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“Hey babe,” came the sound of a literal slime bucket from below. The girl looked down in mild confusion to see Shit Incarnate looking her up and down. Mainly up. At her skirt.
“Wanna blow this joint and go somewhere quieter?”
The Grape leered up at her, and the girl had to take a solid five seconds before she could fully compute his words. Whomst the f-
“This guy bothering you?”
Thank fuck, Shinsou. She would’ve been expelled for wilful murder. The girl let out the breath she was holding, and shot him a grateful smile.
“Yeah, actually, he’s outta line.”
Shinsou turned to the toad and intoned:
“Hear that? You know the rules of the maid café, this is your only warning.”
“Yeah yeah, Jesus Christ take a chill pill you dumbass eggplant, I was just playin’ around a little. She was into it.”
“I really wasn’t,” the girl interjected dryly.
“She really wasn’t,” Shinsou repeated, fixing the nasty child with a stink-eye. “And with that in mind, I’m going to have to get you to leave.”
“Oh fuck’s sake! Can’t joke about anything these days!”
Grape shit tried to stare Shinsou down, but Shinsou met his gaze with chilling apathy and held it.
“There’s the door Mineta.”
Aforementioned nutbag spun on his heel, muttering darkly as he made his exit.
Or at least, that was his intention. When he made a quiet crack about ‘gen-ed students never amounting to shit anyway,’ he grossly underestimated Shinsou’s hearing.
“Fuck did you just say?”
The Parasite whirled back, and shouted: “You guys’ll never be shit, I said. You’re just charity cases chucked in to make us heroes look better.”
Spectators would later swear they saw the lights flicker. Shinsou’s voice was barely audible, and dangerously low.
“Oh. Seems reasonable. Do you have the guts to back it up?”
And like a fool, Mineta thought he did.
—
“Dude, are you sure you want to do this?” Kaminari’s voice held mild concern as he sat with Grape Bitch in the waiting room.
“Denki Denki Denki. When have I ever backed down from a fair fight?”
‘All the time,’ Kaminari thought dryly, but bit his tongue and instead said “But is it really worth it over a minor cultural festival incident?”
“Denki my boy, you don’t understand! These B-Grade wannabes need to learn their place in the pecking order. The fuckers attacked me for a dumb joke, and they gotta learn that that’s outta line with heroes.”
There was so much irony in that statement, Kaminari didn’t know where to start.
“Surely they were just enforcing the rules? I mean, did you have to approach that girl.”
“Denki my sweet child, you’re so naïve it’s embarrassing. Chicks dig that attention, they just gotta act coy ‘bout it so they don’t come across as easy. I had that babe in the palm of my hand.”
Kaminari said nothing. The kid was past help. Luckily, Fuck Nugget continued.
“Yo, so bee tee dubz, what’s the purple ballsack’s quirk anyway?”
“You didn’t watch the match at the sports fest?”
“Nah man, I was watchin’ some good ol’ porn at home.”
Couldn’t be helped.
“Ah, Shinsou’s quirk wasn’t anything impressive. Voice mimicry or something, I forgot.”
The horrible, horrible boy gave a triumphant smirk.
“Fear not my good dude, I have this match in the bag.”
The usher came in to get Bauble Bitch for the match. Said Fucker called back: “I got this bitch,” before the doors shut behind him.
Kaminari regarded him coolly from behind.
—
“YESSSSS LORD!” Present Mic’s voice resounded through the auditorium. Direct challenges were not a small deal here at U.A.
“ASK AND YOU SHALL RECEIVETH! A NO-HOLDS BARRED (there were strict rules in place) FIGHT TO THE DEATH (whoever knocks out the other or makes them surrender wins) BATTLE ROYAL!! (there were two of them).”
People weren’t really feeling the mood yet, but Mic wasn’t to be deterred.
“NOWWW, THE STAKES HAVE NEVER BEEN HIGHER. IN THE BLUE CORNER, CLASS 1.C’S CUCUMBER-COOL SHINSOU HITOSHI!!”
Mass cheers from his classmates- they were fully behind their purple patron saint.
“SHINSOU HAS STAKED, wait for it guys, THREE MONTHS OF HIS OPPONENT’S CLEANING DUTIES ON THE LINE!”
There were murmurs of admiration from the crowd. This shit was clearly not to be taken lightly.
“ANNNNNND, OVER IN THE RED CORNER, CLASS 1.A’S VERY OWN (to his credit, Mic was quite subtle as he checked the smudged writing on his palm) MINETA MINORUUU!”
Class A clapped politely from the stands, Denki made an obligatory ‘woo!’
“WHO HAS STAKED, OH! THIS IS CRAZY! MINETA HAS STAKED HIS POSITION IN CLASS 1.A?! THIS IS UNHEARD OF!”
More murmurs from the crowd, this time of shock. This bitch must be confident as hell.
“AND SO, WITHOUT FURTHER ADO, LET US BEGIN, THE FIGHT OF LEGENDDDD! TAKE YOUR PLACES.”
Shinsou stood languidly, and Fuck Knuckle made a few obscene gestures from his corner.
“READY? START!!”
The nasty Shitball reached for his nasty grape balls, a nasty triumphant grin on his face.
Shinsou looked at him for a moment, then called out:
“Hey dipshit.”
Dipshit looked at him smugly.
“What, you utter a-”
Frozen, Mineta could only watch in dawning horror as Shinsou ambled across the floor and loomed over him, face impassive.
“Lower your arms.”
The nasty boy complied.
Shinsou stood for another second, eyes flickering up and down as he contemplated his next course of action.
He looked Mineta dead in the eye, and decked him.
The fucker was out like a light.
—
In total, the fight of legends lasted a full eight seconds.
People from both classes flooded down from the stands to dog-pile him, grabbing his hand, ruffling his hair and embracing him with joy.
A few members of 1.C teared up about how they’d miss him, but they knew that he would be happy and that’s all that really mattered in the end.
Midoriya made sure to clasp his hands, and Shinsou could only watch as a literal ray of sunshine beamed down upon him and started talking about how much he was looking forward to being friends.
Denki fell to the ground, clasped his hands and looked up towards the stadium lights with tears in his eyes. “Thank you lord,” he whispered softly. “Thank you lord.”
No one except Mic payed any attention to Aizawa, but if they had they would’ve been shocked to see a grown man ugly-crying into his folder. Mic sidled over and held the man in his beefy, beefy arms.
“It’s okay babe. All is right with the world now,” he murmured gently, as Aizawa wept for joy.
Eventually the crowds cleared out, the celebrations being taken elsewhere. Only Denki stayed behind, observing the lone body laying prone on the ground.
Recovery Girl shuffled in.
“Heard there was a fight.”
“Yeah,” Kaminari murmured, still in a state of mild dissociation.
She regarded the unconscious figure for a second.
“Looks fine to me.”
The two of them walked off in mellow silence.
—
“Did you hear the news?”
“What?”
“One of U.A’s first years has been admitted to an asylum.”
“Holy shit, what did he do?”
“I dunno, apparently he just went wacko and started screaming nonsense. Something about a girl eating him alive.”
“Ah, he must’ve had a run in with 1.C’s nightmare trinity.”
“Holy shit, you’re right? How the hell did he piss off the nicest girls in the year group?”
“Beats me. Must have done some fucked up shit, hey.”
“I heard he was a pervert.”
“Yuck.”
“Yeah, he deserved it.”
“Yeah, you’re right. Lunch?”
“Lunch.”