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Carl loved you from the day that he laid eyes on you, and you found that you loved him, too. However, at that young of age, it wouldn’t be considered ‘love’. Not until the two of you reached Alexandria with the rest of the group. At the Prison, it was merely considered a ‘middle school crush’. It wasn’t something that authority figures took seriously, but, instead, thought was adorable until the two participants reached the pinnacle of their teenage hormone years. Then it would be considered awkward and even dangerous if they were not careful. Of course, one could only hope that the romance and sweet emotions would eclipse the need for sex that teenage individuals experience, but everyone in the group knew that it was a factor, even before they left the Prison.
Except for you and Carl.
Ignorance was bliss at the Prison. Disregard for the feelings that would be encountered in the later years were not even considered in your minds. When you were at the Prison, it was simply a cute crush filled with moments of creeping into each other’s cells, sneaking quick kisses, holding hands, and hugging. Everyone thought it was adorable.
Then the Prison fell. You were separated with Rick and Carl, left alone, thoughts of the rest of your family being dead running through your mind nonstop. Carl was there to comfort you and you were there for him when Rick went unconscious. You went with him to find the house. You were with him when the walkers appeared. You were with him when he ate that large tub of chocolate pudding, which he kindly shared with you as the two of you sat on one of the roofs of the houses.
Later, Carl had an outburst and you were there for the entire thing. You sat and listened, hands pressed against your head. Afterwards, the two of you were silent with each other. You didn’t even look at one another. It wasn’t until Rick finally woke up from the unconscious state that you finally spoke and it wasn’t until Michonne showed up that you began to have a glimmer of hope appear in your heart. You and Carl talked again, smiled again, and did everything that you did when the Prison was still your home. Hugged, stole kisses, and held hands. It was just like the old days.
Until Terminus.
After Terminus, you stopped those small, gentle gestures towards Carl once again. The only time that you talked to each other or held hands was when you were escaping. Carl would hold you close to him, but that was only when the group stopped and relaxed after a long walk. The love for each other never vanished, though. Every time that you looked into one another’s eyes, there was still a strong, solid trace of adoration for one another. When you did stare into his eyes, you gave him a smile and he gave one right back to you.
The gestures were not permanent, however. They were still temporary until Aaron found you. Aaron seemed nice and willing to help the group, but you knew why Rick had his skepticism. Rick just wanted to keep the group out of harm’s way. Walkers weren’t the only enemy that was out there. That much was common sense.
You made it to Alexandria, though. Alexandria was a place that seemed like it was too good to be true, that it was just a trick like Terminus had been, but after seeing everyone there, you knew that it wasn’t a fantasy. That it was something that could be possible. The idea was no longer a dream. You were finally able to live a normal life like it had been before.
Now, you and Carl were back to your old selves. It was as if nothing changed, even though, deep down, you knew that anything could happen at anytime. The relationship that you had was like a ticking time bomb. Either of you could die at any moment and you had no idea when it was all going to end.
And you thought that it all ended when the walkers invaded Alexandria, when Sam, Jessie, and Ron died, when Carl got shot in the eye. You thought you lost him. You cried, stayed by his side, was forced to leave when you became too hysterical, and always held his hand. You regretted not holding his hand, not hugging him every chance you got, not kissing him when you could sneak them. You regretted all of it. Mentally, you made a vow to yourself that, if he made it out of it, then you were going to spend every moment with him. You were going to make it so you and Carl never regretted a moment that the two of you had together. You were going to make it last forever.
Carl ended up waking from his seemingly endless slumber. You and Rick were by his side the entire time and were both ecstatic when he finally awoke. You had even grabbed his face - gently of course - and pressed a longing kiss to his lips.
That was the moment. That was the moment when the middle school crush turned into love. Turned into longing devotion for him. With the way that he kissed back, you knew the exact same emotions had developed within him as well. No longer were the kisses just characterized as ‘pecks’ but they could be considered ‘kisses’. You no longer hugged, you embraced. That didn’t stop the feeling that brewed every second at the bottom of your stomach. The common sense feeling that told you that anything could happen at any moment. It never went away and your attraction to Carl never did either.
The wind blew lightly through your hair as you sat by the small lake that was nestled in the center of the community, the water allowing the air to cool drastically. Your eyes were closed, deep in thought. Alexandria was quiet, chill, serene, allowing the thoughts to flow through your mind more freely.
Anything could happen. Everyone is going to die eventually, but after the walkers showed up we are just going to die faster and faster now. I could die at any minute. Carl could die at any minute. We are just sacks of meat in a world that is waiting to devour us and turn us into monsters that want nothing more than to eat. They eat and eat and eat some more. There isn’t an end to the hunger. Walkers always crave more. What if it gets one of us? What if Rick dies? What if Judith dies? God, how would Carl live? What if...what if Carl dies? He already had a close call not even a month ago. What would have happened if the bullet had just been slightly more to the right? What would have happened if he would have gotten shot straight in the forehead? I wouldn’t have him anymore. We wouldn’t have him anymore.
Stop thinking like that. You have him with you, (Y/N). He’s alive and he is going to stay alive for many more months - no, years - to come. He will be there and I will be too. We will be there together through thick and thin. Forever...and-
“Hey, (Y/N),” the familiar voice that came from behind you made you jump, shaken from your thoughts.
Glancing back, you saw Carl walking up to you, a smile on his face. He sat down next to you, bringing his knees up to his chest. A smile curled at the corners of your lips. “Hey,” you breathed out. “You scared me.”
“Well, you looked like you were gazing off into space.” He chuckled, chest rumbling.
“I guess I was.” You shrugged.
Carl took a couple of seconds to study your face before he nudged your arm lightly with his elbow. “Do you wanna talk about it?”
At first, you questioned whether or not you should bring it up. You didn’t want to make Carl depressed. He seemed rather happy, but a part of you knew that letting it build up inside of you was something that wasn’t necessarily good for you. You figured that maybe you should tell him what you were thinking about. Carl always knew how to comfort you when you needed it. Plus, he gave nice hugs.
A sigh escaped your lips as you turned your head, eyes focusing back on the body of water that rested in front of you. The wind caused the water to dance around slightly, making ripples here and there appear. “Why are we doing this?” You asked, whispering.
Carl frowned at the question, a look of confusion crossing his face. He cocked his head to the side. “What do you mean?”
“I mean us . Why are we putting ourselves through this. At any moment, one of us could die and…” you trailed. “I would be completely devastated if you died. I don’t...even when you got shot I almost went insane.”
“(Y/N),” he began and moved closer to you. He wrapped one of his arms around you, pulling you close.
“I’m being serious, Carl.”
“So, what’re you saying? You regret getting together?”
“I don’t know. I mean. I guess…” You sniffled, feeling the tears form at the corner of your eyes. “I guess I want to. I want to regret getting together. I want to regret everything but I just can’t. I’ve already fallen in love with you.”
Carl was silent as the tears escaped from your eyes and ran down your cheeks. Lifting a hand, he cupped your cheek, using his thumb to wipe the trail of tears away. Closing his eye, he pressed his lips against yours. As you kissed, you squeezed your eyes shut, lips quivering. You wrapped your arms tightly around him and he did the same, bringing your body closer to his. He was the one that broke the kiss, dragging you even closer to him so that the two of you were hugging. His lips were pressed lightly against your earlobe, hot breath trickling down your neck.
“I don’t regret anything.” He whispered. “And I never will. I love you, (Y/N), and what happens, happens. We can’t stop it, so I want to live the rest of my life together with you.”
“And…” you sniffled. “I want to live out the rest of my life, however long or short that may be, with you.”
Carl pulled away from you, a smile curling his lips. “Please, don’t cry.” He said. “I don’t like seeing tears on your pretty face.”
You scoffed and chuckled. You pressed your forehead against his. “Okay, okay, I’ll stop.” You whispered lightly.
“Good,” Carl smirked and rubbed your arms lightly. “I don’t think that you should be thinking about that stuff.”
“It’s hard not to.”
“I understand.” He gave her a small nod. “I get it, trust me. I think about it sometimes too, but then I remember that you’re here waiting for me with that gorgeous smile, those beautiful eyes, and that sweet voice.” The compliments made you blush. “And all the negative thoughts go away. So, all you have to do is remember that right here, right now, I’m with you, and if you think about those stupid thoughts again, you can come to me and I’ll hold you for as long as you’d like.”
“Even if it’s for forever?”
Carl chuckled. “Even if it’s for forever.”
With a content smile on your face, you leaned forward, pressing your head against his shoulder. Carl wrapped his arms gently around you in an embrace.
“I will love you forever and ever,” you whispered into his ear, smiling slightly.
“And I love you,” Carl breathed out lightly, kissing your cheek. “Forever and ever.”