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Jason is thirteen, and he knows this means he shouldn't know this much. The kids in his classes don't know anything, he thinks, his face sullen in the back of the room, waiting for the teacher to stop telling them what he already knows.
Jason is thirteen and he knows that the world isn't fair. If the world was fair, Charlotte wouldn't cry when she talks about her job. If the world was fair, his father would never had hit his mother. If the world was fair, Cordelia would be a good cook. If the world was fair, Whizzer would still be here. If the world was fair then his parents wouldn't have ever gotten married. (If the world was fair, he thinks, he wouldn't be here.)
Jason is thirteen and he knows that his stepfather is a horrible psychiatrist. He knows that Cordelia can't cook to save her life, and he knows that his father never cared about his job. He knows that the president won't do anything about the disease that killed his friend. He's just a kid, but he knows that the adults aren't any better than him most of the time.
Jason is thirteen and he knows that his family isn't normal. He knows that his classmates go home and they get to see their mother and their father. He knows that he gets to go home and see his mother in the kitchen, his stepfather at dinner, his father on the weekends, his godmothers whenever they can, and his friend Whizzer when he looks at photographs.
Jason is thirteen and he knows kids can be cruel. He knows the things they whisper behind his back (fag, fairy, homo, it doesn't matter, he's heard them all). He knows that adults are no better (he heard the same things out with Whizzer and his father). He knows that people were mean to his father, and to Whizzer, and to Charlotte and Cordelia, and that people will probably be mean forever and ever until he dies.
Jason is thirteen and knows what death is. He knows that it's the permanent ending of vital processes. He knows that it doesn't just end one life, he knows that death stops all lives around it. He knows death is the reason his mother cries at night and he can hear his stepfather comforting her. He knows that death is why Charlotte won't tell him about her job anymore. He knows that death is why Cordelia won't tell him funny stories about Whizzer anymore. He knows that death is why his father looks like a shell of himself (Jason thinks that the only times he's seen his father full have been when he's with Whizzer). Jason knows that death is why he can't cry anymore.
Jason is thirteen but he doesn't know what happens when you die.
Jason is thirteen and he knows he'll find out one day.