Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Namjoon always wanted a younger brother. When he was four he remembers begging his mom to get him one. “Please! I need a brother because my friends at school all have brothers it’s not fair!”

By the time he was six, he had but given up on that front. But it was okay, because now it was all about stuffed animals at school, kids bringing all different kinds at recess every day.

It was the first day of school and Namjoon had gotten a few new toys over summer break that he was excited to share with his friends. He headed towards his normal spot to meet with them, a stuffed dolphin clutched proudly in his hands.

He was excited to tell them about Finny. He was one of Namjoon’s favorites because he’s a dolphin and dolphins were cool since they breathe air like people do. Namjoon liked to show off anytime he brought a new stuffed animal because his parents always told him cool stuff about each new animal.

However, another kid walked up to him before he got a chance to share. “I have that stuffed animal!” He exclaimed, pointing at Namjoon’s Finny.

Namjoon frowned, he had never seen this boy around here. “This one’s mine,” Namjoon told him, holding Finny protectively to his chest.

“I have a lot of stuffed animals!” the boy declared.

“Who are you?” Namjoon asked.

“I’m Jimin! I’m in Mrs. Barry’s class,” he told Namjoon excitedly.

Namjoon was confused because he had been in Mrs. Barry’s class. He was in her class just last year. “You’re only five?” Namjoon asked.

The boy nodded. “Yep! How old are you?”

“I’m six,” Namjoon said smugly.

Jimin gaped at him. “Wow! You’re so cool! What’s next year like?”

Namjoon couldn’t help but smile at the other boy’s compliments. “Mr. Ericsson is really nice,” he said.

Jimin beamed at him. “You have to tell me everything about first grade, okay? You’re my friend now.”

Namjoon nodded and he and Jimin went off to sit under the slide together. Namjoon had forgotten about his other friends until one of them found him sitting under the slide. “Namjoon?”

“Hi Alex!” Namjoon greeted cheerily. “I’m sorry I couldn’t come today, I’m playing with Jimin instead.”

Alex frowned at him. “You’re still playing with stuffed animals?”

“Yeah?” Namjoon replied.

Alex laughed at him, “Playing with stuffed animals is what kindergarteners do!”

Namjoon frowned, looking at Finny and then at Alex. He didn’t understand when everyone collectively decided to stop playing with stuffed animals, but he thought that was dumb.

He had an internal battle of whether he should toss Finny away to seem cool again or not to do that because Finny would be hurt if Namjoon did. “No it’s not,” Namjoon said, deciding to stick with Finny. Finny had been his friend longer than Alex had anyways.

Alex laughed again. “Yes it is! If you think that then that makes you a baby!”

Namjoon felt like crying, but he couldn’t let himself do that - not while being called a baby.

“Namjoonie is not a baby! He’s in first grade and if he thinks playing with stuffed animals is for big kids, then it is,” Jimin said, stepping up to his aide.

Alex looked from Namjoon to Jimin. “Whatever,” he said, disinterested in this conversation now, he left.

Namjoon sniffles and looks at Finny, “Do you think he’s right? Do I have to give Finny away now?”

Jimin shook his head. “No way! I could never give up my stuffed animals. I’ll keep mine forever!”

Namjoon looked up and give him a smile. “Even when you’re a grown-up?”

Jimin nodded, “Yeah! Even when I’m like old or twenty or something.”

Namjoon laughed at him, “My parents don’t have stuffed animals though. I don’t ever see any parents with stuffed animals.”

“Hmm,” Jimin considered this. “I would do it anyway.”

“I’m glad you’re my friend now,” Namjoon said. “Alex was always mean to me.”

“I won’t be mean to you,” Jimin declared.

“Do you really have a stuffed animal like Finny?” Namjoon asked.

Jimin nodded, “I would show you him, but my mom doesn’t let me bring toys to school. She says that when I do that I always lose them or get them dirty.”

“Oh,” Namjoon said, a little disappointed.

“You could come over and I could show you!” Jimin exclaimed.

Namjoon gasped because that was such a great idea. “I’m gonna ask my mom right when I get home!”

The bell rang for them to line up to go back inside and Namjoon was so excited to ask his mother about the playdate that he didn’t notice he had left behind something extremely important.

When he got in the car he immediately told his mother about Jimin and how he invited him over to his house. Namjoon was excited when his mom said she would talk to Jimin’s mom because he had never been to someone’s house before.

-

The next day at school, Jimin wasn’t there. Namjoon looked around everywhere. He went to ask his teacher where they were, and he found out the worst news of his life: Mrs. Barry’s class only shared their recess times on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays.

Namjoon wasn’t sure what to do. He didn’t want to talk to Alex or any of his old friends anymore if they didn’t wanna play with stuffed animals. That’s when he realized something very important.

He didn’t have Finny with him. In fact, he didn’t remember taking Finny home yesterday at all. He panicked and started to wonder if he left Finny on the playground yesterday. He ran to the slides to find nothing but old wood chips sitting underneath.

He tried not to get too worked up over it, but he did spend all of recess looking for his stuffed animal. He wanted to ask someone for help if they had seen Finny around here, but he was afraid they would laugh at him and call him a baby like Alex did and Jimin wasn’t around to stand up for him today.

When Namjoon went home that day, he didn’t tell his mother he had lost Finny. He searched all over his room and still didn’t find him. However, it turned out his mother had some good news for him. His mom and Jimin’s mom agreed to set up a playdate for this weekend. Namjoon was so excited, he could hardly sleep.

The next day, Jimin was at recess again, and everything felt better.

Except for one thing. “I lost Finny,” Namjoon told Jimin. He had been keeping it a secret and he was dying to tell someone. He figured Jimin would be a good confidant.

“Oh!” Jimin exclaimed. “I picked him up when you left him!”

Namjoon smiled. “You’re my best friend!”

Jimin smiled back and Namjoon waited for Jimin return Finny to him. When Jimin noticed him waiting for something he said, “What?”

“Do you have Finny?” Namjoon asked.

Jimin shook his head sadly. “No because my mom doesn’t let me take stuffed animals to school…”

“Oh. Right,” Namjoon said. He tried not to sound too disappointed.

“But! Mom said you’re gonna come over this weekend! You can get Finny back then!” Jimin exclaimed excitedly.

Namjoon nodded enthusiastically. He wondered if he could tell Jimin he had never been over to someone’s house before, or if Jimin would laugh at him for that. Jimin didn’t seem like the kind of person to laugh at someone else. Still, a lot of the boys in Namjoon’s class seemed like the people who wouldn’t laugh at others as well, but they had still laughed at Namjoon. He knew they weren’t being mean, and some of them were even his friends, but he still didn’t like being laughed at very much.

However, Namjoon would soon figure out Jimin wasn’t the kind of person to laugh at others at all.

Once the weekend had finally arrived, Namjoon’s mother took him to Jimin’s house. His mom stuck around to talk to Jimin’s mom about boring adult stuff and Namjoon went upstairs with Jimin.

“Look! Look! I have Finny!” Jimin said while jumping onto his bed. He was glad Jimin had been sleeping with Finny in his bed because he was worried Finny would get sad and lonely without Namjoon.

“Yay! I’ve missed you so much,” Namjoon said, taking the dolphin back.

Jimin suddenly remembered something, “Wanna meet my Finny?”

Namjoon remembered too; Jimin had told him he had the same stuffed animal as him. However, when Jimin got his own “Finny,” Namjoon realized it wasn’t a dolphin at all. “That’s not the same!” Namjoon pointed out.

“Yes, it is!” Jimin replied.

Namjoon shook his head and hopped on the bed with Jimin. “Finny is a dolphin. That one’s a shark.”

Jimin frowned, “But they’re the same. They have the same colors and everything.”

Namjoon looked between the two stuffed animals and tried to figure out what he could point out to Jimin. This was a tough one because they were really similar but one was definitely a shark and the other was definitely a dolphin. “Aha!” Namjoon said, figuring it out. “Their tails go different ways. See?” Namjoon held Finny side by side to the shark so Jimin could see what he’s looking for.

“That doesn’t mean it’s different! It could be a dolphin!” Jimin complained.

Namjoon shook his head. Something that was a shark just couldn’t be a dolphin. “Nuh-uh! Ask your mom! I bet you she’ll say the same thing!”

“Fine!” Jimin exclaimed grabbing his shark and heading for the stairs. Namjoon followed.

Their moms were in the kitchen when the boys entered the room. “Mom! Mom! I have a question,” Jimin said, running into the room. He didn’t notice he interrupted a conversation.

“What is it, Bear?” his mother asked.

“Mom!” Jimin exclaimed, “Don’t call me that! I have a friend over!” Namjoon smiled at this. He wasn’t sure what it was exactly, but somehow Jimin’s mom calling him bear was cute.

“I’m sorry, Jiminie. What’s your question?”

Jimin held out his stuffed animal, “Is this a dolphin or a shark?”

“That’s a shark.”

“See! I told you so!” Namjoon said triumphantly.

Jimin frowned. “But it could be a dolphin too right?”

His mother shook his head, “I don’t think so. Dolphins have a bit of a different shape.”

Defeated, Jimin turned and left. Namjoon followed closely behind, but Jimin was much faster than him. Suddenly it was like they were playing a game of tag and Namjoon had to catch up to Jimin. Jimin sprinted up the stairs and Namjoon followed. Namjoon didn’t have stairs in his own house so he wasn’t as practiced at running up them as Jimin was. Before he reached the top step, Namjoon tripped and fell forward. He slipped down a couple steps, and when he looked up, Jimin was at the top of the stairs laughing.

Namjoon rubbed his elbow and felt embarrassed. He made his way to the top of the stairs, but he walked up the remaining steps. Jimin seemed to notice his change in demeanor.

“What’s wrong? Are you hurt?” Jimin asked.

Namjoon shook his head, “You were laughing at me.”

Jimin frowned. “I wasn’t laughing at you.”

“But you were laughing.”

“I was laughing because I was having fun,” Jimin said.

“Oh.”

“I’m sorry if I hurt your feelings.”

Namjoon shook his head. “I believe you. Some kids in my class laugh at me, but they never say sorry,” he looked down. “I don’t like it when people laugh at me.”

Jimin dramatically put one hand over his heart and grabbed Namjoon’s shoulder with the other. “I promise I’ll never laugh at you because you’re my best friend!”

Namjoon laughed, “Okay, Bear.”

Jimin gasped, taking back his hand. “If you’re my best friend you have to promise to never call me that!”

“But why?” Namjoon pouted, “It’s a cute nickname. I like it!”

Jimin frowned, but Namjoon could tell he was fighting back a smile. “Fine, you can call me that. But don’t call me that at school! I don’t want anyone else to call me that.”

Namjoon smiled and gave a big nod, “Deal!”

“You have to swear!” Jimin insisted.

“Mom says swearing is bad,” Namjoon said.

Jimin considered this and tried to come up with something else. “Then you have to promise to be my best friend forever, okay? Best friends don’t break promises.”

Namjoon’s eyes widened and he got really excited. He realized how serious this must have been to Jimin. Best friend promises were really important. He had always wanted a best friend forever, but never had one.

Namjoon nodded, “Best friend forever?”

“Yes. Do you promise?” Jimin asked seriously.

Namjoon nodded, “Promise.”

Jimin then let a smile break on his face, and Namjoon mirrored him. In that moment he felt so lucky. He had a good feeling about being best friends with Jimin.

Chapter Text

Little did Namjoon know how important his promise to be best friends with Jimin would become to him. Jimin was the one friend who stuck with him through everything.

They always supported each other. When Namjoon wanted to try out for the tennis team and he didn’t make it, Jimin was there to comfort him. When Jimin fell during one of his dance performances, Namjoon was there after the show with chocolate and reassuring words.

Namjoon came to learn that Jimin was a very affectionate person and he was thankful for this because he wasn’t. Namjoon tended to over analyze situations, so he was always nervous to reach out to others when he needed help or just wanted a hug. Thankfully, Jimin was able to read him like a book. He knew almost instinctively when Namjoon needed a hug, and Jimin’s hugs were the best - they always made him feel better.

Jimin was always there. Even as they transitioned into middle school, Jimin continued to stick by his side.

It had always kind of sucked that Jimin was a year younger, so he had eventually convinced his mom to let him take a test to try and qualify for Namjoon’s grade. Unfortunately, he didn’t know as much as he thought he knew, and so he had failed the test.

This was one of the times Namjoon had actually comforted Jimin instead. It was awkward for him at first, but then he felt okay when Jimin started to relax as well. Namjoon noticed how nice it was to hold Jimin - he was very comfortable.

He had always loved being close to Jimin, but as they got older, it became weirder.

At Namjoon’s eighth grade formal dance, he had invited Jimin because that’s what he always did. Jimin wasn’t in eighth grade, but the school wasn’t too strict on who they allowed into their dance.

Namjoon had invited him because he was his best friend, but also because Jimin was becoming an amazing dancer and he wanted to show him off. Jimin had picked up dancing a couple years ago and Namjoon was almost always the first to watch his newest routines.

Namjoon thought that if Jimin could come to the school’s dance and show off just a little bit then maybe that would make him a bit cooler. He wasn’t terribly concerned with seeming cool, but at the same time he wanted a little recognition from the so-called “cool kids.”

He ended up getting his recognition, but not at all in the way he had wanted.

The music in the school gym was loud. Some people were dancing. Others were standing off towards the sides. Namjoon hadn’t told Jimin his plan to get him to dance in front of the others because he knew if he had, Jimin would have never done it. Instead, he had to trick him into dancing.

Namjoon did this by attempting to dance a little himself. He was horribly uncoordinated and his rhythm was abysmal, but that didn’t stop him from moving with the beat (or rather attempting to do so).

Jimin laughed at him and it was one of Namjoon’s favorite things. Namjoon knew that when Jimin laughed at him it was never in the same way other kids laughed at him. He laughed out of fondness and because he was his best friends. Best friends were allowed to laugh at each other.

Still, Namjoon pretended to be offended. “Well, at least I’m trying!” he shouted over the music.

“What are you saying?” Jimin asked.

“I’m saying I think I’m a better dancer than you!” Namjoon said.

“Oh really?” Jimin asked with a playful smirk. He had taken the bait.

Namjoon nodded, “I don’t see you dancing. So by default, I win!”

“Is that a challenge?”

Namjoon nodded. “Duh. I thought that was pretty obvious!”

“Okay. Then you go first,” Jimin told him. This was not a part of Namjoon’s plan, but he figured if it would get Jimin to dance once he was over, then it would be worth it.

Namjoon bounced along to the music a bit, trying to come up with something creative to do with his limbs. He started with something he had seen hip-hop dancers do where an invisible wave sort of moved across their arms and through their shoulders all the way from fingertips to fingertips. He could tell his attempt at this move was nowhere near the cool level as those hip-hop dancers, but it was okay because Jimin was smiling still.

Next, Namjoon wasn’t really sure what he was doing, but it involved some kinds of weird kicks somewhat timed to the music. He attempted a body roll - or something like that. He felt a few people other than Jimin watching him and he was starting to get uncomfortable. Needing to wrap things up, he waved his arms around in a few circles and when the timing of the music was right, he pointed both his fingers at Jimin to signal it was his turn.

Jimin understood the message and immediately sprung into action. Namjoon was glad because truthfully he was out of breath and out of dance moves.

Jimin moved gracefully, somehow. Namjoon was mesmerized, as he always was when he watched Jimin dance. He forgot to pay attention to see if people were watching Jimin, but it turned out he didn’t need to do that. Jimin created a crowd all on his own.

Then a sound reached Namjoon’s ears that he hadn’t been expecting to hear at all. Laughter. He looked around and spotted its source. A group of the cool kids had wandered up and were watching Jimin’s performance, but to Namjoon’s horror, they appeared to be laughing at him.

A few of the other spectators started to laugh as well and Namjoon looked frantically at Jimin to try and figure out what was so funny. When he failed to figure it out, he stepped into the circle and reached out for Jimin’s arm. He pulled him out and some of the crowd made a sound of disappointment. Namjoon felt embarrassed.

“What’s going on?” Jimin asked.

Namjoon’s jaw was set tight and he didn’t reply. He just kept pulling Jimin away from the crowds and out of the gym. Eventually, they made their way to the cafeteria, where it was much quieter. The school didn’t allow for food in the gym so when they had a dance, the music would be in the gym and the cafeteria would have food along with an assortment of games set up on different tables.

“Namjoon, is everything okay?” Jimin asked when they were away from the loud music.

“They were laughing at you,” Namjoon decided to tell him, finally dropping his wrist. He didn’t want Jimin upset over people laughing at him, but he also didn’t want Jimin worried about him.

Jimin’s expression changed and Namjoon instantly regretted his words. He wanted to take them back and tell him it was a lie. There was no way they were laughing at him, he was far too good of a dancer.

“I want food. Do you want something?” Namjoon asked to try and change the subject.

“Um… yeah. I’ll have a slice of pizza,” Jimin replied.

Namjoon walked off and returned with two slices of pizza. Jimin had sat at a table where a game of checkers had been abandoned.

They ate their pizza in silence for a few seconds until someone else joined them at their table. He seemed out of breath, and somehow familiar. “You were the guy that was dancing earlier, right?” he asked loudly as he sat down.

Namjoon frowned. He was not about to stand here and let someone else mock Jimin in front of him. “Yeah…” Jimin replied after a moment.

“You were so great!” the boy exclaimed.

Namjoon blinked, unsure if he heard right. He was suspicious that this was some sort of practical joke. “Who are you?” he asked. It came out a little meaner than he had intended.

The boy sat back, somehow looking both apologetic and offended at the same time. “Namjoon? It’s me, Hoseok?” the boy said. Namjoon frowned, the name not ringing a bell. “I’m in your history class.”

Namjoon recognized him now. Hoseok was the kid that was often late to his history class and would sometimes fall asleep at his desk. “Oh! Hoseok. I’m sorry, I didn’t recognize you all dressed up.” Hoseok normally wore sweatpants or oversized clothes (that perhaps his mother thought he would grow into) to school and his bangs usually fell over his eyebrows, but for the dance today his hair was styled and pushed back to show some of his forehead.

Hoseok nodded proudly and gave him a little wink. Namjoon frowned. “Anyways, who’s your friend?” He nodded at Jimin.

“Jimin,” he said and held out his hand. “Nice to meet you.”

Hoseok laughed and shook his hand. “You too! Listen, I was wondering if you were on a team yet for the winter talent show?”

Jimin frowned and looked to Namjoon, “There’s a winter talent show?”

Namjoon nodded. “He’s not in our grade, he’s a year younger.”

Hoseok’s eyes widened. “Really!? And you’re that good at dancing?”

“I-I guess,” Jimin said, but he didn’t sound confident at all.

“What do you mean I guess? You were great!” Hoseok said. Namjoon decided then he liked Hoseok. Anyone that tried to make his best friend feel better was a good person in his book.

Jimin shrugged. “I just… people were laughing at me.”

“Oh,” Hoseok said. “Well, those people are dumb, for one. They think they’re cool, but they’re not. And for two, it was probably because you were dancing a contemporary dance to a hip-hop song. It was a little weird, but that doesn’t mean it was bad!”

Namjoon blinks and he realizes Hoseok was sort of right. He doesn’t really understand the different types of dance, but he knows enough to tell that the dance Jimin did had not matched the music in the gym at all. “Oh. Really?” Jimin asked.

Namjoon found himself nodding. “I think he’s right.” He made a mental note to apologize to Jimin later.

“So what do you say? Do you wanna join my team for the talent show?” Hoseok asked.

“You don’t think it’s a problem I’m a year younger?” he asked.

Hoseok shrugged, “I don’t think it’s a problem. I can ask if you want.”

Jimin looked at Namjoon for guidance. Namjoon shrugged to tell Jimin it was really up to him. He thought it would be cool if Jimin wanted to join the talent show, but he didn’t want to pressure him into anything that made him uncomfortable.

Jimin nodded, “Okay. I’ll do it.”

Hoseok smiled. “Great! Let’s exchange numbers so I can tell you where our practices are and such!”

Namjoon felt proud at that moment. There was still the underlying sense of guilt and embarrassment for having Jimin dance in front of everyone earlier, but if it wasn’t for that, then Hoseok might not have ever become a part of their lives.

-

The practices for the talent show were often held at Jimin’s house, but Namjoon watched a lot of them because he was often already at Jimin’s house when Hoseok showed up.

The school gave the talent show kids some time during school to work on their performances. Since Jimin wasn’t actually in their grade, Hoseok made time to come over and teach him the choreography - the other members only tagged along towards the end so they could put the whole thing together before the show.

Whenever they practiced, Namjoon offered to leave but Jimin insisted that he stay.

“No! You need to stay so you can tell me what I need to fix,” Jimin said.

“I don’t know the first thing about dance,” Namjoon replied.

Jimin smiled, “You know more than you think you do.”

“I really don’t think so, Jimin. How am I supposed to help?” Namjoon asked.

“It’s easy! Just watch me and Hoseok and tell me when we do things that don’t match up very well. Then I’ll know what I need to work on,” Jimin explained.

Namjoon nodded, he thought he could handle doing that. “What if Hoseok is the one that made the mistake? How am I supposed to know?”

Jimin laughed at this, “Hoseokie doesn’t make mistakes!”

Namjoon frowned and looked at the other boy, busy stretching on the other side of the room. “He doesn’t make mistakes?” Namjoon asked skeptically.

Jimin shrugged, “I mean I guess it’s possible, but Hoseok is making the choreography for this dance, so I think he knows what he’s doing.”

Namjoon nodded and decided he would stick around to try and help.

It turned out he wasn’t needed for a good half hour because Hoseok had to actually teach Jimin the steps to the choreography before he could actually attempt it. When they were going slow, it didn’t seem to hard, Namjoon felt like maybe he could even follow along.

Then they put it all together and Namjoon decided there was no way he could follow along.

Watching for mistakes proved to be pretty difficult at first. Namjoon wasn’t sure how he was supposed to watch Hoseok and Jimin at the same time. After a couple of run-throughs, he started to get the hang of it.

He jumped up from his seat the first time he noticed a mistake. He startled the others and made them stop dancing.

“What is it?” Hoseok asked.

“Did I mess up?” Jimin asked at the same time.

“Umm,” Namjoon started. “I think that part where you both go opposite directions and then your arms like did that thing.”

Jimin nodded as if he understood, but Namjoon thought that was pretty unlikely.

“This thing?” Hoseok asked as he quickly repeated the move.

Namjoon nodded. He tried to think of how to explain what was wrong, but he was bad with words pertaining to dance. He approached Jimin and grabbed onto his wrist.

“So your arm kinda did this,” Namjoon moved his arm slowly how he remembered seeing it, “But Hoseok’s was a little different and it ended a lot higher.” Namjoon positioned his arm where he thought it belonged.

Jimin looked up at his hand to try and visualize how the move should go. Then he turned to smile at Namjoon, who was suddenly aware how close their faces were. Namjoon cleared his throat and dropped Jimin’s wrist before things could get awkward.

“So yeah,” Namjoon said looking down at the ground.

“Thanks, Joonie!” Jimin exclaimed.

Namjoon tried his best not to blush as he returned to his seat to watch the rest of the practice.

Chapter Text

Namjoon became glad he had made a friend in his grade, it had made the transition from middle to high school easier for him. Hoseok had ended up going to the same high school as Namjoon, but Jimin still had to get through eighth grade before he would join them.

Namjoon had quickly become bogged down with homework and other high school activities. As an attempt to be a supportive friend, he would often go to Hoseok’s dance shows, but he hardly found time for those either.

This meant he had been spending less time with Jimin, and both of them had noticed. The thing with attending two different schools was that schedules rarely lined up. Any time Namjoon wanted to invite Jimin over, Jimin happened to be busy with something and vice versa.

“How about Wednesday?” Jimin asked over Skype.

Even though they didn’t see each other as much, they still found time to Skype each other most nights. Sometimes they had relatively quiet Skype sessions where they would both be working on their separate homework with the cameras on just to be able to see each other.

Namjoon frowned. “I can’t do Wednesday, I have a Biology test the next day that I really have to study for. What about Friday?”

“I have practice on Fridays, remember?”

“Oh yeah… Then I’m going to visit my grandparents over the weekend.”

“Monday maybe?”

Namjoon looked over his planner and tried to think of anything that was happening that Monday. “Yeah, I think maybe Monday could work.”

Jimin smiled. “Great! I’ll see you then!”

Namjoon nodded.

When Monday finally arrived, Namjoon woke up in a good mood. It had been such a long time since he and Jimin had properly hung out together and even though they Skype practically every other night, Namjoon was missing his best friend.

Hoseok jumped up behind Namjoon on his way to his first class. “Boo!” He exclaimed.

Namjoon was a bit startled, but not too much considering Hoseok tried to jump scare him like this about once every other week. “Hi Hoseok,” Namjoon said.

“Hey, Joonie! Guess what today is?” Hoseok sang, excitedly.

Namjoon frowned, he didn’t recall telling Hoseok that Jimin was coming over tonight. “Umm, Monday?”

Hoseok laughed loudly. Hoseok did everything loudly. “You’re so funny! I’ve been looking forward to this day for a month!”

Then Namjoon remembered. Hoseok was going to some big dance auditions today. Namjoon instantly felt the guilt settle into his stomach. He had told Hoseok he would go with him to these auditions forever ago - he had completely forgotten. Now Namjoon had to choose which of his plans he was going to cancel. It made more sense for him to cancel on Jimin, but that was the last thing he wanted to do.

Namjoon laughed, nervously, “Oh. I totally didn’t forget.”

Hoseok pushed his shoulder gently. “It’s alright! You can make up for it by cheering for me the loudest later today!”

Namjoon nodded. He couldn’t cancel on Hoseok.

He got out his phone and texted Jimin the news.

Namjoon: Hey I uh have to cancel our movie night…

Jimin: Oh no :( why?

Namjoon: I forgot that today I have a thing I planned to go to w Hoseok

Jimin: ah… it’s okay

Namjoon: I’m sorry :(

Jimin: So you have time for Hoseok but you don’t have time for me?

Namjoon: Jimin! :((

Jimin: Lol I’m jk…

Namjoon: We’ll hang out soon - I promise!

Jimin: Okay

The conversation ended there, but Namjoon kept thinking about it for the next few hours. He knew later when he would get to his homework he would be lost since he hadn’t been paying much attention in class.

Things continued on this way for some time. It got to a point where they stopped asking each other when they were free because they both knew the answer. By the time October rolled around, they had stopped Skyping every night.

One night Namjoon got a phone call. He was surprised to see Jimin’s name on the screen. Jimin always used Skype, he never called him on his actual cell phone. Namjoon picked up.

“Jimin?”

“Oh! Hey Joonie,” Jimin said using Namjoon’s favorite nickname.

“What’s up?” Namjoon asked. He was in the middle of writing a paper, but he needed a break anyways.

“I just uh… I wanted to make sure you were okay?”

Namjoon frowned. He looked around his room trying to figure out why Jimin would think he wasn’t doing okay. “I’m good… Did something happen?” Namjoon asked, but right then his eyes landed on something important. His calendar. It was Jimin’s birthday.

The last time Jimin had been over to his house (about a month ago) he had written "Jiminie’s bday" in on Namjoon’s calendar along with a little heart. Namjoon had been so focused on his due dates and such that he hadn’t realized what day it was. Jimin had made Namjoon promise they would spend his birthday together. That was when he marked the date on his calendar. They rarely made plans this far out in advance, but it seemed like now it was the only way to see each other.

“Oh… I mean not really,” Jimin said. He sounded disappointed. “I was ju-”

“Wait, Jimin,” Namjoon cut him off. He didn’t know whether to admit he had forgotten his best friend’s birthday or not. Well, it wasn’t that he had forgotten it was Jimin’s birthday more that he just wasn’t keeping track of his calendar. “I’ll be over in like ten minutes,” Namjoon said quickly. He hung up before getting a reply.

Namjoon rushed around his room, trying to make himself look half decent. He shoved a pair of shoes onto his feet, changed into a nicer shirt, and threw on a jacket. He checked himself over in the mirror and passed a hand through his hair - deciding that was sufficient. He stopped by his parents to inform them he was going to Jimin’s house.

“Be back before dark!” his mother called.

He ran outside and got on his bike. Jimin’s house was less than five minutes away, but Namjoon took a small detour. He stopped by a local bakery and purchased two cookies and a hot chocolate. He would’ve gotten two, but his bike only had one cup holder and he wasn’t sure he would be able to hold the second one without spilling on himself.

He made it to Jimin’s house in about fifteen minutes. He considered texting Jimin he was here, but it was probably faster to knock on his door anyway.

When Jimin opened the door, Namjoon held out the hot chocolate and small paper bag that held the two cookies. “Happy Birthday!” Namjoon told him - only slightly winded.

Instead of accepting Namjoon’s gifts, Jimin went straight in for a hug. He was shorter, so his face ended up buried in Namjoon’s chest. Namjoon felt something warm spread all over him. It was probably just the relief that Jimin had forgiven him for forgetting his birthday.

“I thought you weren’t gonna come,” Jimin said, voice muffled.

Namjoon patted his back. “I’m sorry. I lost track of time,” Namjoon said. It was a little bit of a lie, but it was okay.

“I know it’s a school night, but do you wanna watch a movie or something?” Jimin asked.

Namjoon nodded. His paper could wait. He needed to spend time with his best friend.

They ended up watching a movie both of them had seen a dozen of times, but they both liked it enough to enjoy another viewing. They liked to talk through the movie anyway. They ended up catching each other up on everything that had happened these past few weeks.

Once they exhausted all their main conversation pieces, Jimin flopped backward onto Namjoon’s lap and sighed. “I wish I was in high school already.”

Namjoon brushed Jimin’s hair. “It’s overrated.”

“But surely it’s better than middle school,” Jimin said.

Namjoon considered this. He wouldn’t really say it was better, but at the same time, it was hard to tell. He had liked middle school a lot more because he had gotten to spend most of his time with Jimin and there hadn’t been as much homework. However, he liked being in high school because it felt like he had more freedom. Namjoon just settled on a shrug.

“You know… earlier I thought you had forgotten my birthday,” Jimin said.

Namjoon felt the heat rise to his cheeks and hoped it was dark enough in the room that Jimin couldn’t tell. “I would never forget my best friend’s birthday,” Namjoon said.

Jimin was quiet for a second before he responded. “Are we even still best friends?”

“What? What do you mean?” Namjoon asked.

Jimin sat up again, “I mean we barely have time to see each other anymore. You spend more time with Hoseok than you do with me and I rarely see you…”

“Jimin-”

“Sometimes I feel like you’re my best friend, but I’m not yours.”

Namjoon frowned. “Jimin, I don’t know if you’ve met me. I’m not someone that breaks a promise.”

“Okay, and?”

“I promised we would be best friends forever didn’t I?”

Jimin was quiet. “Only like every year since I’ve met you… and you wrote it in all of my yearbooks.”

“Yeah. So when I say we’re gonna be best friends forever… that’s what I mean,” Namjoon finished explaining.

“Okay,” Jimin paused. “You promise?”

“I promise,” Namjoon said.

Jimin laughed and they went back to normal after that. Namjoon started making a more conscious effort to hang out with Jimin from then on. He didn’t want Jimin to feel the way he had. Sometimes Namjoon would put off doing homework just to hang out with Jimin. Sometimes when it just couldn’t wait, Jimin would come over while Namjoon finished up. Even though they no longer really had time, they still found time.

-

Once Jimin was in high school as well, things smoothed out again. They still had equally busy schedules that rarely lined up outside of school hours, but at least they got to see each other at lunch or in the hallways between classes.

Jimin also started to become really popular. Namjoon would listen as Jimin listed all of the things he and his large friend group did throughout the day. There were too many names for him to remember them all properly.

By the time Namjoon was in his senior year, Jimin was friends with virtually the entire school. Namjoon often worried Jimin would find a new best friend that he could do everything with. It wouldn’t have been hard for him. However, he continued to hang out with Namjoon and spend most of his time with him. Namjoon wondered how it was possible Jimin still wanted to be friends with him when he was far less interesting than most of Jimin’s other friends.

When Namjoon got his driver’s license, they started frequently visiting a cafe down the street from their school. They went almost every weekend to order something filled with caffeine and to work on any homework they had.

One weekend they went and Jimin was acting a little different. They sat in the same spot that they always sat in. Namjoon ordered a hot chocolate with whipped cream and Jimin got a caramel latte.

They got their drinks and set up shop.

“Joon you have a little something there,” Jimin told him after he’d taken a sip of his hot chocolate. He had decided not to get a coffee this time because he’d been having some trouble falling asleep lately and his mother had told him he needed to cut the caffeine.

Namjoon licked the corner of his mouth where Jimin had pointed.

Jimin just laughed at him, “No, it’s on the other side.”

Namjoon tried the other side but found even less success there.

Still laughing at him, Jimin reached over the table. He swiped his finger across Namjoon’s cheek. Jimin showed Namjoon the whipped cream on his finger before wrapping his lips around it and licking it off his fingertip. Namjoon felt his face grow warm. He felt embarrassed - or something like that.

“Thanks,” Namjoon mumbled.

They proceed with their homework like normal for a little while. However, Jimin seemed kind of antsy and Namjoon definitely noticed. He considered asking what was up, but figured Jimin would speak his mind eventually if he waited long enough.

He was right. “Namjoon?”

Namjoon looked up, concerned - Jimin hardly ever called him by his actual name; he almost exclusively used a nickname. “What’s up?”

“I uh… I wanted to talk to you,” Jimin started.

“Well, we’re talking,” Namjoon said.

“Right. Okay. Well you know prom is coming up…”

“Yeah.”

“I need advice.”

“Hit me.”

“I wanna ask someone to prom…”

“Oh?”

“Yeah. And we’ve been friends for such a long time. I’m not sure they would say yes. It might be weird,” Jimin’s words had a strange effect on Namjoon’s heart.

“Why wouldn’t they?” Namjoon asked.

“I don’t know. Jordan thinks I’m stupid and I should just ask them, but I don’t have any ideas on how.”

“Do you know if they would like something big or flashy?”

Jimin shook his head, “No, not at all. I think they would be fine if I just asked in between classes honestly.”

“Then you should do it.”

“I should?”

“Yes.”

“Okay. Thanks, Namjoon.”

A few seconds of silence passed between then and Namjoon couldn’t help himself from asking his next question. “So who is it?”

Jimin turned red and avoided Namjoon’s gaze. “Lily.”

Namjoon tried his best to hide his reaction, but of course, Jimin saw right through him.

“What?” Jimin asked.

Namjoon debated telling Jimin what he was thinking. He could lie and say he fully supported him, but the truth was Lily was one of the kids who had made fun of Namjoon in middle school. She had constantly teased him for hanging out with Jimin so much. “You’re weird. You only hang out with that kid that’s younger than us. Why don’t you have any friends in our grade?” Namjoon had never told Jimin exactly why she had been mean to him.

“Nothing,” Namjoon said, but he didn’t mean nothing. “You know how I feel about her.”

“Come on, Namjoon! That was years ago!”

Namjoon bit his lip. “I’m not gonna tell you to not to ask her out. I just… wish it wasn’t her.”

“People change, you know?”

Namjoon shrugged.

Jimin frowned. “If I ask her out will you still be in our prom group?”

Namjoon considered this. He had considered not going to prom at all, but it seemed like everyone was trying to convince him he had to. He had eventually decided to go under the condition that he and Jimin would make their own prom group. He didn’t want to be a part of the huge groups that rented houses for after parties. So he knew saying no to Jimin here simply wouldn’t make any sense.

He also knew that if he said no, Jimin probably wouldn’t ask her out. And while he was tempted to do so, he couldn’t do that to Jimin.

So he sighed and said, “Yes. I won’t abandon our prom group. Ask whoever you’d like.” He sounded genuine when he said it, he just wished he felt that way as well.

Prom eventually arrived and Namjoon never got around to finding a date. He didn’t think it was necessary to take a date to the prom. After he finished getting ready, he waited in his living room for his friends to show up.

Hoseok and his “date” were the first ones to show up. Hoseok had invited his friend to join their group, but he had left it sort of ambiguous and never really told the guy he wanted to go as an actual couple. Namjoon knew Hoseok wanted to date this guy, but he wasn’t so sure the feeling was mutual. It was sort of awkward having them show up at his house together.

Hoseok seemed to keep an awkward distance between himself and his “date” and he kept sending Namjoon glances for help. Namjoon just shrugged, he didn’t know what to do either.

Jimin showed up a few minutes after them with Lily and Lily’s friend and her date as well. The seven of them made up their entire prom group. Namjoon hadn’t been too keen when Jimin had asked if Lily’s friend and date could join, but he hadn’t been able to just say no.

Namjoon’s mom had them all go outside and take lots of pictures. First, there was a group shot, then they took pictures of just the guys and then just the two girls. Next up, the couples took some pictures. After Jimin, Lily, and the other couple took a few pictures, Hoseok awkwardly suggested to his date they should take a few pictures as well.

Namjoon stood off to the side the entire time. He was the only one without a date so he just stood back and watched everyone else.

“We should get a picture… because we’re friends you know?” Hoseok said to his “date” Peter.

“Oh, then shouldn’t Namjoon get in it too?”

Hoseok shook his head, “I-I have tons of pictures with Namjoon.”

Jimin came up behind Namjoon which made him jump just a bit. “Poor Hoseok,” Jimin said.

Namjoon looked around for Jimin’s date. She was off talking with her friends. “Yeah,” Namjoon agreed. “He should’ve just asked Peter out on a real date.”

“Yeah,” Jimin paused, clearly thinking up an idea. “Hey. You and I should take some couple-y pictures.”

“W-what?” Namjoon asked.

“Yeah! I mean maybe it would make things less awkward for Hoseok. Plus you don’t really have a date, I’m sure it would make your mom happy,” Jimin said.

Namjoon considered this. “I guess.”

“Great,” Jimin said. “Hey! After you two go, we’re next!” Jimin called out, lacing his and Namjoon’s fingers together and holding their hands up. Namjoon looked at their fingers. He always knew Jimin was shorter than him, but he never noticed how small and… cute Jimin’s fingers were. Fingers weren’t supposed to be cute.

He was too distracted by Jimin’s fingers to notice when it was their turn for pictures. They took a few normal ones, but then under Jimin’s request, they took a few pictures in classic prom poses. Jimin stood in front of him and had Namjoon wrap his arms around his waist. Then another where they faced each other in an awkward half-hug. Then things became more extreme when Jimin threw a leg up over Namjoon’s shoulder.

Namjoon knew Jimin was flexible from being a dancer, but he was more impressed at the fact he could get his foot all the way on his shoulder. Then they became a mess of laughter. Jimin attempted to dip Namjoon, but he ended up dropping him on the ground. Unable to stay away from all the noise, Hoseok ended up joining after that.

They took a bunch more photos, each more ridiculous and harder to explain than the previous. Namjoon couldn’t stop laughing and he was glad he had such great friends. He had really been worried prom wouldn’t be fun, but with Jimin and Hoseok around, he was sure it wouldn’t be completely unbearable.

They were served dinner at prom and his entire group sat at a table together. There was an extra spot, courtesy of the organizers assuming everyone would have a date, but still, things were okay.

After dinner, most people hit the dancefloor. Namjoon refused at first because he insisted he was too full from all the food and if he got up now, it would not end well.

So he sat back and watched everyone else have fun. He didn’t need to be in the middle of the mass of hot bodies “dancing” to the music, but in all honesty, he was having fun as well.

Eventually, Hoseok returned from the dance floor to drag Namjoon up with him.

“What happened to Peter?” Namjoon asked.

Hoseok kind of rolled his eyes and pointed towards the dancefloor. Peter could be seen towards the edge, dancing with a girl. Namjoon frowned. He really felt bad for Hoseok.

“I’m sorry, Hoseok,” Namjoon shouted over the music.

Hoseok shrugged, “It’s okay. Even if he’s bi, I don’t think he’s that into me.”

“That sucks.”

Hoseok nodded. “Let’s go dance.”

“I can’t dance,” Namjoon said.

Hoseok grabbed his wrist and pulled him up. “Everyone can dance! Besides it’s hardly dancing - you just have to bounce a little with the music, it’s fun.”

Dancing wasn’t nearly as fun as Hoseok made it out to be, but at the same time, it wasn’t horrible. Namjoon didn’t love it when someone inevitably stepped on his toes or bumped into him, but at least his height kept him from getting too hot. Even if dancing wasn’t that fun, being with Hoseok was always fun - he practically had no shame.

Once the night started winding down, Namjoon made a trip to the bathroom. He wanted to get some air and sit down for a bit, so he used this as an excuse to get away.

He was surprised when he found Jimin sitting on the bathroom floor all alone.

“Jimin?”

Jimin looked up at him and Namjoon could instantly tell he was upset.

“What’s wrong?”

“Lily ditched me,” Jimin said.

Namjoon’s eyes widened and he sat down next to Jimin. “What happened?” he asked.

Jimin shrugged. “I told her I didn’t want to go to the big after party. You know the one at Luke’s house? And like when we talked about this a few weeks ago she said that was fine and we could figure something else out. So then when she asked what the plan was for after I told her we were probably all gonna go back to your place for a bit and hang out, and her exact response was, ‘Ew no, that’s not what prom’s about.’”

Namjoon frowned, “What is prom about then?”

“That’s exactly what I said. And she was like, ‘If I’m not completely wasted by 2 AM then what’s the point?’ So I told her I’m kind of uncomfortable with underage drinking and she gave me a nasty look and asked why I even bothered asking her to prom in the first place.”

“Ouch.”

Jimin sighed. “Yeah. So she left to go find her friends and I think they’ve all left for Luke’s after party.”

“I’m sorry,” Namjoon said.

Jimin rested his head on Namjoon’s shoulder. “It’s alright.”

Namjoon almost wanted to say I told you so, but he felt like it wasn’t the right moment. “You deserve better,” Namjoon told him, and he really truly believed it. Jimin deserved the best. Namjoon didn’t know anyone else who was more hardworking and generous than Jimin.

Chapter Text

The transition from high school to college wasn’t as hard as the one from middle school to high school. Namjoon supposed this largely had to do with the physical distance between them now as well as their age.

They had both grown up a lot throughout high school. They now knew they were able to hang out with other people and still be each other’s best friends. Nothing could shake their friendship.

Namjoon came back home as often as he could find the time. He would spend time with his family, but he would spend most of his time with Jimin. Hoseok ended up going to the same college as Namjoon and they decided to be roommates. Jimin constantly asked about the friends Namjoon was making down at college, but to be completely honest, there weren’t a lot of people he was friends with.

He had never been great at making friends. He met most of the people he did through Hoseok and Jimin, but very few of them actually stuck around to get to know him.

“Come on, there’s gotta be some interesting people you’ve met down there,” Jimin insisted.

“I guess… Hoseok has a new boyfriend if you count that,” Namjoon said.

“Ooh! Tell me about him.”

“Well I don’t know if they’re official yet, but he’s over at our dorm all the time. His name is Yoongi. I don’t know what he’s studying. He doesn’t talk to me a whole bunch, but I guess Hoseok likes him for some reason,” Namjoon said.

“Hmm. Well, you should talk to Hoseok and find out for me.”

“I would, but he’s always busy. He’s either gone for some dance try-out thing or he’s with Yoongi in our dorm. I don’t have any idea how they met.”

“Dance try-outs are still going on?”

“Yeah. Apparently, they take like half the semester and they’re really competitive.”

“Yikes. Do you think he’ll make it?” Jimin asked.

“Oh yeah. I mean it’s Hoseok. Of course, he will,” Namjoon said.

“You’re right,” Jimin said. “So what else? Why don’t you have a boyfriend yet?”

Namjoon frowned, “I don’t have time for that.”

“Come on! If Hoseok’s got time, surely you’ve got the time as well!”

“I’m already married to my coursework,” Namjoon deadpanned.

Jimin laughed. Jimin always laughed, “Okay then do you have any study buddies?”

“Uhh, there is this one guy I met,” Namjoon started.

“What’s his name?”

“Seokjin. He’s in one of my basics. He sits next to me in class so we exchanged numbers.”

“Ooh! Is he cute?” Jimin leaned forward on his hands as if he were a teenage girl at a sleepover waiting to hear the juiciest gossip.

Namjoon shrugged. “I mean… he’s decent looking.”

Jimin laughed. “Of course.”

“Stop that. I’m really not looking to date anyone,” Namjoon said.

Jimin frowned and pushed Namjoon. “Come on, Joonie! Humor me,” he pouted. “I’m just looking out for my bestie - trying to make sure you don’t die old and alone.”

“What if I die young and alone?”

Jimin gave him another one of his signature pouts, but at least he dropped the topic after that.

When Jimin got accepted into the same college as Namjoon, he was tempted to ask if he wanted to be roommates. However, before he even had the chance to ask about that, Jimin came to him excited about something.

“I met someone online that’s gonna be a freshman with me and he asked if I wanted to be his roommate!” Jimin said over the phone.

“Wow… that’s really… awesome,” Namjoon said.

“Yeah! He said he wants to try out for the dance team also, and I told him how I knew someone on the team already and he said that was really cool and he wants to meet Hoseok to get some pointers and stuff you know?”

Namjoon tried to process all this information. Jimin was talking really fast. “That’s cool. What’s his name?” Namjoon asked.

“Taehyung! Ah, I’m so excited!” Jimin exclaimed and Namjoon could feel his excitement radiating through the phone. “You know I was sad about leaving high school and all my friends here, but I think I’m more excited about meeting a bunch of new people and living with Taehyung and such.”

“Yeah. That sounds fun. I almost decided to go the random roommate route,” Namjoon said.

“Oh yeah! You are Hoseok are living together again next year right?” Jimin asked.

“Actually uhh… I don’t know. I think Hoseok might be thinking about living with Yoongi next year. I’ve tried to tell him that I don’t think that’s a very good idea, but he won’t listen.”

“Ooh yikes. What if they break up?”

“That’s what I said. But Hoseok seems to think they’ll be fine.”

“Hmm. So then what about you?” Jimin asked again.

Namjoon shrugged, but then he remembered Jimin couldn’t see him. “I don’t know. Maybe I’ll just live by myself.”

“Aw, but that’s so lonely. You should ask Seokjin what his plans are,” Jimin said.

“That’s a good idea. Maybe I’ll do that.”

“But if you do, you shouldn’t date him!” Jimin added out of nowhere.

“What are you talking about?”

“You don’t date roommates! Clearly, Hoseok doesn’t know this rule, but you should be smart enough to understand it.”

“I’ve told you before, Seokjin is just a friend.”

“Okay. Whatever you say!”

Namjoon sighed. “I have to go Jimin,” Namjoon said. He didn’t have to go, but he was tired of having this same conversation. Plus he was feeling inexplicably sad and he wanted a moment to work through his emotions.

“Alright! I’ll see you when you come back for break!”

“Okay. Bye Jimin.”

“Goodbye Joonie!”

Namjoon hung up the phone and buried himself under his covers. He wondered why he wasn’t able to date like a normal person. It wasn’t that he wasn’t attracted to others, he just had no interest in having a relationship like that. When everyone else had started dating back in middle school he had turned up his nose and said it was stupid. “You’re going to break up eventually, so what’s the point?” He would say. Then in high school, his cynical streak had continued. “Very few high school couples actually stay together. Plus everyone in this school is kind of a dickhead.”

Now he was in college. Lots of couples that formed in college actually did stick and end up getting married. So why did he still not want a relationship? He figured it was hard enough to find friends, let alone a boyfriend.

-

The next few years, Namjoon was able to make several new friends. However, he still had no interest in a relationship. Hoseok and Yoongi had ended up building a pretty solid relationship and Namjoon had found out he really liked Yoongi as well.

Namjoon never liked to get close to the people his friends dated because he knew it was unlikely they would stick around for long, but Yoongi seemed different. Namjoon wasn’t worried he and Hoseok would break up - at least not anytime soon.

Next, there was Seokjin. Asking Seokjin to be his roommate had turned out to be one of the best ideas ever. They got along really well and Seokjin was really good at understanding when Namjoon needed space or not.

Seokjin was a bit older than both himself and Hoseok, but he had taken a gap year and each semester he took the minimal amount of classes he had to. Seokjin said he expected he would graduate in four to five years, but Namjoon sometimes wondered if it would be longer for him because of the pace he was going at.

Taehyung ended up becoming friends with all of them as well. The day after he and Jimin moved into their dorm, they came to visit Hoseok. Coincidentally, Namjoon was over at Hoseok’s place as well, helping him move in. Taehyung was a lot like Jimin, in Namjoon’s opinion. He was very outgoing and really charismatic. He also loved to dance, but Namjoon didn’t think he was as good as Jimin (Namjoon was biased though and he would openly admit to this).

With Hoseok’s help, both Jimin and Taehyung had ended up making it onto the dance team. Namjoon hadn’t seen a whole lot of them during that first semester, but it was okay because he was equally as busy with homework.

The next year, another person was added to their group. A freshman named Jungkook that had joined the dance team as well. Jimin, Taehyung, and Jungkook were almost always seen together. Namjoon was a little bit jealous he didn’t have a friend like that, but he knew he would always have Jimin.

Every so often, their group would get together and all hell would break loose. While a variety of occasions could call for these celebrations, their gatherings typically happened after everyone had just finished up with some major exams.

Jimin, Taehyung, and Jungkook were the only ones not legally old enough to drink. The dance team apparently had very strict rules on underage drinking or really drinking at all and if they found out about it, they could instantly be kicked off. None of them wanted that, so not even Hoseok would drink at their parties.

Namjoon didn’t consider himself the type of person to get completely wasted, but one particular Saturday, he was feeling really down.

He sat on the futon next to Yoongi. Jimin and Jungkook were playing Just Dance 4 while the others watched and cheered for whoever they wanted to win.

Yoongi raised his eyebrows at Namjoon and took another sip of his drink. It was enough of a greeting.

Namjoon eyed the drink in his hand. He had always heard of people “drinking to forget.” There wasn’t anything specific he wanted to forget, but he was tired of feeling left out of everything. He sometimes felt like he had no actual friends of his own. Even in a room surrounded by people he called his friends, he still found it hard.

Everything was hard to explain. He was supposed to be having the time of his life in college, that’s what everyone always said. However, he was more stressed out and bogged down with work than he had ever been in his life. He supposed whoever had said that hadn’t been a chemistry major.

“Does that stuff really work?” Namjoon asked, pointing at Yoongi’s drink.

“What? Alcohol?”

“Yeah. Like what would happen if I had some?” Namjoon asked. He knew no one would really be able to answer that question. He had never been drunk before, so there was no way of knowing what alcohol would do to him.

Yoongi shrugged. “It’s good stuff. Sometimes.”

Namjoon nodded, still considering his options.

“Why? Do you wanna get drunk or something?” Yoongi asked. He still seemed sober for the most part. Namjoon wondered how much he had had to drink tonight. He also wondered how much it took to actually get drunk.

Namjoon looked across the room for Jimin. Jimin would know what to do. He always did. However, Jimin was currently busy being draped across Taehyung’s lap.

Namjoon felt a bitterness rise inside of him. Jimin was supposed to be his best friend, but lately, it hadn’t felt like that. It had felt a lot more like Taehyung was Jimin’s best friend and Namjoon had nobody. Namjoon wasn’t a very confrontational person either, so he didn’t really feel like bringing it up to Jimin, but it was starting to affect the way he felt about Taehyung.

He felt awful about that. Taehyung didn’t deserve that - he had done nothing wrong. But whenever he watched Taehyung play with Jimin’s hair or poke his nose, he felt something sour growing within him.

Namjoon turned back to Yoongi. “I wanna get drunk.”

Yoongi reached over the arm of the chair and handed Namjoon a can. “Have fun, my friend.”

Namjoon learned that night that he didn’t like the taste of beer. It was awful and he wondered why so many people drank it. However, without an alternative option, Namjoon kept ingesting the bitter liquid until he started to feel kind of spacey. The alcohol made him feel distant, but somehow still present. It definitely did not improve his mood.

He tried to laugh along with everyone else when it was Seokjin’s turn to battle Hoseok in Just Dance. It was comedic, sure, but he still couldn’t stop looking over at Jimin. Jimin who had his arms around Taehyung and legs draped across his lap. Jimin who fell over with laughter onto Taehyung every time something funny happened. Jimin who buried his face in Taehyung’s neck just when Namjoon thought they couldn’t get any closer.

Namjoon stood up abruptly. He wobbled for a second - that was probably partially due to the alcohol, but also because he had been sitting down for some time now. He thought he heard someone call out his name, but as far as he was concerned, this party was over.

“-’m goin home,” Namjoon managed out.

Namjoon made his way to the door but discovered his shoes were missing. Thankfully, his trusty roommate Seokjin magically appeared behind him with them. He didn’t remember walking back or getting into bed, but he woke up with an awful headache and a heart full of regret.

That next day, Namjoon stayed inside and depended on Seokjin to take care of him. Thankfully, his roommate didn’t have other plans for that day and was kind enough to help him out.

The third or fourth time he came into Namjoon’s room to check on him, he took a seat on his bed next to him. “Do you wanna talk about it?” Seokjin asked.

Namjoon set down his glass of water and frowned. “What’s there to talk about?”

“Oh I don’t know, maybe you getting drunk last night?” Seokjin said.

“I don’t need a lecture.”

“I’m not here to scold you for getting drunk. I honestly couldn’t care less.”

“Then why are you here?” Namjoon asked.

“Why did you let yourself get that drunk? Clearly, something must be wrong,” Seokjin reasoned.

Namjoon hated the fact he was right. He wished he could lie and say he just wanted to see what being drunk was like, but Seokjin would be able to see right through his lie. “I dunno,” Namjoon mumbled.

“I think you do know and you’re just not telling me. Now come on. What is it?”

“I’m just stressed, okay?” Namjoon said.

Seokjin frowned. “Over schoolwork? We just finished all our midterms.”

“No. I mean yes, I’m always stressed over schoolwork…”

“So what else?” Seokjin pressed. Namjoon refused to answer and stayed silent for a few seconds. Seokjin spoke up again. “Is it Jimin?”

Namjoon almost did a double take. Seokjin had to be some kind of mind-reading wizard. Namjoon considered lying, but he knew he was awful at it, so he had to admit Seokjin was right. “Yeah… kind of. You have to swear you won’t tell him though.”

Seokjin nodded. “I wouldn’t want to tell him anything anyways. This is for you guys to sort out.”

Namjoon sighed and looked down at his hands in his lap. “I just miss… the first grade.”

Seokjin raised an eyebrow at him. “Really? I mean same, but okay.”

Namjoon frowned. He knew he had never told Seokjin exactly how long he’d known Jimin for. Usually, he introduced Jimin as “a friend from high school,” so most people assumed they had met during high school.

“Things were so much easier back then. Did you know that’s when I met Jimin?” Namjoon said.

Seokjin’s eyes widened. “You’ve known him for that long? And you’ve been friends this whole time?”

Namjoon nodded. “That’s why he’s my best friend.”

“Damn. So what are you waiting for?” Seokjin asked.

“What do you mean?” Namjoon was confused.

“When are you gonna ask him out?”

“Wait, what?”

“Isn’t that what this is about?” Seokjin asked.

Namjoon shook his head. “What? No? Go back, I don’t know what’s going on anymore.”

“I thought you had some kind of crush on Jimin,” Seokjin said.

Namjoon’s eyes practically shoot out of his skull. “What!? No! Jimin is just my best friend. I don’t have a crush on him.”

“Oh… well, this is awkward. Then why are you all upset?”

“I just feel like Jimin’s been really distant lately. Like you know we have known each other pretty much our entire lives, so we’re each other’s best friends. But I kinda feel like maybe I’m not his best friend sometimes,” Namjoon explained.

“Oh. I see. You’re sure you don’t have a crush though?” Seokjin asked.

“No! He’s my best friend!” Namjoon insisted.

Seokjin nodded and thought for a second. “Have you talked to Jimin about how you feel?”

“What and tell him how I don’t like it when he spends more time with his dancer friends than he does with me?” Namjoon asked.

“Yeah. You should tell him that,” Seokjin said.

“I don’t think I’m gonna.”

Seokjin shrugged. “I can’t tell you what to do or force you to do anything, but if you want my two-cents, I think you just need to talk to him. Jimin is an open guy and with how long you two have been friends, I’m positive he would listen to you.”

Namjoon just grunted in response. Seokjin let him be after that, and Namjoon got to thinking. He knew logically he should just confront Jimin and tell him how he’s feeling, but somehow Namjoon felt like he couldn’t do that.

Sometimes he really wished he was less insecure and that he didn’t need constant verbal affirmation from others.

-

Namjoon lived on in silence for several months after that. Seokjin didn’t say anything else to him about the matter either. He did occasionally send Namjoon a disapproving look, but he always held himself back.

Namjoon began distancing himself from everyone around him and especially Jimin. It wasn't hard to do since Jimin was already busy, but Namjoon stopped replying to texts as fast.

He wondered if Jimin had even noticed.

One day, Jimin texted him asking about holiday plans.

Jimin: Hey Joon! When are you going back home?

Namjoon: Pretty much as soon as I finish my last exam

Jimin: Do you think I could get a ride with you?

Namjoon: Didn't Taehyung drive you up here? Why can't he take you back?

Jimin: Tae's staying a bit later than I would like to... plus I think it would be fun to ride back with you.

Namjoon: Okay.

Namjoon realized he hadn't seen Jimin since he had gotten drunk after midterms. He wondered if seeing him would be awkward.

Out of nowhere, he remembered Seokjin asking if he had a crush on Jimin. He shook his head as if to physically get the thought out of his mind. He definitely did not have a crush on Jimin.

-

As soon as Namjoon finished his last final, he texted Jimin that he was ready to go. Namjoon had packed his car with everything he needed to take back with him before his exam. He really wanted to get home as soon as possible, he was sort of homesick.

Jimin had agreed to meet Namjoon at his car. When Namjoon saw Jimin, he did a double take. Jimin's hair had been dyed bright-orange. It looked really good on him too. Something else seemed different about him as well. Maybe he had gotten taller? It was hard to tell.

"Woah," Namjoon said.

Jimin smiled and subconsciously ran a hand through his hair. "Oh yeah. This."

"I like the color," Namjoon said. The conversation was simultaneously awkward and not awkward. Namjoon just wanted to get in the car and drive back already.

"Thanks," Jimin said.

"We should get going," Namjoon said. They would have plenty of time to talk in the car.

They got in and after a few moments of silence while Namjoon navigated out of the parking lot and onto the highway, Namjoon spoke up, "So when did you do that?"

"Do what? You mean my hair?"

Namjoon nodded, "Yeah... I think the last time I properly saw you was at our post-midterms party, but your hair was definitely still black then."

"Oh. Right. I dyed it like a week after that."

"Why did you decide to do it? I know you've always talked about dying it blue or dark red... you never mentioned wanting a bright color like that?"

"Um... I lost a bet with Taehyung. My penalty was letting Taehyung pick a color to dye my hair."

"Oh. Well, the joke’s on him, it looks really good on you," Namjoon said and he felt his face grow warm. That was definitely odd. He had always complimented Jimin in the past. Maybe it was because they hadn't been talking to each other much lately.

"You're just saying that," Jimin said.

"No! I mean it. It makes you look all warm and cozy."

"Ahh, but it's freezing outside."

"Exactly..." Namjoon trailed off.

The conversation lulled and Namjoon scrambled to try and save it. The last thing he wanted was an awkward silence.

"So how have you been? I feel like I haven't seen you in ages," Namjoon said.

"Have you been avoiding me?" Jimin asked.

Namjoon glanced away from the road for a moment to look at Jimin. He hadn't expected that sort of question to come from Jimin. He didn't think Jimin had picked up on anything unusual at all.

"What? No?" Namjoon said, but his voice betrayed him. He was never a very good liar.

"Really? How come sometimes you read my texts but don't respond?"

"I-I'm just busy... you know with studying. The messages probably come across my laptop so they get marked read..." Namjoon said, thinking quick on his feet.

"Oh okay. I told Taehyung I thought you were avoiding me and he said I was being stupid. I guess we just haven't had a lot of time to hang out."

"Yeah," Namjoon agreed. He wanted to say more, but he held himself back.

"It's been like this for awhile," Jimin said.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean it feels like we've been busy for the past decade."

"Well we can't stay carefree children forever," Namjoon said.

"Yeah. You're right. I just wish that we could..."

Namjoon picked up on Jimin's tone. "Is everything okay? Like you're doing okay in your classes and everything, right?"

"I guess."

"What's wrong?"

Jimin shrugged and Namjoon caught this out of the corner of his eye. "I think I'm just homesick."

"Me too," Namjoon agreed.

-

Over the break, things seemed to go back to normal for a bit. Jimin spent most of the days over at Namjoon's house. Namjoon's mother loved it when Jimin came over because she loved any excuse to cook dinner.

After a few days of staying over at Namjoon's house, they started to venture out into town a bit more. And venturing out meant they just went to their favorite cafe a lot.

One day when they showed up, they found Hoseok already sitting at a booth.

"Hey, Hoseok!" Jimin exclaimed as soon as he saw him.

Hoseok looked up from his phone to wave the both of them over.

They sat on the opposite side of the booth from Hoseok. The booth, however, was really only meant for two people, so Jimin has to squish in next to Namjoon.

"What are you guys doing here?" Hoseok asked once they sat down.

"We used to come here a lot," Namjoon answered for the both of them. "Why are you here?"

Hoseok frowned. "I was waiting for Yoongi. He lives kind of far away, but he said he would come visit me and we would meet up today. I think he's stuck in traffic though."

Namjoon wondered if Yoongi was the kind of guy to stand someone up. He decided that didn't sound like Yoongi.

"Dang, that sucks. I'm sure he'll get here soon," Jimin said.

Hoseok gave a half smile. "Thanks. I hope you're right. I've been here for twenty minutes already."

"Yikes. Do you want me to order you something?" Jimin asked, getting up from the booth. Namjoon opened his mouth, but Jimin stopped him. "Not you. I already know your order."

"Rude... what if I changed my mind?" Namjoon asked.

Jimin just laughed at him. "Good one. But for real. Do you want anything Hoseok?"

Hoseok shook his head. "I'm good. I already had a hot chocolate."

"Alright," Jimin said and left their table.

Namjoon focused back on the matter at hand, "How do you know Yoongi isn't like sleeping somewhere? Or maybe he forgot?"

Hoseok shook his head. "Yoongi wouldn't stand me up in the first place. But look," Hoseok pulled out his phone and scrolled to his conversation with Yoongi. "He texted me he was on his way just a little bit ago. Also, his location says he's like fifteen minutes away, but it's said he's been fifteen minutes away for over fifteen minutes now..."

"You have each other's locations?" Namjoon asked.

"Of course! Don't you have Jimin's?" Hoseok asked.

"Yeah... but that's not the point," Namjoon replied.

"It's okay, Namjoon. I know Yoongi's on his way, he's just stuck in traffic and I'm impatient."

"Don't you live with him? I feel you see him enough."

"Yeah..." Hoseok trailed off, biting his lip. "But he's not just coming to visit. He's coming to meet my parents."

"Oh," Namjoon said, realizing how important that was in any relationship. Of course, he wouldn't know himself never having been in one. "You guys are more serious than I thought."

"Yeah... I mean what did you think? We've practically been dating ever since my first semester. Then again we weren't official back then, but I think it still counts."

Namjoon shrugged, "I don't know. I just figured most relationships end up in breakups... and out of the few that actually make it all the way to marriage about fifty percent of those end in divorce."

Hoseok sighed. "Are you ever gonna date anyone? Namjoon at this rate, you'll die alone."

Namjoon rolled his eyes. "You're not the first one to tell me that."

"Really? Who else?" Hoseok laughed.

"Seokjin. But I really think he's lost his mind," Namjoon said.

"Wait why? Is he okay?" Hoseok asked.

"Oh yeah! No, I just mean..." Namjoon checked over his shoulder to make sure Jimin was still in line. "You can't go telling this to everyone okay?"

Hoseok nodded, "Okay."

"Seokjin thought that I had a crush... on Jimin," Namjoon said. He paused for dramatic effect, but Hoseok didn’t give him nearly the kind of reaction he was looking for. He was expecting laughter or for Hoseok to agree with him that Seokjin had in fact gone insane. Instead, all he got was a questioning look.

"Wait. You don't?" Hoseok asked. Namjoon's jaw dropped. He was mortified.

"No!? Did you think that too?" Namjoon asked. This had to be some sort of elaborate prank all his friends were trying to pull.

Hoseok nodded. "We all do!"

This was definitely news to Namjoon. "We?" He asked.

"You know... me, Seokjin, Taehyung... everyone..."

"What? Does Jimin think that too?" Namjoon asked urgently. Maybe that was why he felt so distant from his best friend lately - because all his other friends had convinced him Namjoon had some kind of crush on him.

Hoseok shook his head, "No, I don't think so."

"Wait. This isn't some kind of joke, is it?"

"No! We genuinely thought you had a crush on Jimin!"

"Why do you all think that!?" Namjoon asked.

"I dunno! You both act really affectionate! I mean he's up there buying your drink right now," Hoseok reasoned.

"What? We always do that. We take turns buying because we come here so much," Namjoon said.

"Okay... but what about earlier when he was practically sitting in your lap?"

Namjoon frowned, "This is a small booth."

Hoseok looked for Jimin. He had gone through the line now and was waiting at to get their drinks. Hoseok quickly got up from his side of the booth and went around to the other side to sit next to Namjoon.

"What are you doing?" Namjoon asked.

Hoseok sat down next to him. "Namjoon, this is how friends sit next to each other. You and Jimin," he paused and rearranged himself. He moved even closer to Namjoon and threw an arm over his shoulder while turning towards him slightly. "This is how you guys were sitting."

Namjoon frowned and pushed Hoseok away from him and out of the booth. "Jimin's just a touchy person. He's always been like that," Namjoon said.

"But it's different with you," Hoseok said and Namjoon felt something jump in his chest.

"No, it's not," he insisted. "Jimin's affectionate with everyone, and he's just my best friend!"

"Whatever you say," Hoseok said, but his tone definitely implied that it was not 'whatever you say.'

"Can’t you just believe me? If I say I don't have a crush on Jimin, then I don't have a crush on Jimin."

"Okay. Sure. But then he definitely has one on you," Hoseok said.

Namjoon's eyes widened and he felt his heart spring into his throat. He couldn't find the right words to respond to that. Just then, Jimin returned with their drinks. He paused and looked at Namjoon and Hoseok.

"What are you two talking about?" Jimin asked with his signature charming smile. He slid into the booth next to Namjoon and Namjoon tried to ignore how close he got and how he could feel every point of contact between them as if Jimin were literally on fire.

"I was just telling Namjoon that Yoongi's visiting so he can meet my parents," Hoseok recovered quickly.

"What? That's amazing Hoseokie!" Jimin beamed. Namjoon nodded along and tried to pretend he was mentally present in this conversation as well.

"Yeah, I think he's outside actually," Hoseok said looking down at his phone.

"That's so cute," Jimin hummed.

Namjoon nodded again. He was still having trouble trying to process the idea that Jimin could possibly have a crush on him. "Yeah... so cute," Namjoon mumbled.

Jimin turned more to Namjoon then. "Do you think they're gonna get married?" Jimin asked.

Namjoon snapped out of his daze now that he had Jimin's full attention on him. "Oh. I mean it's probably pretty likely at this stage," Namjoon said.

"Ah! I'm so jealous!" Jimin said and flopped his head onto Namjoon's shoulder. "I wonder when we'll get married."

Namjoon's eyes bulged and he looked at Hoseok to see if he heard the same thing Namjoon just did, but Hoseok seemed to be more occupied in locating Yoongi than listening. Namjoon had to handle this alone. "Um... we're gonna get married?"

Jimin laughed. "Of course we are! I know the others tease you that you're gonna end up old and alone, but I'm sure you'll find a nice guy or gal eventually."

OH. Namjoon realized. Of course, Jimin didn't mean they were going to get married to each other. Namjoon shook his head and tried his best to clear his mind from these ideas. He wished Seokjin had never said anything to him in the first place. If Seokjin had kept his mouth shut then he never would've said anything to Hoseok and if that had happened, maybe he would be a bit more sane at the moment.

Namjoon managed out a weak laugh, remembering he should probably respond to Jimin. "I guess," he said.

In the meantime, Hoseok had gotten up and ran outside the second he had spotted Yoongi through the glass. Figuring the two of them should probably be left alone to prepare for their big "meet the parents" date, Jimin pulled Namjoon up by his wrist and led him outside.

On their way back home, things were quiet. Namjoon wasn't sure if this was considered an awkward silence, but he sure as hell felt a bit awkward about it. He kept sneaking glances over at Jimin as if doing so were enough to determine for sure whether or not Jimin had a crush on him.

Before they reached Namjoon's house, Namjoon spoke up. "I uh... don't really wanna kick you out, but I have some reading I gotta do."

"Oh no! I understand, it's fine! I was thinking I should spend some time with my mom anyways. She misses me," Jimin said.

Namjoon nodded, "Thanks."

"Sure thing!" Jimin said with a bright smile. When they got back to their neighborhood, Namjoon walked Jimin home. Right before they parted ways, Jimin attacked him with a hug. Namjoon shouldn't have been surprised because Jimin gave out hugs often - it had just been so long since he had gotten one that it had caught him a bit off guard.

"I'll see you later," Namjoon said.

"We should Skype later!" Jimin decided.

Namjoon nodded and turned away. He wanted to get home as quickly as he could. He needed to be alone with his thoughts for a while.

When he got back home, his mother asked how his day had been. Namjoon never liked being rude to his mom, but he waved her off and went straight to his room.

Namjoon wasn't sure what to make of this whole situation. Usually, when his thoughts got all tangled up like this, he would invite Jimin over to talk things through. Unfortunately, this was the one topic he couldn't discuss with his best friend.

Namjoon got on the ground and started to pull things out from underneath his bed. He eventually found what he was looking for. He blew the dust off the box and opened it up. On top was a photo album.

One year Jimin had to miss Namjoon's birthday because of a dance thing. That was one of few birthdays they actually spent apart. They were always together for birthdays. It was a tradition of theirs. Jimin had felt bad about breaking this tradition, so he had really gone above and beyond for his gift.

Since the two of them had known each other for so long, they had an agreement that gifts were not a necessity for birthdays or even on Christmas. The only time they were allowed to buy each other presents was when it was something they actually thought the other person would like a lot. There was just no point in buying gifts that the other didn't completely love. So for most of their birthdays, the gifts they bought each other were edible, meals or sweets or something like that.

This one year when Jimin had to miss Namjoon's birthday, Jimin had shown up at Namjoon's house the following weekend with a wrapped gift in his hands.

It had been a complete surprise to Namjoon as Jimin hadn't given any warning of his visit.

Namjoon remembered how when Jimin had shown up, he had thrust the present into Namjoon's chest, "This is for you."

Namjoon had been shocked, but he had taken the gift into his own hands. "I thought we weren't allowed to buy each other presents."

Jimin had smiled. "Yeah, but we never said we weren't allowed to make each other presents."

Namjoon had shaken the box carefully in his hands, wondering what it could have been. "Should I open it now?" Namjoon had asked.

"Duh! What are you waiting for?" Jimin had asked.

Namjoon had rolled his eyes and had torn into the polka-dot wrapping paper. He hadn’t been sure what he had been expecting, but once he had gotten all the paper off, he had been holding a book in his hands. He had wondered if Jimin had written and published some sort of story without telling him.

"Open it up!" Jimin had exclaimed.

Namjoon had flipped open the front cover and suddenly everything had made sense. It was some sort of scrapbook. He had flipped through the pages to see page after page filled with pictures and notes from Jimin.

One page had photos of them from a concert they had gone to together. They were all blurry, but somehow that had made them even better. There was even a piece of confetti stuck to the page. Namjoon didn’t know whether that had been actual confetti from the concert, but knowing Jimin - it definitely was. The best part of the whole page, however, was the description Jimin had written underneath.

Our first concert together! It was so much fun singing the lyrics at the top of our lungs! You're actually a pretty good singer ;) The best part of this concert though was getting to dance with you. You should dance more often.

Namjoon traced over the words now just as he had done when Jimin had gifted him this book. He loved going back and reading all about Jimin's memories with him. It was always interesting to see what sort of things stuck out the most with Jimin.

Namjoon flipped past all the original pages of the book until he got to the second half. Jimin had left about half of this book blank when he had first given it to him.

"It's to fill with all our new memories we'll make in the future!" Jimin had told him.

Namjoon's scrapbooking skills were nowhere near the caliber of Jimin's, but he had been keeping the book updated all these years. He had never told Jimin about it either. He was hoping that maybe someday he could gift the book back to Jimin and show him everything else they had done since then.

He read over some of the notes he wrote to Jimin on his pages. His handwriting was harder to read, but it wasn't totally illegible.

There was a selfie he took on the first day of college with Hoseok. Then there was the picture Jimin's mother had posted to Facebook of Jimin on his "last first day of school." Namjoon had also gone and printed out a map and marked their locations on the map.

It's my first day of college and it's your first day of senior year. I hope you make the best of it! I've always hated that we weren't in the same grade growing up... Ah, I'm sure you'll be here with me before you know it!

On another page, there was a low-quality screenshot he took of them on a Skype call. Jimin had fallen asleep on camera and after calling out his name a few times it had become clear to him Jimin was out cold. Namjoon was thankful he had thought to screenshot it at the time because it was such a funny picture.

You fell asleep on me while we were on Skype... :/ it's okay though because you need rest. I wish we were fifteen still and could stay up all night talking about everything.

There were about a dozen or so of Namjoon's pages. Sometimes he wanted to update the book more frequently, but it was hard when there weren't new pictures or events to add things about. The latest page was the one Namjoon had made for Jimin's first performance on the college dance team. He liked this page a lot because Jimin always smiled really big when he was dancing and Namjoon happened to capture the perfect picture. He had debated writing about that when he was making the page but decided not to. Jimin seemed like he was unaware of his smiles while he danced and Namjoon was afraid if he told him, maybe he would stop doing it.

Namjoon sighed and closed the book. Jimin was his best friend. He couldn't imagine them being anything more or less than that. However, he kept thinking about Seokjin and Hoseok's words.

Maybe they seemed to have crushes on each other to outside people, but none of them had had a friend for as long as he and Jimin have been friends. That must have been it, he decided. None of them had a friendship as close as his and Jimin's.

He wanted to be done thinking about it, but he felt trapped in his mind.

He tried to consider the idea of him having a crush on Jimin or maybe even dating Jimin. He shook his head, that was far too weird.

Next, he wondered if it was possible Jimin had a crush on him instead. This one was a bit tougher. Jimin was flirty by nature and often Namjoon was the target of his affections. But at the same time, this was in no way limited to just Namjoon.

Namjoon had seen Jimin actually kiss Jungkook on the cheek. Sure, it had been a dare and sure Jungkook had punched his arm directly after, but it had still happened. Namjoon remembered that day very clearly. Jungkook was really just starting to become a part of their group. He had been invited to one of their gatherings and naturally, there were lots of games and pranks and dares and everything in between.

The others had all gotten together before inviting Jungkook and discussed whether or not there was going to be some kind of hazing. This had been when Taehyung had spoken up and said he thought that would have been a bad idea.

"Bad idea? What do you mean?" Seokjin had asked.

"I mean Jungkook's really strong... I'm kind of afraid of him honestly," Taehyung had said.

"See! This is exactly why we need to haze him! He has too much power," Hoseok had replied.

They had never been able to come to an agreement on that front so they had ended up dropping the subject.

However, once the actual party had started, things had changed. Namjoon didn’t remember exactly whose idea it had been or what had led to it, but somehow Jimin had been dared to go up and kiss Jungkook. One of their party rules had always been that someone couldn’t refuse a direct dare and if they did, they had to buy the person who dared them a meal. Since they were all pretty broke, this was significant enough punishment that dares were hardly ever declined. It had to be something extreme to actually get turned down.

Kissing another one of their guy friends on the cheek definitely did not qualify as extreme.

Namjoon remembered the next part the most vividly. The part when Jimin strode up to Jungkook and sat down in his lap. Jimin always had to take things to the next level, so instead of just walking up and kissing him quickly, Jimin had made it into a show. Eventually, he leaned in and pressed his lips firmly to Jungkook's cheek. Namjoon had been expecting him to kiss him quickly, but he had just lingered there.

Namjoon remembered this weird knot he had felt in his stomach. It had been much too awkward for him to watch.

At the time he had attributed this knot-in-the-stomach feeling to second-hand embarrassment. Now he was curious if it had been jealousy.

Namjoon shook his head again. He had to stop having these sorts of thoughts.

But then he remembered something else that had happened that night. He remembered something after Jungkook had punched Jimin and everyone had laughed for a solid fifteen minutes, when the party had been dying down.

Namjoon had been in a bad mood. He had gone to clean up in the other room, but the door had opened behind him as someone had followed him in. He had turned around with a frown on his face - he had wanted to be alone - then he had noticed the intruder was Jimin.

"Do you need any help?" Jimin had asked.

Namjoon had shrugged. "I can handle this."

Jimin had stayed and helped anyway. Namjoon hadn’t told him to go away.

"What's got you in a bad mood?" Jimin had asked. He could always pick up on Namjoon's emotions.

"I'm not in a bad mood... I'm just stressed," Namjoon had said.

Jimin had nodded and they continued picking up in silence for a few more seconds. "What do you think about Jungkook?" Jimin had asked.

"What do you think about Jungkook?" Namjoon had shot back before he had even really thought about his words. He wanted to take them back as soon as he had seen the hurt on Jimin's face.

"I-uh... Joon? Are you mad that I kissed him?" Jimin had asked.

Namjoon had raised his eyebrows. "No, I'm not mad that you kissed him," Namjoon had said. Jimin had stayed quiet, perhaps sensing Namjoon wasn't quite done. He wasn’t. "I don't think you should've kissed him, though."

"Why not? It was harmless," Jimin had said.

Namjoon had frowned. "I just don't want the dynamics of our group to get thrown off. If Jungkook's gonna be a part of our group he shouldn't be dating any of us."

"Woah, what? Who said anything about dating?"

Namjoon had shrugged.

"Yoongi and Hoseok are dating and that's not awkward," Jimin had said.

"So you do wanna date him?" Namjoon had accused.

Jimin had shaken his head, "No! Jungkook's just my friend, and I'm not interested in him."

Namjoon had rolled his eyes. "Sure. Your little act earlier really seemed friendly."

"Oh, come on, Joon! That was all in good fun," Jimin had said.

"Okay," Namjoon had said. He had wanted to drop this topic, but Jimin hadn’t gotten the memo.

"I'm serious! We're just friends," Jimin had said.

"Yeah, because you go around kissing all of your friends on their cheeks."

"It was a dare for one thing, but loads of people kiss their friends' cheeks!"

"Jimin, we've been friends since we were five-years-old and you have never once kissed my cheek nor have I," Namjoon had reasoned.

Namjoon should have seen it coming in hindsight. But suddenly, Jimin had surged forward and pressed a firm kiss to Namjoon's cheek. His height had made it a little bit difficult, but he had been able to reach and pull him down enough to make it happen.

"There," Jimin had said. "Are you happy now?"

Namjoon hadn’t been sure if happy had been the right word, but he wasn’t feeling irrationally angry anymore. He had stood there for a few moments, unsure of what to do or say. Eventually, Namjoon had just turned and walked right out of the room.

The whole event had happened so late at night that it had actually been the earliest hours of the next day. They had never addressed it again after that.

They had both gone on acting as if it had never happened. Namjoon had pushed this memory into the darkest corner of his mind. He had been hoping to forget this particular instance, yet here he was.

Namjoon sighed and flopped back onto his bed. Then his computer made a noise that signaled one of his Skype contacts had gone online. He had heard that noise countless times, so he knew what was coming next. When Jimin started to call him Namjoon just stared at the screen.

He let the call ring until Jimin gave up and hung up. Namjoon was tempted to answer when he called back yet again, but he stayed in his spot. He didn't want to face Jimin right now. Not when he had just been thinking about the feeling of Jimin's lips on his cheek.

Chapter Text

Spring of his Junior year in college, Namjoon was still single, but it felt like everyone around him wasn't. Hoseok and Yoongi were dating. Seokjin got a girlfriend, and even Jimin had a girlfriend.

Historically, Namjoon had never been too fond of any of Jimin's girlfriends, but he told himself that was because he believed his best friend only deserved the best. In that vein, Jimin’s latest girlfriend really got on Namjoon's nerves. He wasn't sure what it was about her exactly, but there wasn't any reason for him to go to Jimin and complain.

Instead, he kept his complaints to Seokjin.

"You can't just say you don't like his girlfriend and not have a reason," Seokjin told him.

"Well, I just don't okay? It's like I don't trust her or something," Namjoon tried to explain.

"Sam is really sweet," Seokjin said. "You should try to get to know her."

Namjoon frowned, but he supposed Seokjin was right. After Jimin had been dating this girl for over a month, Namjoon decided that maybe it was time for them to be formally introduced.

Ever since Christmas break, Jimin and Namjoon had somewhat gone back to normal. They found a little more time to hang out with each other and when they were too busy with homework, they still called each other over Skype. Overall, Namjoon was feeling a lot more secure in their friendship once again. Spending the majority of a break with a single person would do that, Namjoon supposed.

One night on one of their Skype calls, Jimin started talking about Sam again. He told some story of something that had happened when they had gone to the dining hall together. Namjoon laughed along and pretended to be interested, feeling guilty about it.

Jimin sighed. "Sam's the best. Really."

Namjoon just hummed.

"You should meet her," Jimin said suddenly.

Namjoon looked up from his homework to his computer screen to see if maybe Jimin was joking. Jimin hardly ever wanted to introduce his girlfriends to Namjoon, he wondered how serious this relationship was. "Okay," Namjoon said.

"How about we all get lunch tomorrow? You're free then, right?" Jimin asked.

Namjoon racked his brain for any kind of excuse that could actually work for him. Unfortunately, Jimin knew his schedule too well. Unable to think up anything Namjoon said, "Yeah. Sounds great."

It did not sound great at all.

The next day, Namjoon spent all of his morning classes thinking about lunch. All he had seen of Jimin and Sam had been on social media. He had no idea what to actually expect from this girl.

He showed up to the dining hall a few minutes before the others. Those few minutes of waiting alone were pure agony.

Then Jimin showed up with Sam in tow. Namjoon smiled, but it didn't reach his eyes.

"Joonie!" Jimin exclaimed. Then he took a moment to introduce them. "Sam, this is Namjoon. Joon, this is Sam."

Namjoon gave a polite smile and shook her hand when she offered it. Usually, this was when he would say, "It's nice to meet you," or "You can call me Joon," but he didn't say any of those things.

He wasn't sure whether Jimin noticed.

They went inside, Jimin found an unoccupied booth and they sat down, Sam and Jimin sat on the same side and Namjoon across from them. He tried not to notice how close they were sitting. He was only starting to wonder how they would be able to eat their food without elbowing the shit out of each other, but then they started to actually feed each other.

Namjoon had always hated PDA, but this was a new level for him.

The conversation was pleasant, but nothing extraordinary came up. Namjoon thought Sam was boring at best. He wondered why Jimin liked her exactly. Maybe it was because she was just as clingy as he was. Jimin had always craved physical contact.

Towards the end of their meal, Jimin got up and offered to take all of their plates for them. Namjoon was going to protest because he didn't want to be left alone with Sam, but Jimin had left before he had gotten the chance.

Namjoon awkwardly took a sip of his drink once Jimin had left them alone. When it was too quiet for too long, he spoke up. "Jimin really likes you," he said. A fact that he wasn't sure about completely, but was probably true anyways.

Sam frowned, "You've known him for how long exactly?"

Namjoon was surprised to get this sort of question. "I um... I've known him since we were five."

"So you know him pretty well," she said.

"I guess you could say that."

"Does he ever say anything about me?"

Namjoon frowned. He tried to recall all the times Jimin had mentioned Sam over Skype. The problem was, every time Jimin talked about her he never really talked about her. He would only ever mention things they did together or that she was with him when something happened. Namjoon decided to keep his answer vague. "What do you want to hear?"

She just shrugged, "I mean he talks about me right?"

Namjoon nodded. "Yeah. Sometimes."

This seemed to be an adequate answer. Namjoon thought the conversation was over until Sam spoke up again. "He talks about you a lot."

"Oh. Yeah..." Namjoon said with a nervous laugh.

"Like he's told me so much already. You can really tell how strong your friendship is from the way he talks about you."

Namjoon felt a sense of pride hearing this. He just laughed again. "Thanks."

"No, for real. I was kind of intimidated to meet you earlier. He makes you sound like some kind of all-knowing super genius. Turns out you're just a normal guy," she said with a smile. Namjoon thought it sounded like she was trying to give a compliment, but her words didn’t match the sentiment.

Namjoon laughed again, thankful Jimin was back with three ice creams.

"I wasn't sure which flavor you wanted so I just got you swirl," he said to Sam as he set them down.

Namjoon looked at his own bowl and was happy to see plain vanilla there.

Sam just gave him a polite smile. "That's okay. I'm lactose intolerant anyway," she said.

Jimin's eyes widened and Namjoon felt awkward watching the scene. "Oh, my. I'm so sorry, I had no idea."

Jimin apologized a hundred more times, but Sam insisted it was okay. It wasn't like she went around wearing a badge that announced her intolerance to dairy products for the world to see. At the same time, they had been together for over a month now. Namjoon was surprised Jimin didn't already know everything about this girl. Getting to know people was his specialty.

When they parted ways, Jimin gave Namjoon a hug, and Sam gave him an awkward little wave.

Namjoon looked over his shoulder to watch them walk away together. They had their hands clasped between them and they kept bumping shoulders.

Namjoon blinked as he came to some kind of revelation. He turned on his heel and walked as quickly as he could back to his apartment. Seokjin was in the living area, reading a book in a chair. When Namjoon burst through the door and Seokjin saw the expression on his face, he put down the book.

"Namjoon? Is everything alright?"

Namjoon walked inside and sat down in the chair close to Seokjin. He sat frozen for a few seconds debating the next words to come out of his mouth. "I know why I don't like Sam," he said.

Seokjin frowned. "Jimin's girlfriend? Did she do something?"

Namjoon shook his head. "I'm jealous of her."

Seokjin's expression was hard to read. "Oh? What do you mean?"

"I mean I hate watching them be all couple-y together and I hate the PDA because I wish that was me," Namjoon admitted out loud. His heart was beating really fast. He thought maybe he was dying.

"Oh. So you admit you do have a crush on Jimin after all?" Seokjin said with a sly smile.

Namjoon wanted to die on the spot. Everything was okay. Nothing was okay. He shook his head. "No. I mean. I don't know? I just think that maybe I want a relationship," Namjoon said.

Seokjin raised his eyebrows, "A relationship... with Jimin?"

Namjoon considered this, but even he wasn't too sure of the answer. "I don't know... I think I just want someone that I can hold hands with and lean on when I've had a long day. I wanna do gross couple shit and like feeding each other meals even though that's impractical and it takes an unreasonable amount of time."

Seokjin considered this. "Hmm... okay. Do you want me to set you up with one of my friends?"

As soon as he said the words Namjoon shook his head.

"Well, what is it then? Do you want a relationship or not?" Seokjin asked.

Namjoon racked his brain for answers. "I don't know. I think I want a relationship, but when I think about being that close or intimate with someone I don't even know... I just. I don't really want that."

"Let me get this straight. When you saw Jimin and Sam holding hands or whatever, that made you realize you wanted a relationship. But, the idea of having a relationship with a stranger is a no go? And you tell me you do not have a crush on Jimin?" Seokjin asked.

Namjoon nodded. "Yeah, sounds about right."

Seokjin rolled his eyes.

"What!?" Namjoon asked.

"You sound so ridiculous!" Seokjin exclaimed. "Can't you just admit that you wanna date Jimin?"

Namjoon didn't respond for a few seconds. He wanted to just tell Seokjin what he wanted to hear. Having a crush on Jimin would have made much more sense and Namjoon thought he could have lived with that. The problem was, he didn't really have a crush on Jimin. He was almost positive of that. "I don't want to date Jimin though," Namjoon said.

Seokjin picked his book back up, rolling his eyes. "I can't help you if you can't even help yourself."

"Wait. That's not fair. What makes you so sure I like Jimin that way anyway?" Namjoon asked.

Seokjin closed his book. "You tell me. How does being around Jimin feel?"

Namjoon frowned. "I love being with Jimin."

Seokjin gave him a look as if that had proved his point.

"But that's just because he's my best friend," Namjoon said.

"Right. Okay, then how do you feel being around Hoseok?"

"I guess that's fun too. Hoseok's a fun person."

"Do you ever miss Hoseok?"

Namjoon was about to open his mouth to say yes, of course, he missed Hoseok sometimes, but truthfully, he felt like he saw Hoseok frequently enough to not miss him. Which was odd because sometimes he saw Hoseok even less than he saw Jimin. But Jimin was his best friend, so of course, he was going to miss Jimin more than he missed Hoseok. "I mean... not really," Namjoon said.

"Namjoon, I'm not telling you that you have a crush on Jimin, except that's exactly what I'm telling you, get your head out of your ass."

"Wow. Harsh. I still don't see it though."

Seokjin sighed. "Look. You didn't even hesitate to tell me you loved spending time with Jimin, but when I asked about Hoseok you had to think about your answers. You always get sad and depressed when you haven't talked to Jimin for more than a couple of days, but you can go a few weeks without talking to some of your other closest friends and it doesn't seem to bother you too much. Now you're telling me seeing Jimin with a girl makes you jealous. Namjoon, these are your own words. Jimin might be your best friend, but you two are a lot closer than most pairs of best friends out there."

Namjoon blinked, taking in this information. He had never really considered things this way. He always attributed his and Jimin's closeness to them having been friends for a really long time.

"Oh," he said. After a few more moments of thinking, he spoke again. "Maybe I do have a crush on Jimin." Saying the words out loud made his heart race. He felt excited at this discovery somehow. It was as if he had just unlocked the key to the universe or something. Which was really weird because others had been telling him that for a couple of months now.

"Thank you!" Seokjin exclaimed.

Namjoon sat there in silence. What was he supposed to do now? Seokjin had picked his book back up and had started reading again while Namjoon thought about the situation. "Wait," he said, "What do I do?"

Seokjin looked at him, "What do you mean?"

"I mean what do I do?" Namjoon repeated with more urgency.

"There's not much you can do, Joon... Jimin has a girlfriend, so it's not like you can go tell him."

Namjoon nodded and thought about the idea of telling Jimin he had a crush on him. He shook his head - he would never be able to do that. Even if Jimin wasn't dating Sam, telling him about his feelings might destroy their entire friendship. Their friendship had endured some tough times, but Namjoon was certain this would be more like a knife to the heart than anything else.

Namjoon was out of questions and out of ideas. Seokjin had gone back to reading, so Namjoon decided to go back to bed. He wished he could talk about this more with someone.

-

Another month passed since Namjoon admitted his feelings for Jimin to himself. Jimin was still dating Sam and every time they posted a status update with pictures of each other or pictures of them being cute together, Namjoon felt a knife twist in his chest.

Ignorance truly was bliss.

Jimin had invited Namjoon to go with him and Sam to more and more things lately. Jimin was under the impression he and Sam had become friends as well. Every time Namjoon ended up third-wheeling on his dates he would go home afterward and feel empty.

Seokjin confronted him one day about this. "You should stop going out with them," Seokjin said.

"But he's my friend..." Namjoon replied.

"Yeah, but it's not fair to Sam. If you go with them on every date, she'll never get to be with her boyfriend," Seokjin reasoned.

Namjoon didn't really care about Sam. The more he had gotten to know her, the more he had realized why Jimin liked her. She was a really cool person, but that didn't change the fact Namjoon didn't like her. "Jimin's the one who keeps inviting me everytime they go out!"

"You have to tell him no," Seokjin said.

Namjoon knew he was right. The next time he and Jimin were Skyping each other, Jimin asked if he was free this weekend.

"Yeah, why?" Namjoon asked. He knew why. Jimin was about to ask if he wanted to come do something with him and Sam - just like he always did.

"Sam and I are gonna go to the movies! I remember you said something about this one movie that's out right now so I thought that maybe you would want to see it," Jimin said.

"Oh," Namjoon said, remembering Seokjin's words. No was such a simple word and yet sometimes it was the hardest one to get out. "I don't know, Jimin."

"What do you mean?" Jimin frowned. Namjoon looked away from his screen, Jimin was too cute when he pouted like that.

Namjoon shrugged. "I mean I don't think I should keep coming on your dates with you two."

Jimin pouted some more. "We're all just hanging out as friends though."

"Okay maybe if you invited Hoseok or Taehyung or Jungkook or anyone else to come along, but you never do," Namjoon said.

"I invited Hoseok that one time! He ended up being busy and having to cancel though."

"Yeah. Exactly. Jimin you keep asking me to third-wheel on your dates, and I think... I think that Sam probably doesn't like that too much."

"What? That's ridiculous. Sam loves hanging out with you! You two are friends and you're both my friends - it works perfectly," Jimin said.

Namjoon swallowed and wondered how he was supposed to break it to Jimin that he actually wasn't all that fond of Sam. "I don't think we're as good of friends as you think."

"Sure you are!"

"Why don't you ask Sam then?" Namjoon asked. He kind of regretted his words and felt bad that he would be putting Sam on the spot, but at the same time, he wanted to do everything in his power to avoid having to admit to disliking Sam.

"Fine. I'll ask her this weekend when we go to the movies without you because apparently, you don't wanna come with," Jimin said. He sounded upset with Namjoon, but Namjoon knew it was all an act.

"Okay. You do that," Namjoon said. He checked the time. "Hey, I have to go, I have some online homework due at midnight."

Jimin's eyes widened. "What!? Why are you wasting your time talking to me then?"

Namjoon laughed. Time spent talking to Jimin was never wasted time in his eyes. "It's fine. I'll finish it in time."

"Yeah, you better!" Jimin said. "I'll talk to you later!"

"Bye Jimin."

"Bye Joonie," Jimin said and gave one his signature smiles before ending the call. The connection lagged for a second and Jimin was frozen smiling on his screen. Namjoon couldn't help but smile back. Then the screen went dark and he was left staring at his own reflection. He was smiling, but he didn't look all that happy.

-

Sunday came around and Namjoon got a text from Jimin.

Jimin: Do you wanna hang out?

Namjoon: Maybe in like fifteen minutes. Did you already go to the movies?

Jimin: Yeah... That was yesterday

Namjoon: Oh okay. I'll meet you under that big tree outside your place.

Jimin: Okay.

Namjoon never knew when Jimin would ask to hang out these days, but he was almost always prepared to drop everything when he did.

Namjoon quickly got himself dressed before heading outside. Seokjin stopped him in the living room. "Going to see Jimin?" he asked.

"Yeah... how did you know?"

"You always dress nicer when you're going to see him," Seokjin said. Namjoon blushed at this. He knew it was true.

"I hope you're not going third-wheeling again," he said.

Namjoon shook his head, "I'm not. At least I don't think so. He didn't mention anything about Sam."

Seokjin nodded and that was the end of their conversation. Namjoon grabbed his keys and headed out the door. He tried to ignore how his heart was racing - it always did that whenever he was on his way to see Jimin. It was annoying.

When he saw him sitting under the tree, Namjoon was shocked. Jimin had a new hair color. It was red now. He wondered if he should say anything about it. Jimin was looking down at his phone, but when he looked up and saw Namjoon he smiled and waved him over.

"Hey, what's up?" Namjoon said, trying to act as if he wasn't completely out of breath.

"Do you wanna go to the movies?" Jimin asked and it sort of caught him off guard. He wondered how Jimin wanted to go to the movies when he had just gone yesterday.

"Um, sure. You dyed your hair," Namjoon said.

Jimin touched his hair at the mention of it. "Yeah. I did."

"I like it," Namjoon said instead of asking why the sudden change. Maybe he would ask about it later.

They got in Namjoon's car and they drove to the theater. The ride was relatively silent. It was almost as if Jimin was waiting to say something. Namjoon would wait for as long as he needed to hear it.

When they pulled up to the movies and got out of the car, Jimin was still being uncharacteristically silent. He was also hovering closer to Namjoon than he normally did. Namjoon thought his mind was just playing tricks on him, but Jimin was close enough that Namjoon could feel the heat radiating off of him.

They walked up to the window and that was when Namjoon realized he didn't even know what movie they were there to see.

Jimin walked up first. "Two tickets please," Jimin said.

Namjoon stepped up, "Wait. I didn't say you could pay for me."

Jimin looked at him. "You'll just get the next one. It's okay." He handed Namjoon his ticket.

Namjoon nodded and then looked down at his tickets. He frowned. He thought Jimin had gone to see this movie yesterday. Either it was just that good of a movie, or something weird was going on.

"Jimin?"

"Hmm?"

"Didn't you see this movie yesterday? With Sam?" Namjoon asked.

"Oh?" Jimin looked at the tickets again. "No... we uh... broke up. Before we even got to the theater."

Namjoon blinked, unsure he heard right. Jimin said it in such a normal way that Namjoon wasn't sure what to do. He wondered what had happened and if Jimin was upset over it. It was definitely a surprise, Jimin had seemed happy with Sam. "Oh um... are you okay?"

Jimin nodded and smiled, but it was one of those rare ones that didn't reach his eyes. "I'm fine, thanks."

Namjoon swallowed. "What happened then? I thought you two were. Well, happy."

Jimin nodded and gritted his teeth. "I broke up with her. I'm not upset. Well, not that upset at least."

"Why?" Namjoon asked.

"We're gonna be late for the movie, Joon. I'll be damned if I have to miss this movie for the second time in two days," Jimin said.

Namjoon nodded and followed Jimin into the theater. They didn't stop for popcorn or drinks but Namjoon was wishing they had. He needed something to occupy himself with. Instead, he had to sit there in the relative silence with Jimin and a few dozen strangers.

Namjoon tried his best to pay attention to the movie, but he kept sneaking glances at Jimin. He couldn't help but wonder what was going through his mind.

Then Namjoon's mind started to wander. He started to imagine he was on a real date with Jimin. This seemed a lot like date, but he squashed that idea in his mind. This was just them hanging out like they always had. No big deal.

Namjoon wondered if he would be able to get away with that cliche date move where someone yawned and put their arm around their date. Jimin wasn't his date though and he had to stop thinking about stuff like this immediately.

When the movie was over, they talked a little bit about their favorite parts. Namjoon didn't have a ton of reviews about the movie because he had spent most of his time watching Jimin.

Jimin described a long scene for Namjoon including direct quotes of dialogue and then said. "I think that was the best part of the entire movie."

"When was that?" Namjoon asked. He didn't remember the scene Jimin was talking about at all.

"It was somewhere in the middle, I don't know. You can't tell me you don't remember it. That was like the most iconic scene of the entire thing! It was in all the trailers as well which kind of sucks because you knew it was coming up at some point, but it didn't make it any less cool."

Namjoon nodded along, but he was distracted by Jimin's hair. It bounced so animatedly whenever Jimin talked.

"Hello?" Jimin said. "Earth to Joon?"

Namjoon blinked. "I'm sorry. Uh... when exactly did you dye your hair? I mean we Skyped just a few days ago."

"Yesterday... I guess I kind of just needed a change," Jimin said.

"After you broke up with Sam?" Namjoon asked trying to understand the timeline here. "Or was it before and when she saw you, that's the reason she broke up with you?" Namjoon tried to add some humor to the situation. It earned him a small smile.

"Are you saying my hair is ugly?" Jimin asked, pouting.

"No! Not at all. I like it. A lot," Namjoon said quickly.

Jimin laughed. "No, you caught me. It was after I broke up with Sam. I don't know..."

"Are you sure you're okay? I mean dying your hair is right up next to getting a new tattoo or piercing after a breakup," Namjoon said.

Jimin sighed, "Yeah, you're right."

"You never really told me why you broke up with her? I mean you seemed happy even last week."

“I don’t know. I asked her what she thought of you again. She got kind of upset after that - said something about how I talk about you too much and hardly talk to her and ask her stuff... Then I asked if she likes you or thought you were friends and she said honestly, no not really," Jimin said.

Namjoon nodded. He expected that much. He never got the feeling Sam liked him too much.

"So I broke up with her," Jimin said.

"Wait, what? I'm missing something here," Namjoon said.

"No, that was it. I told her I couldn't date someone that didn't like my best friend," Jimin said.

Namjoon felt guilty. "Jimin... I'm so sorry."

"For what? I didn't think that relationship was going to last much longer anyway. She was always getting upset with me over strange things. When she told me she didn't like you... well that was just the final nail in the coffin, to be honest."

"Oh..." Namjoon said. He didn't really know how he should react to this. If they had broken up over literally anything else Namjoon thought he would have been able to comfort him or offer sage advice. However, given his teeny tiny crush and the fact they had basically broken up because of him, he wasn't sure what to do.

-

Later when he was back home, he waited in the living room for Seokjin to get back. Seokjin jumped when he opened the door and saw Namjoon sitting there.

"Namjoon? Why are you sitting here in the dark?" Seokjin asked.

Namjoon had been gnawing on his bottom lip for the better part of the last half hour. It felt sore now. He had been contemplating what to do about Jimin. "Jimin broke up with Sam," Namjoon said quietly.

Seokjin sighed, "I kind of thought so. Jimin deleted all the pictures of them off his social media." Seokjin paused as he looked suspiciously at Namjoon. "You're not thinking about asking him out are you?"

"What? No... I mean yes I. thought about it, but I could never do it. It would throw off the balance of our friend group for one thing and when we inevitably broke up things would probably be awkward," Namjoon explained. He had done a lot of thinking on this subject matter.

"Good. You don't want to be his rebound guy," Seokjin said.

Namjoon nodded. He agreed on at least that much. "Yeah. Have you heard why they broke up though?" Namjoon asked.

"No. I haven't seen Jimin lately. When did they break up?" Seokjin asked.

"Yesterday. Seokjin, they broke up because of me," Namjoon said.

"Wait, what? What did you do, Namjoon?"

"Nothing! I didn't do anything! I took your advice for one thing. I told Jimin no when he asked if I wanted to go third-wheeling again, but because I wasn't about to tell him I couldn't keep going on these dates because I'm potentially in love with him, I told him it was because Sam didn't like me and it was awkward. Anyway, Jimin asked Sam if she liked me when they went to the movies yesterday and she told him, no, and Jimin said he didn't want to date anyone that disliked his best friend," Namjoon explained. He was out of breath by the time he had finished that last sentence.

"Potentially in love with?" Seokjin quoted.

Namjoon blushed, he hadn't meant to say that bit out loud. Part of all the thinking he had done earlier included Namjoon coming to the conclusion that he might just be in love with his best friend. "Yeah... Shut up."

"Joonie, I wish I could help you out more," Seokjin said.

Namjoon nodded. "Right, but you missed the point. Jimin didn't care in the past whether or not I liked his girlfriends."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean he took this girl to prom in high school that practically bullied me as a kid. Sure, he asked me beforehand if it would be okay, and I said yes. But this time it's different. Why does he care what I think?"

Seokjin frowned. "He cares because he's your friend and he should care... I don't see what you're getting at."

"I mean if this one's different, maybe they shouldn't have broken up," Namjoon said.

"You don't mean... you want them to get back together?" Seokjin asked.

Namjoon nodded. "I think they probably should."

"Do you even hear yourself? You're supposed to be in love with this guy, but you're trying to hook him up with his ex? Namjoon, you don't make any sense sometimes."

"I know. I think I'm going crazy."

"No, Namjoon. Sam and Jimin should not get back together okay. Maybe he wanted to break up with her so he used that as an excuse to do it. I don't think you should go meddling in this," Seokjin told him.

"You're probably right," Namjoon nodded.

"I always am," Seokjin said proudly.

"You definitely weren't right when you were drunk that one time and claimed you could do a handstand," Namjoon said, pointing at the hole in the wall that was still there from when Seokjin had fallen over and kicked the wall.

"Fair point," Seokjin said looking at the wall.

-

Namjoon wasn't sure what to do after that. He found himself subconsciously distancing himself from Jimin again. He hated doing it because it pushed him into a lonely sort of depression.

He got a text from Hoseok one afternoon.

Hoseok: Hey, are you coming this weekend?

Namjoon looked at the phone and debated replying. This weekend marked the end of Spring midterms. This meant everyone was gathering at Hoseok and Yoongi's place to celebrate.

Namjoon really wanted to go. He really wanted to spend some quality time with his friends, but when he thought about Jimin being there, he felt a nervous anxiety take over his entire body.

He left the text unread. A couple hours later he got an actual call from Hoseok. He almost didn't answer because he figured he was just calling to ask about the party. However, he thought what if it's an emergency? What if Hoseok was dying and Namjoon was the only one who could save him?

Namjoon knew this was highly unlikely, and if Hoseok was really dying, surely he would call an emergency number before he would call him. Still, Namjoon picked up the phone.

"Hoseok?" Namjoon said into the phone.

"Joon! Man, I was worried about you," Hoseok said.

"Why?" Namjoon asked.

"You haven't been around much lately! I mean I know you're always busy with homework, but you never miss an after-exams party!" Hoseok exclaimed.

"Oh... yeah," Namjoon said. He felt bad that his other friends were starting to notice his absence. The problem with avoiding Jimin meant that he was also avoiding everyone else. It was likely that Jimin would already be hanging out with any of the others at any given time. Even if he wasn't and Namjoon went out for lunch with Hoseok - Hoseok would definitely end up telling Jimin he had met up with Namjoon and then Jimin would confront Namjoon and ask why they hadn’t been to lunch in a long time. So basically Namjoon had to avoid everyone in order to avoid Jimin.

"So what's up?" Hoseok asked. "You coming?"

Namjoon looked down at his feet as if he would find the answer there. "Um... I don't know," Namjoon said.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean I haven't decided yet," Namjoon said truthfully. His pros and cons list was still incomplete and Namjoon really wanted to weigh out each side.

"Why not?"

"You ask a lot of questions."

Hoseok laughed loudly at this. "Because you're being really vague! Now answer me! Why don't you wanna come to our party?"

"Who's gonna be there?" Namjoon asked in reply. It was a dumb question because he already knew who was gonna be there. It would be the same people that were always there.

"Everyone! Me, Yoongi, Jimin, Tae, Jungkook, and Seokjin!"

"Anyone else?" Namjoon asked. He had gotten his answer. He wanted to know if Jimin would be there. Of course, Jimin would be there. He only asked if there would be extra people to try and throw Hoseok off.

"No, I don't think so. Did you wanna invite someone new?" Hoseok asked.

"No. I was just curious," Namjoon said. Namjoon could've hung up the phone a long time ago. He was starting to wonder why he didn't just hang up now. He felt like he was waiting for something. As if he were waiting on Hoseok to ask the right questions. Namjoon thought he didn't really wanna talk, but at the same time, that's all he wanted to do.

"So tell me again why you're not coming?" Hoseok asked.

"I just..." Namjoon checked the clock. It was half-past seven. It was already dark out. "Do you wanna meet somewhere... then we can talk in person?"

"Oh. Umm. Yeah okay. Sure! Where should we meet?"

"Well, actually Seokjin's not here right now if you wanna come over," Namjoon said.

"Okay. I'll be over in like ten," Hoseok said.

"Alright. See ya."

Namjoon hung up the phone and waited there in silence. He almost wished he had chosen a different spot to meet up so he could actually be doing something right now. Instead, all he could do was sit and wait for Hoseok to knock. He was tempted to stand in front of the peephole and wait for Hoseok to show up and jump out at him before he could knock. Scaring Hoseok was always funny and it would take some of the tension out of the conversation for sure.

He decided against it though because he didn't really have the energy for it.

Hoseok showed up after about eight minutes. Namjoon was counting - or rather he was just watching the clock.

Namjoon barely said a word as he invited Hoseok inside, closing the door behind him, and walked over to the chairs he and Seokjin usually sat in to watch movies together.

"Where's Seokjin?" Hoseok asked at first instead of going straight to the matter at hand. Namjoon was glad for it, as it gave him a chance to breathe and talk normally for a bit.

"He went home after his last midterm. I think he's skipping a few classes, but I don't think he really cares," Namjoon said.

Hoseok nodded. Namjoon waited for him to ask what was really up or why he was asked to come over, but he didn't. Instead, he talked about his exams and how he was almost positive he had failed one of them but it was okay because this professor usually curved their grades. Namjoon loved talking to Hoseok, but he was getting antsy with all this small talk.

"Don't you wanna know why I'm not coming to the party?" Namjoon asked.

Hoseok stopped in the middle of the story he was telling about this kid that bubbled in the words "Fuck this" on his scantron for five minutes before leaving. Namjoon felt rude for interrupting, but Hoseok didn't seem to mind. "I mean yeah, if you're ready to talk about that... you just seemed stressed so I didn’t bring it up," Hoseok said.

Namjoon smiled at this. Hoseok was a good friend. He had always been. Namjoon didn't want to go ranking all of his friends, but he thought that if Jimin wasn't his best friend then Hoseok probably would be. "Thanks," Namjoon said.

"No problem. So what's up then?" Hoseok asked.

"I've been avoiding Jimin," Namjoon said, cutting straight to the matter.

"Really? I kind of thought so. Jimin's been kind of down lately. It's been affecting his dance."

Namjoon didn't like to hear this. "Well, he also broke up with his girlfriend recently."

"Yeah, I knew that. He seemed okay after they broke up actually."

"I think I'm the reason they broke up. That's why I have to avoid him," Namjoon said.

Hoseok frowned. "That doesn't make any sense."

"Yes, it does. Jimin said he broke up with her because she said she didn't like me," Namjoon said.

"Oh really? Jimin told me it was because she was too clingy. Tell me that version though, it seems way more dramatic," Hoseok said, leaning forward on his hands.

"I don't know," Namjoon sighed and rubbed his face. "Jimin didn't make it seem like a big deal at all, but I can't help feeling like it should be a big deal."

"Why's that?"

"Hoseok... can you promise me you won't tell Jimin about any of this?" Namjoon asked.

"Ooh, I don't know about that. I'm bad with promises and keeping my mouth shut-"

"Hoseok. Seriously."

"I- okay." Hoseok nodded earnestly and drew an "X" over his heart with his finger.

"You were right. I like Jimin," Namjoon said. He didn't wanna come out and use love straight away, but he was pretty sure by this point he not only liked Jimin but was in love with him.

"Okay, Namjoon. And grass is green and the sky is blue. What else is new?"

Namjoon scowled. "No. I mean I like-like him."

Hoseok laughed. "Okay, what are we in middle school again? Namjoon, I know you like Jimin, can we move on?"

"This isn't news to you?"

"No... uh, Seokjin told me you admitted it a little while ago," Hoseok said.

"Are you serious? When he gets back here I'm going to strangle him," Namjoon said.

"I mean, it wasn't his fault. I sort of blackmailed him into telling me."

"How were you gonna blackmail Seokjin?" 

"He took a really ugly selfie on my phone, Joon. I mean, you should see it. Unfortunately, I've sworn to keep this image hidden until the day I wish to die. I'm thinking I'll save until some really important final exam that I definitely forgot to study for. I'll just whip this bad boy out and Seokjin will ascend from some fiery hellscape and smite me on the spot," Hoseok said.

"That's... incredibly detailed," Namjoon said.

"Thanks. I've thought a lot about it. Anyway... he sort of told me and so now Yoongi knows and also Taehyung knows which I'm pretty sure means Jungkook knows too."

"Oh my God," Namjoon couldn't believe he had trusted Seokjin with a secret. He swore to himself he would never talk to Seokjin again. Or at least for a week. It would be difficult never talking to his roommate, but he would manage.

"Jimin doesn't know though!" Hoseok exclaimed.

Namjoon rolled his eyes. He was grateful for that much. "I need new friends."

"Nooo! All you have is us and if you leave us we'll have to find a new cynical friend who thinks too much and bullies himself into depression."

"Ouch. Do you really think I'm cynical?" Namjoon asked.

"Yeah! Did you forget how you've only recently started to accept the idea that romantic relationships can be a good thing? My entire life for as long as I've known you, you've done nothing but look down on those who wanted or had girlfriends or boyfriends. I, personally, think that the whole time you were secretly in love with Jimin and you just wanted to date him."

"You're ridiculous. I'm not cynical, though. If anything I'm a realist," Namjoon said.

"A cynical realist. It's okay though, Joonie! We love you just the way you are," Hoseok said.

"Okay. So since everyone knows I like Jimin, what do you think I should do?"

"Like how should you ask him out?" Hoseok asked.

"What? I'm not gonna ask him out," Namjoon said.

"Really? That's a bummer. You definitely should though. I think he would definitely say yes to you."

Namjoon couldn't help the blush that grew on his cheeks. "Stop. This is the reason I'm trying to avoid him. I think if I just go long enough without seeing him, my little crush will just go away and I can go back to normal."

Hoseok didn't say anything and just stared at him.

"What!?"

"I didn't say anything."

"Yeah, but you were judging me with that look on your face!"

"Okay, true, yes, I was. Because you're being a dumbass, Namjoon!"

"Rude."

"No offense, but when are you gonna stop lying to yourself? This is bigger than a little crush buddy. I don't think you could get out of liking Jimin if your life depended on it," Hoseok said. Namjoon feared he was right.

"But if I just-"

"No! No buts. Just the facts, my friend."

"I kind of hate you."

"That's okay. I have Yoongi. Now, are you coming to the party this weekend or what?"

"Umm... I'm gonna go with 'or what,'" Namjoon said.

"Wrong answer."

"You can't force me to go. I don't want to see him."

"Namjoon! What would I have to do to get you to come to the party?"

"Uh, let's see. You could send me that selfie of Seokjin."

"Ooh. This is tough. Wait. Was that just a backhanded way to tell me to go die!?"

Namjoon rolled his eyes. "I'm not going."

"Yes, you are!"

"No. I'm not."

"I thought you were a maybe," Hoseok whined.

"Well, now I'm a no. Good job. You convinced me. Tell the others I had an appointment and that it was with a bridge that I'm going to be jumping off of the night you guys have your party," Namjoon said.

Hoseok pouted. "What if I told you Jimin might like you too?"

Namjoon opened his mouth, ready to say no again, but the words caught in his throat. He was rendered speechless.

"Ooh! Now, this is interesting," Hoseok said.

"Shut up. No, it's not," Namjoon mumbled.

"Sure it is. Don't you wanna know?" Hoseok asked.

Namjoon tried his best to bite his tongue and muffle his words. "Does he?" Namjoon failed and caved after just a few seconds.

"I don't know. You'll have to come to the party to find out!" Hoseok said in a sing-song voice.

"You're lying to me, just to get me to come," Namjoon said.

"You don't know that."

"No, but I know you, and that's something you would do."

"Fair."

"Okay, I'll come," Namjoon said before he could stop himself. He didn’t know what made him say it, but here he was.

Hoseok immediately brightened up. "Yes! You said it, now you can't take it back! You better be there, Namjoon."

"What if I get sick?"

"If you don't come then I'll..."

"You'll what?" Namjoon asked. He was pretty confident Hoseok possessed no material to blackmail him with.

"I'll tell Jimin," Hoseok said.

Namjoon's eyes bulged. "No, you won't."

"Try me."

"He won't believe you."

Hoseok shrugged. "He might believe me if I'm drunk. Everyone knows I can't keep secrets when I'm drunk."

"You'd risk getting kicked off the dance team just for this?" Namjoon asked.

"We don't have any upcoming performances, I'll be fine. I've done it before anyway," Hoseok said.

Namjoon was trapped now. The problem with Hoseok was that he was generally pretty unpredictable. Sometimes he could be all talk, but then he could turn around in an instant and surprise everyone with his spontaneity.

Namjoon had nothing else to say at this point and Hoseok was making his way towards the door.

"I'll see you this weekend," Hoseok called out before leaving.

Namjoon frowned. He wanted to go back to the days where he could call Jimin any time of day or night and he would come over and give him a hug. Namjoon really really missed Jimin's hugs.

-

The weekend rolled around before he knew it. Seokjin returned just to come and join the party. He asked Namjoon if he was coming to which Namjoon responded with vague noises.

He still wasn't sure.

He thought maybe he should just let Hoseok confess to Jimin for him. There was a fifty-fifty chance that Jimin would even believe him. If he didn't, no big deal and they could go on with their lives normally. If he did, then maybe Namjoon would have a real answer on whether Jimin liked him back the same way. It was sort of a win-win scenario.

Except for the fact he didn't want Hoseok to tell him at all. He had pictured this scenario in his head about a hundred times. He just spontaneously decided to confess to Jimin and Jimin magically reciprocated his feelings and they lived happily ever after. If there were a possibility of that scenario becoming true, he wanted to be there to live it out.

There was also an entirely separate possibility that Hoseok was all talk this time around and wouldn't say anything to Jimin at all.

Seokjin had left without him and Namjoon had halfway gotten ready and then given up. He could always show up late to the party.

Hoseok sent him a Snapchat. He kept asking if Namjoon was going to show and threatening to reveal his secret. The longer he waited, the more evident it was that Hoseok was getting himself pretty drunk.

At some point, Hoseok sent him a video. It was him singing and attempting to serenade Yoongi with the caption "U shoulf come to sinf to Jimin."

The next video he sent was the one that got him off the couch. Hoseok was laughing and it was pretty evident he was drunk. Yoongi was with him, which was a good thing because he didn't seem as drunk. Hopefully, he was making sure Hoseok wasn't posting all these snaps on his story.

"Hey, Jiiiiimin!" Hoseok called out in the video. The footage was a shaky image of Hoseok trying to position the camera right and zoom in on Jimin from the other side of the room. It was hard to tell if Jimin was paying attention to drunk Hoseok at all. "Jimin! I have a secret for you!" Hoseok said.

The video cut out after that and Namjoon stood up. That was enough. He fixed his hair and splashed some water on his face to make himself look more awake before heading out the door with his phone.

He marched straight over to Yoongi and Hoseok’s apartment. They didn't live more than ten minutes away, but Namjoon was speed walking. He knocked on the door and was surprised when Hoseok answered it.

"Joon!" Hoseok shouted at him as he opened the door. Namjoon frowned, he could basically smell the alcohol on him. Yoongi showed up moments later and pulled Hoseok back to the couch.

"Come on, Seokie, you don't need to be answering the door," Yoongi said.

Namjoon cringed at the pet name, but he had to admit, it was pretty cute. Yoongi was different around Hoseok. He was more caring and almost... soft when he was with Hoseok. Namjoon wondered if it was the same way for him and Jimin. Or if they would ever get to be like that.

The thoughts put butterflies in his stomach, and it definitely didn't help when he saw Jimin in the living room. He was watching Taehyung and Jungkook play Just Dance 4, and it was evident he had just played a round or two himself because he was glistening with sweat. His hair was also pushed back and parted to expose his forehead.

Namjoon had half a mind to go up and kiss him right there on the spot. He would never do that, though.

"Jimin!" Hoseok shouted from across the room. "Look who's here!"

Namjoon felt his cheeks grow hot when Jimin turned to look at him. His eyes instantly brightened and he got himself up off the couch. He raced over to wrap Namjoon in a hug. Namjoon didn't even mind that he was still a bit sweaty.

"Joonie! I thought you weren't coming!" Jimin said.

Namjoon couldn't help but smile. "Me neither. Luckily I finished my paper early," Namjoon lied.

"I'm glad you made it. Let's go watch!" Jimin said pulled Namjoon by the wrist more fully into the room. It was then when Namjoon noticed the cast on Jimin's wrist.

“What happened there?” Namjoon asked, feeling bad about the fact that he was unaware his best friend had broken his wrist.

Jimin paused and held up his wrist. “Oh, right. Dancing accident. No big deal really.”

Namjoon let the subject drop, remembering what Hoseok had said about Jimin’s mood affecting his dancing lately.

Taehyung and Jungkook both briefly said hello to Namjoon in between rounds, but the game started counting down again and they were both determined to beat the other.

Jimin pushed Namjoon down onto the couch and practically sat down on top of him. Namjoon felt his heart speed up and his face grow hot. He tried to calm himself down by reminding himself it wasn't like they had never done something like this before.

"This game is ridiculous, I'm getting all of the moves right, but it keeps just saying 'Good' instead of 'Excellent,'" Jungkook shouted.

Namjoon laughed at him. At that moment, he was glad he had come to the party.

The party overall was pretty fun and Namjoon was happy to see all of his friends again. He spent most of his time right next to Jimin, which hadn’t been completely intentional. Well, he might have stayed by Jimin anyways, but he hardly had to think about it because anywhere Jimin went he would tug Namjoon along by his wrist. The one time Jimin actually left his side was when he got up to go to the bathroom. But as soon as he was back, he came back and sat in Namjoon's lap.

Namjoon began to think that maybe it was possible Jimin liked him back - Hoseok's words from the other day popping back into his mind. Namjoon wanted to believe him and Jimin was making it easy to.

Surely friends didn’t stay attached at the hip like this? Friends didn’t sit on each other's laps and hold each other's hands when they went from room to room.

He and Jimin had sort of always been close like this, but maybe this was different. Maybe Jimin had just been missing Namjoon and was making up for lost time by literally gluing himself to his side.

Towards the end of the night, the party started to wind down as it always did. It usually started with one or two people claiming to be too tired or too hungry to sit here any longer. Sometimes a few of them would go out to get food. Sometimes everyone would crash at the hosts' house. This time none of that happened.

Hoseok, who was completely wasted, had crashed on the sofa. Since he took up so much of the seating, Jungkook and Taehyung were seated on the floor. Jungkook kept complaining about how he had hurt his back the other day and shouldn't be sitting on the floor like this. Taehyung kept telling him he was being too dramatic and his back injury wasn't even an injury.

"Yes, it is!" Jungkook insisted. "You don't know what my back feels like."

"Okay, but you don't get injured from doing a spin like you did," Taehyung reasoned.

"How do you know? Are you some kind of back expert doctor?"

"Will someone shut the both of them up before I do?" Yoongi asked. He had ended up as the role of Hoseok's pillow. Yoongi had been sitting on the couch when Hoseok had crashed on top of him with his head in his lap. Yoongi had played with his hair for long enough that Hoseok had fallen asleep. Now, Yoongi was trapped (or refused to get up) because he didn't want to wake Hoseok.

"I agree with Yoongi," Jimin said, raising his hand as if it were some kind of poll.

Taehyung stood up with a huff. "Fine. We're not welcome here anymore," Taehyung joked.

Jungkook stood up a bit more slowly. "Actually, I think it's my bedtime," Jungkook said.

"Do you wanna go home?" Taehyung asked.

"Aw, are you two leaving?" Seokjin asked, walking back into the room. They both looked at each other and came to a silent agreement.

"I wanna go to sleep, and no offense, but last time I slept over here I woke up with a crick in my neck. Since I'm already injured-"

"Will you shut up about that," Taehyung interrupted Jungkook. Jungkook pouted, but Taehyung tugged him away towards the door. "We're going now! Goodbye, everyone! Thanks for hosting Yoongi! And I'd say Hoseok too, but he's pretty much dead right now. Bye!"

A chorus of goodbyes sounded from the rest of the guys - minus Hoseok - and the two of them left.

After that, Seokjin seemed to notice the same scenario that Namjoon did. Those left included Hoseok and Yoongi, Seokjin, and Namjoon and Jimin. Hoseok and Yoongi lived here, so they weren't going anywhere. But if Seokjin left, that would virtually leave Namjoon alone with Jimin.

Namjoon sent him a warning glance not to do it, but Seokjin was a piece of shit so of course, he did the exact opposite.

"Well, I think I'm gonna call it a night as well," Seokjin said.

"Are you walking home?" Yoongi asked.

"Yes," Seokjin said. He sounded sober for the most part, but everyone knew he definitely wasn't. Seokjin was just the best at pretending to not be drunk while he was, in fact, very drunk.

"Not alone, you're not," Yoongi said. He started shifting to try and escape Hoseok without waking him.

Namjoon was amazed to see how Yoongi was able to slide out from under Hoseok and replace his spot with a pillow. Either Yoongi was just really good at that or Hoseok was out cold.

Yoongi got up and took Seokjin by the arm to take him back home. He turned back to Namjoon and Jimin. "Will one of you guys watch Hoseok and make sure he doesn't, like, die?" Yoongi asked.

Jimin nodded, "We got it!"

Namjoon realized he should've volunteered to walk Seokjin home, but now his chance was gone. He watched helplessly as Yoongi and Seokjin departed. Now, he was truly alone with Jimin. There was, of course, Hoseok, but he was dead to the world and was not being counted in this scenario.

A moment of silence passed after Yoongi shut the door. Well, it wasn't complete silence because there was still some faint music playing from the Bluetooth speaker left on in the kitchen. There was also the sound of the clock and Hoseok's heavy breathing (the only sign that he wasn't actually dead), but to Namjoon, it seemed terribly silent.

Namjoon cleared his throat, "I um... I'm gonna go clean up the kitchen." He wasn't sure what it was about being alone with Jimin, but somehow it had become unbearable. Maybe it was just the idea of all the things he could say at that moment - with the only thing stopping him being his own brain.

He wasn't sure why he hadn’t expected Jimin to follow him to the kitchen because that's exactly what he did. Namjoon got a sudden flashback of the last time he and Jimin had ended up in the kitchen alone. He felt his face get hot remembering the feel of Jimin's lips.

Namjoon sometimes hated his mind. It sometimes started to think up things that he never wanted to think about. Thinking about Jimin's lips on his cheek led him to think of the possibility of Jimin's lips on his lips. When he saw Jimin across the room throwing away old plates and napkins, he blushed furiously.

He couldn't believe himself for thinking about his best friend in this way.

Then, he started to wonder if Jimin ever thought about him in the same way. He looked at Jimin out of the corner of his eye while he picked up an empty cup to see if he could figure out what he was thinking.

Unfortunately, he couldn't read minds.

Jimin turned around suddenly and Namjoon wondered if Jimin could read minds. He turned back to his task at hand and pretended to be preoccupied with picking up trash, but he could hear Jimin getting closer to him.

Then there were a set of arms slipped around his waist. Namjoon felt Jimin press his face into his back.

"Uhm... Jimin?" Namjoon asked.

"I'm tired," Jimin mumbled, clinging to Namjoon like a koala.

Namjoon couldn't help but soften at his words. "We should get you home then," Namjoon said, turning in Jimin's grasp so he could face him. Jimin looked up at him and Namjoon wanted to melt on the spot.

He always knew his best friend was attractive - tons of people loved Jimin, but as he looked at him now, he couldn't help but noticed how adorable and cute he was at the same time. His face was all round and squishy. His bottom lip jutted out in a slight frown. His lips were... something else. Namjoon remembered how soft they were when they kissed his cheek, but he never really took into account how full they were as well.

Namjoon swallowed. He noted how easy it would be to kiss Jimin right now, but he held himself back. He was too entranced in Jimin's gaze to move anyway.

"I'm too tired to go home," Jimin said. Namjoon almost offered to carry him but wasn't confident in his own physical ability to do so.

Namjoon didn't know what to tell Jimin, so he just continued staring into his eyes.

Jimin didn't seem to mind because he was staring right back. It went on for a solid minute or two before Namjoon started to think that maybe Jimin was waiting for something. Maybe he wanted Namjoon to kiss him. Namjoon had seen plenty of romance movies to pick up on the clues. No one in the movies ever stared at another person this long without wanting to kiss them.

So that's what Namjoon did. He leaned down and placed a kiss on Jimin's forehead. He thought he could work up the nerve to kiss him on the lips, but he decided, for now, that was a bit ambitious.

When Namjoon pulled back, Jimin was smiling and his eyes were closed. This made Namjoon feel all warm inside somehow. Jimin opened his eyes and made eye contact with Namjoon. Namjoon felt like he was about ready to pass out.

Jimin just smiled even wider and tilted his head up towards Namjoon some more. Namjoon smiled back but then noticed how Jimin quickly glanced from his eyes to his lips.

Namjoon would've been self-conscious and wondered if kissing Jimin had been a bad idea if it hadn't been for Jimin's smile and the look in his eyes. A question pulled at Namjoon's mind.

"Jiminie?" Namjoon asked, quietly.

"Hmm?" he hummed and looked at Namjoon expectantly.

Namjoon felt his heart bouncing erratically in his ribcage. Now or never he told himself.

"What if I told you... I like you?" he asked.

Jimin tilted his head, "Well, I like you too, silly."

Namjoon blushed. "No... I mean like. What if I wanted to ask you out? Or date you? Or something?"

Jimin seemed frozen and Namjoon felt ready to combust on the spot. Then his face broke out into a smile and Namjoon was hopeful for a second. "Did Hoseok put you up to this?" he asked with a sly smile. Namjoon frowned.

"What are you talking about?"

"This is a dare, right?" Jimin asked.

Namjoon blinked. He wasn't sure what to do. This wasn’t at all how he was hoping Jimin would respond, and now he didn't know whether to play it off as a joke and blame Hoseok or to follow through with his confession. Namjoon shook his head and settled on the latter. "No."

Now Jimin frowned. "What do you mean?"

"I mean... sometimes I want to hold you. Sometimes I think about holding your hand and walking to class. Or other times I think what it might be like... to kiss you?" Namjoon practically mumbled the last part. He knew his face had to be bright red by this point, but there was no use trying to hide it. He was completely vulnerable. His cards were on the table now.

Jimin pulled away from him a bit and Namjoon felt his heart drop. "Joonie..." Jimin started. "You don't mean that."

Namjoon nodded, it hurt. "Yes... I do."

"How long... have you thought... those sorts of things?" Jimin asked, carefully.

"I dunno... I think for a while now, but only recently I actually realized it," Namjoon admitted. Namjoon felt like a boa constrictor was wrapped several times around his heart and was very slowly closing in. He wondered when they would get to the part where this was no longer painful and they could hug and kiss each other freely.

However, the longer this part went on, the more he started to doubt that would ever become a part of his reality.

"Joon, I think you’re just thinking that way because I've been too... clingy lately," Jimin said.

Namjoon looked up and met his eye for the first time since he admitted his feelings out loud. "What? That's not it," Namjoon said.

Jimin pulled away even more from Namjoon now. He nodded. "I think it is. This is my fault, Joon. Ever since I broke up with Sam... I've been missing having someone hug a lot. You wouldn't be saying all of this otherwise," Jimin said.

Namjoon frowned and tried to understand what Jimin was telling him. The problem was, he thought that Jimin was wrong. Now Namjoon felt really close to tears. He wasn't sure he would be able to speak. He didn't know what to do, or what to say. He opened his mouth and no words came out.

Namjoon watched the pained expression on Jimin's face, but it couldn't be anywhere near the feeling that Namjoon was experiencing. He began to understand the situation. He was being rejected by his best friend.

He managed to exhale some air and look up. He knew he was seconds away from crying. "I have to go," Namjoon said. He pulled out of Jimin's grasp completely and bee-lined for the door. He only had time to grab his phone that was sitting on the counter on his way out. He wasn't sure where his keys were.

"Namjoon, wait!" Jimin called after him, but Namjoon had to get out of there.

He got out the door and didn't look back once he was outside. He knew Jimin wouldn't follow him outside because someone still had to watch over Hoseok. Or maybe he just didn't want to follow Namjoon outside.

Namjoon felt the first hot tears roll down his cheeks as he began to wonder what this meant for him. Did he really just destroy their decades of friendship in just a few moments? And over what? A ridiculous crush? This is why Namjoon never had any interest in dating or relationships. There was always more hurt where relationships were concerned. Economically speaking, they just weren't worth it. The cost-benefit ratio was unfavorable.

And yet something had still driven him to seek out something more with Jimin, and in doing so, he had ruined everything.

When he was walking back towards his place, he sent Seokjin a text that he was on his way and wasn't sure he had his key. It was hard to text because his vision was blurred by the tears that threatened to fall.

Seokjin didn't reply and Namjoon had to knock on the door for a good fifteen minutes before he got a response. He started to wonder if the neighbors could hear him.

When Seokjin opened the door, Namjoon was hit with a fresh wave of sadness.

Seokjin, though still probably not fully sober, picked up on Namjoon's expression and pulled him inside. He wrapped him in a hug and then Namjoon fully broke down.

Chapter Text

If Namjoon had been avoiding Jimin before, that was nothing compared to now. Jimin sent him texts a couple times a day and Namjoon never replied to a single one. A lot of them were him begging to talk things out. Most of them boiled down to Jimin insisting he wanted to see Namjoon again.

Namjoon was pretending he was dead because that was the next best thing to actually being dead.

After he had gotten over the initial hurt of being rejected, he felt himself turn into this empty shell of a person. It was a good thing Seokjin was his roommate because otherwise Namjoon probably would have forgotten to eat most of the time. He only left his room to go to lectures and immediately after he would retreat back into his cave.

He still did everything he was supposed to, like turn in his homework on time and study for upcoming exams. He just wasn't talking to any of his friends anymore. He hardly said two words to Seokjin anytime he came into his room. Seokjin had tried to talk to him a few times, but he apparently had figured it wasn't worth it and that Namjoon would only talk when he wanted to talk and not a moment before then.

Little did he know Namjoon was planning on never talking again. He didn't want to talk about the embarrassment he felt from being rejected by his best friend. He had thought about the moment a thousand times over in his mind, and every single time he picked out new points where he went wrong. There were about a thousand other scenarios that could have gone down and Namjoon could've ended up in a better place if only he had done just a few things differently here or there - at least that's what he told himself.

Mistake number one was probably comparing his life to a romance movie. His life was the complete opposite of a romance movie. He had absolutely no experience with dating or having a boyfriend or even with having a crush.

He thought that Jimin could change some of that, that maybe he did have a shot at romance. He felt stupid for ever thinking like that.

Namjoon stopped paying attention to how much time had passed by, and then suddenly it was time for finals. He breezed through his exams with no problem. When it was time to pack up and go home, he did so without saying a word to Seokjin.

Seokjin later texted him to ask if he got home okay as well as shoot him some questions about next year. Namjoon replied to him and then noticed his texts from Jimin. Namjoon had muted Jimin’s notifications some time ago. It was too tempting whenever his name slid across the screen to unlock his phone and send a reply.

At first, Jimin had been texting him several times a day, every day of the week. Then his texts slowed down to once a day and then a few times a week. Now, the last time Jimin had texted him was just under a month ago.

Namjoon tried not to think too hard about what that meant for them as friends. He wondered if they would ever recover from this and just be friends again someday.

When Namjoon returned home, his mother asked about school at first, then she started asking about Jimin as well.

"Where's Jimin at? I'm surprised he hasn't been over yet," she said.

Namjoon met her eyes and said, "I don't know. I stopped talking to Jimin."

His mom frowned at this, but before she was able to question him about it, Namjoon turned around and retreated back to his room. He didn't want to talk about Jimin. He didn't want to talk about him two months ago and he certainly didn't want to talk about him now. Namjoon wondered if he would ever come around.

Two weeks after the semester had ended, he got one final text from Jimin. It felt much like the last text he would ever receive from Jimin.

Jimin: Joon... You're probably home now, and I hope all your exams went okay and your drive home was decent. I know you're not going to answer this text, but I had to send it anyway. Joonie... I miss you so much. I would do anything to get you back, but waiting for your replies is getting to be too hard. I want you to know that I love you, but I can't keep waiting for you to answer me. I don't want to say goodbye. So how about... see you later? I still live right down the street.

Namjoon read the text three times over before one more bubble appeared on the screen.

Jimin: <3

Namjoon felt the tears fall down his face. He couldn't seem to stop them.

-

A week after he had received that text, Namjoon had it screenshotted and printed out. He had such a horrible, awful idea, but he couldn't get it out of his mind. He thought the only way to stop thinking about it was to actually do it.

He got down on his hands and knees and dug out the box from under his bed. He opened it and pulled out the old scrapbook.

He flipped through the pages quickly, not wanting to get caught up in the contents of the book. He knew that reading them now would make him feel bitter inside. Half of the notes promised they would be "best friends forever, no matter what."

He opened to the first blank page in the book. He realized he hadn't updated it in some time. He really had nothing he could fill in anyways.

Namjoon placed the screenshotted photo of Jimin's last text to him on the page. He couldn't bring himself to glue anything down. He knew the note he wanted to write on the page as well, but couldn't bring himself to do that either.

Instead, he wrote it on a separate slip of paper.

This is when I realized that even after everything we've been through, maybe we won't be best friends forever after all. I love you too.

He placed the slip of paper inside the book and closed it along with the screenshotted text. Maybe he would be able to glue it in later.

Another week passed. It had been an entire month since school let out. Soon it would be time to start thinking about next semester and getting registered and everything.

Namjoon had spent the better part of this month in his room. His mother had tried to coax him out a few times and even tried to get him to talk. When she had asked about Jimin some more, he had kept his answers vague as possible. He didn't want to admit to the reality of the situation. He told himself it was fine. He even knew this would happen, but he did it anyway.

One day, he got a knock at his door. Nothing unusual, his mother often knocked on his door these days when she wanted to talk to him.

"Namjoon," she said, trying to get her son's attention.

Namjoon looked up from his book. He had been doing a lot of reading lately. Somehow it was easier to read a lot when he didn’t have friends who wanted to hang out.

"You have a visitor," she said. Namjoon's mind immediately jumped to several conclusions - all of which made his heart race. The first person he thought of was Jimin. Somehow it had never occurred to him that Jimin knew where he lived; he could have just shown up at his front door at any given moment. Perhaps it was just that he never expected Jimin to do that. Sure, they'd shown up at each other's houses unannounced in the past, but that was the past. Things were different now.

Namjoon got up from his desk and headed towards the front door. His mother had disappeared after Namjoon had gotten the message. His heart was racing, but he willed himself on anyway. He had been trying to convince himself that he didn't need Jimin in his life, but at the prospect of seeing him again, his heart was racing.

When Namjoon rounded the corner he saw a familiar face. However, it wasn't the familiar face he had been expecting to see. He felt something akin to disappointment.

"Joonie!" he said.

"Hi Hoseok," Namjoon said. His voice sounded weak. He didn't sound like himself.

"Get dressed, I'm taking you outside," Hoseok said.

"What? No, I don't wanna go anywhere," Namjoon said.

"You don't have a choice. I fear you've forgotten what daylight is like."

"I've been outside," Namjoon protested.

"In the past month? When?"

Namjoon blinked. "I uh... got the mail once or twice..."

"Exactly. Now go get dressed," Hoseok commanded.

"This isn't some kind of trick is it?" Namjoon was skeptical. He didn't want to say it out loud but it felt a whole lot like Hoseok was going to trap him in a room with Jimin or something.

Hoseok shook his head. "No! Just get dressed and we can go wherever you want. I miss talking to you. I need your boring, insightful wisdom to be imparted unto me."

Namjoon couldn't help but crack a small smile. Hoseok always had that effect on people. Namjoon decided it couldn't hurt to step outside his house for a bit. He liked to stay inside, but he would admit the cabin fever was a little unbearable.

After he had gotten dressed, Hoseok asked where he wanted to go. Namjoon thought for a while. He was still skeptical that this was some sort of trap. For all he knew, Hoseok had Jimin listening through some kind of wire device and wherever Namjoon said, Jimin would go and he would be ambushed. Namjoon knew this was crazy.

"I dunno... the park down the road is always nice. There's usually live bands playing there," Namjoon eventually gave in. He decided to choose an open place that he couldn't be trapped in. If Jimin was there for some reason he could always just leave.

Hoseok nodded and they went to the park. They didn't talk much along the way. Or rather, Namjoon didn't talk much. Hoseok made a bit of small talk and told him all about his break so far. He talked about him and Yoongi thinking about adopting a dog together.

"Oh! Right, that reminds me. We're also looking for a place to live. You know like after Yoongi graduates, he wants to move out of his parent's house, and then when I graduate a semester later I can move in with him. We've looked at lots of places so far, I'm not really sure which one I like the best."

Namjoon nodded along. Hoseok's life sounded cool. He had everything put together - at least on the outside. He was all set to graduate within a year and he was already looking for places to move in when he finished school. Knowing him, he probably had a few jobs already lined up as well.

They reached the park, but there didn't seem to be many people here. Namjoon liked it because at least he was able to tell right away that Jimin was not there.

There was no band playing at the moment, but a poster advertised one would be showing up in three hours. Namjoon didn't think they would still be here by then.

Hoseok and Namjoon took to the playground and they each claimed a swing. Namjoon kicked the ground a bit, more interested in playing with the woodchips than actually swinging. Hoseok, on the other hand, started swinging as high as he could. Which actually wasn't very high because Hoseok was afraid of heights.

Namjoon laughed at him, and Hoseok seemed to notice. "There he is! I was wondering if you forgot how to smile," Hoseok laughed. He slowed down his swing so he could see Namjoon better.

Namjoon rolled his eyes. He didn't say anything else. He kind of didn't want to talk about Jimin or any of that right now. He just wanted to have a fun day with his friend. He knew he wouldn't get away without talking about it for long though.

"So what have you been up to?" Hoseok asked.

Namjoon shrugged. There wasn't much he could talk about. Some days he motivated himself enough to get out of bed and start laundry. About a week ago he had managed to start and finish an entire load in one day. He felt like this was a worthy accomplishment. He didn't want to say that though because it sounded sad in his head. "I uh... I've been reading a lot," Namjoon said.

Hoseok nodded. "Nice! Anything good? I wish I read more books sometimes."

"Uh... I read a book on Nazi propaganda within mainstream media."

Hoseok laughed. "Of course you would. I kind of expected something along the lines of Harry Potter or whatever, but I realize now that was dumb."

"I think fiction is good too. I just prefer non-fiction most of the time," Namjoon said with a shrug.

"Wow, I wish I hadn't been so busy with dance lately or I would suggest we start a book club."

Namjoon laughed at this. Hoseok grinned back at him.

Namjoon saw something move in the corner of his vision. He looked up and thought he saw Jimin coming near him. He thought for a second that he knew this was a trick. But then he realized it wasn't Jimin at all. It was just a guy that had hair the same shade of red. Namjoon wondered if Jimin even still had red hair.

Hoseok followed his gaze and seemed to pick up on his thoughts. Namjoon felt embarrassed. He had been trying his best not think of Jimin, but that in of itself is a form of thinking about Jimin.

A moment of silence passed between them. Namjoon was grateful that Hoseok didn't say anything, but then he surprised himself by saying something, "I miss him."

Hoseok looked up and pretended not to know who he was talking about. "Hmm? Who?"

Namjoon made eye contact and gave him a look. "Who else? Don't make me say his name," Namjoon said.

"Namjoon, he's not Voldemort," Hoseok said.

Namjoon rolled his eyes, but he did note this was his second Harry Potter reference in under five minutes. "I know it's just... I don't know."

Hoseok gave him a sympathetic look. "You haven't talked to him at all have you?" Hoseok asked.

"What?" Namjoon was confused. "You mean you don't talk to him every day at dance or whatever?"

Hoseok shook his head, "He hasn't been to practice in like... a really long time."

"But surely you text him?" Namjoon asked.

"No," Hoseok frowned. "He doesn't really reply to my messages."

Namjoon felt a pang of guilt. This was somehow all his fault. "What about the others? Has anyone talked to him?"

Hoseok shrugged. "Tae told me he Skyped with him right after the break started, but since then it's been nothing."

"Is he okay?" Namjoon started to panic. Maybe if no one had heard from Jimin lately it was because... "Like... he's still alive, right?"

Hoseok gave a weak laugh. "Yeah. I mean he retweets pictures of dogs occasionally on his Twitter. He doesn't Tweet anything himself though."

"I fucked everything up," Namjoon said. He knew it was true, but he wanted to hear confirmation from someone else as well.

"No, you didn't, Joon. Don't say that."

"It's true. I cut him out of my life and that made you guys all lose touch with him. It's all my fault."

"Namjoon..."

"You know what the worst part is? I knew this would happen. I knew that if I confessed to him it would ruin our friendship forever. But I did it anyway. Why would I do that?"

"Because you love him," Hoseok said. Namjoon turned to him slightly. Hoseok used the present tense. He barely picked up on it, but he knew Hoseok was right. He still loved Jimin.

"Yeah."

"Namjoon, you didn't ruin things though," Hoseok said.

Namjoon looked at Hoseok. He was confused. He waited for Hoseok to continue.

"He loves you too, you know," Hoseok said.

"Yeah, but it's not the same," Namjoon said, he felt guilty for thinking like that.

"Maybe not," Hoseok admits. "But he still loves you, and you're still his best friend. Namjoon, he's taking things pretty hard."

Namjoon feels another pang of guilt strike him. "I'm an awful person."

"No, you're not. Sometimes people get heartbroken, but you can't stay this way forever. I can't tell you whether or not Jimin likes you back. I thought that he did. What I can tell you is that he loves you unconditionally and misses having his best friend around," Hoseok said. Namjoon felt really sad now. He shouldn't have ignored all of Jimin's texts.

"Oh," Namjoon said. He was unable to say anything else.

Hoseok doesn't seem to have anything else to say for the time being. They fell into an easy silence. They both swung gently back and forth and watched the people in the park around them. After a little while Hoseok pointed out a cloud that looked like a seahorse and they went back to chatting about easier topics.

Namjoon liked this better, but he couldn't get Hoseok's words out of his mind. When Hoseok eventually walked him back home and said goodbye, Namjoon thought about his options. His thumb hovered over Jimin's name on his phone. Of course, Namjoon had thought about texting or calling him before, but now was different. Now he thought there was a chance he might actually do it.

But maybe tomorrow.

-

He sat in his room for a long time in the morning. He didn't read or go to get breakfast like he usually did. Namjoon just sat at his desk and stared at his phone screen. He wondered if he should text or if calling would be better. Then he wondered whether he should just go over to Jimin's house and surprise him. If he did that he really should send Jimin a text first to make sure he was home. That would make things awkward though. Things were already awkward. Namjoon really didn't want to make them worse.

He sat in his room for so long that eventually, his mother knocked gently on the door to see if he was awake. When she opened it, she was surprised to see he was already up.

"Oh! You're awake. I made pancakes," she said.

Namjoon smiled. He was really lucky to have his parents. He knew they both loved him and they often did whatever they could to help improve his state of mind.

"At noon?" Namjoon asked.

"Yeah. I figured it was a good day to have a lazy Saturday," she said.

Namjoon nodded. "Thanks for the pancakes, I'll be down in a bit."

Namjoon waited until she was gone and looked back at his phone. This could wait. He shouldn't text Jimin on an empty stomach.

The pancakes were great and Namjoon was grateful once again to have such a wonderful mother. He thought about what she said about having a lazy Saturday. Maybe it would be a lazy day for her - all she did was work. Namjoon felt he had taken far too many lazy Saturdays lately. Today he would do something. He wasn't sure why it had to be today, but he knew that if he waited much longer he would lose the nerve to talk to Jimin.

After their breakfast, Namjoon decided to check Jimin's Twitter. Maybe something on there could help convince him to go over. Just as Hoseok had said, there were lots of retweeted pictures of dogs. The further back he went, the more real tweets he uncovered. They were all old. Namjoon found himself smiling when he noticed a couple of them were about him.

The screen showed there was one new tweet. Namjoon held his breath as he waited for it to refresh.

When the new tweet finally loaded, he saw it was just another picture of a dog. Two Siberian husky puppies biting each other's noses. It was cute. Namjoon almost made the mistake of retweeting it himself.

If Jimin was on Twitter and looking at puppies, surely that meant he was at home. Before he could overthink the situation, Namjoon put on shoes and looked in the mirror. He didn't look his best, but there wasn't a whole lot he could do when he kept getting less and less sleep.

His mom noticed him on the way out the door, so of course, she stopped him. "Where are you going?"

Namjoon swallowed. He didn't want to say Jimin's house and give her the wrong idea. She had been kept mostly in the dark with this whole situation, but she did understand that they were no longer on good terms. "Uhh, Hoseok wanted to meet up and get food," he lied quickly.

"Oh, okay," she looked like she wanted to say more - maybe to make a comment about how today was supposed to be their lazy Saturday - but she didn't. Namjoon ducked out the door and once he was outside he felt the adrenaline hit him.

He wasn't sure what he was going to say. He definitely wasn't sure he could even do this. But this was Jimin, and he'd known the kid for most of his life. He kept repeating Hoseok's words in his head to calm himself down and as a reminder.

Namjoon didn't have to think about where he was going, his feet led him on the right path. He had walked this way surely hundreds of times.

He stopped suddenly when he reached Jimin's house. He had spent so much time here growing up that showing up felt like returning home.

He wasn't sure how he made it to the front door, but somehow he managed. He couldn't control his heart at all and he was sure if he spent much longer waiting out here he would pass out from the anticipation.

He knocked. There was a sound from inside the house. Someone was definitely home. He still wasn't sure if Jimin was. From what Hoseok had said, it didn’t sound like Jimin was leaving his house much lately either.

The door swung open and Namjoon was greeted by Jimin's mom.

"Namjoonie! Ah, give me a hug. It's been forever," she said, bringing him. This helped calm him slightly. Jimin's mother was nearly his second mother just as Jimin's home was his second home.

"Hello... um, is Jimin home?" he asked awkwardly.

She let Namjoon free from her hug and gave him a sympathetic look. "Yeah. I'm glad you came over. He's been really down lately. I thought maybe he went through another breakup, but he's never been this bad after one of those. He won't tell me why. I'm sure seeing you will help." Namjoon wanted to say something about how he wasn't too sure about that, but he didn't. It appeared Jimin's mother knew even less than his own mom. "I'll go get him," she said, turning to leave the room.

Namjoon stepped inside and looked around. Somehow he thought things would be different, but he was standing in the same house he had stood in for decades. There was even still the family portrait Jimin's family had taken some odd fifteen years ago hung up on the wall. Jimin was really cute in this photo. His face was all round and squishy, still the face of a kid, but he was undoubtedly the same Jimin Namjoon knew.

Namjoon was so distracted looking around at all the photos that he didn't realize Jimin had come downstairs. He was standing in front of Namjoon with an unreadable expression. He looked like he was staring at a ghost.

His expression then changed from one of shock to disbelief or something else. Next thing he knew, he was being tackled by Jimin in a bone-crushing hug.

Namjoon had not been expecting this at all. Jimin held him so tight, it was hard for him to breathe properly. Jimin's face was pressed into Namjoon's chest. Namjoon was slowly able to put his own arms around Jimin.

When he finally pulled away he looked up at Namjoon with such an adorable look that Namjoon wished he could take a picture of it and frame it forever.

Jimin looked like he couldn't find the right words to say, but truthfully, neither could Namjoon.

"It's you!" Jimin eventually managed out, his eyes glossy with tears, but none of them had shed just yet.

Namjoon felt warm inside. He had missed Jimin far too much for his own good.

Namjoon couldn't help the smile on his face. He laughed weakly, "Yeah... uh, hi."

Then Jimin's expression fell and Namjoon wondered if coming over here had been the right thing to do. Jimin grabbed hold of his wrist and led him towards the back door. "Let's go outside," Jimin said, going into his backyard.

Namjoon felt nervous. He wasn't sure what to say. He didn't know if he should apologize or beg for forgiveness. Whatever was about to happen outside he felt ill-prepared for.

They went straight for the old hammock that was set up in his backyard. The two of them had spent countless hours on that old thing relaxing and watching the world around them.

When they sat down, Jimin was the first to talk. Namjoon was glad for this. "I missed you so much," Jimin said.

Namjoon sighed, "Me too."

"Why did you ignore me for so long?" Jimin asked. Namjoon felt a familiar flash of guilt.

"I..." Namjoon paused to gather his words before going on. "I thought you didn't want to see me."

"Why would I ever not want to see my best friend?" Jimin asked.

Namjoon swallowed. "I don't know. You're not weirded out that I basically... confessed to you?" Namjoon wasn't sure how he should word things. He liked to believe he had gotten over Jimin in recent weeks, but he wasn't positive of that. Especially now being seated in front of him. Ever since the moment when Jimin had wrapped him in a hug, he had felt all warm inside.

Jimin shook his head. "Namjoon, we're supposed to be best friends forever... nothing will change that."

Namjoon felt himself relax a bit. "Best friends forever," Namjoon repeated. It had been awhile since he'd heard those words spoken out loud.

Jimin nodded. "I mean forever, too, pal. I intend on being buried next to you someday."

Namjoon cracked a small smile at this. "So what now?" Namjoon asked.

"What now?" Jimin repeated.

"I mean... Jimin I still don't feel any different. I thought I could get over my feelings if I just stayed away long enough... but that didn't happen," Namjoon said.

"Oh."

Namjoon blinked. He didn't want a repeat of the last time he had confessed to Jimin. He had to sound more logical this time around. "Yeah. I mean, I don't want to make you uncomfortable or anything, but you should know that. And... and it's okay if you don't feel the same because... because you love me in a different way."

"Oh," Jimin said again. "Joon, I... I mean are you okay with that?"

Namjoon nodded. "Really, I'm okay. I just want you back in my life."

Jimin swallowed. "Me too. Joon... I've been so lonely lately," Jimin frowned.

"Don't you have Taehyung or Jungkook? They always wanna hang out with you," Namjoon said.

"I dunno. They're great and all, but they get annoying after awhile. They argue too much," Jimin said with a shrug.

Namjoon laughed at this. He knew very well what Jimin was referring to.

After that, things seemed to go back to normal for a bit. Namjoon and Jimin talked and caught up on everything they had missed from each other in recent months. It wasn't much since they both had done the same thing and had basically lived in their rooms for a month.

Namjoon got around to apologizing about fifteen times and each time Jimin refused to hear it.

Namjoon stayed at Jimin’s that night. They ended up talking for so long, they didn't realize when it had become three in the morning. Namjoon didn't want to go home and wake his parents because they would undoubtedly ask him where he'd been. It wasn’t like he was ashamed to say he had been at Jimin's, but as far as they knew, he and Jimin weren’t on speaking terms.

Jimin offered to share his bed - just as they always did - but Namjoon refused and slept on the futon in the game room. Namjoon tried not to notice the way Jimin awkwardly played with the hem of his shirt or the sound of his voice when he said, “Oh, right…” in response Namjoon’s refusal. Namjoon tried to tell himself things could go back to normal and their friendship would be okay, but he wasn’t too sure about that himself. 

-

Somehow, over time, Jimin and Namjoon managed to patch up the holes in their relationship. They started hanging out again. Namjoon invited Jimin over one day, halfway shocking his parents since he hadn’t told them the news.

On the surface, it was as if nothing had ever happened. They started seeing their other friends again and Namjoon felt genuinely happy most of the time. The few moments of doubt occurred late at night when he wondered if he would ever get over his stupid crush he had on his best friend. Jimin insisted things were okay, and so did Namjoon, but somehow things didn't feel completely okay.

Though he was glad to be on speaking terms with Jimin, their decision to pretty much sweep the past under a rug didn’t sit too well with him. Sometimes his friends would give him sympathetic looks after Jimin’s back was turned. Other times it was as if could see Jimin calculating his next actions. Namjoon felt like he was under a microscope. Everyone was watching him and it made his skin crawl.

The school year would start back up soon. Seokjin and Namjoon were rooming again, and the same went for Yoongi and Hoseok. This time, however, Jimin, Taehyung, and Jungkook thought it would be fun to try living together.

As school picked up, Namjoon and Jimin were forced apart by school work and other obligations. But it was nothing compared to that month they spent apart, and it was nothing they hadn't done before. They could handle it.

They made time for each other, even if it meant their other friends tagged along too.

One day, Namjoon, Seokjin, Hoseok, and Jimin all went out for lunch together. Namjoon had taken so long getting his food that he was the last one to sit down. The only spot left at the table was next to Jimin, which he happily took.

Lunch was nice. They talked about their classes and extracurriculars. Hoseok has been made the captain of the dance team now. He was busier than ever, but it sounded like he was having tons of fun telling freshmen what to do.

"Be careful, or all that power will go to your head," Namjoon warned.

"Oh, it already has," Hoseok said. The others gave him a strange look so he was forced to elaborate. "The other day I told Yoongi to get on his knees, and he didn't speak to me for a whole day."

"Ew, Hoseok, no one wants to hear about your sex life," Seokjin said, scrunching his nose up in disgust.

Hoseok turned bright red, "That had nothing to do with sex!"

"Yeah, sure because you tell people to get on their knees all the time," Namjoon agreed.

Hoseok gaped at them like a fish. "No! He asked me to make dinner for us and I told him not unless he got on his knees and asked politely," Hoseok said.

"Yeah, no guys, Hoseok is a total sub, he'd never say that during sex," Jimin added.

"Jimin!" Hoseok shouted, absolutely mortified.

"Yeah, you're right," Seokjin said, nodding at Jimin.

Namjoon hated that he found himself nodding along. “Yep. Hoseok and I used to share a wall.”

"You guys," Hoseok pouted. "Can we go back to talking about my accomplishments? I'm captain of the dance team! Yay! Now let's go order drinks and celebrate and pretend like the other part of this conversation never happened."

They laughed at him but thankfully dropped the topic. Things were nice.

Until later that day when Seokjin confronted him. "Namjoon, what are you doing?" Seokjin asked.

Namjoon looked around. He thought it was very obvious he was doing homework. "Uh... writing a paper?"

Seokjin sighed, "No, I mean with Jimin."

Namjoon furrowed his eyebrows. "What?"

"The way you look at him... you're obviously still in love with him," Seokjin said.

"Yeah? So what?" Namjoon said defensively.

"So! So you shouldn't let him lean on you and cuddle with you everywhere you go!"

"What are you talking about?"

"You don't see it? Even today at lunch. He was practically sitting in your lap. His arms were around you. You should tell him to stop that," Seokjin said.

"Why?"

"Because you love him! And him doing that kind of stuff - that coupley stuff - is never going to help you get over him," Seokjin said.

"Well, what if I don't need to get over him. Jimin's fine with it and so am I," Namjoon said.

"Are you? Are you really Joon?"

Namjoon paused. He knew Seokjin was right. "No," his voice was small.

"Tell him."

"Tell him what?"

"You either cut it out with the cuddling or you make this thing official," Seokjin said.

"Official?"

"Yes! I know last time I told you that Jimin liked you things didn't turn out too well for you, but I swear, Namjoon. The way he looks at you. It's different from before. When we were at lunch he wouldn't let Hoseok or I sit next to him because he said that spot was saved for you," Seokjin explained.

"Oh."

"Yeah," Seokjin said. "Please talk to him. Now, I have an early morning class tomorrow so I am going to bed, but you better talk to him sooner rather than later! If you wait too long, things will get messy again."

Namjoon nodded. He understood.

-

Namjoon: Jimmy?

Namjoon: Dammit

Namjoon: *Jimin

Jimin: Lol

Jimin: what's up Moonie?

Jimin: ***Joonie ;P

Namjoon: Can we meet up somewhere this weekend?

Jimin: Yeah sure? What's up?

Namjoon: I just... wanna talk to you

Namjoon: but in person

Jimin: Okay.... is everything alright?

Namjoon: Yeah! No, nothing to worry about

Namjoon: I just need to talk

Jimin: Kay~

Jimin: How about Friday at three? The usual spot?

Namjoon: works for me

Jimin: cool cool

Namjoon put his phone away and gnawed on his bottom lip. He was going to do this. They typically met up on Fridays after class anyway, but Namjoon had wanted to make sure Jimin was free and that he knew he wanted to talk, in case Jimin had been planning to bring Taehyung or Jungkook along.

-

By the time Friday rolled around, it felt like ten years had passed. Namjoon had practically chewed all his fingernails down to the stubs and his bottom lip wasn't in great condition either.

Namjoon showed up to their usual spot fifteen minutes early. He had gotten out of class and felt too anxious to grab a bite to eat.

He looked at the statue behind him. It was a couple of kids that were frozen in motion as they held hands and ran together at something. It was a memorial to someone that had been one of the first ever professors at this school. Namjoon had read the inscription several times over before on multiple occasions, waiting for Jimin to show up.

When Jimin finally made his appearance, all of Namjoon's nerves resurfaced.

"Hey Joon!" Jimin called out.

Namjoon waved at him. He felt stiff as they walked over to a bench that was set a few feet away from the main path.

"So what's up?" Jimin asked. He was sitting really close to Namjoon. He wanted to back up, but the bench arm had him trapped.

Namjoon swallowed. "I just... I-I need... I need space," Namjoon managed out.

Jimin looked taken aback. “You need space?” he repeated.

Namjoon nodded, this was difficult. “Yeah.”

“What does that mean, Joon? I’m a bit lost.”

“It means you do things… to my heart… whenever you’re too close to me.” Namjoon said. He felt embarrassed just saying the words.

“Oh…” Jimin mumbled.

“I just mean- I don’t know. If this is never gonna be a thing… I need you to stop giving me false hope,” Namjoon said.

“I do that?” Jimin asked, meeting Namjoon’s eyes.

Namjoon nodded. “Yeah. We can still hang out and be friends… but we need to just be friends. We can’t sit in each other’s laps or cuddle when we watch movies.”

“But that’s what we’ve always done,” Jimin complained.

Namjoon sighed, “I know it’s what we’ve always done. But maybe we’re too old for that now."

"Oh," Jimin replied.

"I promise I'm trying to get over this... this... whatever this is," Namjoon said. Jimin looked up at him. "I just need to sort myself out but I can only do that if you... give me a little bit of space."

Jimin nodded, "I understand. I'll... back off for a bit."

"I'm sorry," Namjoon said. "I know this is awkward, but I have to be upfront."

"It's all good!" Jimin insisted. "You know I'd do anything for you."

Namjoon gave a little bit of a laugh and rolled his eyes. Jimin was always one for dramatics. "Do you wanna get food? I haven't eaten since breakfast," Namjoon changed the topic.

"Yeah, I'm starving!" Jimin said, and that was the end of that. They went and they got lunch and they didn't speak any more of things. Everything would go on the same. Except that when they got their food and chose a table Namjoon noticed the split second where Jimin made the conscious decision to sit on the other side of the booth instead of the same side as he normally did. It might've felt a little bit awkward, sitting next to nobody at all, but not unbearably so.

-

This was the way things were after that. There were few instances were Jimin would slip up and sit himself on Namjoon's lap, but it was an old habit and just like any other old habit, it was hard to break.

A few of his friends seemed to notice this change. Seokjin confronted him one day and asked if he and Jimin were fighting or something.

"No!" Namjoon insisted. "I just told him what you said. About how I needed space or whatever."

"Oh, good. Glad to hear that," Seokjin said.

Namjoon would've brushed things off and moved on if Hoseok hadn’t come to him within the same week and asked him the same exact question, albeit a bit more confrontationally.

"What did you do to Jimin?" Hoseok had caught him on his way to class one Wednesday afternoon.

Namjoon took out one of his earbuds. "Huh?"

"Did you do something to Jimin?" Hoseok asked. Namjoon noticed how he had changed the question. He had heard him the first time, but it had been so unlike Hoseok that he hadn’t really been sure.

Namjoon frowned, "No, what are you talking about?"

"Jimin's all sad again," Hoseok said.

"Oh?" Namjoon said. He had texted Jimin just this morning, he didn't think Jimin was upset then. "Maybe he did bad on an exam or something."

Hoseok shook his head. "No, he's been like this for like two weeks! I thought maybe something was going on at home but when I ask him he fakes a smile and claims nothing's wrong."

Namjoon was really confused now. "Well, maybe nothing is wrong? Maybe he's just tired. College takes the life out of you - it was bound to happen eventually."

"No, something has to be wrong."

"What makes you so sure?" Namjoon asked. He checked his watch to make sure he wasn't going to be late for class - he had about five more minutes.

"Because when Jimin's sad, his dancing isn't as good. I've had Tae help me investigate too and we can't figure anything out."

"Investigate?"

Hoseok went a little red in the face. "Yeah, uh we looked through his phone a bit. He's not talking to any girls or anything so it can't be girlfriend trouble. He's not dating anyone anyways, but we thought maybe he had a secret significant other. Tae thought maybe it had to do with you then."

Namjoon frowned. He didn't agree with Hoseok going through Jimin's phone, but more importantly, he was wondering if Jimin really was upset, why hadn't he said anything to him?

"Hoseok, I'm gonna be late to class," Namjoon said.

"Okay, but you would tell me if you knew something, right?" Hoseok asked.

Namjoon shrugged, "I guess?"

"Good. Let me know if you talk to Jimin and find out anything!" Hoseok said. "Oh! And also please don't mention the thing about us going through his phone. Or how I said his dance is worse when he's upset. I'm afraid that will upset him more and make things worse."

Namjoon rolled his eyes, "Alright, how about I just don't mention this whole conversation to him."

"Yeah!" Hoseok exclaimed. "That works! I'll see you later, Joonie!"

"Yeah and hey, let me know if you find out anything as well," Namjoon said.

"Right! Of course."

"See you later," Namjoon said.

"Bye, Joonie! Have fun in class!"

Namjoon gave him a smile, but it fell from his face almost as soon as he had turned and walked into the building.

Now he was actually worried something might be wrong with Jimin. He wondered if it could truly be his fault.

-

Namjoon waited until the weekend to bring anything up to Jimin. He was too busy with his classes anyway to spend a ton of time worrying about Jimin. He still worried nonetheless and tried to pay extra attention whenever he was around Jimin or when he texted him.

To him, Jimin seemed just the same as always. He was pretty confident he knew Jimin better than the back of his hand. If his other friends weren't so adamant something was wrong, he would have probably dropped it.

Saturday morning, they went and got breakfast together. It was the first time it had been just the two of them since that Friday two weeks ago when Namjoon had asked him to give him a bit of space. Taehyung was supposed to come with them to breakfast, but he had bailed at the last minute in favor of a few extra minutes of sleep.

When he met Jimin outside the dining hall doors, he noticed he seemed pretty tired himself. He wasn't going to say anything about that to him. Anyone could look tired on a Saturday morning after a long week of classes.

However, Jimin admitted to being tired before Namjoon could really decide on whether or not to say anything.

"Yeah?" Namjoon asked. "Have you been getting enough sleep lately?" They walked into the dining hall.

Jimin shrugged as Namjoon held the door open for him. "Probably not," Jimin admitted, knowing better than to lie to Namjoon.

Namjoon wanted to ask what was keeping him up, but there were more important tasks on his mind - such as finding the source of the delicious cinnamon smell wafting through the air. It turned out to be a station that was baking fresh french toast. He immediately got in line. Jimin went to another line.

They met at their usual table and dug into their food without much conversation passing between them. Once Namjoon crossed the line from being uncomfortably hungry to somewhat satisfied, he slowed down on eating and decided to bring up the conversation they started at the doors.

"So what's keeping you up lately? Why can't you sleep?"

Jimin took a few seconds to swallow his bite before attempting an answer. "I don't know..." Jimin trailed off.

Namjoon wasn't really buying into his noncommittal answer. "Is it your classes or something? Upcoming exams? Hoseok says you guys have a big dance thing coming up soon? Is it any of those?"

"No, school has never really stressed me out too much," Jimin said. Namjoon nodded along, he knew this was the truth at least. Jimin had always been slightly better at managing his school work than Namjoon was. Namjoon put too much of a burden on himself to get perfect marks on exams and assignments, Jimin didn’t.

"So the dance thing? What's that all about by the way? Hoseok didn't tell me much except for when it was and that I should come."

Jimin shrugged again, "I think it's just an exhibition between a bunch of different universities or something. Hoseok's probably stressed about it because he's busy making sure everything will be perfect."

Namjoon nodded, "Yeah, that sounds like him."

Jimin let the conversation drop for a second, but Namjoon still wasn't satisfied.

"Wait, so what's up with you then?"

Jimin shrugged, "Nothing really."

Namjoon frowned. Jimin seemed to be withholding information. He thought of Hoseok's words from the other day and how he mentioned how Jimin wouldn't admit to anything being wrong.

"Are you upset with me?"

"What?" Jimin asked, offended. "No!"

"Then how come you won't say what's bugging you?" Namjoon said.

"Nothing's bugging me!" Jimin insisted.

"But you just told me you aren't able to fall asleep lately."

"Yeah, that doesn't mean something's wrong!" Jimin said, getting defensive.

Namjoon decided he should drop the topic before Jimin actually became upset with him. "Okay, Jimin," he said with a half smile. It was supposed to sound genuine, but it came out a little more sarcastic than intended.

Jimin rolled his eyes, "What's with everyone lately? If everyone keeps asking me if I'm upset, I'm gonna actually become a little bit upset, you know?"

"Jimin, I-"

"It's fine, Joon. Really, I'm okay. Can’t you just take my word on this?"

"I-I guess," Namjoon tripped over his words. This whole conversation felt very off. Jimin didn't seem like his normal self, but here he was asking him to drop it. He couldn't help but let his mind wander into what Jimin might've gotten himself into. Maybe Jimin was in trouble with his parents or someone else. It was hard to tell.

"Thanks. Listen, you would know if something was wrong, okay? You're the first person I tell everything to, you know that," Jimin said.

Namjoon laughed at this, thinking it was almost a joke. Jimin, however, wasn't laughing.

"What's funny?" Jimin asked.

"Oh. I just thought you told everything to Tae first. You know since you're roommates and all that," Namjoon said.

"No... I mean maybe sometimes he hears about something that happened in my day first, but all the important stuff I send a text straight to you," Jimin explained.

"Oh." Namjoon tried to ignore the feeling his words brought to his chest. He just prayed his face wasn't as red as it felt. He really was trying his best to get over this crush of his. The instances where Namjoon had felt this sort of feeling had gone down since Jimin had backed off, but the smallest things still triggered a rush of emotions to his heart for his best friend.

He worried if it didn't end soon he would have to stop hanging out with Jimin altogether to get over his dumb crush.

-

Once it was time for midterms, they had all but completely given up on trying to decipher Jimin's emotional state. He continued being withholding and distant from anyone who tried to pick his brain.

They figured if Jimin wanted to talk, he would speak up eventually.

At their post-midterms party, they all had at least a little bit to drink. With Hoseok being the dance team captain, there was less of a gander for the dancers to get kicked off the team for getting a little bit drunk. It was Yoongi and Seokjin's final post-midterm party since they were graduating at the end of the fall semester, so they wanted to make sure it was a great one.

Yoongi was a bit of an emotional drunk who stopped the party at some point to make a speech on how they had all made the past four and a half year really amazing for him. Seokjin was tearing up by the end of it and contributed beautifully with a simple, "Same, Yoongi."

They played some games, they danced, the joked around. It was truly the essence of everything these parties were meant to be. Namjoon had a drink or two himself, so he was feeling a bit of that floating sensation but definitely didn't consider himself drunk.

Inevitably, Namjoon ended up with Jimin later on in the night. Jimin had made a comment that Namjoon couldn't remember to save his life. All he remembered was that it had been funny - funny enough for him to throw himself on Jimin because his laughter had traveled throughout his entire body and he needed the physical support to stay upright.

He definitely remembered what happened next; how Jimin shoved him away. "Get off of me," he said. He sounded almost angry for a second.

Namjoon sobered up for a second at looked at Jimin in shock. "I'm sorry," he said, even though he was confused.

Jimin stared back at him for a good long while, looking discontent. Namjoon was about to ask a question until Jimin opened his mouth. "It's not fucking fair," Jimin said.

Namjoon was so shocked at the fact Jimin had cursed at him that he didn't process Jimin storming away shortly after. Namjoon turned to see if anyone else had witnessed that. If they had - they didn't seem to care now that it had passed.

However, Namjoon still felt a little pang of something deep in his chest.

The next day he woke up in his apartment and he still felt it. He almost wasn't sure at this point if that had actually happened.

Seokjin was lying face up on their futon when he made his way into their living room.

"Are you alive?" Namjoon asked carefully.

"I'm never drinking again," Seokjin moaned.

Namjoon nodded, he figured that much. "Do you mind if we talk...? I uh- have something- I don't know," Namjoon started again. "I think something happened last night, but I don't really know. And I'm really confused,"

Seokjin sat up at this. "Something happened?" he asked. "Like with Jimin or?"

Namjoon frowned. "Yeah? I mean nothing like that, you know? I'm just not even sure this really happened at this point if I'm gonna be honest."

"You're gonna need to jog my memory," Seokjin said.

So Namjoon retold the events from the night before to the best of his abilities. "I don't remember talking to him for the rest of the night. And he hasn't texted me or anything... so I don't know," Namjoon said.

"Maybe he was just drunk. Maybe he's hungover now," Seokjin said.

Namjoon nodded. He wasn't really sure how much alcohol Jimin did or did not have the previous evening. "So should I just ask him?"

"Yeah," Seokjin said. "Now would you mind bringing me some water or something?"

Namjoon rolled his eyes but complied anyway. He went the extra step and cooked some scrambled eggs for Seokjin as well. Seokjin took the plate from him gratefully.

"Wow. The person that ends up with you is gonna be one lucky guy or gal someday," Seokjin commented.

Of course, when he said this, Jimin was the first person to come to his mind.

-

Even though Seokjin advised him to confront Jimin about the situation directly, he never did. He typed out a text one or two times but never worked up the nerves to actually press send.

There was too much doubt in his mind that maybe he was wrong about the entire situation.

Then, after about two weeks of not hearing from Jimin at all, Namjoon was starting to become a bit antsy.

He ran into Jimin one day after his classes. When Jimin saw him, he seemed to startle and head off in the other direction.

"Jimin!" Namjoon called out.

Jimin stopped and turned. "Oh! Hey, Joonie, I didn't see you there!" Jimin said, lying straight through his teeth.

"What's up?" Namjoon asked.

"Not much. Just about to head to dance practice," Jimin said. Namjoon knew he only had dance practice on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. It was a Tuesday.

"You're avoiding me," Namjoon said, and Judging by Jimin's reaction he had hit the nail right on the head.

"W-what?" Jimin stuttered. "What makes you say that."

"Ever since the post-midterms party, Jimin," Namjoon said. "You remember what happened right? I didn't imagine things?"

"Something happened?" Jimin said.

Namjoon wanted Jimin to look him in the eyes, but he was so busy looking all around, it was hard to catch him in one spot. "Jimin... please tell me. It's like you got mad at me during the party and now you won't talk to me. I need to know what's upset you so I can make things right."

"You can't make things right, Joonie," Jimin said.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means you should just leave me alone for once."

"O-oh?"

Jimin sensed the hurt in Namjoon's voice and attempted backtracking. "I don't know, Joonie. I'll text you later okay?"

"Can we Skype?" Namjoon asked.

Jimin shrugged, "Sure. I'll call around eight."

-

Namjoon was unable to be productive the rest of the afternoon. Seokjin made a comment about him pacing around the kitchen so he went and locked himself in his room.

He didn't want to send Jimin a text asking if he was going to call. Even when it was half past eight and he hadn't heard anything.

Jimin called at eight fifty-one. Namjoon wasted no time answering.

"Hey. Sorry, I took so long. I was... busy," Jimin said vaguely when Namjoon picked up.

"It's okay," Namjoon said. Even though it maybe wasn't that okay.

"Joon," Jimin said. He sounded choked up.

"Jimin? Is everything alright?"

Jimin took a minute before answering, "I don't know."

"How can I help?"

Jimin sniffled, "I don't think you can." He wiped his nose and muttered, "Dammit."

"What does that mean?"

Jimin released a shuddery breath. "Joonie... y-you know how... how sometimes we go weeks without talking?"

"Yeah?" Namjoon asked. "We're both pretty busy people."

"That's what we say... but are we honestly even friends anymore?" Jimin asked.

"What are you talking about? Of course, we're friends..." Namjoon said. He wanted to say best friends.

"We're like always fighting, though," Jimin said. "W-we shouldn't have to have this conversation all the time just to stay friends."

"Jimin? What are you saying?"

"I'm saying maybe we shouldn't be friends."

"What?" Namjoon was beyond confused at this point.

Jimin hastily wiped at his eyes. "I-I know we always said we would be best friends forever... but Joonie no one actually sticks around that long."

"Are you going somewhere?" Namjoon attempted to wrap his brain around Jimin's words.

"No... Namjoon I really think it's for the best."

"Are you... friendship breaking-up with me?" Namjoon asked. This earned him a pitiful laugh from Jimin.

"I don't know..." Jimin said.

"What are we supposed to do when everyone wants to hang out? What do we say to everyone?"

Jimin took a deep shuddery breath. Namjoon wasn't sure if he was going to answer. He had his head down, buried behind his fingers. Jimin shook his head. "C-can we rewind?" Jimin asked instead.

"What?"

"I-I didn't m-mean any of that," Jimin hiccuped.

Namjoon's breathing became tight. "Jiminie?"

The nickname got his attention. He looked up at his screen again. His eyes were red now. It took Namjoon about four seconds to decide his next course of action.

"I'm coming over," Namjoon said.

He didn't wait for Jimin's reply. He hung up and rushed out the door after shoving shoes on his feet and grabbing his keys.

When he arrived at Jimin's place, he didn't expect to run into him about ten yards outside the actual apartment. That's when he noticed Jimin's bag.

"Where are you going?" Namjoon asked. Jimin jumped.

"Away," he said.

"Where?" Namjoon demanded.

Jimin teared up, and it didn't take long for his to collapse to his knees. He dropped his bag on the ground next to him. Namjoon rushed to his side and gathered him into a hug.

Jimin let out a loud sob before burying his face in Namjoon’s shoulder. Namjoon was worried the neighbors might hear him for a moment. He rocked Jimin gently back and forth and stroked his hair.

"You're okay. It's okay," Namjoon said over and over.

It took a few minutes for Jimin to calm down a bit. "I'm c-cold," Jimin muttered as a wind gushed past them. It was November now. Winter was just around the corner.

"Let's go inside, yeah?" Namjoon said.

He helped Jimin to his feet and picked up his bag for him. They made it inside. He was half expecting Jimin to want to go to his bedroom, but he stopped in the living room.

"Tae and Kook just went out to go study," Jimin explained.

"Do they know... how you've been feeling?"

"No," Jimin said. "I don't know."

Namjoon wasn't sure where to go with this conversation. It was hard to tell which way Jimin was leaning at any given moment.

"I'm sorry, Joon," Jimin said after a brief silence.

"It's okay," Namjoon said.

Jimin shook his head and looked at Namjoon, "No it's not. I'm... I'm such a shitty friend."

"You're a good friend... You're just going through some things," Namjoon said, taking a guess. He still wasn't sure what was up, but he figured that much was at least correct.

Jimin didn't say anything to that.

"If anything I'm not so good of a friend," Namjoon said. "My whole having-a-crush-on-you thing is probably weird for you..."

"Have... ing?" Jimin said slowly. Namjoon's face burned. He hadn't mentioned his crush to Jimin in some time. It was probably a mistake to bring it up now.

"Yeah... fuck, I'm sorry, Jimin, I shouldn't have said anything. I'm still trying to get over it. I swear I can do it I just-"

"Don't," Jimin interrupted.

"Huh?"

"Don't get over it, I mean," Jimin said.

Namjoon squinted at him, trying to decipher the look he was giving him. "I'm sorry, you lost me," Namjoon said.

"Fuck, Joonie. Do you still... have feelings for me?" Jimin asked carefully.

Namjoon licked his lips. Why was his mouth so dry? "Umm... yeah?"

Jimin's face slowly erupted into a smile. Before he could process what was happening, Jimin's lips were on his. The time Namjoon had felt Jimin’s lips on his cheek surging up to his memory. Somehow he was reliving that moment and this moment simultaneously. Jimin was the first to pull away once again.

Namjoon frowned and looked at Jimin's face. He turned and looked over his shoulder. Something had to be off here. "I'm sorry... am I dreaming?" Namjoon said.

Jimin's laugh split the air and Namjoon had never been so relieved to hear him laugh so loud. "No, but I think I might be," Jimin said.

"You just... kissed me," Namjoon said.

"Yeah," Jimin said, sounding breathless. Maybe he was a little bit shocked with himself.

"Weren't you just about to run away from home or something? You also tried to friendship break-up like an hour ago?"

"Joon, you're smart, do I really have to walk you through it?"

"Please... my brain has sort of short-circuited," Namjoon said.

"You wanna know what had me so upset these past weeks? Why I wouldn't tell anyone something was bothering me?"

"Yeah."

"It was you."

"Me?" Namjoon asked, feeling a little bit hurt by this.

"Well, no not really you. It was really myself, but I just... Joon this whole time I've been wrong... I missed holding your hand and sitting on your lap and cuddling and everything else. I missed all those things because well I..." he trailed off and Namjoon looked at him expectantly.

"You what?" he asked.

"Are you really gonna make me say it?" Jimin asked.

"Say what?"

"Fuck you, I have a crush on you too," Jimin said and immediately turned red as a tomato.

"Why didn't you just say something?" Namjoon asked, ignoring the fluttering feeling in his chest.

"Because! You wanted to be just friends and I thought you were over it! Plus the last time one of us confessed we didn't talk to each other for an entire month!" Jimin complained.

Namjoon paused to digest all this new information. Once the situation finally caught up with him, he turned and placed a big kiss on one of Jimin's cheeks. Jimin made a surprised squeak at the contact. "You couldn't have realized this like five months ago?" Namjoon asked.

"Hey!" Jimin pouted.

"Well, we're here now," Namjoon said.

"Yeah," Jimin said, but he seemed to be spacing out, looking at Namjoon's lips.

"So what now?"

"Y-you could kiss me again?" Jimin offered. "We have a lot of time to make up for."

Namjoon took him up on that offer. He didn't want to waste any more time than they already had.

Unfortunately, their kiss was short lived as the front door to the apartment suddenly swung open.

"Namjoon!" A familiar voice shouted.

"Holy shit! Are you and Jimin making out?" Jungkook added.

Jimin blushed and buried his face in Namjoon's chest. Namjoon was suddenly jealous of his height - he had nowhere to hide himself.

"Fuck yeah! You owe me five dollars, Tae," Jungkook said dramatically pointing at Taehyung.

Namjoon rolled his eyes. He didn't even want to know what they had placed a bet on exactly. Namjoon started to untangle himself from Jimin. He figured now was a good time to head home.

"Wait, where are you going?" Jimin asked.

"Back to my place... I'll text you," Namjoon said.

"No, don't leave me," Jimin pouted, sticking out his bottom lip.

"Aww," Taehyung cooed from behind them.

"God, they're so fucking embarrassing," Jimin said.

"Do you wanna come back to my place with me?" Namjoon asked in a low voice so only Jimin could hear.

Jimin turned a red color, "Joonie! I-I don't think I'm ready for that."

Namjoon's eyes widened and he swatted Jimin away. "No! I didn't mean that! I just... we can cuddle and stay up talking for a bit... if that's okay with you. I know Seokjin would bother us a lot less than your roommates, is all."

“Gross,” Jungkook said from somewhere behind them.

Jimin nodded and Namjoon helped him up from the couch. Taehyung had mysteriously disappeared. Jungkook winked at Namjoon before slinking off into the shadows.

On the walk over to Namjoon’s place, Namjoon cautiously reached out and laced their fingers together. Jimin seemed to stumble for a second but regained his pace in no time. Namjoon smiled.

This was right.

The news of their relationship spread fast. Jungkook had texted the group before Namjoon had even been able to make it home.

This explained why they were greeted by a cheerful Seokjin before they could even get in the door.

Namjoon knew they never had a chance at a covert relationship.

Chapter Text

Two years later Jimin and Namjoon had moved into an apartment of their own, right down the street from Yoongi and Hoseok.

Their moving day ended up being lots of fun. Everyone showed up to help lend a hand and move boxes of their stuff into their new place. Since they didn’t have a whole bunch of furniture of their own yet, it wasn’t too difficult to move after all.

They had packed up the stuff from Jimin’s house first. Jimin’s mother had gotten emotional at the sight of her son leaving her house for good and had hugged Jimin for a long while. Namjoon knew this must be where he got his affectionate side from. When she had finally released Jimin from the hug, Namjoon saw Jimin had been a bit teary-eyed himself. Namjoon’s heart had wrenched and he had been seconds away from wrapping Jimin in a hug himself, but he had been captured by Jimin’s mother instead.

“Take care of him for me,” she had said while they hugged.

Namjoon had nodded, “Of course.” She had let him go and wiped at her eyes with a tissue. He recalled the day they had told both of their parents they were in a relationship.

It had been barely a month since they had started dating. They had been home for the holidays.

They hardly had to discuss the idea of telling their parents - both Namjoon and Jimin had agreed they wanted their parents to know as soon as possible.

They had arranged for all of them to meet at Namjoon and Jimin’s favorite cafe because they had some “news” to share. When they had gotten around to actually saying the words, there had hardly been any reaction at all.

“I knew it,” Namjoon’s mother had said.

“What? How?” Namjoon had asked.

She had shrugged, “Honestly we both thought the two of you have been dating for some time now.”

There were some laughs and stories shared after that. It had been a good day.

Now that Jimin had graduated, they were moving into their own place. The scene at Namjoon’s house had been very much the same. When they had packed up the last of Namjoon’s boxes, he couldn’t help but get a little bit emotional.

He had been okay though because as soon as he had started to get choked up a hand had squeezed his shoulder, and he had looked over to see Jimin. Jimin had given him a knowing smile. They didn’t need to say anything. They understood each other.

When they got to the new place, they paused to look around. The apartment was old, but not terrible. It was a little small, but it was what they could afford for the time being. Soon it was filled with boxes. Two fold-out chairs and a small end table Namjoon had found on sale somewhere being their only furniture.

Once all their belongings were moved in, everyone stuck around for a beer and a bit of reminiscing. It didn't last long however because everyone had things to do. Jungkook had to work on this paper for one of his summer classes he was taking in order to graduate a semester early. Seokjin had work, Taehyung had an interview for an internship, and Yoongi and Hoseok wanted to go grocery shopping.

Then it was Namjoon and Jimin, alone together in their new shared apartment.

“I can’t believe we’re actually living together now,” Jimin said.

Namjoon smiled at him, “We practically lived together every summer break. Remember? How we took turns sleeping over at each other’s houses? That was fun.”

“Oh yeah! I do remember that.”

“Hmm,” Namjoon hummed, taking a sip of his beer. “We can go furniture shopping tomorrow… We can make a blanket fort or something for tonight.”

Jimin lit up at the idea, “Yes! Let’s unpack what we can for now - like the kitchen stuff - and then work on that fort!”

They got to work sorting through their boxes. Namjoon hoped they had enough for now and would figure out what kind of stuff they were lacking and needed to buy. When they finished the kitchen and the bathroom boxes, they moved on to their individual stuff for their rooms.

They ended up getting an apartment with two bedrooms. Even though they were dating, they decided they would still want their own rooms. Jimin was helping Namjoon go through his boxes - except that he wasn’t really helping so much as pulling our random objects and talking about old memories he associated with each of them.

“You still have this?” Jimin was holding up a piece of paper. It was a certificate Jimin made him. It read, “Award of Excellence for: being the best person ever! Awarded to: Namjoonie! On this 16th day of May.”

Jimin had made it for him after he had been kind of upset over not getting any recognition at the end-of-year awards at their school. He had thought for sure his favorite teacher would give him an award, and he had tried to not seem disappointed afterward, but there was no hiding his emotions from Jimin.

“I guess so,” Namjoon smiled.

Namjoon was busy hanging up some clothes in the small closet when Jimin gasped.

“Oh my God,” Jimin breathed.

Namjoon whipped around as fast as possible to see what was wrong. “Are you ok-” Namjoon cut himself off when he saw what Jimin had. His eyes widened and he dived for the book clutched in Jimin’s hands.

Jimin, however, was faster and moved away so that Namjoon fell to the ground. “Jimin, wait!” Namjoon called out. Jimin wasn’t supposed to see this yet.

“No, I forgot all about this!” Jimin said. He was already flipping through the pages. Namjoon scrambled to his feet and chased after Jimin.

Jimin was giggling as he read through the old things he wrote. Namjoon tried to snatch the book from him, but Jimin was skillful at keeping Namjoon behind his back where he couldn’t quite reach. “Jimin, please,” Namjoon said.

“What’s wrong, Joonie? Are you embarrassed that you kept it? I put a lot of work into this, you know?”

“No, it’s just-”

“Just what?” Jimin interrupted, flipping the page. Jimin’s breath hitched.

Namjoon saw over Jimin’s shoulder. It was too late, Jimin had seen the first of Namjoon’s pages. He felt his cheeks burn as Jimin read over the words he wrote on that first page. He backed away and let Jimin read. Jimin flipped through the next few pages a little more quickly - skimming the content.

Namjoon looked out the window and noticed they had a nice view of the sunset from here.

Jimin got to the last of the pages and then looked up at Namjoon. His expression was impossible to decipher. He approached Namjoon slowly. Namjoon all but held his breath.

He almost wasn’t prepared when Jimin leaned up and kissed him deeply. It wasn’t a heated kiss, instead, it felt passionate and full of love. Jimin’s hands held Namjoon’s face firmly in place, thumbs stroking his jaw. Namjoon wondered if he would ever get used to the feeling of kissing Jimin. When Jimin finally pulled away, he rested his forehead against Namjoon’s.

“I love you so fucking much,” Jimin said, pecking his lips once more.

Namjoon let out a breathy laugh. “I love you too,” he said. He admired the way the last rays of today’s light hit Jimin’s face.

Jimin laughed released Namjoon from his hold. He rubbed his face as if trying to wipe the smile away. “I mean… I gave this to you, when? Nine? Ten years ago?”

Namjoon nodded, “I think I was in eighth grade… So that would make it ten years.”

“And you’ve kept up with it all this time?” Jimin asked.

He nodded again, scratching the back of his head. He thought about whether or not he should say the next words out of his mouth. He did it anyway, “I was thinking that um… maybe one day I would gift it back to you. Like on your wedding day or…”

“My wedding day…” Jimin repeated.

Heat rushed to Namjoon’s face as he attempted to backtrack, “I didn’t mean for like our wedding day because back then I didn’t think you and I would get married-,” Jimin gave him a concerned look. “N-not that I think we’re going to get married now! Or, well, we can if you want, I-I’m not asking you to marry me but… It’s an option I guess?”

Jimin was quiet and Namjoon just wanted to hide. Jimin was quiet for a few moments so Namjoon spoke up again.

“I’ve made things awkward now… Let’s change the subject okay? We can pretend I never said any of that,” Namjoon said. “So uh… what time do you want to go shopping tomorrow?”

Jimin was still quiet until he said, “Wait right there.”

Namjoon complied and took a seat on one of the nearby boxes. He looked around the room and tried his best to purge his mind from the last few minutes of his life. He could hear Jimin rummaging through his stuff in his room. He wondered what he could be looking for.

Whatever it was, it was taking him a little while to actually find it. Namjoon stood up and was about to go join Jimin in his room when suddenly Jimin came walking back out. He was holding something behind his back, Namjoon was curious to see what he had.

Jimin stopped in front of Namjoon and cleared his throat. “You uh… you’re not the only one that’s kept things,” he said. Then he revealed the item behind his back. Namjoon was shocked to say the least. He never expected to see his favorite stuffed animal from his childhood ever again.

“That’s… Finny,” Namjoon said, looking at Jimin as he recalled the name and how they met some odd seventeen years earlier.

Namjoon noticed how Jimin swallowed and seemed to be really tense. He wasn’t saying anything. “Are you okay?” Namjoon asked.

Jimin looked down at the dolphin. He held it up higher for Namjoon to see. “Joonie… look at it, please.”

Namjoon was confused but looked at the stuffed sea creature anyways. It took him just two seconds to realize what Jimin was talking about. When he gasped, Jimin took that as his sign to get down on one knee. Namjoon took a step back to take in the sight, but it was hard since his vision was blurring with tears already.

On the nose of the dolphin, there was sitting a simple silver ring.

“Joonie, I was gonna wait and do this some other time. I know we’ve only been dating for two years but I’ve known you my entire life. I know you better than I know myself sometimes, and I don’t wanna wait any longer. I love you. Marry me?” he asked.

Namjoon was already nodding. “Yes!” he exclaimed. Euphoria washed over him as Jimin stood back up and slid the ring onto Namjoon’s finger. The feeling of the cold metal on his finger electrified his heart. Jimin wasted no more time and brought their lips together in a lingering kiss.

When they pulled away, Namjoon took a moment to inspect the ring. At first glance, it was a simple silver ring with a twist in the middle. Upon closer inspection, he realized the top half of the twist was actually a small dolphin where the eye of the dolphin was a little diamond.

“I love you,” Namjoon repeated once again. He had said it a lot already, and he wished there were more powerful words to describe his feelings because “I love you” just didn’t seem to cover things completely.

Jimin responded with a peck on his cheek.

After reveling in each other for awhile, a question nagged in the back of Namjoon’s mind.

“If I can ask… when were you planning on doing that originally?” Namjoon asked.

Jimin shrugged. “I’m not sure. I was going to ask our friends for ideas. I wanted to something special, but I didn’t have any ideas.”

“And you just decided to do it now? Just because of the book?”

“Yeah… I was afraid you might say no since we really haven’t been dating that long,” Jimin said.

“Oh?” Namjoon questioned. He thought about it for a moment. When Jimin had been on one knee in front of him, he wasn’t thinking about how long they had been dating or anything like that. Namjoon was a very logical person and a most logical people might not accept a proposal so soon into a romantic relationship. “I guess I get it… Yoongi and Hoseok aren’t even engaged and they’ve been dating way longer than we have.”

Jimin brightened up at this, “Oh yeah! About that. I went ring shopping with Yoongi.”

Namjoon’s eyes widened, “Yoongi is going to propose!? When? How?”

Jimin laughed. “I’m not sure. Soon probably. I thought he would do it before me honestly. But unless he decided to propose at the grocery store, it looks like we won!”

“We won?” Namjoon quoted and exhaled a laugh. “What, like it was some kind of race? I wasn’t aware it was a competition.”

Jimin pouted, “Anything can be a competition if you try hard enough.”

Namjoon rolled his eyes. They took some pictures to send to their friends. Their friends were elated to hear the news. Jungkook insisted they all go out to celebrate immediately, but Seokjin reminded him of his paper and they decided they would some other time. The excited response they received was nothing compared to how Namjoon felt. Jimin wanted to wait to tell their parents in person so they didn’t post anything online just yet.

When Jimin went to bed later that night, Namjoon snuck out to print out a few hard copies of the photos they took.

Even though Jimin had discovered his book, he had no intentions to stop updating it. He glued the photos to the pages and wrote a simple caption underneath it before sliding next to Jimin on the unfolded sleeping bags. Jimin stirred when Namjoon placed a gentle kiss on the nape of his neck.

“Joon? Where’d you go?” he mumbled, somewhere between sleep and consciousness.

“Bathroom,” Namjoon replied, unsure if Jimin was even awake enough to hear the reply.

“‘Love you, Joonie,” Jimin mumbled.

Namjoon smiled fondly and kissed his head once again. “I love you more,” he said. He couldn’t stop smiling as he thought about their relationship and where they’ve been and what the future could hold. The words he wrote earlier on the page echoed in his mind.

I said yes. How could I not? You really are my best friend forever, Jimin. I love you.