Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

May 2, 2018

4:20 am

Gekiyaku added Kazehiki, Kuzudarou, Kuzudayone, and Shirezu Namae to a group

Gekiyaku: ugh default names

Gekiyaku changed their name to ┼chloroform┼

┼chloroform┼ changed Kazehiki’s name to Casper the friendly ghost

┼chloroform┼ changed Kuzudarou’s name to ROUpaul

┼chloroform┼ changed Kuzudayone’s name to Masked bitcH

┼chloroform┼ changed Shirezu Namae’s name to eleven

┼chloroform┼ renamed the group to Satan’s Pharmacy

┼chloroform┼: much better!!!

Masked bitcH: i already want to leave

┼chloroform┼: I cant fucking believe this

┼chloroform┼: i go through all this trouble to make a gc for you people and this is the thanks i get!!!! i see how it is

ROUpaul: sis,,,,, this took you thirty seconds to make

┼chloroform┼: thats irrelevant

Masked bitcH: just like this gc?

ROUpaul: KSJCKSDFJHIUSRFHCKISDJ

Masked bitcH: >:3c

┼chloroform┼: you know WHAT

┼chloroform┼: why are y’all so mad at me i dont understand

ROUpaul: everyone in this godforsaken chat is mad at you sweetie. all the time

Masked bitcH: 25/8

┼chloroform┼: thats not true!!!! kazehiki and shirezu love me unconditionally

Masked bitcH: thats hilarious

┼chloroform┼: shut up

┼chloroform┼: right, shirezu??

┼chloroform┼: :)

eleven: ye s

Masked bitcH: smells like blackmail :/

ROUpaul: poor poor shirezu

┼chloroform┼: if you two dont shut ur dirty asses up i will pour so much hydrochloric acid down your mouths you’ll explode

Masked bitcH: see this

Masked bitcH: this is why we dont like you

Masked bitcH: where the fuck would you even get hydrochloric acid

┼chloroform┼: i have connections

ROUpaul: AN Y WAYS

ROUpaul: Kazehiki still hasn’t said anything lmao

┼chloroform┼: thats bc our love is so strong that it transcends words!!!

Casper the friendly ghost: ...

┼chloroform┼: see

Casper the friendly ghost: .........

Masked bitcH: no,, no i cant

┼chloroform┼: u have a fuckin g napkin over your eyes you cant see shit

Casper the friendly ghost: ..........................................

Casper the friendly ghost: Actually, Gekiyaku’s right. I can’t put these strong feelings into words.

Masked bitcH: your strong what

Casper the friendly ghost: So I’ll leave a video instead.

Casper the friendly ghost: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QvWj18LeU1g

Masked bitcH: eyyyyyyy

ROUpaul: HAHHAHAHAHHAHA

Masked bitcH: i knew we could trust you kazehiki

Casper the friendly ghost: UvU

Masked bitcH: i thought this was gonna be some kind of incest thing im so relieved

Casper the friendly ghost: Why would I be in love with Gekiyaku?

Casper the friendly ghost: That’s a sin, and she has no redeeming qualities.

Masked bitcH: damn

ROUpaul: facts!!

┼chloroform┼: the AUDACITY

┼chloroform┼: i didnt even do anything to you???

Casper the friendly ghost: Are you sure?

┼chloroform┼: im 666% sure

Casper the friendly ghost: Maybe THIS will jog your memory:

Casper the friendly ghost sent a picture

ROUpaul: an empty pie tin

Masked bitcH: so she vored your cake??? she couldnt even clean up evidence smh

ROUpaul: never mention vore in my presence. ever again

┼chloroform┼: oh yeah,,,,

┼chloroform┼: i mean

┼chloroform┼: idk what that is!!!!

eleven: the cake we ate

Masked bitcH: busted

┼chloroform┼: SHIREZU KEEP A SECRET

Casper the friendly ghost: So you admit to your crimes?

┼chloroform┼: never

Masked bitcH: i feel like im in my dangan ronpa phase again

Masked bitcH: didn’t know angie yonaga was the protagonist :0

ROUpaul: wouldnt this be ace attorney

Masked bitcH: o ya u right u right

Casper the friendly ghost: We are dismissing the gravity of the situation!!!
Casper the friendly ghost: This FIEND

Casper the friendly ghost: broke into MY kitchen, and shamelessly ate the lemon meringue pie that I had SLAVED over for HOURS

ROUpaul: what the fresh hell is a meringue

Casper the friendly ghost: I WORKED SO HARD!! I HAD TO WHIP THAT MERINGUE FOR HOURS! I WAS IN THE KITCHEN FOR THE WHOLE DAY!

Masked bitcH: he’s finally lost it

Masked bitcH: local ghost goes on rampage bc his cake was vored

ROUpaul: what did i JUST SAY

ROUpaul: also is kazehiki having ANOTHER coughing fit i can hear him from here

Casper the friendly ghost: AND YOU ATE IT!! ALL! YOU EVEN HAD AN ACCOMPLICE

Casper the friendly ghost: Now what, my dear “sister”, do you have to say for yourself?

┼chloroform┼: ...oh are you finally done

┼chloroform┼: yeah it was delicious!! the consistency and sweetness of the meringue was on point, it contrasted with the sourness of the lemon wonderfully~   69/10! my compliments to the chef ♡

eleven: ^

ROUpaul: uno u should be on food network

Casper the friendly ghost: Do you...do you have a grain of remorse in that body of yours?

┼chloroform┼: um no??? what kind of soft-shelled being do you take me for,,,,,

Casper the friendly ghost: Jesus Christ...

┼chloroform┼: !!!! no swearing in my good satanic server!!!!!

Casper the friendly ghost has left the group

Masked bitcH: it was only a matter of time

┼chloroform┼: lemme add his ass back here this is hell you cant just LEAVE

Masked bitcH: purgatory is a thing but ok

┼chloroform┼ added Casper the friendly ghost to the group

Casper the friendly ghost: The nickname stayed....

Masked bitcH: its a very fitting nickname

Casper the friendly ghost: Why are you all still awake, anyways? It’s almost five.

ROUpaul: I think shirezu fell asleep, actually

ROUpaul: im watching makeup tutorials on yt

┼chloroform┼: again????

ROUpaul: yes, AGAIN... i still have much to learn

ROUpaul: we owe christen dominique so much

┼chloroform┼: i dont owe her ANYTHING

┼chloroform┼: im still mad @ u for using my!! special!!! ritual knives!!! for contouring!!!

Casper the friendly ghost: That’s really unsanitary.....do you want to know where those have been?

ROUpaul: why is everyone coming for me it was an emergency

┼chloroform┼: thats not what the knives told me

Casper the friendly ghost: What about you, Yone? Or did you fall asleep too?

Masked bitcH: petition to rename kazehiki to gc mom

┼chloroform┼: i’ll put it into consideration

Masked bitcH: and im playing mystic messenger.... im trying to beat 707s route this time!

ROUpaul: are there really people playing mysmes in twenty gay teen

Masked bitcH: shut up you know i didnt have a phone when it came out

┼chloroform┼: ew seven,,,,, he and his ugly hacker ass can choke

Casper the friendly ghost: You’re just saying that because he’s Catholic, aren’t you?

┼chloroform┼: precisely

Masked bitcH: luciel doesn’t deserve this >:v

ROUpaul: nah fr tho you can’t deny his character is amazing

┼chloroform┼: he can hmu whenever he gets rid of that nuns habit

┼chloroform┼: i cant believe all my friends are luciel apologists

ROUpaul: he isnt even my fave??? i love jumin......daddy material

┼chloroform┼: Kuzudarou the golddigger

Casper the friendly ghost: I liked V’s route a lot.

┼chloroform┼: when will cheritz give in and give us the rika route we all deserve!!!

Casper the friendly ghost: Of course you’d want a route for the cult leader..

ROUpaul: she ruined the lives of half the cast??

┼chloroform┼: yeah but she’s hot

ROUpaul: thats fair

Masked bitcH: OKAY

Masked bitcH: I FINALLY FINISHED THIS CHATROOM i can finally rest bye everyone

ROUpaul: yeah gn

┼chloroform┼: deuces!!!

Masked bitcH is now offline

┼chloroform┼ is now offline

ROUpaul: wait I still don’t know what a meringue is

Chapter Text

May 13, 2018

11:38 am

ROUpaul: hold up i just realized

ROUpaul: how are kazehiki and shirezu even able to type

┼chloroform┼ is now online

┼chloroform┼: oh i made sure shirezu had one of those phones with a stylus!!! so she can just make it float and shit

Masked bitcH: was it a samsung

┼chloroform┼: yeah i think so

Masked bitcH: are u sure it wont like. explode on her or smth

ROUpaul: DIDNT THEY TAKE THOSE OFF THE SHELVES

Masked bitcH: ur really gonna believe what a bunch of humans are saying?? i didnt raise you like this

ROUpaul: you didnt raise me at all

┼chloroform┼: shirezu’s a strong girl im sure she can handle it

Masked bitcH: she locked herself in the closet last week because she was scared the vacuum cleaner was going to eat her lmao

┼chloroform┼: i

┼chloroform┼: guys we’re going phone shopping today!!

Masked bitcH: oh u should get her the iphone 8 thats what i have

Masked bitcH: and one of those styluses

Masked bitcH: what are they called again??? apple pens?

┼chloroform┼: if you really think im gonna waste my good money on some fragile ass apple product you are thoroughly mistaken

Masked bitcH: cheap

Masked bitcH: ohhhh wait i forgot u humans cant keep shit inside ur hands nvm

ROUpaul: y’all are changing the subject

ROUpaul: what about kazehiki

┼chloroform┼: oh him??

┼chloroform┼: i actually have no idea

┼chloroform┼: i mean if a ghost can bake whole ass cakes than he can use skype right???

ROUpaul: thats not very comforting

Masked bitcH: look the author is too lazy to elaborate on it so just. dont worry about it too much

ROUpaul: the what

Masked bitcH: ;3c

ROUpaul: :/

Casper the friendly ghost is now online

Casper the friendly ghost: Someone mentioned my name?

ROUpaul: lhkrfsdKRGJDVKLZDULVF WHERE DID YOU COME FROM

Masked bitcH: legend says if you chant tylenol in front of a mirror 3 times kazehiki will appear and call you a bitch

┼chloroform┼: Σ(ﾟДﾟ；)

┼chloroform┼: BRB

Casper the friendly ghost: Please don’t...

Casper the friendly ghost: I don’t even use profa

Casper the friendly ghost is now offline

ROUpaul: did it actually

┼chloroform┼: IT WORKED

┼chloroform┼: IT ACTUALLY WORKED HE’S IN MY ROOM RN HE JUST POPPED OUT OF NOWHERE

Masked bitcH: pics or it didnt happen

┼chloroform┼ sent a photo

Masked bitcH: niiiiice

ROUpaul: he looks like he wants to cry

Masked bitcH: he should have kicked us out of this godforsaken church when he had the chance then

Masked bitcH: our city now

ROUpaul: you say that as if you wouldnt have stayed either way,,,,

┼chloroform┼: you guys

┼chloroform┼: we can’t let this newfound power go to waste

┼chloroform┼: i think we’re gonna go shopping today after all!!!

ROUpaul: oh no

Masked bitcH: are you implying that we go to some mall

Masked bitcH: and use kazehiki to scare the shit out of the poor shoppers

┼chloroform┼: absolutely

Masked bitcH: im in

Masked bitcH: we should go to ikea in that case...ikea is so much fun

ROUpaul: i think the fuck not you trickass bitches

Masked bitcH: excuse me

ROUpaul: y’all know what thats called?? terrorism

┼chloroform┼: ur no fun

Casper the friendly ghost is now online

Casper the friendly ghost: I second that. I refuse to be used as some kind of device to frighten innocent people!

ROUpaul: go off king

Masked bitcH: ughhhhhh y’all are such party poopers

┼chloroform┼: its 2 vs 2..... fuck

eleven is now online

Masked bitcH: the answer to our prayers

ROUpaul: SHIREZU

┼chloroform┼: shirezu!!!

┼chloroform┼: honey

┼chloroform┼: sweetie

ROUpaul: DONT LISTEN TO HER

┼chloroform┼: baby

┼chloroform┼: i need you to do me a t i n y favor ♡

Casper the friendly ghost: You don’t need her to do anything.

eleven: wh

ROUpaul: they want to go to ikea and use kazehiki to do bad things!!

eleven: bad th in g ?

ROUpaul: yeah!! theyre gonna scare everyone!

┼chloroform┼: doesnt that sound like fun????

ROUpaul: thats BAD! you dont want them to do that right?
eleven:     

eleven: i want  to have  fu n

ROUpaul: FUCKIGN

Masked bitcH: now y’all HAVE to let us go ;)

Casper the friendly ghost: This isn’t fair... Shirezu always listens to Gekiyaku!

Masked bitcH: that sounds like a you problem

ROUpaul: wouldnt it be a better idea to do this around Halloween?

┼chloroform┼: hmmmmmm

Masked bitcH: nice try

Masked bitcH: if we do it then than people will think its some kind of attraction and we wont get as much of a reaction out of them

ROUpaul: it was worth a shot

Casper the friendly ghost: You’ve really thought this out haven’t you?

Casper the friendly ghost: ...

Casper the friendly ghost: So how are we going to get there? Seeing as we can’t go by train....

ROUpaul: KAZEHIKI

┼chloroform┼: thats the spirit!!!

Masked bitcH:  we can just use my car

ROUpaul: where did you even get that from,,,,, its so expensive, even for you

Masked bitcH: oh i borrowed it

┼chloroform┼: “borrow”

Masked bitcH: yeah i broke into this car dealership and demanded for the nicest one they had and they just gave it to me! everyone there was so polite

ROUpaul: if some demon broke into your building threatening murder you’d be polite too

ROUpaul: anyways just,,,,make sure u return it

ROUpaul: so who’s driving

┼chloroform┼: darou

Casper the friendly ghost: Darou.

eleven: daro

Masked bitcH: wow i love how i’m not allowed to drive my own car :/

ROUpaul: it isnt even yours?

┼chloroform┼: you know damn well why none of us want you touching that steering wheel

Masked bitcH: do i?

┼chloroform┼: (ʘ言ʘ╬)

eleven: u too   fast

Masked bitcH: didnt we tell you lying was bad

┼chloroform┼: ITS THE TRUTH??? you go so fast my halo nearly flew off the last time you drove with me

Casper the friendly ghost: It’s a miracle that she’s never been in an accident before.

┼chloroform┼: she probably already has she just charmed her way out of them smh

Masked bitcH: you pipsqueaks don’t know the real meaning of speed

┼chloroform┼: tell us that when ur in court for a hit and run

ROUpaul: y’all are being mean

ROUpaul: yone just goes fast because her legs are too short to reach the brake pedal all that well

┼chloroform┼: DRAGGED

ROUpaul: wait fuck

ROUpaul:  FUCK I DIDNT MEAN IT LIKE THAT

ROUpaul: I WAS BEING SERIOUS RFLWEDFVFED

Masked bitcH: ,,,,,,

┼chloroform┼: shes gonna kill u

Casper the friendly ghost: as Yone herself would say: Rest in pieces.

Masked bitcH is now offline

┼chloroform┼: i hear running??

┼chloroform┼:  NOW THERE’S SCREECHING WHATS GOING ON

┼chloroform┼: yone if u kill him then we can’t fuck shit up at ikea

ROUpaul: this is yone

ROUpaul: we’re leaving in 15 minutes be there or be square

┼chloroform┼: WHAT THE SHIT I HAVENT SHOWERED YET

┼chloroform┼ is now offline

Casper the friendly ghost: So I take it you’re driving after all?

ROUpaul: do u think i feel like driving

Casper the friendly ghost: I don’t think Rou is fit to drive either...

ROUpaul: he’s a big boy he’ll be fine

ROUpaul is now offline

Casper the friendly ghost is now offline

eleven is now offline

May 13, 2018

9:01 pm

┼chloroform┼: operation ikea was a great success!!!

Casper the friendly ghost: I can’t believe we managed to put the entire store on lockdown...

┼chloroform┼: THE GREATEST ACHIEVEMENT OF MY ENTIRE LIFE

Masked bitcH: the best part was when shirezu made that one girls huge hat fly off and she started crying

ROUpaul: the one that looked like an eel??

ROUpaul: that was hilarious

┼chloroform┼: I made Kazehiki teleport in front of one of those multiple folded mirrors and all these grown women nearly pissed themselves yelling!!!! it was great

Casper the friendly ghost: I teleported so many times that I feel dizzy.

Masked bitcH: remember when shirezu made literally everyone in the childrens department float

┼chloroform┼: I put that on snapchat sfllkfjsnfj legendary

ROUpaul: highlight of my day was when i put my cyclops face on and this dude with a whole katana challenged me to a duel

Masked bitcH: so u DID have fun

ROUpaul: sadly

ROUpaul: i cant believe yone is now banned from ikea lmaooo

Masked bitcH: they thought I was the person who started the whole thing,,, little old me,,,

┼chloroform┼: you turned the bedroom department into a mini trampoline park what were they supposed to think

Casper the friendly ghost: To be fair, the cloth on your face DOES give the impression that you’re from some kind of... organization.

Masked bitcH: i managed to pick up a few bags of my fave sweet and salty licorice so  im actually not that mad

┼chloroform┼: a “few”

┼chloroform┼: the entire trunk was filled with them!!!!

Casper the friendly ghost: You did pay for them, right?

Masked bitcH: yeah i aint about that criminal life

┼chloroform┼: (눈‸눈)

Masked bitcH: anyways im fucking exhausted so im signing out!!

eleven: good    niht

Masked bitcH is now offline

eleven is now offline

ROUpaul: i’m actually not tired so. who wants to watch netflix

┼chloroform┼: i will!!!
ROUpaul: aight i’ll go set it up

ROUpaul is now offline

Casper the friendly ghost: I’ll join, on one condition.

┼chloroform┼: what

Casper the friendly ghost: We are NOT watching Devilman Crybaby.

┼chloroform┼: why??? the fuck not???

Casper the friendly ghost: I’ve seen enough of Akira transforming into a “devilman” to last a life time.

┼chloroform┼: we will take a vote

Casper the friendly ghost: Fine, we’ll take a vote.

┼chloroform┼: And my vote counts double since im the one paying for the subscription (ᅌ ˇ ᅌ✿)