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I.
“Isn't this exciting?,” Cheryl asks nudging her hip against Toni's.
Their first year as students in the city that never sleeps has just drawn to a close, and they're off for the summer. It's still pretty cold considering that it's already May. There's been a lot of rain – fitting their mood during exam week – but today the sun has finally come out. Toni's been looking forward to spending her first day of freedom with her girlfriend.
She knows her mood shouldn't be ruined by the presence of other people, but their company really annoys her.
Still, she forces a smile at her girl's question. It makes Cheryl so damn happy that they're allowed to babysit the twins by themselves; Toni can't be the one to ruin that for her.
“I just love Central Park in Spring,” Cheryl goes on as they continue down the sidewalk. Dagwood, at least, has the decency to take a nap and give them some privacy. His sister, on the other hand is wide awake and demanding attention.
“Au-ty Cher, au-ty Cher!,” she's saying, her hand pulling at her aunt's. Because, of course, the little devil had to walk. At the pace of a tortoise. Toni is a hundred percent prepared for Juniper to flop down on all fours and crawl at some point.
“What's that, Junebug?,” Cheryl asks, her voice different from when she's talking to most people. The tone she uses for those she loves is special, restricted to a number of chosen few. Toni's glad to be one of them, even if she has to share her attention with a three-year-old.
“It's a 'quirl!” The little girl stops dead in her tracks pointing. It takes a lot of upper arm strength for Toni to avoid a stroller collision.
Cheryl doesn't seem to notice. She bows down – gracefully, but no surprise there; she does everything in style – next to her niece, her gaze following the little chubby index finger. “Oh yeah, that's a squirrel.”
Squirrels are nothing special in Central Park at all. They are friendly, used to people and used to being fed by tourists. For Toni's taste they're too friendly, even. The moment one of them jumped into her purse because she was carrying a baguette isn't one of her fondest memories. No, squirrels aren't special. They're annoying, really. Yet Cheryl engages in her niece's interest, watching the animal's doings for a couple of minutes as people walk by.
She brushes her hand down her niece's hair – red like her own – and laughs at the serious expression Juniper has on her face when she explains that “quirls c'llect nuts for the cold summer”. The seasons song must have not been practiced in the farm's kindergarten class yet.
As Toni watches them her boredom turns into something else. She can't quite put her finger on it, but it's a fuzzy, warm feeling. Her breath starts to slow down and her entire focus shifts from pushing the stroller back and forth (so at least the stripling will stay asleep) to Cheryl and her niece.
Cheryl is so good with children, she thinks. She will make a great mom some day.
Toni shakes her head. Cheryl is still on the sidewalk, giggling about something with Little Miss Whippersnapper. All's the same. And yet, everything's changed.
Toni doesn't even like kids.
“Mommy! A skrill!,” a shrill voice, unmistakably a child, yells out very close to where they are. If she and Cheryl had children, they would be able to pronounce squirrel by the age of three, Toni thinks, and... wait, why is she thinking about this??
Her gaze shifts upward to see a woman accompanied by a boy. (Or the other way around? Who cares at this point.) The little dude must be about Juniper's age. A very pro-squirrel stage of life, apparently.
“It's hording nuts!,” Juniper exclaims excitedly, effectively engaging him in a conversation.
Cheryl rises up. She's probably the only person ever to get out of a squatting position and look good doing it.
The boy's mother smiles at her. “Alfie's been developing a deep interest in animals lately.”
“Junie's the same,” Cheryl replies with a genuine smile in the direction of her niece, “She knows all about mammals. I've been thinking about taking her to the AMNH, but I'm afraid I would face a major tantrum when closing hour arrives.”
They share a laugh. It's intimate, in a way. Like they're sharing a secret. Something in Toni's heart aches to be included.
“She looks so much like you,” Alfie's mom adds. This happens a lot. Except for the blue eyes she's inherited from her late father Juniper resembles her aunt to the dot. Seriously. Toni's seen baby pictures of Cheryl and it's creepy how much they look alike.
Cheryl flips her hair over her shoulder, another (proud?) smile on her lips. “She's way more beautiful than I could ever be,” she says, her voice sincere. Toni would recognize that tone anywhere. It's the one she uses with every 'I love you', every 'You're beautiful', every 'I've missed you'. It's nothing like the one she used on the High School speakers when people sprayed 'Gay Northside Ladies Corrupter Bitch' on Toni's locker.
“I lucked out in the pretty department” the redhead concludes with a nod in Toni's direction. She even gives her a little wink.
The woman raises her eyebrows. “Oh- I didn't realize...”
Cheryl raises her eyebrows questioningly. This is New York, not Riverdale. Homophobia is something they haven't experienced in a long time. “What?”
“Uh... you make a cute family,” the woman stumbles, fake smile plastered on her face as her hand is reaching for her son's.
“Thanks,” Cheryl spits. Something in her eyes has changed. Toni's seen this look before. The night Penelope Blossom called her a 'disgusting, perverted, degraded form of a sub-human being'. That's also the night Nana Rose kicked Penelope out of Thistle House, but that's not what this is about. Cheryl is angry.
Alfie looks over his shoulder as his mother all but drags him away.
With three years of existence behind her proverbial belt Juniper immediately picks up on the tension. “Au-ty Cher? You okay?” she asks.
Cheryl's lips curl into an instant smile, but behind her eyes there are tears. Toni can see them clearly now. But before she can reach out to hug her, kiss her, make those awful feelings go away, Juniper wraps her little chubby arms around her aunt's legs and presses her face against them. “Don't be sad, au-ty Cher.”
Her aunt bows down, hugs her back. She isn't sad anymore.
As they lie in bed later that night, Toni can't fall asleep.
“Cheryl?”
“Yes?” Apparently the red haired beauty can't fall asleep, either.
“Today in the park...”
She huffs. “I just don't get the fuzz.”
“Which fuzz?,” Toni wonders.
Cheryl turns around from her little spoon position so she can face her girlfriend. “We're two women who are in love with each other,” she says, and it warms Toni's heart how easy those words come to her now. Three years ago Cheryl could only show them by touch, and even these touches were far and few between. “What's so absurd about the idea of us having a family together?”
Toni licks her lips, desperate for the right reply. “Maybe they're just confused by the concept of two mommies.”
That earns her a snort.
“Not a problem. I'll be mama, you'll be mommy.”
The simple future statement temporarily costs Toni her ability to speak. She blinks instead.
“I called Penelope mommy,” Cheryl reminds her, as if she has to explain herself on the matter. Her fingers fiddle with the hem of Toni's shirt (Cheryl's, actually, but what's mine is yours and all that jazz). “I'd be too afraid to turn into her if anybody ever called me that. But.” Their eyes meet. “I can't imagine anybody better than you to rehabilitate the nickname.”
Toni gets a kiss, then Cheryl flips back into their previous position, closes her eyes and falls asleep immediately, leaving her girlfriend to deal with a bunch of new feelings.
II.
If you'd ask Toni where she'd see herself in five years five years ago she surely wouldn't have told you she'd be celebrating Christmas with her girlfriend's extended family on the Northside of Riverdale. And yet somehow that's exactly where she's ended up; now, five years later.
She finds that she doesn't mind it, not particularly.
Ever since she'd started dating the Queen of the Northside, - or since said Queen of the Northside had started dating her, as some would have the majority believe -, Toni's expectations of what life had in store for her changed, merged, shifted. And again: she finds herself not minding it too much.
It's more than a Greas-y “You're the one that I want” situation: Toni changes for Cheryl, Cheryl changes for Toni, and they change with each other.
Life is good. Even dressed up in the matching ugly Christmas sweaters Cheryl has insisted on solely for the purpose of putting a scowl on Alice Cooper's face. It is the best Toni has ever known.
She's sitting by the fireplace with Jughead, each of them nursing a cup of eggnog as they ponder past and present. Much like Toni, the annual pre-Christmas celebration at Thistle House isn't what life seemed to have in store back in High School for him. And much like Toni, he doesn't mind in the slightest.
“I can't believe we're all graduating next year,” he comments.
“Yeah,” Toni agrees half-heartedly.
Her friend raises a brow. “What?”
“Nothing, I just...” She tucks a strand of hair, green at the moment – very festive, Cheryl has complimented –, behind her ear. There is something about the young author that always makes her feel like she has to open up to him. No matter how hard she doesn't want to.
“You just what?”
“I don't know. I just feel old, I guess,” Toni finishes. The second the words leave her mouth she realizes how fake they sound. Her old friend falls for them anyway.
“Old? Toni! You're only 23!”
“What I mean,” she says heaving a sigh, “Is that we're going to be done with college. No more fun and play. The serious side of life and all that...” She waves her hand as if that would make the doubts she has about the future go away.
Jughead smiles. “Oh, no worries. You'll do good out there, Toni.”
“Easy for you to say, New York Times Bestselling Author,” she comments dryly.
He shrugs. “That was just one time, and besides, it isn't all about a successful career.” His eyes wander to Betty who sits engaged in a game of Carcasonne (no farmer's rules!) with her niece, nephew and third cousin. Toni follows his gaze. Hers doesn't linger on Betty, though.
Cheryl laughs at something Dagwood has said and the boy grins ear to ear at her enthusiasm. She reaches over and ruffles his hair, he attacks her in a tickle fight. Instead of throwing him off, which given their rigorous workout routine (ugh!) she should be able to do without any trouble whatsoever, Cheryl lets him tackle her to the ground, dramatically begging for mercy. They look so happy. Toni loves seeing her this happy.
She wants to see her this happy every day, for the rest of their lives.
Aaaaaand there it is again. She shakes her head to shake off the thoughts. Betty and Juniper protest loudly as Cheryl and Dagwood roll onto the game, efficiently splattering cards everywhere.
Jughead turns his back on the scene. “Better pretend we didn't see anything, so they won't make us choose sides.”
Toni nods, taking another sip of her eggnog. She knows whose side she'd choose in a heartbeat.
Later, they're all lounging around the living room, watching “Home Alone”. Toni is sitting on the sofa on the right, Cheryl's head resting on her lap. She alternates between stroking through the redhead's long mane and feeding both of them popcorn.
They're not far into the movie yet, but the twins, as usual, already have a bunch of questions and remarks about what's happening.
Toni still isn't so sure she actually likes kids.
So far they've labeled Kevin's cousin a “meanie”, because of the french 'insult' she's delivered (with faulty pronunciation as multilingual blizzard Blossom let everyone know; sometimes Toni feels honored just breathing the same air as her); deliberately let their mom spoiler them on the creepy neighbor's origin story (not a killer, kids, no worries) and given a scandalized gasp when the j-word (“jerk”; personally, Toni thinks Polly is a bit over the top concerning swear words) was used.
“So many pizzas,” Dagwood marvels, eyes wide at the scene in front of him. His aunt by girlfriend can't really blame him. She'd give a lot for that many pizzas herself.
“It's a lot of people, DJ,” Juniper lets him know. Toni's still not over the names Polly gave her children. She doesn't think anybody really is. “They will need many pizzas.”
“They have lots of kids,” the brotherly side of the duo agrees, nodding his head thoughtfully. The abrupt way in which he turns around creates a stark contrast.
“Auntie Cheryl, will you and auntie Toni have that many kids, too?”
Toni's glad she's popped the last piece of popcorn into her girlfriend's mouth. If she hadn't she'd probably be chocking right now.
Cheryl chews on mentioned piece, her eyes fixed on the movie. Then she swallows, the corners of her mouth turn upwards and she looks at Toni with sparkling eyes. “I wouldn't mind. Depends on how many kids auntie Toni wants,” she says.
Now, Toni really is chocking, no popcorn necessary.
III.
Toni releases a heavy breath as she sets down the equally heavy vase she's been maneuvering from the reception into the dining room. She leans over so her eyebrows raised in question will be seen by the person she's silently asking.
Cheryl keeps her phone in one hand as she smiles and gives Toni a 'thumbs up' with the hand that's free. With that permission Toni takes a few steps back to inspect her own work.
“Yeah no, it's been great,” Cheryl says, “I never thought I'd enjoy it so much. But it's true what they say: there's nothing like the view of sunrise from the top of a mountain.”
The redhead's eyes wander and meet Toni's, her brown orbs shining.
Toni pushes another chair out next to where the sole true Blossom heir is sitting at the head of the table. She gently takes the brush out of Cheryl's hand so she can finish the paint job while the other woman is on the phone. It earns her a quick peck to the corner of her mouth.
“Mh? Yeah... I think so.”
Toni concentrates on the toes resting on top of the table (Penelope Blossom would be livid... that was if she was still part of their lives). She wants to get the color perfectly even. As much for her own enjoyment as Cheryl's.
The latter laughs, soundly. It's been years in the making, getting her to laugh like that. Toni doesn't think she'll ever get sick of hearing the clear sound.
“My wife?,” Cheryl murmurs, emphasizing both words on their own. Her free hand reaches over to play with one of Toni's curls. They're back to rosé at the moment, the dye a reminder of their wedding palette. “Well, I still don't know how I got my hands on that, but I can't deny I'm terribly happy I did.”
Toni mouths 'I did' to her. It's an old hat between the two of them. One of their first insiders. Cheryl shuts her up with a kiss. Then she pulls back with a squeal.
“Oh my god, Josie! That sounds so precious! I can't believe he's already turning two in a couple of months!”
Undoubtedly, they're now discussing Cheryl's godson, Josie's son, Cassian. At this point, Toni is seriously questioning whether any of their friends and family will ever have a baby with a normal name. You would think that somebody who solved multiple crimes and sold multiple copies of intellectual writings would be able to ignore a stupid tradition. And yet there is a baby announcement card with the name “Forsythe Pembleton the Fourth” written across it in blue letters pinned to their fridge.
(The garage fridge, naturally. Cheryl would never allow the perfection that was their custom made kitchen to be disrupted by silly things like that.)
“We really have to come down and see you guys soon... But I don't know whether we can make it before Cash's birthday. We planned our honeymoon a year in advance so Toni could take three weeks off...”
That much is true: running a business was the perfect lead up for vacation troubles.
It's funny. Before she started her garage Toni was convinced that being her own boss would lead to easier scheduling. How wrong she's been.
Cheryl laughs again. “Please do!” Then she listens for a while and her face turns more somber. “We haven't talked about it yet, Jose... Yeah, I know. Maybe...”
Somehow Toni feels that this conversation has taken a way more private turn. Even too private for the prying ears of a lover. Since she is done painting nails anyway, she pushes her chair back out, presses a kiss to her wife's crown and disappears down the hall and stairs to continue tuning up Cheryl's new red convertible in their home garage.
When Toni returns for a snack over an hour later Cheryl is still in the position she'd left her in. Alas, her feet are now planted on the ground and instead of nail polish there are a few pages – a magazine? Maybe even business papers? - lying in front of her. Toni's garage, demanding as it is, can hardly measure up to Blossom's (in)famous Maple Syrup Empire. She knows that taking a three week break means a lot of piled up paperwork for both of them.
Toni casually strolls by towards the kitchen. Cheryl doesn't even notice her.
“I don't know if that's an option for us,” she just says. Business, like Toni predicted.
She reaches the fridge. There's not much in it, which is unsurprising. They only got back home yesterday night and today's Sunday. She quickly scans her options before she chooses to order something instead. A glance at the clock tells her that she might as well just order dinner for both of them. Summer is confusing in the way it's still light out by nine in the evening. She scrolls through foodora on her phone as she walks back into the dining room. “Hey Cher,” she says eyes fixed on her phone, “We don't have anything so we gotta order out. How do you feel about Italian?”
There's no response. She looks up. Cheryl is staring at her like a deer in headlights.
“Babe? Is everything okay?,” Toni asks worriedly, then her eyes drift further down and land on the papers. Family Focus, Spence-Chapin, New Beginnings, Chelsea Fertility, Little Flower Children, RainbowKids, Sher Fertility, Snowflakes Embryo Adoption...
Toni's jaw drops. So does her phone.
She doesn't even really want children.
...or does she?
IV.
The weather is great for October. Sunshine and almost no wind. They're headed down towards Pickens Park to enjoy what few drops of sunlight they can get before winter hits their small city.
Cheryl smiles at Toni as she pushes the pram with the latest addition to their little family. “Isn't this exciting?”
Toni returns the smile effortlessly, her hands remaining the tight grip on the legs of the little girl sitting on her shoulders.
A few feet in front of them their eldest is carefully avoiding any cracks he might step on.
“Yeah,” she agrees, “It really is.”