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Dan Howell is not a violent person, but he would be lying if he said he didn’t sometimes daydream about murdering whoever invented maths. Most of the time he doesn’t mind school all that much, however it’s Friday, he’s halfway through the second part of the double maths lesson he suffers through at the end of every week, and in all honesty if a meteor chose this very moment to hit the school he wouldn’t be all that upset.
When the class finally ends, Dan all but runs out the door and down the hallway, too occupied in his own thoughts to notice the boy walking past, and his entire world comes crashing down around him as he trips over a foot and lands face first on the floor. As he staggers himself back to his feet he can hear snickering behind him, and he spins around to confront whoever had just so rudely tripped him.
All his insults dies in his throat when he sees the boy, because hot damn . Dan reads a lot of books, and it’s not every day he encounters the very archetype of tall, dark and handsome in a bleak high school corridor. And perhaps the pale skin contrasting with the dark hair and bright blue eyes kind of makes him look like a vampire, but in Dan’s defence he did watch Twilight eight times and it definitely wasn’t for the quality storytelling.
“See something you like?” The boy smirks, and goddamnit he’d been staring hadn’t he.
“Why did you do that?” Dan all but yells at him, the humiliation turning his face hot and ears red.
“Do what?” The boy is still fucking smirking. Why are the hot ones always assholes?
“Trip me!”
“I hardly tripped you, you really need to pay more attention to where you’re going.”
Dan scoffs. “Whatever.”
He ignores whatever clever remark the boy yells after him and walks away. He doesn’t have time to deal with this right now; he’s desperate to reach the library before they close for the weekend.
Technically the school doesn’t shut its doors until a couple of hours from now, but Dan knows the librarian well enough to know that the second the students have left the premises she’s out of there as well.
Sure enough, he rounds the corner just in time to see said librarian locking the doors behind her, and he’s just about to open his mouth to stop her when she spots him.
“Nuh-uh, Howell, no way,” she says, firmly crossing her arms.
“But I-”
The librarian, Miss Oliver, sighs. “Listen kid, the week is over, go home and play some video games like a normal teenager.”
“Shouldn’t you be encouraging us to read?” Dan challenges her.
“Probably,” She replies. “But if it affects my much needed alone time I’d rather you just waste your life away in front of a screen.”
Now it’s Dan’s turn to sigh. “Miss, I really need books for the weekend. Please let me in, I promise I’ll be quick!”
The librarian must notice the desperation in his voice, because she unfolds her arms and weighs the library keys in her hand, seemingly considering it.
“Can’t you just go to the town library? It’s not far from here.”
“No, it has to be from this one.”
That seems to pique her interest. “Is this about-”
Dan quickly cuts her off, blushing. “Yes.”
Miss Oliver smirks and unlocks the door.
“Alright, you have five minutes,” she says, opening the stopwatch app on her phone to dramatically highlight his time limit.
Dan rolls his eyes but thanks her, before quickly walking into the room and heading for the fiction section. He doesn’t fully know what he’s looking for, and because he doesn’t have much time he simply grabs some titles he can vaguely remember having been interested in, and brings them back just as Miss Oliver announces it’s been five minutes.
“You do realise a weekend is only two days, right?” She asks, scanning the stack of books before opening each one and writing Dan’s name on the little card inside.
“What can I say, I’m a quick reader,” Dan replies, shoving as many books as he can into his bag before giving up and deciding to carry the rest.
“Are you actually going to read all of these or are you just looking for-”
“Boy is that the time? I must be going,” Dan interrupts her in a mock dramatic voice, gathering the last couple of books and turning towards the exit.
As he walks away he can hear the librarian mumble something about how he better give her the full scoop first thing Monday morning, and he smiles and shakes his head. Miss Oliver really needs to get some grown up friends.
The second he gets home Dan heads to his room, completely ignoring his mum’s questions about how his day has been. He places all five of the books he’d just borrowed on his desk and sits down, taking a deep breath before opening one of them to the first page, then immediately closing his eyes.
You see, Dan’s school’s library is a bit old fashioned. Well, the librarian is. Though, actually, she’s not even old fashioned as much as just a bit weird , but in any case that’s why Dan has ended up in this whole mess. Most English libraries nowadays check out a book by scanning it and digitally adding a person’s information, making it quick and simple to see who has taken out what book and how long overdue it inevitably is. Although Miss Oliver has adapted to this, she still insists on writing each student’s name on a card inside the book, which to Dan seems like a ridiculous waste of time.
At least it used to, but now Dan thinks he might be starting to see the benefits of it.
Whenever Dan takes out a book, he always absentmindedly glances at the card, skimming through the names of previous borrowers. There has never been a reason for it, it just happens to be the first page of the book and once he started it just developed into a habit. He’d never thought much of it, until one day recently when a name on the card inside The Catcher in the Rye has caught his attention. Phil Lester , it said. There was nothing special about the name itself, but it gave Dan a strange sense of déjà vu. Sure enough, when Dan opened the other book he’d had out at the time he found the same name on the card.
And thus began Dan’s obsession.
As it turns out, This Phil Lester guy has the exact same taste in literature as Dan. After his initial discovery he had gone to the library and checked his favourites of everything from renowned classics to manga, and in at least half the books he opened he found that same name.
It may be because he spends so much time reading and lives in fantasy worlds half the time, and this seems like the beginning of an epic romance novel, but Dan immediately starts daydreaming about what this Phil guy might be like. Is he tall or short? Is his hair dark or blonde? Is he quiet? Witty? Clever?
Is he cute?
God, Dan, get it together. It’s just a name in a book and this isn’t some straight-to-dvd romcom.
Still, though, when he finally opens his eyes and looks at the card, he can’t help the smile that spreads across his face as he once again reads the name that’s been plaguing his mind for the better part of a week.
Phil Lester. It has a nice ring to it.
Monday morning comes far too quickly, and yet at the same time not nearly quickly enough. All Dan had been able to think about on his two days off was Phil, and although he doesn’t feel ready to know who he is yet there is just something about knowing they’re in the same building that makes his heart flutter. Christ, he really is pathetic.
He has barely stepped in through the front doors of the school when his best friend, Chris, appears next to him seemingly out of nowhere.
“Where the f-” Dan begins, but is cut off by Chris draping his arm around him.
“Dan,” Chris says.
“Chris,” Dan mocks back.
“I’m in love.”
This is nothing new, Chris has a new love of his life every week and nine times out of ten it doesn’t end well.
“I’m flattered, but you’re not my type.”
“Cute. Make sure to have a backup plan for when your stand-up career doesn’t work out.”
Dan just rolls his eyes in response.
“It’s serious this time Danny boy,” Chris insists, ignoring Dan’s mumble about never calling him Danny boy. “I really think this might the one.”
Dan sighs. “Well, who are they?”
“ His name is PJ-”
“Gay,” Dan deadpans.
“Thank you!”
“You’re welcome.”
“Like I said, his name is PJ and we’re madly in love, he just doesn’t know it yet.”
“Remind me to send him a condolence card,” Dan says, stopping outside the doors to the library. “As much as I would like to hear you gush about PJ for the rest of the day, I need to hand in these books before Miss Oliver orders my head on a stick.”
Before his friend can stop him Dan disappears into the library, and as Chris would rather be caught dead than in the presence of books he doesn’t attempt to follow him.
It takes Miss Oliver exactly seven seconds from when Dan steps into the library to notice him, beckoning him eagerly towards her desk. He’d only finished two of the books he’d taken out, but he gives them to her and pulls up a chair. He knows what’s coming.
When he first discovered the name in the books he had, during a momentary lapse in judgement, mentioned it to Miss Oliver. He hadn’t gone into much detail, only that he’d seen the same person’s name in some of the books he’d read and oh isn’t that funny? Unfortunately for him, the librarian is a lot more intuitive than she lets on and immediately caught on to Dan’s true feelings about the situation.
“So?” She asks now, and Dan rolls his eyes at the expectation in her voice.
“So, what?” He responds, playing dumb.
“You know what I mean. Did you find it?”
Dan hesitates, but realises there is no point in lying. “Yeah…”
Miss Oliver all but squeals, and Dan thinks it’s funny how the earth never opens up and swallows you whole when you want it the most.
The librarian then lowers her voice. “Do you know who he is?”
That catches Dan off guard, and he he fumbles for words for a second before replying.
“How did you know it’s a he?” he asks, finally.
Miss Oliver grins. “Call it a hunch.”
He scowls, but in all fairness he can’t blame her. He’s not very subtle.
“No, I don’t know who he is,” he says eventually.
“I’m think I do.”
This makes Dan’s eyes go wide. “ What? ”
“Dan, most of the students never set their foot in the library, and they definitely don’t come here enough to take out all the books you’ve seen Phil’s name in.”
Dan hadn’t told her what name he’d been obsessing over, so he supposes she must have the right guy. This is it, he thinks, he could make Miss Oliver tell him who Phil is and they could meet and who knows what would happen after that but the thought of it makes the butterflies throw a rave in his stomach.
Except Dan isn’t sure he’s ready for that. What if Phil isn’t who he’s imagining him to be? What if they have nothing in common except their taste in literature?
Unwilling to let his fantasies go just yet, Dan excuses himself and leaves the library before he can be tempted to ask about the mysterious stranger.
“Do you think PJ would like me?”
It’s Wednesday after last lesson, and Dan and Chris are walking side by side down by the football field. Usually by this point in the week Dan is beginning to get fed up with listening to Chris talk about his new crush, but there is something about the way he talks about PJ that makes him think his friends might be more serious about this boy than the ones before him.
“How would I know? I’ve never met the guy.”
All of a sudden Chris stops, nodding in the direction of the field. “It looks like you’re about to.”
Sure enough, walking towards them were two tall boys their age, one had curly brown hair, Dan assumes that’s PJ, and the other- oh, fuck.
It’s the guy who tripped him last week. The one Dan harbours a great deal of resentment towards, but who also may or may not have made an appearance in a rather R rated dream he had over the weekend.
PJ and tall, dark and asshole seem to spot them, because they head their way and before Dan knows it he’s standing face to face with the guy. He looks to Chris in hopes that he might take control of the conversation, but he’s already dragged PJ off to the side to flirt with and/or scare him to death.
“Fancy seeing you again,” the other boy says, still with the same annoying smirk he wore last time.
“What, you’re not gonna trip me this time?”
“For the last time, I didn’t trip you. It’s not my fault you don’t pay attention.”
Something about the boy’s calm, teasing voice really bothers Dan. Why isn’t he getting riled up? Here Dan is being a complete asshole to the guy, and he doesn’t seem to mind at all.
Before Dan can say something he’ll regret, PJ - having escaped from Chris with all his limbs intact - tells his friend they need to leave, and Dan lets out a sigh of relief as they walk off.
“I can’t fucking stand that guy,” Dan hisses as Chris reappears beside him, both of them watching as PJ and his friend leave the school premises.
“Hm?” Chris replies absentmindedly, thoughts clearly still with PJ. “Oh, you mean Lester?”
Dan stops dead in his tracks. “W- What?”
Surely he’d misheard him, he couldn’t really have said-
“Phil Lester?” Chris continues, obviously confused at Dan’s reaction. “Peej’s best friend? The guy you were just talking to?”
Phil Lester.
Fuck.
“No, he can’t be-” Dan begins before trailing off. “Are you sure that’s his name?”
“Unless I’m suddenly suffering from a severe case of early onset dementia, yeah I’m pretty sure,” Chris replies, but frowns when he sees Dan’s expression. “Hey man, are you okay? You look a bit pale.”
Dan blinks. “Oh. Yeah, no, I’m fine. Don’t worry.” If his attempt at a smile is as pathetic as it feels, Chris doesn’t mention it.
“Okay. Listen, I promised PJ I’d play Overwatch with him,” Chris begins, clearly hesitant to leave Dan alone right now.
“It’s fine Chris, go get your prince charming.”
“Oh, thank you.” Chris breathes a sigh of relief. “I’ll see you later?”
“Later.”
After Chris leaves, Dan sits down on a bench by the field. He’s really not in the mood to process this new discovery just yet, and so he pulls out the book he’s been reading and loses himself in a make believe world.
It’s not until he gets home that night that Dan allows himself to properly think about Phil again. On one hand, the boy is definitely attractive and Dan really wouldn’t mind getting in his pants, but on the other there is just something about the way he smirks at everything, almost like he’s mocking him, that makes Dan want to punch him straight in his well proportioned face.
So what should he do? He could just pretend like all of this never happened, after all his life had been perfectly fine a couple of weeks ago before all of this started, so shouldn’t it be easy enough to just forget all about it and go back to normal? Besides, what does he even really want from Phil? Sure, he wouldn’t mind unzipping his pants and going to town in the middle of the library, but beyond that he’s not so certain.
Oh what does it matter, it’s not as if Phil is interested in him anyway.
Except-
Dan has almost managed to convince himself to let all of this go, when his brain starts providing him with largely unhelpful memories of the few times he’s seen and spoken to Phil. He was always too busy being angry to notice, but now that he thinks back on it there was definitely something more in the way Phil spoke to him. Maybe the smirks weren’t meant to be patronising after all, maybe-
Fuck, Dan really is an idiot, isn’t he?
Still, he’s not entirely sure if he’s over his, admittedly irrational, anger at the boy. He supposes he’ll have to give it some more time. If anything, with Chris damn near ready to marry Phil’s best friend it’s not like he won’t be seeing more of him anyway. Yeah, that works, he’ll just wait and see how things progress.
Satisfied with himself for coming up with a (sort of) solution, Dan decides to reward himself with a few more chapters of his book before bed, and that is when he realises said book is nowhere to be found. Considering the last place he had it was on the bench by the football field, that is really only logical place for him to have left it.
The idea of going back to school at half eleven at night isn’t particularly tempting, but neither is the look of death he’ll get from Miss Oliver if he doesn’t hand the book back in, so he opts for the lesser of two evils and heads out into the night.
“What the fuck.”
It’s almost midnight, Dan has just arrived at the school, and Phil Lester is sitting on the bench reading his book.
“That’s not a very nice way to greet someone,” Phil says, closing the book and holding it up to Dan. “This yours?”
“Yeah,” Dan replies, hastily taking the book as if he’s afraid the other boy will run away with it. “Why are you hanging about on school grounds in the middle of the night like a creep?”
“I could ask you the same.” Phil shuffles a bit to the side, making room on the bench.
Dan looks at the empty spot besides phil and hesitates. “I just came to get my book.”
“Well you’re here now, might as well sit,” Phil says, and for the first time since they met he smiles at him. Not a smirk, be it sexy or condescending, but a real, genuine smile, and Dan is just too gay to resist that if he’s being honest.
“I love that book.” Phil nods towards the book Dan has placed in his lap.
“I know you do,” Dan replies, only realising after the fact how weird that sounds.
Phil raises an eyebrow.
“I mean,” Dan fumbles for words, God why is he so awkward. “I’ve seen your name in some of the books I’ve checked out from the library. Twice in this one.”
This seems to intrigue Phil, and he instinctively shuffles a tiny bit closer. Dan’s heart skips a beat.
“You must have a great taste in books,” he then says, and is Dan imagining the flirtatious tone in his voice?
“Not as great as you.”
‘Not as great as you’ someone kill him now, just fucking deck him, don’t let him speak ever again.
Lucky for him Phil doesn’t seem to mind that he’s socially inept and doesn’t mock him for it. Instead he places a hand on Dan’s knee, and if the younger boy had any doubts that he may be into him those doubts vanish immediately, because last time he checked most guys weren’t known for casually feeling up their platonic bro-buddy-pals.
They sit there in silence for a bit, Dan desperately trying to come up with something witty and/or seductive to say, but before he can can say anything - which is probably for the best - Phil cuts in.
“Can I ask you a question?”
“Yes. Was that the question?” Finally, a good comeback from Dan.
Phil laughs. “No, I was wondering if you would go out with me.”
Well. Dan did not expect that. There is another awkward silence as he tries to remember how his tongue works.
“...what?” he says, finally.
“Uhm, well-” Phil seems nervous. Fuck, he’s messed things up again hasn’t he, good going Dan. “I just thought-”
“Yes!” he yells. Probably too loud. No, definitely too loud.
Now it was Phil’s turn to look confused. “What?”
“To your question,” he adds. “Yes, I’ll go out with you.”
To hell with it, right? He may still have doubts about what exactly it is he wants, but there’s always time to figure that stuff out later. For now he’ll let himself be seduced by Phil’s incredibly good looks and excellent taste in books. Not to mention he wouldn’t mind getting his hands on that-
“I have another question,” Phil continues, interrupting Dan’s thoughts just as they’re about to go to a less than PG place.
He doesn’t respond, too distracted by Phil inching ever so slightly closer.
“I hope this isn’t too forward and I know we’ve like, just met,” Phil continues, still moving closer.
Oh god, oh god, oh god, it’s happening, it’s all happening.
“But I was thinking-”
Dan briefly wonders if two people have ever been this close.
“Can I kiss you?”
There it is. Dan knew it was coming but the words still make his cheeks flush bright red. He doesn’t even bother attempting to speak, instead simply nodding in response. Phil smiles and closes the gap between them, pressing his soft lips to Dan’s and making his heart race like he’s just ran a double marathon.
Dan has read a lot of books. A worrying amount, some might say. He’s read countless descriptions and clichés about first kisses, how they’re perfect or awkward or somehow both at once, but there are no words he could come up with that would accurately describe the way this feels. Although, he thinks, maybe that is a cliché in and of itself. Sue him, he’s getting kissed and it’s wonderful and he’s allowed to be cheesy.
The kiss is chaste and brief, and when Phil leans back Dan can’t help but giggle.
“What’s so funny?” Phil asks, his deep voice doing nothing to calm the butterflies doing cartwheels in his stomach.
“I don’t know,” Dan replies. “I guess I just wasn’t expecting to snog a hot boy outside of the school in the middle of the night.”
“You think I’m hot?” Phil smirks, but this time Dan doesn’t find it quite as annoying.
“Shut up,” he mumbles, gently nudging the teasing boy with his shoulder and conveniently moving as close to him as possible in the process.
“So, uh. What did you have planned for this…date?”
Oh, my God, he has a date with Phil.
“It’s a surprise.” Phil winks, except he can’t really wink and it’s more of just a regular blink. Dan thinks that might be the cutest thing he’s ever witnessed. “Meet me in the library tomorrow after school.”
“Okay, but if Miss Oliver tells you anything embarrassing about me just know she’s a liar and I have never spoken to her in my life.”
Phil laughs. “Noted.”
They sit there for a little while longer, just talking and enjoying each other’s company. Eventually Dan gets cold and Phil drapes his jacket around him, ignoring Dan’s protests about how cliché this all is.
Maybe sometimes clichés aren’t actually that bad.