Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Ban Ryu was smiling more these days, sometimes even laughing behind his hand. He was still hesitant, keeping his lips together, ducking his head or hiding behind his sleeves. But the lines between his eyebrows were less pronounced and the tension between his shoulders lessened. Overall, Ban Ryu looked happier since they grabbed back Jingheung’s throne.

It didn’t change much the frequency of his nightmares and his uncanny ability to have off-sleep schedules. Or the haughty way he strolled by, as if he owned the whole world when in truth after Master Park Youngshil downfall, he was poorer than almost everyone in Hwarang. It didn’t do anything to the cold facade and the awkwardness in social situations, or to his bad habit of chewing his lower lip when wronged. But even Soo Ho could approach him easily these days, and every conversation didn’t always end in a competition of some kind. He could put his arm around Ban Ryu’s shoulders, or just casually touch his wrist when leading him somewhere without risking his manhood in the process. The young man even get away with jokes at Ban Ryu’s expanse ( he was more careful now about what material to use. Family was a big no since their relationship improved ) .

So it wasn’t really surprising that Soo Ho tried to get more smiles out of Ban Ryu. Or that he really, really liked how much warmth poured from a toothy embarrassed laugh even if that treacherous sleeve always get in the way. If he get out of his way to encounter Ban Ryu, or threw lame jokes just to get that exasperated eyeroll and those uplifted lips corners, then that was his own damn business.

The shadows of Master Park Yeong Shil were slowly lifting, and it was sometimes heartbreaking to see. ( Like the way Ban Ryu still seemed disbelieving, whenever someone of the crew showed concern for him or defended him ).

He accompanied Ban Ryu the day he had to go see his stepfather in the prison’s palace, so the disowning papers could be signed. He stayed next to the young man during all the long juridical process, discretely rubbing his wrist during the numerous hearings. He gritted quietly his teeth as Yeong Shil’s charges kept piling up, but none of them included the years long abuse Ban Ryu, his father or any of the staff suffered through.

( They both gripped each other’s hand hard when Hansung’s death was added to the charges, since it was Yeong Shil who pressured Danse’s father to task his eldest son with killing Seowool, leading to Hansung’s death. Even now, it was still a raw wound to know they would never see the barely adult’s smile ).

Soo Ho shook himself out of the bitter memories. Today the sun was bright and a small breeze kept the summer’s warmth from burning. A day Hansung would have loved, and Soo Ho intended to make the best of it. He hummed to himself a current popular folk song as he took without thinking the familiar detour leading to Ban Ryu’s usual path. The other man was quietly reading in the shades of a building, his back relaxed against the wall. Soo Ho smirked to himself, knowing with a simple look that the other was deeply engrossed in whatever book he found in the Hwarang’s library. There was no one around, everyone quite busy with many more or less important tasks. It was the perfect opportunity. He approached his target soundlessly, keeping out of his vision before shouting loudly directly into his ear. Ban Ryu jumped into a defensive position, his book falling out of his hands and his eyes wide open.

“Aish! Did you have to do that?” grumbled the annoyed young man, shooting a dark look to the laughing Soo Ho. But the barely-there uplifting of the corners of his lips betrayed his angered face, quickly hidden as he bent down to retrieve his novel. When Soo Ho got another look at his features, the bitten smile was gone, leaving behind the usual severe look. Soo Ho quieted his laughing, nodding toward the book.

“What are you reading?”

“ Something you wouldn’t be able to understand, no matter how hard you try. “ replied Ban Ryu with a snort, before continuing “You’re taking this to the training hall?”.

The small haughty flick of his wrist hinted toward the swords Soo Ho still held. It was getting heavy, and with a grunt the young man adjusted his grip.

“Yeah, I had cleaning duties today. Unlike some people, I actually have work to do.”  

“ As if anyone had much free time, since the queen stepped down. I’m just faster, that’s all. You should try it sometimes, so you won’t come back so late every night.” added Ban Ryu with a smirk, putting the book back into his folds of clothes. “Give me some, I shall make sure you don’t drop any before making it back.”

“Aish! This guy!” exclaimed Soo Ho with an exasperated eye-roll. He threw half of his burden to Ban Ryu anyway, because who would let such a rare offer pass?

They kept bickering the whole way.

At the canteen Soo Ho managed to get a real smile from Ban Ryu, as he enacted some silly story he heard from Okta. He still smiled whenever this moment came back into his thoughts, long after they finished eating and showering. ( One or two of the Hwarang had send him at least one strange look). It was quite dark inside their room, the curtains shutting off the moon’s light. It was eerily quiet without Seowool snoring, or Jidwi ( he still couldn’t call him king Jongheun inside his mind even as he pledged his loyalty to him. ) little breathy huffs. Yeowool wasn’t here as well for the week. It was just Ban Ryu’s slightly irregular intakes of breaths, betraying the fact he was still very much awake and pretending to having already fell asleep.

Soo Ho didn’t comment it, simply getting under the covers. His tired mind didn’t take much prompting for him to fall into slumber, letting repeated loops of Ban Ryu’s smiles invading his dreams.

A strangled cut off hoarse scream waked him up what seemed like minutes later. He sat abruptly on his bed, hands reaching for a non-existent sword at his hip. Blinking the fogginess of sleep away, Soo Ho tried to get quickly his bearing. Small sharp irregular intakes of breath was the only sound -besides some insects and tree leaves from outside- to be heard. The young man sighed soundlessly, letting go of the tension. They weren’t under attack, even if he felt that the actual situation was worse.

 Ban Ryu had another nightmare. A pretty shaddy one, since he usually wasn’t much of a screamer.

 Soo Ho thought about it for about two seconds, before dragging his sheets with him as he climbed over the other man’s bunk. There was Ban Ryu, sitting with his knee against his chest and his head buried in them, his arms tightly circling his legs. He wasn’t difficult to see how hard he was shaking. And was that… sobbing?

 Nope nope nope! Internally panicked Soo Ho. He couldn’t handle tears. That was wayyy out of his league. And his job description.

 His weight betrayed him as his body, deaf to his mind’s protests, continued his ascension toward his long-time rival. Ban Ryu’s head snapped in his direction as he registered the added body on his mattress. Tears tracks cut through his cheeks as tired, frightened eyes looked at the arriving person distrustfully. Quickly, the young man wiped off his features from any signs of salty water before hiding his hands under his long sleeves since they wouldn’t stop shaking.

“What do you want?” snapped aggressively Ban Ryu.

“ I want to sleep, and it’s too cold near the floor. Scout over, I want the place far from the wall or else you will squish me while I’m sleeping.” answered as casually as he could Soo Ho.

No one moved for quite some time before Ban Ryu sighed deeply, as if the mere idea to fight this one just exhausted him thoroughly. With a dramatic huff and eyeroll the young man gathered around him all of his sheets, letting a decent place for Soo Ho to lay down. He made himself comfortable, facing the inside of the room and his back to Ban Ryu who was still sitting cocooned inside his blanket. The mattress was still shaking slightly, and the tension in the air was so thick you could cut it with a knife.

And because he couldn’t help but put his foot into his mouth, Soo Ho asked: “ Do you want to talk about it?”

Silence laid thickly between them for a very long time. Soo Ho was ready to nod off again, when a near whisper answered him.

“ Just stuff about my step- Yeong Shil.”

Soo Ho forgot about sleep nearly right away. It was so rare Ban Ryu talked about this. In all the years they had know each other, it happened only once and his rival was delirious with fever. He pleaded in-between harsh coughs for Yeong Shil to stop hurting his father, that he would do better, that he was so sorry and please don’t hurt him, hurt me instead, please- Besides that one occurence, everything he knew was by observing him for years and hushed rumors of abused staff.

“ Yeah?” he breathed out, knowing that one word too loud or misplaced would end this fragile thread of truth and confession between them.

But Ban Ryu didn’t elaborate, and Soo Ho didn’t push.

Baby steps.

Chapter Text

They were coming back from another squeamish at the borders, sweating under the hot sun and the last of adrenaline burning through their veins. The fight had been a long one, the forest hiding enemies and allies alike from their sight. It was ambush after ambush, the opposite side carrying on desperation alone as soon as it was clear that they were overpowered. An entire day passed on, fighting and waiting to cross swords, small respites the only rest they had. But now they were victorious and on their way back to the village where they held camp.

Soo Ho felt the aches all over his body, muscles protesting the harsh treatment and his throat sore from dehydration. He gulped another mouthful of water, most dripping to his chin and clothes as his horse jolted. A snort on his left made him look at Ban Ryu, who was shaking his head disapprovingly at him.

“ Manners, Soo Ho. You weren’t raised with the pigs.” tutted the long haired warrior.

“ Get off my back Ban Ryu. Aren’t you thirsty as hell after this day?” tackled right back Soo Ho.

“ Not enough to sully myself like you so carelessly do.” haughtily replied Ban Ryu, a smile in his eyes.

Soo Ho only laughed, it was part of their banter and it felt too good to know they were coming back to a shower and a bed to be really annoyed. Silence laid lightly between them for a few minutes as they continued on their ride. The wind was blowing, drying the sweat on their skin and the layers of clothes and armor they wore.

“ That was one hell of a day through. I thought we would never be back this evening.” commented Soo Ho, mostly to himself.

“ I’m glad as well. I may be a warrior, but I don’t particularly enjoy sleeping in dirty clothes.” frowned Ban Ryu.

Soo Ho resisted the urge to smooth the crease between his friend’s eyebrows. There was the start of wrinkles appearing here, the expression so common on Ban Ryu. Instead he splashed the end of his water on the unexpected victim before speeding up to get at Sunwoo’s level, who was this operation’s leader.

Ban Ryu utterly shocked face made him cackle in delight.

Of course since they were literal kids mock-fighting all the way back since that water incident, they were the designated Hwarangs to take care of the horses and start the fire while the others were enjoying a hot shower. Ban Ryu ignored him for the most part, sulking after being reprimanded by Sunwoo( It had been worth it anyway, most fun he had in a long while through he would never admit it ). Soo Ho giggled to himself, replying some parts of the epic ride back in his head. Yup, utterly worth their leader’s punishment. Besides, it felt good to know he was the one who put a smile on Ban Ryu face. The warrior was really at his most beautiful when he smiled. If Ban Ryu was of a more sunny disposition, he would have the world at his feet just by flashing his smile.

Finally the others came back, all fresh and content while they finished the preparations. Sunwoo, after another quick reminder that they were the first generation of Hwarangs and quite literal heroes in the eyes of the following ones and as such shouldn’t be as childish as they were, let them finally bask in the glow of the awaited shower.

They were in the changing room, Ban Ryu naked - beside a towel to cover his modesty- when the light caught the scar on his side. It was a clean red line cutting a few inches above his hip bone, a full three inches of raised skin. There was others scars on his torso, like that jagged line from protecting a citizen in a squeamish, the small mark of an arrow while shielding a Hwarang trainee from his own clumsiness, or the faded lines of years of abuse from his former step-father. But this clean red line was much more personal, reminiscent of a fight that should never have happened, weren’t it for the madness of royalty. It was the scar that Soo Ho putted there, when he never wished to hurt his friend. Even while he alternated between concern and outright hatred, there was never this need to scar Ban Ryu’s body, to violate his skin with his sword. But the queen and her plays for power forced him to take his weapon and brandish it, knowing one of them might die at the end of it.

Forced him to fight even through everyone in Silla perfectly knew that Ban Ryu’s skills didn’t match his.

He remembered as clear as if it was happening, the feeling of utter despair and horror, as they circled each other. As neither of them wanted to do the first move, but one of them had to do it anyway. How he thought that when he finally had a tentative truce and the start of a friendship with his long-term rival, he would have to put him down like a dog for the amusement of their masters. How he felt like a puppet, a worthless piece of a game of chess so big no one could see the other’s side. He remembered the burning stares, some indifferent, some rooting for him or his rival and some just as desperate as himself. How this horror was etched in Ban Ryu’s eyes, how connected he felt to him at this instant.

How maddening it was to see the blood on his blade, the way Ban Ryu faltered despite trying to remain strong. How it became clear who would die on this field.

And how he asked himself if he could do it, if he could end Ban Ryu just like that, for nothing. No glory would have come from this unbalanced fight, nothing else than the knowledge he killed his friend for someone’s amusement.

The relief was so sharp, he could have honestly fainted right there when the duel was stopped. But then the anger came, anger at the queen he respected so much but who ordered this. Anger at Park Yeong Shil, who’s disappointment was dripping through every pore when he should be concerned for his step-son. Anger at his father who would have watched him die or kill someone he cared about. Anger to everyone present, who just watched.

Anger at himself, for knowing that he didn’t resist this absurdity.

“Stop staring, it’s getting creepy.”

Ban Ryu’s stern voice derailed his unhappy thoughts. Soo Ho blinked once, then twice while he tried to make sense of that sentence.

“What?” he finally asked, a bit aggressively just by principle.

“You’re staring at me like some creep with a giant frown on your face. Stop it.” carried on Ban Ryu, unfaltering. Then, softer and understanding he added “ This was neither of our fault. This duel should never have happened and anyway there’s no point in thinking about it now.”

Soo Ho faltered, didn’t really thought his friend would catch on so quickly on his thoughts. But they knew each other for a very long time, didn’t they? Sighing he simply smiled, a little one but filled with warmth and gratitude.

“ Yeah, I guess you’re right.”

“ Please Soo Ho, I’m always right.” smirked Ban Ryu, before turning gracefully on his heels and heading toward the showers’ stalls.