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Extra 3
You’ve got a friend in me
Ned braced himself before he crossed the threshold. He’d been putting it off for days now, but soon they’d be leaving for Benjen’s wedding and he wanted to face the entirety of Robert’s reaction before their departure. There was no telling what the King would do if he was left to his own devices for over a moon.
Today at least Robert was alone in his chambers. Apparently, he’d been questioning Ser Barristan and Jaime Lannister on martial prowess, and it seemed to have been a bloody uncomfortable conversation because all three of them seemed happier to have it interrupted.
“What news now?” Robert asked. “I heard your wife is in town! Is that why you look happier?”
Ned blushed. “I… my former wife, actually.”
Robert raised an eyebrow and poured them both a goblet of iced wine. “Do tell.”
“Catelyn has decided to join the Faith and become a septa.”
“You wouldn’t have forced that on her. Did her father kick her out?”
Ned nodded. “I offered her a household in the North but she preferred her gods.”
Robert snorted. “Proud woman. Couldn’t bear to be publicly set aside like that. You never did tell me, what did she do?”
Oh, old friend, it would destroy you to know she hid Lyanna’s letter saying she had never been kidnapped! “She betrayed my trust in a way I couldn’t forgive,” was all he said. The past is over and done with. Let it rest in peace.
“The boys gossiped… she mistreated Jon?”
“Among other things,” Ned said with a sigh. “Robert, I… the High Septon sent over the decree. I’m officially and legally a bachelor.”
“Good for you, my friend!” Robert said with a boisterous laugh.
“I intend to take another wife,” Ned said quietly and quickly, knowing what the King’s reaction would be.
Robert, who had been laughing, stopped abruptly. “Why?” he cried, horrified. “You’re free, Ned! Why would you chain yourself down again? Why in the Seven Hells would you ever want that?”
“I’m not like you, Robert, I can’t live from dalliance to dalliance. Like you, I married for an alliance. Now that it’s over with, I’m gonna marry whom I please.”
Robert narrowed his eyes. “That woman who’s running your household, is that who you mean?”
Ned nodded. “Ella.”
“You wouldn’t have taken up with a stranger while you were still married. And yet you wish to marry her as soon as Catelyn is no longer an impediment. Did you know her before?”
“We had met.”
Robert narrowed his eyes. “If I recall correctly, you told me Jon’s mother was a whore. I find it hard to believe that you’d let a whore in charge of your daughters and your household, let alone go as far as marrying her, mother of your bastard or not.”
“She is not Jon’s mother, though I know that’s the leap everyone will make. We met… we met after Dorne,” he said and Robert’s face fell. “I was overwhelmed with that and I had just picked up Jon, so I was… lost. She was a friend, only that, nothing happened at that time. But she was living in the capital when she heard of my appointment as Hand so she asked me for a job.” More like barrelled her way into my solar and announced she was taking the position.
“Is that enough for a marriage, though? You can sample life’s most delightful pleasure, Ned! You can try different women and…”
“Robert, you know me.”
“I do,” Robert agreed with a sour face and a snort. “You’re a bloody bore, that’s what you are. Come on, Ned, you no longer have a wife, you no longer hold oaths to anyone. You’re the Warden of the North and Hand of the King! The women will all flock to you like birds to a treat!”
“I won’t have another bastard, Robert. I saw how that affected Jon, though I never let him feel as if he were any less loved than Robb.”
“Fine, don’t claim the child, then! Send some money and be done with it!”
“Robert, please. It’s not who I am. I can’t in good conscience take a woman knowing it will go no further than the bed sheets.”
“So you decided to marry a commoner. You know people will be outraged. The North will cry out and House Tully will be insulted.”
“I’ve married a daughter of a Great House, I’ve made the fancy alliance and I’ve got three sons of that alliance to ensure Winterfell will not go to common blood. Those people have no argument. If I married another noble woman, any children she gave me would only wander about the realm being knights or joining the Watch or the Citadel, they wouldn’t inherit anything.”
“They’ll argue your common woman will charm you to put her own sons ahead.”
“She won’t. Robb is my heir, and he’s even already ruling the North in my stead. Besides, she might not even give me children.”
“Oh, blasted man, you’re marrying an old woman! Marry a sweet girl at least! Come on, Ned, don’t you remember your wedding night? How sweet it is to have a virgin?”
“Robert, please. You know this is not my way. I’ve had a young and noble bride, and that turned out to be a disappointment. I just want to live in peace.”
Robert pursed his lips in displeasure. “Very well,” he finally said. “Not that you need it, but I give you my blessings. With one condition.” Ned raised an eyebrow. “You marry here, in the Sept of Baelor. No, no, no,” he added when Ned made to argue, “I can't be without my Hand for that long and besides, I very much intend to be at the wedding, therefore it’s happening here.”
“Very well,” Ned relented, knowing he couldn’t go against the King anyway. “But I have a condition of my own.”
Robert laughed again. “You, my friend, have got some nerve! You’re speaking to your king!”
Ned rolled his eyes. “Robert, you’ve named me your Hand to my great honour. But I cannot govern the realm with things how they are — no one can.”
Robert’s amusement ceased. “What are you saying?”
“I'm saying your Small Council is made up of sycophants. Look, I know you are my King, but before that you are my friend. I'm saying this as your Hand, but as a friend who is concerned about your realm, your position, and yourself.”
“Have there been threats?”
“Nothing so open,” Ned said. “However, we’re six million gold dragons in debt, Robert.”
“Oh, not that again! Why must we do this accounting? We’re not beggars counting coppers!”
“But we are beggars counting coppers, my friend. You can argue and negotiate with Tywin Lannister, but now Lord Baelish is taking from the Faith, the Tyrells, and even the Iron Bank. You know the bank’s reputation Robert, if you don’t pay when they come charging, you’ll most likely lose your crown and your head. We need to balance the Treasury and that means curbing redundant expenses.”
“We can raise taxes,” Robert said dismissively.
“Yes, and when we do that, the lords will be very happy to comply.”
Robert huffed. “What do you suggest, then?”
“First, revaluate expenses and see what can be done to avoid unnecessary costs. And that includes not having tourneys at every turn.”
“Fine, we’ll give it a rest after—”
“We won't have a tourney for my wedding, it’s been less than a year since we had a tourney in my honour.”
“There you go again, a bloody bore you are.”
“It would also be helpful if the Queen didn’t spend fortunes importing rugs and silk from Essos just because she grew bored of the perfectly good tapestry she already had.”
“Cursed woman,” Robert said. “I’ll tell her to stop.”
Ned wasn’t in the least convinced it would work, but at least he had put in the effort. “Also, there is the matter of our Master of Ships. It has been over a year since Lord Stannis vacated his post and there’s been no word as to when he intends to return. We are not at war, but there are several issues regarding the fleet that are piling up because they need his personal signature and seal.”
“That’s not like Stannis,” Robert said with a frown.
“I know he is your brother, but he has a duty to this realm. I would like to send him a raven asking him to state the date of his return or resign his post.”
“Very well, do it. If he wants to rot in the Targaryen fortress, let him.”
“I would also like to ask Lord Baelish to not undertake any more loans without my or your express permission.”
“Done. I’ll yell at him myself if you’d like.”
Ned chuckled. “I wouldn’t mind doing it myself, but perhaps it would be best if you did it.”
“So, about your wedding — let the record show that I have begrudgingly accepted to not have a tourney. But I can—”
“No huge party either, Robert.”
“Oh, Seven Hells, man! You’re the Warden of the North and Hand of the King! We will have at least a big wedding breakfast! No tourney, fine, but we will have a feast!”
Ned sighed. A compromise at least. “Fine, I agree.”
“Then it’s settled! I’ll have preparations start to be made!”
“I will ask Renly to supervise, then,” Ned said. “He’s got good brains about him to curb any lavish designs you might have. And I get final say when I return.”
“We get final say. Otherwise your counting-coppers position will make you reject everything.”
Ned knew it was useless to argue, so he didn’t eve try. “And I will personally over see the money being employed. Also, I’m paying for half the expense.”
“You’re in office for the King, the Crown is the one that pays.”
“Robert!”
“Fine, fine, I’ll let you oversee the Treasury and we can argue later over the expense issue. Besides, Littlefinger is likely to ask the cook to poison the pigeon pie,” Robert joked. “For the slight against Lady Catelyn.”
Ned rolled his eyes but didn’t comment. All in all, Robert’s reaction had gone better than he had hoped. Especially in regards to the money issue. Although that raised the question as to why Jon Arryn had let things slide how they did. Not that Ned expected he and Robert wouldn’t quarrel about not being able to go about his dalliances and partying as much as he would like. But at least for now, it seemed like he had one less worry on his voyage north.
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