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“Onii-chan, are you thinking about him again?”
“Huh?” Killua blinked himself back into focus as they continued to walk, the sun setting behind them. Gazing down at the map in his left hand, he remembered that he was supposed to be searching for the hotel they had booked for the night. He had no idea what Alluka had said, but the intonation indicated a question. “Yes. We’re almost there.”
“I knew it!”
“Yeah, you did.”
“You mean, I do. I have your hand~” Alluka gave a cheery smile, holding up their clasped hands.
Killua’s facial features softened and he gave a small laugh at her attempt at a joke. Kissing the back of her hand, the white-haired boy talked from his soul. “Not only my hand, but I’m all yours, Alluka. You can have me forever if you like.”
“Onii-chan…” No little sister could not be in awe of such a statement of pure love. Alluka blushed and squeezed his fingers as she felt a hidden truth prick at her heart. She frowned and her brows furrowed as she realized what his forever statement meant. In a childish show of emotion, Alluka threw their hands back down to their sides, but didn’t let go.
“Alluka?” Killua was confused. What had he said to upset her so?
The girl in question puffed out her cheeks in an adorable pout. Looking up at her brother, she mumbled, “That won’t be necessary, Onii-chan.”
“It won’t?”
“No… um… Nanika and I will find a lover someday - that we will love just as much as Onii-chan! Then we’ll live together with that person forever.”
Where did this idea come from? Killua wanted to ask, but he knew that she probably wouldn’t give him a straight answer. Instead, he gently stated, “I won’t let them have you that easily.”
“Of course not,” Alluka agreed, knowing full well the protective side of her older brother, “so that’s why I will love them just as much as you, so you two can be friends!”
“Friends, huh?” In his mind, someone’s bright smile flashed by.
“Yeah,” the girl replied, giggling at the thought of being loved by another person as much as her brother already did. She liked the idea, but the prick became more prominent.
“And where would we live, do you think?”
“What do you mean?”
“With your lover, where would you want us all to settle down, Alluka?”
“Onii-chan, no.”
“We’d continue traveling? I know they would be your lover, but I wouldn’t let them carry you.”
It wasn’t often that Alluka would pull them to a halt. Concerned, Killua looked back to see her expression. His blue eyes widened in surprise and the map he was holding dropped to the street.
“Onii-chan,” she said in a weak voice, “Nanika and I will stay with our lover, when we find one. You… because I love Onii-chan… you should do what you really want.” The small smile she showed him wasn’t so much sad as it was understanding. The girl finally had the courage to voice the truth she come to terms with after months of traveling side by side with Killua.
Alluka loved her big brother more than anything else in the entire universe. Nothing could change that, not even the best lover. But, she had learned about many new things on this journey with Killua. Many new places, foods, and people. Many new emotions, ideas, and ways of thought. What she had come to realize with her newfound knowledge was that sometimes Killua would physically be next to her, but his mind would be elsewhere. This girl guessed her older brother was thinking about him, the person whose life Nanika had saved. For the brief time she had seen the best friends together, she felt that the boy in green had a deeper bond with Killua than it seemed on the surface, a relationship that could not be easily broken. She imagined that was what must have made it all the more painful when he let Killua go after the pair had been nearly inseparable for two whole years.
Alluka had become aware that the goodbye had damaged her brother as well. She knew a kind and caring Onii-chan who vowed to keep her safe while showing her the outside world. She was thankful for his dedicated promise to be there for her forever, every single step she took. But, Killua didn’t realize that his stifling devotion to his younger sister was trying to cover up the suffering the separation from him had caused. It made Alluka’s heart sting all the more, knowing the truth. That her brother would continue to only be able to think about him.
“It’ll probably be in a long time…” Alluka started, her face shadowed as she cast her gaze to the ground.
“I would never-”
“And it will probably take me a long time to love that person as much as I love you…”
“I will never-”
“But when that day comes... Onii-chan, promise me now.”
“Alluka…”
Killua took a step towards her, ready to wrap his younger sister in a reassuring hug. He knew what was coming, unable to stop what was coming, but he wanted to show her how much he purely loved her, no matter what. She stepped back to avoid his embrace, but her hand still grasped his tightly.
“Onii-chan,” she repeated to the cobblestone street at her feet, “when that day comes, promise me that you’ll return to him. To the one who loved you so much, he let you go.”
At a loss, Killua stretched out his free hand and Alluka let him gently lift her chin, bringing their faces close. In the dying light of the sun, the white-haired boy studied the illuminated features of the younger sister he had sworn to protect until his final, ragged breath. He loved her more than she could ever imagine, but he gathered that she understood already. Understood that he indeed kept thinking about him. As they locked gazes, there was an earnest look in her blue eyes that hoped he would also come to terms with that hidden truth.
In a steady voice, Killua whispered with all his soul, “I promise.”