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Coming back to school was like whiplash.
Now instead of people greeting him enthusiastically, patting him on the back with a “Great job back there, Sakamoto!” and the eager grins of his teammates, he sees people shrinking away from him, people pushing him over onto his broken leg, and his teammates glaring cold daggers at him hoping that their looks could kill.
Well, they’re not his teammates anymore, anyway.
Sakamoto Ryuji; the delinquent who went after the famed Kamoshida, the coach who was bringing the track team to victory. Sakamoto Ryuji; the one who single-handedly ended the track team because of his stupid outbursts. Sakamoto Ryuji; the boy without a father to teach him right. That’s all Sakamoto Ryuji was to them. It was as if he didn’t try to save his teammates from Kamoshida’s abuse. It was as if he didn’t have his family life revealed to the school. The last one was true; he didn’t have a father that taught him right because the one he did taught him about hell and neglect and that’s exactly how he came back to be in the aftermath.
His mother is the only thing he has.
He had the track team. He had great friends. He had hope. But now he only has his mother, and that’s what he survives on. Sakamoto Ryuji survives on the only thing he can have in this cruel world and is ridiculed for it because according to the world, women are weak.
Sakamoto Ryuji looks at his mother and sees the strongest woman in the world.
He sees the woman who survived her husband’s abuse and he sees the woman who took hits for him when he couldn’t physically move and he sees the woman who despite what the school told her stood by her son and never dared step away from him even as she was escorted out the building.
Sakamoto Ryuji sees the woman who works herself down to the bone for the two of them and tries to copy her. Sakamoto Ryuji makes her a lunch in the morning and makes dinner in the night even though she insists she’s not tired and Sakamoto Ryuji still thanks her every morning for saving him despite his father being long gone.
Sakamoto Ryuji sees every beaten face in the hallway and knows it’s Kamoshida. Hell, everyone knows it’s Kamoshida now. Yet no one does anything.
Sakamoto Ryuji sees every broken face of the volleyball team, wincing at the bruised face who would be the next “star” of the team; the ones who smile at their friends and insist they’re okay, that they just tripped, that they were just roughhousing, and it pains him every time.
And speaking of pain the one in his leg is gone but every time he looks at the bruises he can still feel it like yesterday. It’s as if Kamoshida imprinted himself onto his leg as a reminder. It tells him; “You’re Sakamoto Ryuji. Remember the last time you tried to stand up for people? Now you can’t even stand correctly. What, are you going to give up your legs for something that doesn’t even involve you? ”.
But it does involve him.
With every beaten face his leg hurts him because it jabs at him and tells him; “That’s your fault. You could have stopped this from happening.” and it doesn’t go away. Sakamoto Ryuji tries to reason against his heart; “I can’t effin’ do anything about it, I’m sorry.” but in reality he could.
He could but he’s too afraid to lose his mother to the next case of “self-defense” against him because the minute he does he knows that he’ll have nothing left if he ever returns; if he’ll even have legs to run away with anymore.
Sakamoto Ryuji sees those faces in the hallway and wants to apologize to every single one and protect all of them but he knows he can’t. He knows they’ll lie and shrink away from him. He knows that he’ll get angry and make it worse.
Sakamoto Ryuji ridicules himself for being so weak. Then for being stupid. Then for being angry. He listens to the people around him spreading rumors. He listens to his father’s words still flowing through his head. He listens to what Kamoshida told him then and still tells him now. The words flow through his head like the alcohol flowing from the bottles his father drank.
However, Sakamoto Ryuji doesn’t understand why.
Why would no one listen? Why will no one speak up? Why can Kamoshida get away with this? Why would no one hear his story? Why was he the one outcast from society? Why must this suffering continue?
He knows the answer but he doesn’t understand. Fear is the answer but he doesn’t understand. Corruption is the answer but he doesn’t understand.
Sakamoto Ryuji is on the way to his second year of school when finally, finally there’s someone who listens to him.
Sakamoto Ryuji is on his way to his second year of school when this stranger saves his life without even thinking twice.
Sakamoto Ryuji starts his second year of school when he finally feels a semblance of hope.
And he clings to it.