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Ed wakes up in a cold sweat, lurching into a sitting position. He cups his face, trying to slow his breathing. Not like his shaking hands are doing much good. His white t-shirt is sticking to his torso and the long pajama pants he wears, no long those terribly short ones since he is living with someone now, feel like a new layer of skin. This can’t keep continuing. These nightmares have to go. They were gone for so long, but now they won’t stop occurring. They first began to reappear when Oswald would visit him in Arkham, however, ever since he’s moved in they’ve been a constant.
He can only think of two reasons as to why they’re happening. The first one is the fact that the last person he lived with was his father. Now, he’s living with another who actually cares for him. It’s a new feeling to him, a pleasant one so his father has come to rip the delight away. The second one, which makes just as much sense, are the feelings he holds for Oswald. The feelings grow rapidly every day. A simple look from Oswald, those blue piercing eyes, make his heart swell. His father would never approve. He can hear his shouting during every moment of silence with Oswald, and pelting from leather when Oswald touches him.
The worst part is though, he doesn’t know what to do. He can’t leave this house because then, he’d be leaving behind Oswald. Oswald, the man who’s his best best friend, saved him for Arkham and Butch, and has given him shelter and food. Who was he to leave him without any sort of explanation? He can’t. Part of him believes that if he tells Oswald, the nightmares will go away. He doesn’t know why. Maybe because he would finally defeat his father by not giving into his cruel, words that he now knows are lies.
Ed drags his hands down his face, bringing some of the sweat with him. He runs one hand through his sweat, curled hair and the other throws back the layers of expensive blankets. He doesn’t find slippers to put his feet into as he slides his glasses onto his face, knowing that his confidence is not going to stick around long enough for that. His legs move without thought, leaving his bedroom and going to find Oswald. He doesn’t bother to look at a clock, already know it’s unreasonably late, or early.
His hand opens Oswald’s door silently and he immediately sees Oswald’s sleeping form under all those thick blankets. It reminds him of the days back in his apartment, Oswald huddling underneath his comforter in an attempt to isolate himself from everyone else. All Ed can see in the dark room, the only light being the moon, is Oswald’s pile of black feathery like hair on his head. For someone so fierce and powerful, he sure is cute while he sleeps. Too bad Ed has to ruin it for his own benefit.
With a deep breath, Ed makes his way over to his best friend’s sleeping form. Is this wrong? To wake up your sleeping friend who gave you no right to come into his room in the middle of the night? Possibly, but Oswald is the only one. The only one he can trust with his past, and to give him the comfort he desires. He places his hand on Oswald shoulder lightly with no reaction. With a sigh, he shakes his friend’s shoulder softly, but the shake is abrupt. It only takes two times for Oswald to startle awake. His eyes fly open and his hand goes for something under his pillow. Oh no.
“It’s just me!” Ed loudly whispers, raising his hands in surrender.
Oswald’s face softens. “What the hell, Ed?” Oswald demands, but it’s not hostile. “I could have killed you!”
“I know, it was stupid. My apologies.” Ed chuckles, “Not a very good idea to wake a notorious killer in the middle of the night.”
He smiles softly. “What’s wrong? There must have been a reason-”
Ed doesn’t let him continue. “I-I need some comfort at the moment.” He pushes his glasses up, a nervous habit, “You’re the only one I trust, Oswald. Please.”
There’s silence between the two of them, Oswald looking up at Ed’s pleading stare. Oswald would be lying if he didn’t feel his heartbeat grow faster at the thought of Ed sharing the same bed as him, but he can’t let Ed know his true feelings. Ed’s trusting him, and he can’t throw away the trust by letting his feelings get in the way.
Oswald begins to scoot further away, opening up the space in the bed for Ed, “Of course, Ed. Sit down.”
Ed nods, thanking him as he crawls in beside Oswald. He brings the blankets onto his body and faces Oswald, laying down. Oswald takes the message and settles back down, laying down as well. Almost instantly, Ed already feels at home just by sharing this intimate space with him.
“Do you want to talk about it?” Oswald hesitantly asks, his hand moving towards Ed’s in the space between them.
Ed notices, and lets Oswald takes his fingers into his own hand. This feels too real. “Oswald, do you believe that people are born killers? Or that they’re made killers?”
Oswald looks at Ed. What kind of question is that? “I don’t know, isn’t it a huge debate?” Oswald knows that’s not what Ed wanted so he tries to again. “From what I know, and have experienced, don’t most killers have something traumatic happen to them? I mean, I was bullied my whole life and my only friend was my mother. Look where I am now: a murdering crime boss with anger issues.”
Ed laughs quietly, not wanting to ruin the calm, relaxing mood within the room. “I umm… didn’t have a very good childhood either, Oswald.”
“Ed, I know how the GCPD treated you. I know people hurt and underestimated you, just like they did me-”
“My father hurt me, Oswald.” He closes his eyes sighing. Oswald isn’t wrong, but he didn’t go to the worst part. “I have scars mentally and physically all over me. I see him in my sleep, I hear him during the day. He won’t go away, Oswald.”
Oswald prepares himself for the worst when he hears his best friend’s voice crack. He pulls Ed into him, wrapping his arms around him as his friend cries. He clutches at him harder as Ed shakes, his tears dropping onto his shoulder.
“I’m sorry, Ed,” Oswald whispers, beginning to rub circles on his back with his thumbs, “You didn’t deserve it, any of it. You’re magnificent, charming, and the smartest man the city’s ever seen.”
He holds Ed for a few minutes, holding him as he has a good cry. He knows how it feels to bottle up everything and then to let it go. It’s a good relief.
“He thought I was a liar and a cheat, Oswald,” Ed starts calming down, but he still shakes, “I was just smart, that’s all. He didn’t believe me.”
What does he say? He could say that his father was jealous of his intelligence, but that could be taken the wrong way. He isn’t going to risk upsetting him even more. “You’re better than him, Ed. You’re not a liar, he was. I hope you know that.”
“It wasn’t only my intelligence he hurt me for.”
Oswald nearly gasps when Ed pushes himself even closer to him, and his hands move to the middle of his back. “He didn’t accept my feelings for… people, Oswald. Didn’t like it when I came home thinking about a boy rather than a girl.” He forces a chuckle. “I couldn’t deal with teenage girls, they were annoying. All they cared about was gossip, the bulkiest guys, and beauty. Even the nerdy ones, my type, would lean that way sometimes. The unpopular guys like me though, the ones who just kept to themselves, I could tolerate. He didn’t get it.”
Oswald freezes halfway through Ed’s story. Did Ed come out to him? Did he admit to liking girls, and guys? He has to think for a moment, maybe it’s been obvious. Yes, sometimes Ed is rather… showy and flamboyant, but that didn’t mean anything.
“Ed, I’m not very good at telling people it’s going to be okay,” Oswald states, breaking their silence, “I want you to know that he can’t hurt you anymore. The past will always hurt, you’ve got to find a way to push the hurtful moments back. I don’t know how you’re going to do it, but you will find a way, Edward Nygma.”
Ed unravels himself from Oswald and sits up, looking down at his friend. “I can bring tears to your eyes and resurrect the dead. I form in an instant and last a lifetime. What am I?”
Oswald smiles up at his friend, relishing the nostalgia. “Memories.”
Ed removes his glasses, rubbing his eyes. “Maybe I should create memories to cover up his hurtful ones, Oswald. Memories I know will make me happy because that is the only way to defeat him. I’ve been thinking about it for a long time.”
“That sounds like a good plan, Ed. I knew you would be able to create one.”
Ed moves to hug Oswald again, laying on his side once more. “I want to start now.”
Oswald is baffled. What? “Okay? I-”
“I’m in love with you, Oswald.” He hears Oswald gasp, “I think that’s the biggest reason as to why he’s been haunting me. I’m in love with a man. That’s okay, though. I grew to accept it a long time ago.”
Oswald can’t believe it, in all honesty. Edward Nygma? The beautiful, charismatic, ambitious, annoyingly reckless, genius in love with him? Yes, he is the most powerful in Gotham and he likes to think that he’s charming, yet, that’s all he has. He’s not what someone would call attractive and his ill-temper doesn’t help his case.
He has to bring himself to push his insecurities behind him. He’s in love with Ed too and he has been since the moment after the winning party. The sheer thought of losing Ed to Butch was enlightening enough, and then to have Ed promise that he’d do anything for him made everything clear as day.
“Ed… I love you too.” Oswald starts his back circles again. “I’ve known since our talk on the couch in front of the fire.”
“I tried to tell you then. Maybe I should stop with the riddles once and awhile.”
“No, no, they’re you, Ed,” Oswald laughs, running the back of his fingers on Ed’s sharp cheekbones.
Ed grasps Oswald’s hand, bringing it to his lips. “We’re going to be okay.”
Once he lets his hand drop, he snuggles in close to his dear Oswald. His head nestled into the shorter man’s neck and he treasures the feeling of Oswald kissing his head ever so softly. They might be murderers and powerful men in the public eye, but at home they’re like everybody else. They have feelings and the need to protect a loved one. No matter the cost.