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Despite the fact that Laurent loves Damen more than he loves himself, sometimes, Laurent can’t stand the man. Unlike what Vannes thinks, Damen is not perfect. In fact, far from it.
Laurent hates it when Damen cooks. While Laurent appreciates the gesture of Damen trying to prepare him a meal when he gets home, he doesn’t want to deal with the mess that comes with it. Damen doesn’t cook often, but when he does, he leaves the kitchen as though it has been raided by dacoits — flour on the counter, water on the floor, milk spilt over the stove, utensils pulled out and upturned, and dishes unwashed in the sink. It’s not what Laurent wants to come home to. On occasion, Laurent has been welcomed by shards of jar glass broken under Damen’s brute force.
But sometimes, Damen will prepare him tea after a long day at work. In spite of being a coffee drinker himself, Damen makes his tea just the way he likes it — just the right amount of milk, just the right sweetness, and just the right temperature. And just like that, Laurent’s hatred melts like a glacier under sunlight, trickling cool water down the mountainside. He is not to be blamed if he moans into his tea, forgetting his death threats to Damen lest he leave the kitchen uncleaned.
*
Laurent hates it when Damen goes partying with Auguste, Nik, and Jord. Even though they are married, Damen and he do not always share the same interests. Sometimes, Damen will itch to watch a game, play a sport, or go out clubbing. Laurent knows that the gang’s invitation is extended to him by default — Damen and Auguste more than willing to entertain him — but it isn't fair to intrude on the four of them. As much as he would like to, it would be selfish to want to keep Damen’s attention solely on him at all times.
He shouldn’t be envious, but he can’t help it when he sees the happiness on Damen’s face while enjoying their camaraderie over a game, slapping each other’s backs and sipping beer, just like they used to in college, envious that he will never be able to give Damen such company.
But sometimes, after such night-outs, Damen will creep into his arms, mumbling in a drunken daze how grateful he is to be friends with Auguste, because otherwise, he would never have met Laurent. And just like that, Laurent’s hatred blurs like a bad dream chased away by a lullaby, leaving only the sweetest bliss. If he chooses to profess his undying love to Damen at that instant, well, Damen wouldn’t remember it in the morning.
*
Laurent hates it when Damen snores. Which happens every night. It doesn’t help that Laurent is a light sleeper. Initially, when Damen had moved in with him, Laurent would struggle to get two hours of sleep each night, leaving him in a cranky mood for the rest of the day.
To add to that, Damen is huge. Even their king-sized bed feels small for the two of them. It’s almost impossible to move Damen once he has settled in the middle of the bed. Unlike Laurent, Damen doesn’t sleep still. His heavy limbs land on Laurent every time he tosses or turns in his sleep.
But sometimes, when Laurent returns from relieving himself in the middle of the night, Damen will be tracing his hand over Laurent’s side of the bed, as if trying to find him even in sleep, a frown scrunching his brow. When Laurent fits himself under Damen’s arms again, Damen will pull him closer and begin to snore instantly. And just like that, Laurent’s hatred lifts like a heavy fog dissipating from the ground, leaving the air clear to breathe. It’s not his fault that he doesn’t stop kissing Damen’s sleepy smiles.
*
Laurent hates it when Damen and he fight. Though most of the time they manage to settle it after benign arguments, other times, it drags out — resulting in Damen sleeping on the couch and Laurent not being able to sleep at all. It rises mostly due to the fact that Damen takes Auguste’s side on one or more matters relating to the company.
Even though Laurent knows that Damen is right in his reasoning, he cannot bear the fact that his husband would side with his brother rather than him. It’s a petty thought, and he knows it. If only he could help it. Auguste and Damen are made of the same moral mould, and that’s perhaps why they are best friends.
But the next day after such a fight, Laurent will enter his cabin and find a huge vase of white roses with a card reading: I already miss you. I want my best friend back. And just like that, Laurent’s hatred dissolves like sugar in water, sweetening it further. If his associates find the smile that doesn’t leave his face the rest of the day scary, well, it’s their problem.
*
Laurent hates it when Damen does the laundry. Laurent does the laundry. Always. But when Laurent doesn’t find the time to do so amidst work, Damen will volunteer to do it. He mixes the whites with the coloured clothes, uses too much detergent, and always manages to spoil at least one article of clothing under the wrong setting.
But sometimes, when Laurent returns home tired, Damen volunteers to undress him gently and massages his head and back with strong, able hands. And just like that, Laurent’s hatred disappears like a mirage in the desert, vanquishing the illusion. If he demands his husband’s services every night to undress, who can stop him? It’s his right, after all.
*
Laurent knows that he’s not an easy person to love. He’s stringent with his displays and declarations of affection. He’s not simple like Damen is. He wonders why Damen even asked for his hand in marriage. What if one day Damen decides that he’s had enough of him? What if love isn’t enough to keep them together? What if Damen stops loving him, or he stops loving Damen?
Laurent sometimes drives himself crazy with such thoughts.
But then, every night, Damen crawls into bed behind him after he has dozed off, leans against his ear, and, kissing the shell of it, whispers: ‘Laurent? Good night, sweetheart.’
And just like that, Laurent falls in love with Damen all over again, his frivolous fears drifting off into the darkness of the night.
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