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It was a dreary morning.
The skies were gray, the waters were only slightly agitated…
And an impossibly old captain still couldn’t believe how, after so long, he had just ended up in such a nostalgic spot.
Maybe it had been destiny. Maybe it had been the fact that he was too lazy to change the course while literally floating on his back and just sailed right into a coincidence.
Whatever it was, old Captain K’nuckles still couldn’t believe his eyes. He was once again setting foot on Stormalong Harbor.
And it had been so long indeed. So long that he almost didn’t recognize the city at first glance. The dense fog that was surrounding it certainly didn’t help, and only added to the rather eerie atmosphere.
Eerier than usual at least, as Stormalong had never been the brightest place.
But it definitely had seen brighter days. Brighter by comparison days.
For one, it had never been so deadly quiet. Other than the waves still splashing in the background, the only recurrent sound was the creaking of both those worn-out docks and the captain’s own joints, as he kept stepping forward.
K’nuckles wished that air of desolation could stop. Otherwise he would start reminiscing, and that would make him inevitably sad. And he didn’t have time to be sad.
But there was no escape. The further he would get into that eerier than usual Stormalong, the more evident it would become that it was completely deserted. It had effectively turned into a ghost town in the middle of the sea.
It looked like they had spared themselves from something decidedly horrible when they left, all those years ago. Those twenty years, that for whatever reason felt like just eight.
K’nuckles grumbled reluctantly, already getting hazy images of Bubbie’s insides and Flapjack’s overly cheerful laughter, and Bubbie nagging him, and Flapjack’s overly cheerful laughter, and Bubbie’s struggles to promote morals in a world that mostly shrugged them off, and Flapjack’s overly cheerful laughter…
“…NYAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!”
Which he seemed to remember way too well, since he could swear he was actually hearing it.
“NYAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!”
And right when he was about to touch upon that one fateful day they got kicked out of Stormalong thanks to an honestly trivial issue, and were then left to drift hopelessly for who knew how long. And then several other interesting things happened, from getting back to their normal two-dimensional selves to their eventual, tragic separation.
“NYAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!”
But alas, he couldn’t concentrate when that laugh was still blocking his thoughts. Hell, it was even getting louder. So disturbingly vivid. Was he missing the boy that much? Or was he just having a stroke?
Or maybe…
“Nyahahahahah… I knew there would be something good about coming back here!”
K’nuckles blinked in dramatic realization, as he discovered that he had been making a beeline for the Candy Barrel the whole time. That was the true power of unhealthy habits, always returning.
And, incidentally, said Candy Barrel was still there. Looking as abandoned as everything else, but still there.
And judging by what he was still hearing…
“It’s like reuniting with an old friend, and then licking that old friend and they still taste just like how they used to!”
Yes, that was definitely his voice. It was sounding a little different, like just a little bit deeper than what K’nuckles recalled, but it was undoubtedly him.
It was Flapjack. In Stormalong Harbor. On the same corner, on the same day. Maybe this was destiny after all.
“But, Captain, this candy must have been sitting here for ages! It must have gone bad already, we could get sick!”
Wait, what.
Now that was a new voice. Was Flapjack with someone else?
Wait, Captain?
“Pfft! There’s no such thing as bad candy!” continued Flapjack’s voice “It’s a myth, started by people who doesn’t want you to eat it so they can have more for themselves… but we’re smarter than them! Right?”
“…Right!” chimed this other, even higher pitched voice, then clearly taking and eating a piece of candy “I like being smarter!”
K’nuckles squinted and pressed his face against the window. He could see a lanky man with tanned skin, lustrous golden curls, a delightful smile and what did indeed look like colorful captain garments.
And he was suddenly feeling somehow even older than before.
There he was. The boy. All grown up and apparently in charge.
And that was indeed a younger boy accompanying him, and wearing a quite ridiculous sailor outfit, which matched perfectly with his corny baby doll eyes.
And both of them were so joyfully raiding the Candy Barrel, obviously unaware of the curses that would normally come with stealing from a ghost town.
“I used to come here all the time when I was your age…” said Flapjack, then letting out a wistful sigh as he ecstatically filled his coat’s pockets with more positively aged candy “It was so great! Adventurers from all over the world would meet in these booths and tell the most amazing stories!”
“Ooooh…” mused his little sailor companion, approaching one of the booths to caress the moldy surface of its seats “Years and years of adventurous butts leaving their marks, and now I’m touching them…”
“And I could touch them all day too but let’s stay on task! You should never linger when you’re plundering, unless you want to get caught right away!” replied Flapjack, now letting out yet another stream of laughter and still managing to make loads of candy fit into his pockets.
“Is it… really plundering when there’s no one around?” inquired the little sailor, retrieving the big sack they had brought along and getting back to filling it in the same manner.
Flapjack frowned pensively for a second.
“Mmmmaybe? Yes. Kind of.” he concluded.
“And isn’t plundering…” continued the little sailor, frowning pensively himself “Isn’t plundering a bad thing?”
“Oh- Did I say plundering? I meant treasure hunting!” chuckled Flapjack “And treasure always belongs to bad guys, so it’s okay to steal from them. But right now it’s okay because everybody’s gone and it would be a shame to let all this perfect candy go to waste, so there’s a difference.”
“There’s a difference.” repeated the little sailor with a focused nod, as he seemingly wrote that down in a little notebook like it was very important, and then promptly resumed the sack filling.
“Aye! Now let’s get this over with!” beamed Flapjack, now helping him out because his pockets actually had a limit.
And K’nuckles was still witnessing the entire scene from the other side of the window. And something about it was unsettling him, but he wasn’t sure of what it was.
Either way, since none of them was talking anymore, maybe he could finally make his presence known.
But before he could even figure out how to properly do so, another inquiry from the little sailor interrupted him.
“Why do you want to leave so soon, Captain? You said we could rest after this, so why…? Is it because you grew up in this place? Does it make you sad to see it like this?”
This made Flapjack’s expression falter and become slightly uneasy. But, again, it only lasted a second before he switched back to the broad smile.
“Of course not. That’s just life. And economic decline.”
“Econowhat?”
“Grown-up talk, don’t worry about it.”
“Okay.”
Then there was another pause but, as K’nuckles suspected, it was even shorter than the first one.
“Not even a little, though? Not even a little, Captain? Come on, it’s okay to cry! I mean, I know a lot of people says it’s not? But it’s just you and me here, so, so… You can cry, Captain, I won’t tell anyone, I promise!”
Flapjack chuckled again, and reached out to warmly put an arm around the child’s shoulders.
“I’m going to tell you a story…” he said, then clearing his throat before proceeding “Once upon a time there was a little boy, a little boy who got his heart broken into pieces. So he cried, and cried, and cried… and he ended up crying so much that he ran out of tears! And because he ran out of tears, he was never able to feel sadness again. Only happiness. Sweet, sweet everlasting happiness…”
And then he pulled a huge lollipop from a third secret coat pocket and shoved it into his mouth.
Meanwhile, the child was looking rather disturbed.
“So, uh… Then why do you want to leave so soon, Captain?” he asked, once again, as Flapjack walked away to check for candy they could have missed, while casually humming a tune.
“If something may upset you, don’t ever let it get you down… Oh, boy! Could you get that ladder we saw earlier? I think there’s more candy on those upper shelves!”
And since he was still not giving any valid response to his question, the little sailor could only assume one thing: That Captain Flapjack didn’t really like dirt, but was too embarrassed to openly admit it.
So he just did as told and scooted over for the ladder.
“Aye aye, Captain!”
“If fortune should forsake you…” continued Flapjack, once the little sailor handed it over and he started climbing up “Don’t ever let it make you sigh! Keep shooting high!”
And the little sailor couldn’t help getting entranced by the spontaneous song. He pranced towards a corner to take a bucket, put it on his head and then prance back just in time to catch the candy that Flapjack was already throwing in the most theatrical way.
“Be a crooner, not a groaner, never kick! Here’s a spelling lesson that will do the trick! You gotta…”
And then the song was abruptly cut by the bloodcurdling sound of both a ghastly wail and the child screeching.
Upon getting naturally startled, Flapjack jumped down, because it was quicker than climbing down, and saw his little sailor getting violently grabbed by a rotten looking creature.
“CAPTAIN! CAPTAIN, IT’S AN UNDEAD!” bawled the child, then attempting and succeeding in hitting said creature with the bucket, making it back off “They warned us about this! We have to put the candy back!”
“Don’t be silly!” replied Flapjack, rushing in to yank him away from the danger “And stay behind me!”
“They warned us and we didn’t listen!” whimpered the child, as Flapjack reached for another secret thing from his secret pocket.
“It’s okay, we’ll be okay…” he reassured gently, right when the creature noticed him and began sprinting towards him “Everybody knows that you can kill an undead if you shoot it enough times!”
And then he pulled a musket from the secret pocket and did indeed shoot the undead frantically, while letting out yet another stream of laughter.
And, of course, it was only after it fell heavily to the ground when it was made entirely clear that it was actually just K’nuckles making his presence known.
Flapjack’s ‘story’ and nostalgia inducing random singing had made him so inevitably sad that he hadn’t been able to articulate a single word, other than pained wailing.
Pained wailing that was still going, but now for even more justifiable reasons, as Flapjack approached to take a closer look at him.
“Oh dear, it’s so disgusting…”
And then K’nuckles frowned.
“Like you’re looking any better, boy.”
And then Flapjack’s eyes widened to an exaggerated degree, and his voice took a sudden childish turn.
“…Captain?”
And then the little sailor made almost the same face in the background.
“Captain!?”
And then Flapjack became fully aware of what he had just done and started panicking, and kneeling down to hold K’nuckles with quivering pupils.
“Oh no… OH NO, CAPTAIN!”
But K’nuckles was already sagging resignedly.
“It’s okay…”
“What the- How can it even…!?”
“Just don’t cry…”
“How can I not cry when I just- I JUST!”
“I always knew… that you would have a terrible aim.”
“OH CAPTAIN- Wait, what.”
And then K’nuckles pulled up his shirt to show how all the bullets had gone through the wooden half of his body.
“Seriously, who taught you to use that thing? Where did you even get that thing?”
Flapjack just returned to his broad smile and unceremoniously dropped K’nuckles in response.
“I’m happy to see you again too, Captain.” he said, still with that more familiar tone, but with a hint of bitterness added to it.
“Just look at you!” continued K’nuckles, a bit more lightly, as both got back up “You’re so… tall!”
“And you’re so decrepit!” grinned Flapjack.
“And I have so many questions!” intervened the little sailor, getting between them.