounded before she speaks honestly. "I don't want you to do it for me. I want you to do it because you want one too."
Maggie nods having known that that was exactly what Alex would selflessly say. "A family with you is the only thing I want. Being with you made me see what it was like to have a family who love me for who I am, to have Kara and Lena and Eliza and the rest of the Superfamily, but being without you has made me realise that I want something more. You have changed the way that I see the world, Alex Danvers, because you are my world. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I want to have a family with you. You're the only girl I ever want to kiss."
Alex's bottom lip trembles. She covers her mouth with her hand, the situation completely overwhelming her.
This was not how she imagined her Valentines night panning out.
Maggie shifts from her position on the couch and kneels in front of Alex who is now blubbering with a cushion propping up her chin, tears leaving little wet patches on the fabric. She gently takes Alex's hand in her own, feels it grip hers.
"You're my ride or die, Danvers."
Alex sniffles and manages a small smile, which in turn makes Maggie's dimples dance across her face.
Looking into Maggie's eyes then, Alex can't say no. There isn't a single cell in her body that wants to. She begins to nod, a huge smile erupting across her face. It only gets wider as she sees the look of ecstatic realisation plastered across Maggie's features as she realises why Alex is nodding.
Beaming, Maggie leaps up and throws her arms around Alex, bowling her over. Relief mixed with excitement and happiness floods her entire body. When they break apart, Maggie is lying on top of Alex, their faces barely inches apart. Their eyes connect for a second before they drift down to one another's lips. Alex pinches her lip between her teeth before she leans in to kiss Maggie.
Although she's never forgotten how it felt to kiss her, she had forgotten just how soft Maggie's beautiful lips are. As they caress her own, she feels herself kissing Maggie harder, as if making up for lost time. It just feels so right.
When they break apart again, Alex sits up, the cushion still in her lap. "Can I just ask you one question?"
Maggie raises her eyebrow a little, unable to stop smiling. "Sure babe, anything."
"Why today? If you've felt this way for so long, why wait until now?"
Maggie takes Alex's hands in her own. "Because it's Valentines Day."
"But you hate Valentines Day."
"Not when I'm with you. You're still the one woman that could make me like Valentines Day."
Alex chuckles. "Smooth."
"Always, babe." Maggie kneels on the couch, rips the cushion from Alex's arms and leans forward so that her face is level with Alex's. She leaves a lingering, teasing kiss on the other woman's lips before she speaks again.
"Life's too short to spend it without the ones you love."
Alex knows that Maggie is right as she kisses her back more passionately, with more intensity and meaning than she ever has before. She can feel the hunger in Maggie's kisses as they find her lips, her neck, and the way that they linger in all those familiar places, leaving little patches of Alex's skin tingling, burning, craving more.
They suddenly find themselves swept up in a heated tangle of hands in hair and lips on lips, bodies pressed together, their time spent apart forgotten.
Still, in that perfect moment, both women know one thing for certain; they undoubtedly, undeniably love each other forever.