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The blue, almost ghostly figure of her husband appeared even as Leia turned on the hologram, and Leia felt fresh tears spring to her eyes that she quickly quashed. He looked like Han was before his death, the hint of humor in his face when he had half-joked about why he left. “So you would miss me,” he had said. And Leia did miss him, more than words could say.
But he was smiling. A hint of good humor in his face, and there was that love, that affection, that she always treasured.
“Hey, everyone,” the hologram said.
“Han,” Leia said softly.
“If you’re watching this, I’m probably dead.” Even hearing it was enough to give Leia the chills; had Han had a feeling that he was going to die the moment that he stepped out there?
This was your fault. If you hadn’t believed there was still Light in —
But in the end, how could she not? In the end, Ben was still her son, and the idea of there being too much Vader in him was something she hadn’t even wanted to consider.
She’d loved her son. And even in between the anger, even in between the shock and horror of what he had done, Leia had a feeling that she always would.
“Probably at my son’s hand,” the hologram said. “It’s all right. It really is. I’ve made my share of mistakes, but I’d say that I lived a good life.” A laugh. “It was a crazy adventure, wasn’t it? I mean, who would have expected that we came that far?” He became more serious. “Anyway, this is the part where I have my last will and testament. So here it is. The last will and testament of Han Solo. To Leia, my beloved wife...I give you the holo album of our wedding, and the times with our son. I hope you remember all the good times we had together, sweetheart. And who our son was. I know you’re not going to forgive him for what he did, but he was — is our son. Don’t give up on him, Leia.” His eyes became so vulnerable in that moment, and Leia was startled to see that there were tears in them. If someone asked what could possibly make Han Solo cry, or come close to crying, it was Ben. Because her husband still loved their son, with all his heart. She could remember Han looking down at baby Ben with perhaps the biggest smile that she could remember him having, like he had just seen a miracle. “Whatever you do, don’t give up on him.” A beat. “And keep my wedding ring too. Don’t forget about me, princess.” A slight smile, which Leia couldn’t help but return.
“To my racing team, you have all my winnings. You’ve earned them. To Chewie...the Falcon is yours now, and if by some miracle Ben comes home, he has the Falcon with you. It’s his dad’s ship. It’s only right that he pilot it. To Kes, I give you my pathfinding gear, and everything we had when we were Pathfinders. You were one of the best friends anyone could ask for, and I’m gonna miss you. To Rey and Big Deal...I give you my blasters. I know you can take care of yourselves.” Han smiled, genuinely this time, almost affectionately. It was her Han — fundamentally kind, fundamentally warm, underneath everything. “That’s why I’m giving you them. I didn’t know you long enough, but I want to thank you as well. You made me better. I didn’t tell you, Rey, but after I lost my son, I went back to smuggling because I thought it was all I was good for. Luke wasn’t the only one who walked away because he felt responsible. I did too. And I thought my wife couldn’t even bear to look at me because she didn’t want to remember her own child...”
Oh, Han. How could he even have thought that, for a minute?
Han took a deep breath. “I loved him. Rey. With all my heart. It’s pretty easy to love someone who you knew when they were small and innocent...and he was. And there were times when you’d look at me, and you’d smile just like he did. It was one of those reasons I kept you at arm’s length. Because I saw him. Because I couldn’t forgive myself. But you and Big Deal did make me better.” A pause. “Thank you for that.” A deep breath. “To Lando...I give you the dice from the Falcon. They’re pretty lucky.” A grin. “Don’t misuse them.” A pause. “To Poe, also known as the son in law any man would want, I give you a holorecording of some old songs your mom loved. I hope you like them as much as she did.” Han’s face darkened then. “To Snoke...well, honestly, you’re not supreme, or for that matter, a leader. A tyrant in the vein of Palpatine is what you are. But I give you nothing, except a message from Han Solo: sooner or later, you’re going down. I don’t know how; that’s probably up to your Force, or your ren. It’s not my job, but I’m going to enjoy you going down. And history ain’t gonna remember you as a savior like the First Order’s paintin’ you. They’ll remember you like you deserve to be remembered. A monster. I’ll never forgive you for what you did to my son — yeah, Leia told me. Told me everything. About how you stalked my boy and corrupted him. I don’t know how you’re going to go down, but I’m gonna applaud the one who takes you down.”
Leia nodded. Right on, Han, she thought. Right on.
“And to Ben...I give you some old things from your childhood, and mine. Just so you can remember me, and who you were.” Han’s voice became softer. “I love you, Ben. Always have, ever since you were first in your mother’s womb, and as scary as being a parent was, just watching you grow up made it all worthwhile. Who could forget teaching you how to pilot? Or reading stories to you at night? And...I’m sorry. I know I blamed Snoke, but it was my fault too. I never should have left you and your mother behind. I don’t know what I was after, but I neglected to see that everything I ever wanted was right here.” Han swallowed. “No matter what happens, Ben, never forget who you really are. You are my son, and I love you. Always.” Han took a deep breath. “I guess that’s it. All of you...all of you were wonderful. More of a family to me than my real family ever was. I’ll miss you. All of you.” A broad, genuine smile. “I’ll see ya.”
The hologram ended, and Leia was left alone. Even going off to his doom, Han Solo’s fundamentally good, heroic nature had never wavered. He had been brave, fundamentally, when Vader had had him frozen in carbonite. And when he had come back for Luke. And when he had ultimately gone to try and save Kylo — save Ben.
Han deserved a hero’s funeral.
And stars willing, she would give him that.