Chapter Text
Dirk sat by the window, his knees against his chest and arms wrapped tight around them. Outside the wind howled and he could hear the faint sirens of far-off police cars. He could see Farah and Todd talking on the other side of the street, and leaning on the jeep he’d traded for the Corvette. Because of course he had. Why would he ever, once, stop to think about what Todd wanted. It was always the case or Dirk came first. Always. Dirk stewed bitterly in his thoughts.
Earlier that day when Farah and Todd had been having a perfectly normal and good conversation about what Farah did before she met them, Dirk just had to interrupt with his own personal, only vaguely related, anecdote and derailed the conversation towards him. Or when they’d suggested getting coffee and he just had to get his coffee first and rush in front of them. Stupid, selfish, greedy Dirk. Everything had to be about him and his goddamn cases. How do you even apologise to people about that? Sorry I’m a selfish greedy prick? Even he knew that wouldn’t work out well. Dirk swallowed and pulled his arms tighter around himself, feeling the pit of despair and self-hatred in his chest deepen. Tears started to gather in his eyes.
He started to grow cold but resisted the urge to cover himself in the nearby blanket in favour of staying still. It was Todd’s blanket anyway, he’d probably want it when he got back. He could hear Todd entering their now shared apartment but once again decided not to move. For once he didn’t want Todd’s attention. He longed to do something else but knew whatever he did would make him feel even more guilty about his past behaviour. He stayed where he was, looking out on the street.
The strange silence in the apartment was broken when Todd called out from the kitchen. “I’m making tea, what type do you want?” Dirk didn’t reply, Todd didn’t need to make him anything, he should save his energy for more worthwhile people like Farah. Dirk didn’t hear Todd approaching until he was a metre away. “Hey Dirk, what’s wrong?” Todd’s voice was laced with concern that just made Dirk feel even worse for how he’d treated Todd.
“I’m fine, don’t worry about me.” Dirk didn’t look at Todd. Todd snorted quietly.
“Bullshit. That was the most monotone voice you’ve ever used” Dirk tried to shrink as much as he could into himself. “Dirk, please. What’s wrong?” Trying not to let his voice waver, Dirk replied.
“I am.” He looked down but looked up when he felt Todd’s arms encase him.
“Dirk, whatever you are, in whatever sense. Psychic, not psychic, gay, sensitive, whatever it is you’re talking about, you’re not wrong or broken.” Dirk shook his head.
“It’s not that. It’s just—it’s just that,” he took a deep breath to steady himself, “I’m terrible, Todd. I’m selfish and greedy and never think about others and what you want, what you need. It always has to be about me and I hate that about myself. I forced myself into your life and ignored every protest you gave and—” At this point he gave up talking as tears began to stream down his face. Todd hugged him closer despite the awkward position with Dirk’s legs in between them. He pulled back and put his hands on Dirk’s shoulders.
“Dirk, I know something must have prompted this but I can’t think of what it would be. Yes, you do have a tendency to obsess over cases but it’s because you want to help the people involved and stop the pain.” Todd gave him a small smile. “Also, you have to remember no one’s perfect, we’ve all got our own faults. If you’re selfish then I’m definitely more so. We just have to know that everyone’s got their faults, and remember to be forgiving sometimes. You’re so much more than your faults and accidents, Dirk.” He looked into Todd’s beautiful blue eyes and shifted his legs down so he was properly sitting on the window seat. He held his arms out to Todd for a hug. Todd obliged, wrapping his strong arms around Dirk.
They stayed like that for at least ten minutes, Dirk trying his best not to ruin Todd’s shirt with his tears, and Todd stroking his back in what he hoped was a comforting gesture. When Dirk shivered a little in his arms, Todd pulled back. “The jug is probably cold by now but I’ll boil it again and go make us some of that Earl Grey you like.” Todd stood up but paused before leaving. “Also, go put on a jumper or wrap yourself in that blanket, being warm will help you feel better.” Dirk smiled warmly at Todd then reached over and grabbed said blanket.
Todd returned with two cups of tea and handed one to Dirk. “How about we watch a movie? Something happy, you can choose and I won’t complain. Promise.” Dirk stood up, the blanket wrapped around him like a cloak, cup of tea in hand and walked over the couch.
“Do you know if Thor: Ragnarok is on Netflix yet, Todd?” Todd looked at him and smiled.
“I think it is.” Dirk smiled back, he’d definitely made the right choice.
“We should both enjoy whatever we end up watching, I can’t have you falling asleep during the movie.” He set his tea on the coffee table and sat down next to Todd, re-adjusting his blanket while Todd brought up the movie on Netflix. Once he’d pressed play, Todd not-so-sneakily tugged the blanket over himself as well. Dirk looked at him and pouted.
“What? If I’m watching the movie I want to be warm too.” Dirk relented, picked up his tea, and leant against Todd. Quietly, during a pause in the dialogue, Dirk turned his face towards Todd.
“Thank you.”
Thor was just about to meet Korg when Todd paused it. Dirk sat up in indignation.
“Why’d you stop it? I love Korg!” Todd looked at him with an amused smile.
“I thought we should order pizza, unless you’ve already eaten?” Dirk shook his head. “Thought so, what do you want?”
“Pepperoni or Hawaiian.” Todd stood up and headed over to the phone.
“I’ll get one of each.” Dirk took the absence of Todd to gather up the oversized cable knit blanket around him. He felt like he was swimming in an ocean of warmth. What he did to deserve so good a best friend as Todd, he had no idea, but he’d cherish Todd forever.