Work Text:
when he enters the cafeteria there are still remainings of hope in him. as it turns out a second later – only for nothing, just to let the wave of despair hit him.
he needs to sit – it doesn't matter where, he just wants to be able to hide his face in hands and cry.
with every next day approaching this specific table feels more and more difficult for him.
there, in the corner, he sees his best friend; the boy that makes him feel things. things that are supposed to be forbidden for best friends.
a broad smile stretches across felix's face, showing a row of even, white teeth. jisung's breath dies in his throat and he feels butterflies in his stomach fluttering their wings like crazy.
however, he isn't able to enjoy this view for a long time. only seconds later his mind registers something more. something so important that causes jisung's breaths go uneven.
felix doesn't direct his smile towards him.
jisung isn't the one that smiles back.
instead, there's another boy sitting next to felix.
another boy who with the same force directs his own happiness at jisung's best friend.
jisung feels that his knees will refuse to obey him soon so he takes a step forward – and then the next one. he knows that his legs tremble slightly but he doesn't care that much. it's not like anyone will pay attention to him anyways. and even if they will – there is only one person's opinion that he matters to him.
he tries to swallow, take a deep breath and then calm the storm of emotions inside his head.
before he can register all of the steps he has taken, he's already in front of the table that he knows so well after all this years.
"oh, hi jisung."
felix's deep voice reaches his ears.
"i didn't notice you entering the cafeteria."
the eyes of both boys are now focused on him. jisung's and changbin's eyes meet for a couple of seconds.
he feels sick when he catches there a glimpse of kindness. he can't forgive himself the thoughts that invade his head. jisung knows that changbin is a good boy but still wants him out of felix's life. it doesn't matter if jisung acts like a good friend to changbin on the outside. he can't help but feel the jealousy that fills him up everytime he sees those two together.
he would give anything to be in changbin's place.
"are you serious? i feel like i've spent entire minute walking from the entrance to this table. are you sure you don't need glasses?" jisung asks and then takes a seat in front of the couple.
"come on, you're supposed to take my side, not changbin's, i'm your best friend!"
jisung only shrugges with forced laughter and gives dark haired boy a high five.
maybe today he didn't find felix sitting alone at the table, waiting for jisung to run into the cafeteria with big smile on his face and shout to him "you won't believe what happened!".
maybe today a wave of happiness didn't hit him after he entered the cafeteria.
maybe today felix didn't give him his full attention.
maybe not today but surely someday the right today will come.
and maybe jisung won't drown in his despair before the right today comes.