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Rin was sitting down on a bench, staring out at the ocean with its waves crashing against the shoreline, white foam washing up. If there was one thing he loathed with a passion, then it would be the ocean. And yet, here he was, sitting and watching it in silence. No matter what he did, it would always draw him to it. Beautiful yet terrifying. One moment it would be calm and safe. The next it would be dangerous and a death trap. Rin shuddered.
“Haru! Over here!” Rin shouted at Haru who looked like a lost puppy. They were meeting on the beach, which was for some reason empty. And yet Rin had to shout at Haru for him to find him. Well, he had wandered a bit further along it just to ensure their complete privacy. A big smile broke out on Haru’s face as he made his way towards him and Rin couldn’t help but grin. This was their first “real date”. Somewhere along the way, an awkward confession had taken place and their feelings as it turned it had been mutual. That was still unbelievable Rin thought. That was something he hadn’t expected.
When Haru finally had made his way over to where Rin was situated they shared a chaste kiss, which made Rins cheeks heat up even though it was far from their first time sharing one. Thankfully he wasn’t the only one who felt a bit shy as he noticed that Haru had turned his head away. “Rin?” Haru asked tentatively. “Hmm? What is it?” Rin replied, busy fiddling with the barbecue. “What are you going to grill…? I didn’t bring anything…” Haru said. The grin on Rins face turned even wider, to the point that it was showing his pointy teeth. “Mackerel and hamburger!” he beamed at Haru. The fond smile full of affection that showed on Harus face made Rins heart ache.
Rin smiled fondly at the memory. Thankfully he was a good cook and the food hadn’t ended up in disaster. Thanks to all these years in Australia when he had to cook for himself had done him good. Haru had even complimented him, which had made him proud. After the food, they just swam in the ocean and enjoyed each other’s company. Rin wished he could have gone back to these times. When everything was so uncomplicated and carefree. Sure, both were busy with swimming and school but nothing was still really serious. The future and what would happen in it could wait whilst they enjoyed their youth. But the world as it seemed, was cruel.
Rin entered Haru’s house cautiously. It was eerily quiet as he took of his shoes. There was even no smell, as if no one lived there at all. Sure, everything was in place but something was definitely wrong. Haru, who never used his cell phone, had called him and told him to come right away. Rin fidgeted in the hallway, unsure if he should proceed or not. “Haru?” he called out into the house. No answer. He must be somewhere, Rin thought and decided to take a look around the house. Why would he call him to come over and then leave?
Rin had looked everywhere in the house now, except for the bathroom. He swallowed and slowly opened the door, which was unlocked. As soon as the door was open, he sighed in relief. There he was, sitting in the tub staring ahead of himself. Lost in thought, as he always was whenever he was immersed in water. Rin made his way over to the tub as he sighed and ran a hand through his hair. When he was close enough to stare down at Haru, who thank god was wearing his swimsuit, he kneeled down beside. Haru turned his head to him as if he noticed first until now that Rin was there. The first thought that struck Rin’s mind when he looked at Haru was that the other looked sort of…empty. Like he had already given up, the life sucked out of him.
A bad feeling was starting to pool in his gut. Just then, Haru opened his mouth. “Rin. You know that I haven’t bee feeling well lately, right?” That made Rin frown. Did he…? Well, Haru hadn’t been feeling so well lately, but he had always reassured him that it was nothing serious. “Yeah…?” Rin replied, with a questioning look. He already didn’t like where this was going and waited patiently for Haru to answer him. The longer he waited, the worse the feeling in his stomach got. “I went to the hospital yesterday. Sorry I didn’t tell you. They told me I have cancer and it has already developed. Chemotherapy won’t do it. I’ve got about six months left to live.”
Rin stared at him in utter, complete shock. Haru was going to die…? That couldn’t be true…He wasn’t that bad, was he? They had only gone out for a year and now he was telling him he would only get to spend six more months with him…? Haru was the love of Rin’s life, he was sure about that. It had always been in his mind that they would get to spend the rest of their lives together. And why was Haru so calm…? Didn’t he understand what this meant? “Rin…? Are you okay…?” Haru asked tentatively. When Rin heard the voice, he just turned to it and saw the worried look on Haru’s face and did the first thing that came to mind and wrapped his arms tightly around him.
Tears streamed down his face and he cursed inwardly at himself. Haru hated it when he cried if they weren’t happy tears. There was nothing he could do about it. Having your lover tell you they only had half a year left to live, who wouldn’t?
Rin’s heart still ached from that memory. It was one of the worst days of his life. Not that the time that followed after were any better. Up to this day, he still wondered why. Why did it have to be Haru of all people that tread the earth? Why did it have to go so fast? Why hadn’t scientists yet found a cure for it? This train of thought could go on forever if he wasn’t careful.
Rin also thought what they could have been now. Haru and him. Living together. Celebrating the gold he won in the Olympics. Their everyday life. Waking up in the mornings. Eating breakfast and dinner together. Bicker about random things, such as Haru who would probably have mackerel more than meat. Rin occasionally cooking for Haru, having romantic dinners together and Haru being all flustered. Never would he ever again see that tiny small smile of Haru that he still loved to this day. Maybe Rin would have rubbed off on Haru. They could have started to take after one another.
Once again, Rin shuddered. The wind was picking up, making him fold his arms around his body as if to protect himself from the cold. The day was coming to and end, shadows getting longer and world around him quieting down. The sun was setting in the horizon, painting the sky in hues of orange.
Humming lightly as he walked with his hands in pockets, he kept checking his phone and smiling brightly at it. For once, Rin had gotten a text message from Haru, asking him to meet him at the bench on that cliff by the ocean where the view was particularly breath taking. It was a perfect day and he tried to keep the fact that Haru was sick in the back of his mind.
Birds were chirping and there was not a single cloud in the sky. Even the temperature was perfect, not too cold nor too hot. His steps were light as he made his way to the ocean. Kept wondering what Haru had in mind. Surely he couldn’t just ask him to meet there with nothing planned in mind, right? He chuckled lightly at the thought. It was hard to know with Haru. Although he had gotten a bit more expressive since they started dating. Oh well, he would just have to go there and see.
As he got nearer to the bench and could see it from far away, it was empty. That made Rin a bit puzzled. It was this place he had meant, right? It made him excited and a bit worried, but he brushed it off and walked to bench. When he drew closer, he noticed that there was something lying on the bench.
A single, dark pink rose along with a white, neatly folded paper. Rin started to sweat and shake. His heart started thrumming in his chest and his breathing came out in small gasps. With trembling hands, he picked up the letter.
Rin. I’m not going to say “I’m sorry”. Instead, I’m going to say “Thank you.” The short time I spent with you made me realize a lot of things. For one, that there is more in the world than the eye sees. I was blind. You were the one showed me a lot of sights and for that I’m forever grateful. But there was one sight I couldn’t let you see. The sight of me slowly fading away. I want you to remember me from the time when I was strong and healthy. This is selfish of me, I know. The place where I wanted to leave the earth was not in some chemical smelling hospital in an uncomfortable bed. It was in one of the places I always felt at ease in.
I love you. Please remember me.
Haru
No way. No way. No way no way no way no way. Absolutely no fucking way. If this meant what Rin thought it meant, then that would mean that Haru was….gone. Did he dare even think of the word…dead. The harsh truth. He fell down to his knees with the letter clutched tightly in his hands. Re-read the letter again and again. Still couldn’t believe what was written there. With Haru’s neat handwriting. As the true meaning of these words finally sank in, sobs wracked his body and he turned his face to the ocean. “Fuck!” he screamed with all his might until his throat turned dry and his voice come out anymore.
That was the memory that hurt the most. No one was ever prepared for death. No one ever could be. One could think he was, but harsh truth was that it was never the case. The first period of time, he had wanted to follow Haru. Thinking it was the only right thing to do. At the time, he hadn’t imagined a life without Haru and never thought he could live one without him. Gou along with the Iwatobi guys and convinced him that life was still worth living. Told him that was what Haru wanted. Today, he was thankful for that.
But there was no one who could ever take the place beside him. It had always been for Haru. Haru, with his hair as dark as the sky at night. Haru, with his eyes as deep as the ocean. Haru, with his skin as pale as porcelain. The tears prickled behind his eyes and he didn’t stop them from falling. He had lost two people to the ocean.
“Haru, I love you” Rin said with a barely audible voice that was carried away by the wind.