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It always seems to hit Marvin the hardest when they’re lying in bed, teetering on the edge of sleep.
They’re both on their sides, facing each other. Whizzer is mostly asleep, eyes closed, flickering on the edge of consciousness. His face is illuminated by the light coming in through the window, shirtless and beautiful. He almost seems to glow, the light shaping itself to his skin, softening every angle, every harsh edge. Marvin looks at him and his chest fills with emotion. It’s overwhelming and for a second Marvin thinks he might cry. There’s so much he wants to say and no idea how to say it. Whizzer is amazing and marvelous and how did he get this lucky? What did he do to deserve someone as great as this?
He reaches out a hand and places his fingertips on Whizzer’s cheek, just the barest of touches that traces down to his collarbone, his torso, his hip.
Whizzer shivers and pulls the covers higher up on his body, cracking open an eye. Marvin offers a small smile. It’s not an apology for waking him, not really, but it’s soft enough to make up for it. They’re only inches apart, and Marvin takes the opportunity to move towards him slightly, just enough to press his forehead to Whizzer’s. Marvin sighs, eyes closed.
“What did I do to deserve you?” he says. Even though his voice is just barely above a whisper it still seems too loud for the quiet of the room. The question hangs, suspended in the air.
Whizzer snorts out a little chuckle in response, cracking a smile. Marvin grins. He places a hand on Whizzer’s arm and traces patterns into the skin. Whizzer leans forward to press their lips together, something soft and chaste and sweet, something that would have been unimaginable just a few years prior. Maybe Marvin didn’t know what love was back then but he does now. Even if it’s just for a second, for the briefest of moments, he understands what he never could before.
He brings his hand to Whizzer’s hair and strokes it, moving himself backwards enough that he can look him in the eyes.
“You mean everything to me, you know that?”
Whizzer lets out a contented sigh, nodding his head, barely awake.
“Go to sleep Marv,” he slurs.
“I never want to be without you.”
Whizzer slowly opens both his eyes, focusing as much as he can on keeping them open to meet Marvin’s gaze.
“Marvin,” he whispers.
“Yeah?”
“You’re more than I could have ever hoped for.”
Marvin grins, heart so full of love and affection that it really is a wonder that he’s not crying. He wonders if Whizzer would make fun of him if he did. He figures that he probably would, but there would be no heat to it, no ill will. Then again, Whizzer is probably too tired to think of a clever retort. He draws him closer and kisses his forehead.
Marvin has never been the best at communicating his feelings. He’s never been the best at feeling to be honest. For years he’d been cold, manipulating, selfish. He wanted to love but didn’t know how, didn’t think he could. He made everything about himself because he didn’t know the difference between attention and attraction. Love was something to be sought, not something he could actually obtain.
But things are different now. This Marvin doesn’t draw people in just to shut them out, doesn’t pick a fight just because he wants to win, doesn’t avoid taking responsibility for his actions. He’s different now. He doesn’t push emotions away. He doesn’t push people away.
As sleep creeps through the edges of his mind he thinks about all the cliches people say about love. For so long they’d meant nothing to him, just hollow, empty words. But now? He thinks maybe there was some truth in them after all. Maybe love is blind, maybe it does set you free, and damn does love hurt but wounds heal. People survive. No, more than that. People thrive. Cliches are cliche for a reason, and as Marvin once again approaches the edge of sleep, one seems to drift across his mind.
“Whizzer?”
“Hm?”
“You’re the closest I’ve ever had to a home.”
There’s a second where the air is still and no one says anything. Marvin can feel Whizzer’s heartbeat against him, his breath on his skin. He doesn’t think he’s going to get a response until Whizzer nuzzles into his neck.
“You’re the closest I’ve ever had to a heart.”
They fall asleep to the sound of the city outside and the feeling of the other’s breath on their skin. They fall asleep: warm, happy. They fall asleep because it’s late and they’re tired and they’re safe in each other’s arms. They’re home.