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John and Aaron sat in the living room of Aaron's base, the news on the TV droning on and on about their team's latest victory. Alexander had been badly hurt in the battle and was currently unconscious in the lab which Aaron had always used in the past to heal in, seeing as all the necessary equipment for it was in that room. He had a tablet lying on his lap and he kept a stare fixed on it, as Alexander's heart rate, breathing, blood level, and many other things were displayed on it and should anything be amiss it would warn him. It was John who had convinced him to get out of the room as soon as he had taken care of Alexander's wounds. Aaron wasn't too worried about Alexander, Aaron knew Alexander had been through worse (no thanks to him) and that this was only a minor injury compared to his injuries in the past. Goodness, he thought, that man refuses to die.
"You've been awfully quiet," John finally disturbed the silence between them.
"We're watching TV," Aaron replied and John looked at him, startled by how tensely calm Aaron's voice was.
"I know you're worried-"
"I'm not. He's been through worse and will heal quick thanks to my equipment. I'm not worried about him," Aaron said too quickly.
"Well, if this isn't worrying, then what is it?" he asked and for a moment Aaron glanced at him before his gaze hit the tablet on his lap again.
"I'm... not used to not seeing him... if you'd let me stay by his side I'm sure I wouldn't be acting like this, but..." Aaron said, not in an accusatory way, more in a lamenting tone, though it was still eerily calm.
"Want me to distract you?" he asked then shook his head, only now noticing what his words could imply, especially as Aaron raised a brow, but didn't look at him, "Not like that. I meant, like, talk and stuff. The TV clearly isn't helping my cause to distract you."
Aaron was quiet for a moment, then nodded, "What do you want to talk about?"
"Well, first," he said, scooting over to where Aaron was sitting and taking the tablet from his lap. Aaron flinched and froze, forcing himself not to move despite his hands itching for the tablet to be back in them. "This goes away. You told me this thing will warn you if something is wrong, and it will, so there's no need for you to keep staring at it."
"I know... I know, I just want... I don't know what I want..." Aaron said, more quietly, his eyes glancing over to the door that directly connected the living room with the lab with longing.
"Alright, since he's burning so much on your mind, let's talk about Alexander," John said, "How about this: What made you fall in love with him?"
Aaron furrowed his brows. He knew that John knew what his answer would be.
"He makes me laugh," he said.
"Nope, that's the conclusion; I want to hear the essay. He makes me laugh, too, but I get the feeling that he makes you laugh has more of an impact," he said with a clever grin and Aaron chuckled.
"I suppose it wouldn't hurt... Well, I suppose along the way I had lost a part of myself as a villain. I believe, if I were forced to name it... I would, I believe, say it was my humanity that I had lost. And somehow Alexander... this wonderful man, he not only found it, I had thought, but returned it to me. At least, that is what I had thought. In the end, it turned out that he hadn't returned me my own humanity..." he stopped, tongue grasping for the right words, "But rather replaced my missing pieces with some of his own, he had too many to keep to himself. And I had never before realised that this, my humanity, was what was missing of me. I had a name for it, sure, but then I hadn't a way to get it back. And then... then he came along and... he makes me laugh. And suddenly, so quite suddenly, the thing, that what I had missed... it was returned to me... I can't help but love him... He gave me back what I had lost such a long time ago in my endeavours."
"Woah," John softly gasped, eyes wide, "That's some intense stuff there..."
"He's the only thing that's holding me together. I may seem calm and composed at all times, but that is merely the form I actively choose to present myself as. My insides..." he reached for the right words, but couldn't seem to find the perfect ones to describe it, "Inside, I feel..."
"Feel what?" John asked but Aaron shook his head.
"No, I mean I feel. I don't... Inside it's... It's not calm, it's not quiet, it's-... It's loud. A deafening screeching and screaming that goes on forever. Waves crashing, thunder roaring- it's never quiet, unless..." Aaron paused.
"Unless..." John repeated, sure he understood and Aaron nodded.
"Unless I am with him. He's a storm of his own, but he manages to silence the storm that's screaming in me, the choir of cries, the- the everything... He keeps me calm, my temper cool, the storm away. I haven't a clue if he knows what he does to me, but... I love him all the same. Though..." and suddenly he grew quiet. John furrowed his brows in worry.
"Though?" he repeated and Aaron shook his head "Aaron, dude, what's wrong?"
"I... I know why I love him... But... I'll ask you not to speak of this with Alexander. I am quite insecure in the matter and I feel shame for it, as it feels as though I am doubting Alexander, which I never could, mind you, unless it is regarding him taking care of himself after a battle, he always brushes off injuries no matter how bad they actually are and-"
"You're rambling, Aaron," John interrupted him and Aaron looked up at him surprised.
"I was, wasn't I..." and his mood soured again, "I..." he sighed, "I know why I love him... But I haven't a clue why he loves me. I'm waiting for the day, anxiously, when he finally decides he doesn't love me. I've done things he has forgiven me which I can't forgive myself. I love him. I will cherish the time he lets me love him, but I know it will end, and I'll have to let him go. I will never again have silence inside me, but... as long as he is happy... As long as he can smile, I will be willing to carry the burden which my love for him, at that point unrequited, will become."
"Shut up, he loves you!" John exclaimed, "The way he looks at you, he's six feet deep in love! Forget head over heels, he's- actually, I have no clue how to make a hyperbole out of that- but my point still stands!"
"That's very nice of you, John. I hope one day I can really believe that myself... Perhaps my insecurities are irrational... but I suppose they're similar to a habit. It's quite difficult to break out of them..." Aaron attempted to explain and John nodded.
"I get it, I really do, but... maybe we could work on... making your insecurities less strong? Less overpowering and stuff," John said and Aaron nodded.
"I do make sure that my insecurities don't intervene with my own happiness with Alexander. I have made a sort of compromise with them. That I am aware, according to my insecurities, that he will eventually leave me, but that I will enjoy the time he allows me to love him, selfish as this may appear," Aaron explained and John frowned.
"You talk about your insecurities like they're separate beings in you," John mused and Aaron shrugged and nodded.
"You're always your own worst enemy, I heard. I don't quite remember who told me that, but they were right. My own worst enemy, indeed..." Aaron sighed, glancing at the door to his lab again and glancing at John, who sighed and played annoyed.
"Fine, you can go to him," he said and a small smile - though John knew from Alexander that this meant that Aaron was practically beaming on the inside - spread on Aaron's lips.
"Thank you," he whispered and practically jumped up from the couch and ran into the lab, ignoring the door and shifting into goo that passed through the keyhole easily, manifesting on the other side again and shifting to his normal form as he rushed to Alexander's side.
John remained in the living room and sighed. He kinda wanted to help, but he had no idea how to, and he had no idea how either of the two would react to him trying to help in any sort of way. But this conversation with Aaron... it had revealed a lot to John. Aaron had exposed a part of himself to him that he only did with Alexander, and then he had opened a part that even Alexander - John was sure about this since Alexander would have made a move to ease Aaron's worries - didn't know about. It felt wrong that he got to know this information before Alexander. But maybe, he reasoned with himself, Aaron needed someone who merely understood what he felt and not jump to immediately help as soon as the conversation was done. He wasn't quite sure about it, or not as sure as he wanted to be, but he reasoned that Aaron must have been the type of person to take their time solving a problem, calculating and analysing if it is even worth his efforts or if it will resolve itself after some time.
John sighed again, he felt heavy and he grumbled as he fell asleep. Aaron was sitting at the bed, at Alexander's side, holding his hand and brushing over his knuckles with his thumb with the tiniest smile, because Alexander would stir every once in a while at the contact and it meant that his healing serum was working well and quickly. In five minutes, Alexander's injuries should all be healed and Alexander should wake up before that. And, as if on cue, Alexander's eyes fluttered open after two minutes, searching the room for Aaron and finding him at his side. Alexander smiled and Aaron did too, leaning up to plant a kiss on his lips.
"Good morning, love. Slept well?" he asked and Alexander nodded.
"I had the weirdest dream. I was caught near a storm and couldn't control it, but when I came closer to it, it suddenly disappeared, and you were there," he said, speech a bit slurred from sleep and Aaron's smile softened to feathery gentleness.
"Thank you for chasing away the storm, Alex," he said and kissed Alexander again, who thought Aaron was just playing and meant his dream, with no idea what Aaron really meant, and Aaron would leave it at that. At least for now.