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We stared at each other from across the room.
Naruto was sitting stiffly on the futon, seiza-style with his hands clenched into fists as they rested on his knees. The bulge was unmistakable.
“You look stupid,” I informed him as I peeled an orange.
“Rude.”
I shrugged and took a bite. “Isn’t that what you want me to do? Belittle you while you belittle yourself?”
“B-b-belittle myself?!” he sputtered. “That’s the worst euphemism I’ve ever heard!”
I shrugged again. I took another bite and tried to hide the shaking of my hand.
Naruto started chewing on his bottom lip.
“This is a terrible idea,” I finally said.
“It was your idea!” Naruto cried, flailing his arms around.
“Was it?” I asked, tilting my head to the side.
“Bastard! Yes! I would never… Take some damn responsibility for your own actions!”
I shrugged, and he just about lost it. I looked away so he couldn’t see my smile.
“Fine, I get it!” he sulked. “I’ll go take a long, cold shower. Alone.” He stood up dramatically.
“Sit down,” I said evenly.
He paused.
I looked to him, raising an eyebrow.
He sat down slowly, finally taking on a more relaxed posture.
I took a bite of my orange. A little bit of juice dripped down the curve of my thumb. I frowned and caught it with my tongue.
Naruto let out a strangled breath.
I didn’t even have to try with him, I just had to exist and he was putty in my hands.
Or putty across the room, as the case may be.
“Well?” I said.
“W-w-well what?” he stammered.
“Are you going to get on with it?”
He was blushing so hard that the tips of his ears had gone red.
I couldn’t help the softening of my smile.
He smiled, too. “This is kinda harder than I thought.”
“Is that supposed to be a double entendre?” I asked, leaning on the table. I rested my chin on my hand and watched him.
“No, I think it’s the opposite,” he said, looking down at his crotch. “The corporal needs a little encouragement.”
“You can do it, little corporal,” I encouraged.
“Why are you so horrible to me?!” he complained, but he squirmed and readjusted himself.
“Little is a term of endearment,” I said, keeping my eyes on him. I felt more comfortable than I’d thought I would. Naruto’s embarrassment helped.
“Big is a better term of endearment,” he suggested.
“Are you my big boy?” I scoffed.
“Yes,” he said, sticking out his lip in a pout.
I sniffed at that. “You are an overgrown child, that’s for sure.”
His hand settled on his thigh. He rubbed his leg absently.
“You can touch it,” I said.
He retracted his hand, looking startled.
“Do you not want to?” I asked.
He licked his lips nervously. “No, I want to, I just… You’re sure?”
“I’ll tell you when to stop,” I said. Because it had been my idea, and we were going to do this. We were going to have sex.
From across the room, obviously.
“Okay,” Naruto said, taking a deep breath. He moved his hand back to his thigh and hesitated.
“Are you always this bad at jerking off?” I asked. “Is that why you’re so sexually frustrated?”
“I’m awesome at jerking off!” he snapped back at me.
“Is that something to be proud of?” I asked with a laugh, even as he started rubbing himself vigorously.
“I’m very manly and virile,” he asserted.
I leaned back on my arm and watched him. I didn’t feel disgusted like I used to, mostly just amused. It was such a base, animal state that Naruto was in, and I was the one who had reduced him to it. “How long is this going to take?” I complained.
“You know these things take time!”
“No, no idea,” I said.
“You’ve really never jerked off?” he asked, eyeing me suspiciously even as his hand kept moving. “You’ve just never had an erection in your entire life?”
“I ignore them until they go away,” I said with a shrug.
Naruto looked at me aghast. “That’s not how it works!”
“Works fine for me.”
“I would never ignore you, Corporal,” he murmured soothingly to his penis.
“Get on with it,” I groaned, sitting up and taking another orange from the bowl.
“It takes time,” he said, gritting his teeth at me. “And it takes even more time when he’s nervous.”
“I’m sorry, love, do I make you nervous?” I asked with a snort. I hated that Naruto made me laugh in such an undignified way, but it was derisive enough that I could ignore the indignity of it.
The color red that he turned was pleasing. “You know, I’ve had just about enough of you!” he cried, turning his back to me and taking something out from under his pillow.
I waited.
And waited.
He moaned softly and the sound of a zipper opening sliced through the air.
“What are you looking at?” I ventured, feeling ignored and a little sour about it.
“The real Sasuke,” he murmured distractedly.
“The real Sasuke is right here,” I said with a glare.
“You just don’t understand me like he does,” he said, waving the signed photo of me that I’d given him to keep him company.
“Oh my god you’re such a loser,” I groaned. “Look at me.”
“No way.”
“Why the hell not?”
“It’s embarrassing!”
“So you look at a picture of me instead?!”
“It’s my comfort zone.”
“Look at me, you usuratonkachi.”
Naruto glanced at me over his shoulder, chewing on his bottom lip.
I stared at him and ate my orange.
“Saaaaasuke,” he whined. His breath had gotten shuddery.
“Yes?”
“Why do you make everything you do so erotic?” he complained, eyes glued to my fingers as they moved from the table to raise a piece of orange to my lips.
“I think you’re just a pervert,” I said, taking a bite.
His eyes followed every movement of my lips. He suddenly shook his head, like he was breaking a genjutsu. “No, absolutely not, it’s not normal! A normal human isn’t that damn sensual!”
“So you’re saying I’m not a normal human?” I asked.
He finally turned his whole body back towards me, pointing an accusing finger in my direction. “Yes, that’s exactly what I’m saying, you erotic nightmare!”
I blinked slowly.
Naruto suddenly seemed to realize that his dick was flopping out of his pants for all the world to see, and quickly covered it with both hands.
“I have seen it before,” I said, finishing the orange and licking the tip of my thumb clean.
“I… this is different!” he said, turning back around abruptly.
I hadn’t really thought that I would get much out of having ‘sex’, but apparently I’d been missing out on a very vital activity for my life. “Naruto.”
“…what?”
“I’m enjoying this.”
“Enjoying my misery?”
I smiled. “Yes.”
He looked at me over his shoulder.
“Are you almost done?” I asked.
“If you keep looking at me like that, yeah.”
“Looking at you like what?”
“…like you love me.”
“I do love you, stupid,” I said, unable to keep the fondness out of my voice.
Naruto whimpered.
“Just like that,” I encouraged him.
“Sas’…”
I watched him unravel, and it felt good. I made him like this. He was arguably the most powerful man in the world, and he came apart at my whim.
“Sasuke… Sasuke…” he panted, his eyes fixed on me as he pleaded.
“You’re okay,” I said. “Finish up.”
He closed his eyes when he did, and I wished he’d kept them open. I thought that one day I might like to touch his face while he did, thumbing along his permanent five o’clock shadow and holding him patiently until he was done.
Not today, though. He still had his back to me, and I didn’t want him to turn around, didn’t want to see that sticky disgusting mess. For the first time since we’d started I got that uncomfortable feeling again in the pit of my stomach.
Then Naruto opened his eyes and smiled so gently at me. “You good?” he asked.
“Yeah,” I said, because I was. “Clean yourself up.”
“I don’t get to bask a little?”
“Don’t be disgusting,” I said.
“How is that disgusting?!”
“Because I was thinking that maybe we could… sit close together… in a lying position… for a while…” I trailed off.
“We get to cuddle?!” he asked, getting excited.
“Not if you’re going to be gross.”
“I’m very not gross!” he said, pulling a wad of tissues from the box next to the futon and wiping vigorously.
I decided I didn’t want to watch the cleanup and went to the kitchen to make some tea.
Naruto joined me, all put back together, though a little sweaty. He took his tea and added sugar. His cheeks were still flushed, and he kept looking at me shyly.
The look wasn’t sexual at all. It was just contented and loving, and he didn’t make me regret what we’d done.
I leaned in and kissed his temple.
His eyes got a little misty.
“Come on,” I said, putting down my empty teacup and taking his hand.
We lay together on the futon, Naruto tucked in my arm, and we just talked as the sun slowly rose in the sky.
At some point Naruto had to make the stupid comment of, “hey, now you can count the number of times you’ve had sex on two hands!” I shoved him away, but somehow I wasn’t mad at all and we ended up drifting back together, enjoying the rest of our lazy Sunday morning.