Archive of Our Own

When Jimin started ballet, he was too young to really know what he was getting into. He doesn’t regret it, most days, but that comes with choosing your fate in a creative movement class at the age of five. When you spend nearly fifteen years of your life dedicated to one thing, there’s always going to be doubts and insecurities. Jimin learned that the hard way, perhaps, and a little earlier than most people his age. But he’s always been dedicated, always hard working. He enjoys moving his body with precision and creating something smooth and beautiful. There’s nothing like the euphoric feeling of completing a recital you’ve practiced for for years. Because ballet isn’t just the months of learning one routine, it’s the years of hard training and discipline, pair after pair of worn out ballet shoes and stretching himself thin over every minor detail.

Jimin was there to watch kid after kid drop out of ballet classes as they got harder and harder, saw countless of his peers crack under the pressure days before recitals. It’s not for everyone, but those who are dedicated to it are some of the strongest people Jimin’s ever met, and he’s stuck close with them. They’ve shared a lot of the same hardships and experiences, gone through the same intense training and hard work… and they’ve known each other forever. It’s the kind of friendship that isn’t easily breakable, and it’s been tested time and time again.

That’s why, after years and years of confident dedication and never crumbling, all it took was one problem in his friendship for him to come crashing down. These were the only people he felt he could rely on, put all of his trust and faith in. He may be a naturally trusting person, but Jimin didn’t let many people in like he did these two.

“Jongin,” Jimin sighs into his friend’s shoulder. The taller is used to his theatrics and only laughs, patting his fluffy blonde hair in a small attempt at comfort. It’s enough for Jimin, though, finding ease in any physical affection and reassurance. He’s always been a bit clingy with Jongin, and the older boy has never minded. He reciprocates well, and always seems to know what Jimin needs.

“It’s alright, Min, it was just one small step. The rest of the class didn’t even notice,” Jongin comforts. They’re eating lunch out in the courtyard after class, the air cool in the turning seasons. But it feels warmer than it is after a cold winter, bodies accustomed to walking out into brisk air that freezes the fingers and bites at exposed cheeks. It’s a welcome change to have the sun out and plants sprouting.

Realistically, Jimin knows the mistake he made wasn’t serious. It was only practice, and it didn’t throw anyone off. But it matters to him, always, every little mistake. It’s one thing when they’re just learning, but so close to the recital it feels too big of a mistake. “I know,” Jimin whispers. Jongin’s close enough to hear it but he leaves that conversation where it is, taking his hand out of Jimin’s hair to grab his sandwich. Jongin knows better than to try convincing Jimin his mistakes weren’t as bad as he makes them, because it’s always a losing fight. As bubbly as Jimin tends to be, he always takes ballet a step farther than a lot of the other students.

It’s when Jongin has a mouth full of food that Mina walks up from behind them, neither of them hearing her quiet steps until she’s directly behind them. “Did someone miss a step in practice today?” She asks it knowingly, easily reading Jimin’s slumped body language.

Jongin startles more than perhaps more than Mina’s quiet approach deserves, nearly choking on his sandwich and jolting Jimin off of his shoulders. Jimin yelps in turn because Jongin startles him, and the scene causes Mina to laugh breathily. The two are always causing a ruckus, and she’s always the one witnessing them cause it.

“Mina!” Jongin groans after finally swallowing the sandwich he almost choked on. “I told you to stop sneaking up on me like that, are you a ballerina or a ninja?” He huffs, but there’s a smile on his face.

Jimin rubs his temple where Jongin’s bony shoulder bumped his head a little too hard.  “Normally I don’t care, but Jongin nearly killed me,” he huffs.

Mina comes around to sit in front of them, smoothing out her skirt before she does to make sure she isn’t flashing her underwear. The three are a strange trio, but they’ve stuck together too long for people to still be questioning it. Especially in the dance community at their school, it’s common knowledge the three are best friends. The three of them can be a bit shy on their own, but put them together and there’s not much they can’t accomplish. They got this far leaning on and supporting each other.

Jimin’s always been grateful for their trio of support.

Mina shrugs, laughing again as she pulls her homemade lunch out of her bag. “Maybe your ears are just bad,” she teases. “I’m not that quiet when I walk, you guys are just never listening.” Her straight brunette hair gets tussled by the wind and she has to pat it back down with a huff while Jongin just continues to wolf down his sandwich. Jimin watches the two of them eat instead of taking out his own lunch, just a banana and a protein bar he doesn’t feel like eating. The two don’t let him go with it though, and it never takes them long to notice when he’s hesitant to eat.

“Jimin.” Jongin’s tone isn’t his nice one, and Jimin ignores him in favor of laying down in the grass and closing his eyes. He hears the crinkling of a wrapper and a moment later Jongin’s grabbing his jaw and opening his mouth, sticking one end of Jimin’s unwrapped protein bar into his mouth.

Reluctantly, Jimin grabs the other end and takes a bite, opening his eyes to glare over at an uncaring Jongin. The older has already resumed eating, but Mina’s looking pleased as she’s eating her kimbap.

They may be irritating at times, but they take care of each other, stick together. They have the same goals, same path to follow.

“I’m going to Germany next semester,” Jongin whispers into the breeze.

Jimin barely makes it through their recital, but he worked too hard to let himself mess up now. His movements are a little more aggressive, a little more dramatic, but he stays on beat. Each step is precise, moving, flowing easily from one to the next. He lifts Mina with ease, passes her on to Jongin, turns swiftly away.

The recital ends without a single step out of place, but Jimin can barely rejoice in the success. He bows for the crowd, but his heart isn’t in it like it usually is. He leaves the stage as soon as he can, not looking behind him or at any of the stage staff he passes. Mina tries to follow behind him, but she can only go so far before he slides into the men’s changing room and shuts the door while she’s trotting towards it. Her call for him cuts off, and he forces himself to breath away the tears. They aren’t the kind he welcomes in the changing room.

Jimin’s got his sweats on before any of the other guys filter in, leaving the room and the building with all of his stuff before any of them can ask him what’s wrong. It’s been a week since Jongin told them he’s leaving, and Jimin hasn’t talked to him since.

It’s unfair. Jimin knows. Jongin doesn’t deserve to be given the cold shoulder for following his dreams, and choosing what makes him happy. But a big part of Jimin that thought he knew exactly what he wanted was chipped away as soon as he learned that the future he was imagining relied on Jongin and Mina always being right there next to him.

Jimin has always been the type to give and give and give himself away, putting himself into others to make them feel better, only asking for attention in turn. The only people he felt like he could really talk about his own worries to, were Jongin and Mina. It’s always been them, since they made a pact to stick with each other forever when they were twelve. But Jimin was the only one still living in the lie they made when they were just kids.

Realistically, Jimin knew there was that possibility. He’s old enough to know that childish promises aren’t a lifetime contract. They’re adults now, and there’s so much more out there for them than this little arts college in Korea. It may be the best in the country, but there’s so many more options out there in the world. Places where they can achieve the dreams that take them bigger and better places, into the spotlight of places they’ve always dreamed of going.

The three always imagined what it would be like, going to the best dance schools in the world. Jimin had just assumed, on his own apparently, that those places weren’t for them. He was happy just going to school where he was never too far from his family and friends.

But Jongin always dreamed bigger than Jimin, even if he didn’t want to admit it. It was plain as day to anyone who paid attention, and Jimin always was. He could see the small details, the wistfulness in Jongin’s voice when he spoke of leaving. The brochures in his dorm, the posters on his walls. Jimin was just too afraid of the truth.

Mina, though, she seemed to have accepted it long ago. While she congratulated Jongin for being accepted into a prestigious ballet school, seemed as happy for him as Jongin was to be going, Jimin only got angry. Jongin was telling them, hoping for support, and all Jimin could do was ask him why he was leaving them. Why he didn’t tell them earlier. Jimin watched the doubt cloud over Jongin’s shy giddiness, and all he did was collect his stuff and storm off without congratulating him.

He’s a selfish idiot. Can’t even be happy for his best friend, all because he can’t stand to watch them leave him behind. Because he made a bubble around himself and pretended he couldn’t see what he didn’t want to.

A couple of weeks passed by after the recital, a couple weeks of stretching and practicing on his own, avoiding Jongin and Mina. It was lonely, like two big pieces of him were missing. Mina tried to call or text him every day, asking him if they could talk or if Jimin wanted to just practice, no talking, she promised. But Jimin didn’t want to talk. He wanted to hide away forever, pretend he didn’t exist for a while. There were lots of regret, for not congratulating Jongin, for not being proud of him like he should be. Long nights laying in bed reimagining the same scene over and over again, seeing that hurt look in Jongin’s face. Wondering if he could have made it better, if he could have pretended to be happy for his best friend. Here he had always thought he was a good friend, a shoulder to rely on and supportive of everything his friends did. But that doesn’t seem very accurate when he can’t even be happy for Jongin at such an important time.

Three and a half weeks after Jongin’s confession, and Mina comes barging into Jimin’s dorm room when he’s about to leave for food. She pushes him back into his room as soon as he steps out the door, surprising him enough to not get any retaliation.

“Mina, why- how long have you been waiting out there?”

Mina shushes him and pushes him to sit down on his bed, and for the first time Jimin is scared of the girl several centimeters shorter than him. She looks more serious than he’s seen her in a long time, maybe since the time Jongin and him had gotten a little too physical when they fought in middle school. Jimin knows he’s going to be lectured, but he doesn’t expect the stern expression to slowly morph into teary-eyed stubbornness before she can even start talking.

“You idiot ,” she hisses. Jimin doesn’t have time to reply before she jabs his chest with a well-manicured finger, making him wince. “Jongin was so happy to go to Germany, but now he doesn’t think he should even go. He’s so worried about your stupid jealousy, worried that you’ll never talk to him again if he leaves.”

The anger doesn’t suit her soft voice, and the wobbly tone betrays the tears ready to burst but even though she pauses Jimin knows it’s not his turn to speak yet. She takes a moment to collect herself, but when she continues her voice still isn’t as sure as it usually is. But still, she always speak with purpose.

“I’m going to miss him, too,” Mina whispers. “Trust me, I’m just as sad to see him go. But as excited as he was to go, he needs our support, Jimin. He needs us there for him, just like we’ve always been. He’s going to be all alone in a foreign country. Jongin won’t be able to talk to anyone there, he doesn’t know the language, or the people. But he has the chance . And I know he can do it, and you do too, but we aren’t twelve anymore Jimin. And I don’t want him to give this up just because you can’t accept that.” Her voice cracks on the last word, and Jimin watches Mina’s resolve crumble before his eyes. Her lip trembles, and slowly the tears start falling.

The emotions are overwhelming, but Jimin cries with her. He hadn’t cried the past few weeks, too stubborn to accept just how upset he was over all of this. But Jimin grabs Mina’s hands and pulls her into a hug, crying with her and letting out all of his pent up emotions. They were both scared, she was just strong enough to hide it for Jongin, to let her support shine through when Jimin couldn’t.

It takes them a while to calm down, just sitting on his bed and holding each other, sniffling intermittently, the crying starting up again a couple times after they thought it had stopped. They had shifted into laying down facing each other eventually, knees and foreheads touching, holding hands between their chests. They’d known each other too long to feel awkward cuddling, had one too many movie nights with just the three of them under the blankets tangled together.

They were just missing another piece.

“I need to call him, don’t I?” Jimin whispers between them, looking down at Mina’s pretty fingers entwined with his chubby ones. He knows he does, but he still needs her push. This is the longest Jimin’s ever gone without talking to either of them, and he feels bad, but he needs to just do it.

Mina nods, squeezing his hand comfortingly. “He leaves next week, Min. We don’t have much time left with him.”

Jimin’s eyes widen, and he pulls away from her to sit up, searching around him for his phone. It feels so much more urgent. Knowing how little time they have. Jongin will be gone for awhile, if everything works out at his new school. And if it goes as well as they all hope it does, he could be gone even longer, off dancing for the world to see.  “Why does he leave so soon!?” Jimin almost feels ready to cry again, but he needs to talk to Jongin first. After all the years they’ve spent attached at the hip, he’s not gonna spend this last week feeling bad for himself in his dorm.

“Calm down, Jimin, it’s okay.” Mina suddenly looks stressed again, so Jimin takes a deep breath and thinks about where he last put his phone, finding his coat on the floor and searching the pockets. It’s in there, of course, and he grabs it and pulls up Jongin’s number (lovingly saved as ‘Stupid Bear’ with a little bear emoji that reminds Jimin of how stupid he’s been).

It only takes a couple of rings for Jongin to pick up, a hopeful “Jimin?” coming through the line. Jimin chokes up at the sound of Jongin’s voice again, and his voice cracks when he tries to speak.

“I’m so sorry, Kai,” Jimin just barely croaks out. He can hear Jongin inhale, breath just as shaky as Jimin feels. They hadn’t used his nickname in a while, just growing out of it while they were still in highschool, but it was one they had a lot of history using. Jimin can only hope Jongin would understand.

“Where are you? Are you at your dorm?”

Jimin nods before remembering Jongin can’t see him, telling him he’s at his dorm with Mina. It doesn’t take long for Jongin to get there, and they’re crying all over again. They’ve always been the emotional type, and every once in a while the three laugh at how much of a mess they all are. It takes a lot of crying to get to the apologising, talking about their thoughts and worries about the future. But as much as Jimin wants to stay with them always, he knows it’s time to let go. And even when Jongin’s halfway across the world, they’ll always stay in touch. They’ve gone through too much to give up on their friendship. Jimin just has to start the next chapter of his life.

“Hey, Min, could you do me a big favor?” Jongin’s voice breaks through the silence of Jimin’s dark dorm room, the three of them cuddled close on his bed. Mina’s deep, slow breaths from Jongin’s other side were slowly lulling Jimin into sleep after her, but he’s awake enough to hear Jongin speak up.

“Mmm, w’ is it?” Jimin mumbles groggily into Jongin’s side, curled close.

“I’m, uh.. Worried about my roommate, when I leave. You know Jungkook, he’s a real shy kid.” Jongin’s voice is soft and warm, and Jimin’s just awake enough to focus on what he’s saying without falling asleep. He remembers Jungkook, a cute boy who always looked like he was panicking when Jimin met him, which wasn’t very much. Jimin had a solo dorm, so usually they would hang out there instead of where someone’s roommate could interrupt any second. Plus, boys were usually shooed out of the girls’ dorm like the plague which mean’s Mina’s was out of the question.

He nods, anyway, knowing what Jongin’s talking about. Jongin hums softly, and Jimin feels his warm hand trace gentle circles into his back. “I don’t want him to worry about rooming with a stranger, and I think the two of you would get along really well. You haven’t talked very much, but.. Maybe if you two roomed together, you could find a friend in each other,” Jongin whispers. He leaves it at that, and Jimin mulls it over in his head for as long as he can on the verge of sleep. The sound of Mina’s breathing and Jongin’s warm touch has him slipping farther and farther into sleep, but he wants to make Jongin happy. Wants to  reassure him that, maybe, Jimin can move on without Jongin here holding his hand the whole way.

“Alright,” he whispers, a quiet promise in the dead of the night, one that Jongin won’t forget in the morning like Jimin will. But Jimin never breaks his promises.

After a week spent never alone, always the three of them, it’s very empty without Jongin around. Mina spends a couple of nights in Jimin’s bed with him, spends the days helping him pack up his dorm and get ready for the move. It didn’t take as long for the request to be accepted, considering how high the demand was for solo dorms. Jimin was going to miss the solitude, but Jongin was so happy to hear Jimin was willing to move in with Jungkook. The younger seemed a little more sketched out at the idea, but Jungkook spent some time hanging out with them for a few days over the last week and they had gotten to know each other better.

It turned out that they had more in common than Jimin thought they did, and Jungkook was actually a fun guy to hang around when he wasn’t so wary of you. He was goofy, and made Jimin laugh a lot, brought out a sillier side of Jimin that he usually only had with Jongin or Mina. It was nice to know that part of him wasn’t disappearing with his long-time friend, at least.

The moving took some time, considering Jungkook and Jongin lived in another building, but the younger was happy to help. Jimin was surprised at just how fit Jungkook was, teasing him about how easily he carried all of Jimin’s stuff. The transition was smoother than the short dancer thought it would be. It took a while to get used to, of course. He couldn’t call on Jongin whenever he wanted, instead taking the time to talk to Jungkook and get to know him more. He was a dancer too, and even though the styles were different the heart was the same. Jimin saw a passion in Jungkook that reinvigorated his own, reminding him why he loved to dance so much.

Jimin was worried that his dreams would leave with Jongin, yet somehow it had just sparked a determination in him to work even harder to show his friend how much he could do back at home.

Things return to as normal as they’ll ever get without Jongin, life has moved on. It’s been over a year of messaging and skyping at odd times of day, getting together with Mina and Jungkook to video call him together. Some days Jimin misses his friend more than others, but he’ll talk it through with the friends he has close and he gets through it. He’s working just as hard as he was before, if not harder. Sometimes Jimin forgets to eat, or purposely skips it altogether only for Jungkook to bring home his favorite food in a wordless plea for him to eat. It’s touching to think Jungkook’s learned his habits so fast, but it’s not like Jimin hasn’t learned the younger’s too.

One day, though, he notices something he hadn’t paid much attention to before. The dark mark is in a spot Jimin isn’t usually looking, on the inside of Jungkook’s thigh where it would normally be covered by his boxers or pants. Jimin only spots the bottom of it, peaking below the hem of his boxers after he drops the sweatpants he had slept in. They both just woke up for class, and Jimin’s still half asleep, but he recognises it for what it is.

“Jungkookie, is that your soulmate tattoo?” He asks curiously, too groggy to think the question might be too invasive. Some people are sensitive about their tattoos, the mark that appears slowly on most children, getting darker and darker until they’ve reached puberty and it’s shape is almost complete. The missing piece only appears when someone’s made skin contact with their other half, their soulmate.

Jimin doesn’t think about his much, being on his side where he doesn’t see it too often. Jungkook’s is in a bit of an odd spot, and Jimin isn’t sure he’s ever seen a tattoo there before, but it gets covered up if Jungkook isn’t nearly naked. What he did saw looked like it might be a flower, but he hadn’t gotten the best look at it anyway.

Jungkook looks surprised that Jimin even mentioned it, but Jimin just shrugs and looks at the younger sleepily, sitting up in bed. “Do you want to see mine? It’s just some ratty old sneaker, it’s not very pretty.” Jimin lifts up his baggy sleep shirt on his left side, shifting to give Jungkook a better look at it. Jimin’s never been a big fan of the soulmate thing, and he blames it on how… un aesthetic his tattoo is. How is a dirty, used shoe supposed to represent his soulmate? It doesn’t make much sense, so he hasn’t bothered looking like some people do. His roommate seems intrigued by it, though, stepping closer to get a good look at it. It makes Jimin feel self conscious, but he lets go of the unease because it’s Jungkook.

“Maybe… they have an old sole ,” Jungkook jokes with a cute bunny-like smile. Jimin laughs, because Jungkook’s cute and of course this kid would make it into a silly pun. He’s not sure what else he’d expect from the younger.

“So, are you going to let me see yours?” Jimin lifts his eyebrows in expectation, watch Jungkook get a little flustered at his stare. The younger plays with the hem of his boxers hesitantly, and Jimin chuckles at his sudden shyness. “You don’t have to, Jungkook. I was just curious.”

Jungkook sighs and shakes his head. “No, it’s just in a weird spot is all. I want to show you, it’s just… a little weird.” He gives in anyway and pulls up his boxers just enough to show the flower. The oddly complete, petalled flower. It doesn’t exactly have a stem or leaves, but just the head of the flower looks like it could be left alone how it is. Most unfinished soulmate tattoos have an obvious emptiness about them. Jimin’s shoe is missing its pair, Mina’s moon is missing it’s craters. Jimin’s seen flower stems without the flower, but Jungkook’s looks just like a rather plain rose.

Letting his boxers go, Jimin’s forced to stop looking at the simple tattoo and look up at Jungkook’s embarrassed face. “I know it’s not that weird, or anything, I just… don’t really get it. I feel like I have a knack for seeing what kind of person someone’s soulmate might be when I look at their tattoos, but mine is just…” He trails off with a shrug, and Jimin hums in thought. He’s heard of people being born without a soulmate tattoo, but not a completed one. Which means Jungkook must have a soulmate out there somewhere… they must just complete Jungkook’s tattoo in a unique way.

That day after some classes and having lunch with Mina, Jimin meets up with Jungkook again in the library to study. Jimin can already tell their usual spot is taken so he makes his way farther back to their second choice, climbing up the stairs and seeing Jungkook sitting at a table with someone else. It throws Jimin off for a second since they were planning to study alone, and when he gets a closer look the person isn’t familiar. The baggy clothes almost makes Jimin think Jungkook’s chatting up a homeless person if that kind of attire didn’t look weirdly good on the man.

Jungkook doesn’t notice him until he gets closer, raising a hand in a small wave and drawing the stranger’s attention towards him. Jimin licks his lips and slides into a seat across the table from the two, eyeing the attractive stranger curiously before looking at Jungkook again. He hasn’t clammed up which means Jungkook knows the man well enough to be comfortable with him. Not an easy thing when it comes from this kid, Jimin notes with a small smile.

“Jungkook, you have friends other than me?” He jokes quietly across the table, smiling cheekily. Mr. Stranger seems to think it’s funny, too, with his dimpled smile. Jimin would swoon if the guy’s fashion sense wasn’t ‘put together hobo’.

“Jimin,” Jungkook hisses. Jimin can tell he’s embarrassed, and mentally pats himself on his back. “This is Namjoon hyung, my tutor .”

Jimin blinks in surprise, forgetting Jungkook even had a tutor. Usually Jimin has practice when Jungkook’s at his tutoring sessions, so he doesn’t think much about it. It makes Jimin look over the man once again. He doesn’t look too much older, but supposes that doesn’t mean much in terms of tutoring.

“Nice to meet you, Namjoon. I’m Park Jimin, Jungkook’s roommate and non-official babysitter.” He laughs a bit, covering his mouth with his left hand and offering his right across the table for a handshake. Namjoon seems to just look at it for a moment, before looking up and meeting Jimin’s eye. He reaches out, but suddenly Jimin hears a loud crack and watches Namjoon collapse onto the floor. Standing up in alarm, he looks over the table to see that one leg from Namjoon’s chair had snapped off.

Jungkook isn’t even trying to hold in his distinct, cackling laugh, and once Jimin realises that Namjoon looks fine he can’t help but to join along. He tries to be quiet, holding his long sleeves over his mouth to hide the incessant giggling bubbling out of him,  hating to be loud in the library. But at this point there’s no use in being quiet, and seeing Namjoon sprawled out on the floor and looking a little lost is the best thing he’s seen all day.

“O-Oh my gosh, are you okay?” Jimin says between giggles, but Namjoon seems relatively unphased by the weird mishap.

“Hyung, how are you always breaking things?” Jungkook cackles, reaching out to help him off of the floor and onto his feet. Namjoon sighs, looking a little annoyed and guilty, picking up the two pieces of the chair. That’s when they hear the librarian clear his throat, catching their attention.

“I’m gonna have to ask you three to leave,” he says. Looking around, it’s obvious how many people are glaring at them around the library and Jimin suddenly feels ashamed.

“Sorry,” he whispers, grabbing Jungkook’s hand and tugging on Namjoon’s jacket to make him follow them out of the library. Once they’re outside, he lets go of Jungkook’s hand and grabs his own face, still disbelieving. “I can’t believe we got kicked out of the library!”

Namjoon looks guilty, tugging off his grey beanie to muss up his hair before putting it back on. “Sorry, Jimin, it’s my faul-” He stops short when Jimin starts giggling again, surprised.

Jimin turns around to look at them again, shaking his head. “You don’t have to apologise, that was hilarious. We got kicked out for laughing at your expense, I feel like I should apologise to you .” Looking at Namjoon, he decides the man’s cute, weird hobo style and all. He looks guilty still for something he had no control over, and it’s rather endearing.

“You wouldn’t have been kicked out if I hadn’t broken that damn chair, though. Is there anything I can do for you two?” Namjoon looks from Jimin to Jungkook, who’s just rolling his eyes and shaking his head. He obviously seems to agree with Jimin, but Namjoon is persistent. “I could help you two study?”

This time, Jungkook’s shaking his head. “We were going to study dance history, Hyung, not something in your expertise.”

If it were up to the two dancers Jimin would leave it at that, but Namjoon still looks distraught for some reason. So Jimin gives in with a sigh. “I could use some coffee to help me stay awake?”

Namjoon brightens up pretty quickly. “I can handle that.”

Somehow, Namjoon ends up spending more time with Jimin and Jungkook after that. It’s an odd transition, from Jungkook’s tutor he’d barely heard about to friends who occasionally get coffee. At first, post-library debacle, it was just after Jungkook’s tutoring sessions and Jimin’s practice. Namjoon offered to buy them food, and the week after that he asked if they wanted to have drinks at his place. But the invitation was never just to Jungkook, it always extended to Jimin as well.

A few weeks later, and the three are hanging out on days that Jungkook doesn’t have a session with Namjoon. The older has started joining them for lunch when their schedules line up, sometimes when Mina there and sometimes when Jungkook isn’t it. But Jimin doesn’t think anything of it, not until nearly a month of hanging out with Namjoon and becoming pretty fast friends. It was just normal to see him around more often, to notice him around campus and catch him looking when Jimin wasn’t.

Jimin thought it was pretty normal until Jungkook brought something up one night, their usual anime night laying in Jungkook’s bed with Jimin’s laptop propped up on their legs. While most of their peers would be out partying on Friday nights, the two of them cuddled under the covers and watched anime until they couldn’t keep their eyes open any longer. It was a comfortable routine they started a few months into moving into the dorm together, Jungkook catching Jimin in a particularly vulnerable moment and distracting him with what he knew best: anime.

“Now that I think about it,” Jungkook mumbled. Jimin couldn’t tell whether Jungkook was talking to himself or him, but listened anyway. “Namjoon-hyung never asked me to hang out after tutoring me until after that day at the library.” They let that sit between them for a moment, quiet aside from the obnoxious shouting match in the anime they’re only half paying attention to. He had never thought of it before then, but Jungkook had never mentioned hanging out with Namjoon outside of studying. He was just a tutor. Jimin had never even heard Jungkook mention his name before they met at the library, but one broken chair later and they were all friends.

“That’s odd,” Jimin hums back. Because, well.. It kind of is. Jungkook had even said later that night, that he was surprised to run into Namjoon there and have the older start a conversation with him. Namjoon had just never gone out of his way to get to know Jungkook beyond what he struggled with in class, and maybe his taste in music.

“Maybe he likes you,” Jungkook teases, prodding Jimin’s side and making the older squirm. It makes Jimin jab his elbow into Jungkook’s own side, making him flinch away. “Nevermind, you’re too much of a baby for him. Namjoon has an old soul, and you look like a perpetual two year old.”

Jungkook has to throw himself out of his own bed just to escape Jimin’s wrath.

“Hey, do you think you could proofread this for me?” Jimin slides his laptop closer to Namjoon across from him, the two doing schoolwork in the older’s apartment. It had become a bit of a habit, recently, just sitting in each other’s company and working on their own projects. Their classes were very different, being in different years and different majors, but somehow studying had become most comfortable in each other’s company. Even without Jungkook there, the two managed to work together whenever Jimin wasn’t at ballet practice or when the two weren’t in class.

Even Yoongi, Namjoon’s roommate and ‘partner in crime’ as Namjoon once fondly put it, had learned to just accept that Jimin was there almost every day. It’s not like Jimin was much of a nuisance, but Yoongi had a tendency to be standoffish. That didn’t last long, when Jimin was always there to break away at Yoongi’s defences to get to the soft, caring guy Namjoon talked so much about. And getting Yoongi to open up wasn’t the easiest of tasks.

Namjoon looked up from his own laptop, headphones over one ear and behind the other one. Jimin had joked a lot about how funny it looked at first, but he had gotten used to it by now. “Sure, this is the music theory paper, right?” He didn’t even need to ask, already knowing the answer of course, but Jimin nodded anyway. Namjoon pulled off his headphones to make room for Jimin’s laptop and start reading while Jimin fiddled with one of his pens and watched, studying the older from across the table.

There was some sort of energy between them, one Jimin found hard to ignore. He didn’t know what it was, exactly, but he knew it had something to do with the way they always seemed to seek each other out. It had taken Jimin a while to realise it, but it was there. Jimin could never say no to Namjoon asking to hang out, study together, eat together. Just be in the same space at the same time, make eye contact every once in a while that sent butterflies to Jimin’s stomach.

It was a new feeling, for sure. One Jimin had never felt before with any of his friends, or any of the rare crushes he had throughout the years. But it wasn’t a bad one. It ached a little, sometimes, in those nights Jimin spent alone in his bed and he was too afraid to wake Jungkook up. When he looked across the table and saw Namjoon focusing hard, eyebrows furrowed and lips frowning. It ached when Jimin sat so close to him their arms were brushing, but their skin never touched through their sleeves.

It was November, now, almost two months since they met. And it was cold outside, enough for Namjoon to always be wearing a long sleeve shirt or a jacket whenever Jimin saw him. Enough for them to have never made skin contact, either. It was something Jimin hadn’t thought too much of before. He’s always been very physically affectionate, leaning into people he’s close to and holding them close. Small, intimate touches that he tends to crave. But Namjoon is very… cautious. His limbs are spindly and always knocking things over, but he’s never once touched Jimin’s skin on accident or on purpose.

But Jimin is starting to crave it.

He’d never push Namjoon’s boundaries, or do anything to make the older man uncomfortable, but Jimin wants him to touch him. Nothing inappropriate, of course. But Jimin wants to hold Namjoon’s big hands in his own, to feel them brush against his skin and touch him with the care Namjoon puts into not touching.

“It looks good to me, Jimin. Maybe some more evidence for your last point, but otherwise it’s strong.” Jimin refocuses from Namjoon’s hands to his face, blinking at him across the table and slowly pulling his laptop back to him.

“Thank you, Hyung.”

“Is there a reason Namjoon’s always so covered up?”

Jimin asks it absentmindedly, left alone with Yoongi in their apartment living room a few days later. Namjoon had decided to go out to buy snacks and drinks, the kitchen being mostly cleared out of food. Feeling lazy, Jimin said he didn’t mind staying behind with Yoongi until he came back. But being alone with the one person who knows Namjoon best makes his mind wander to all of the questions he has, and the answers he can only hope Yoongi has.

But Yoongi just grunts, occupied with a game on his phone as he lays across the couch. Jimin doesn’t give up that easily, of course, getting up from his spot at the table to sit on the arm of the couch and poke at Yoongi’s feet.

“Yoongi-hyung, please? You know, don’t you? You guys are bros for life, partners in crime. You’re practically married .”

Yoongi scoffs with disgust, kicking Jimin in the ribs. “That’s disgusting. I’d rather be married to the devil himself than that idiot.”

His disgust makes Jimin laugh, despite the foot digging into his side. “You and the devil would make a cute couple, at least. Come on, tell me why. Don’t ignore the subject.” Jimin picks up Yoongi’s legs and sits on the couch properly before setting them down on his lap. The older man looks at him sceptically, but Jimin can tell he’s going to crack. It’s all over his face.

With a sigh, Yoongi taps at the game on his phone and nods minutely. “You should just be asking Namjoon this, considering it’s not my place to tell… he’s just scared of finding his soulmate, I guess. You guys seem close, so I’m sure he’d tell you more if you asked. Just don’t push him too much. I don’t know what’s going on between you two, but I can tell he’s particularly cautious with you.”

Yoongi makes sure to look up from his phone at Jimin, face stern. Jimin gets the memo, nodding in a silent promise to who knows what. Namjoon walks in a few minutes later, bags of food and drinks in hand and a smile on his face. Jimin craves his touch, but keeps a distance he hopes Namjoon is comfortable with. Namjoon isn’t just afraid of finding his soulmate, he’s afraid of finding out it’s him .

As November rolls into December, Jimin gets busier with ballet. Their big Christmas recital is coming up, and Jimin was picked for one of the main roles which means he has to rehearse twice as hard. He spends less time with Namjoon and Jungkook, more time in the practice room, and even more time avoiding eating. He had made the crushing realisation late november that he had gained weight, undoubtedly due to all the times Namjoon has bought him food or invited him to eat with him, giving him leftovers from his cousin’s cooking or from some cute confectionary he found.

Jimin wasn’t blaming it on Namjoon, exactly, but how weak-willed he was when it came to the other man. It was hard to restrain himself when Namjoon looked so hopeful, sounded so excited for him to join him or try something. Jimin had done so good for so long, perfected the art of excuses and little white lies that got him out of eating too much or eating certain things. He was a master at dieting, and at denying his cravings. He kept his weight steady, never gained any weight.

But now, he could practically see the pudge in his cheeks, how thick his thighs were. Jimin could see every gram that others couldn’t, and he would make sure to get rid of it as soon as he could. Even if it took days without eating, weeks of endless practice and working out.

It took a couple of weeks of not seeing his friends for anyone to realise something was up. Jimin didn’t even see Jungkook, coming back to the dorm after he was already asleep and leaving early in the morning before he woke up. Jimin saw Mina in practice but she could never convince him to eat with her, or take a break, or call it quits for the night. She seemed to know what was going on but not to what extent, not having seen Jimin act like that since high school.

Nearly three weeks later and Jimin’s in the practice room late at night all on his own, sweat dripping down his skin and soaking his clothes. Even Jimin’s hair is damp with it, and he’s panting heavily. Leaning against the bar, he’s forced to stare at himself in the mirrored wall, at his red face and bruised under-eye. It’s not hard to tell he’s sleep-deprived, exhausted. His legs have started shaking, his breathing is uneven. Jimin knows he needs to drink some water, but suddenly he’s not sure if he can make it to his water bottle on the other side of the room.

“Jimin?”

Namjoon’s voice startles him, looking up in the mirror and over his own shoulder to see Namjoon near the door with a worried look on his face. His blonde hair is messy, and his clothes disheveled. He’s even panting, slightly, face a little damp with sweet.

“Namjoon, why are you here?” Jimin turns around, still leaning on the bar but facing Namjoon head on. He looks different, somehow, after a couple of weeks. Or maybe it’s just Jimin who’s seeing him differently.

“Jungkook told me he hasn’t seen you in weeks , Jimin.” He steps forward, worry evident in his voice and face. Even approaching with caution, as if Jimin’s going to run away if Namjoon approaches too quickly. As if he could run away.

But Jimin can’t run away, he can barely even stand. Can barely keep his eyes open, barely focus on Namjoon as he comes closer.

“Jimin!”

Namjoon can barely believe his eyes when Jimin slumps over right before his eyes, body crumpling onto the floor and head hitting the wood. The sight quickly has Namjoon in a panic, not hesitating for a second to drop to his knees and pick Jimin’s head up off of the ground. The contact sends a jolt through his skin but he ignored it in favor of gently patting Jimin’s cheek, calling his name and begging him to wake up with curses muttered in between.

While he’s pulling out his phone to call an ambulance, Namjoon feels something warm and wet on the fingers he has in Jimin’s hair and he doesn’t have to check to know what it is, only putting him in more of a panic as he dials the emergency number. But all he can do as he waits for them to arrive is hold Jimin’s limp body while shaking, holding his bleeding head in his lap and ignoring the tell-tale tingling on his forearm.

Jimin hears the beeping first. The sound of a heart rate monitor, slow and steady. The faint sound of footsteps on tile coming from a little farther away, and gentle breathing nearby to his right. He notices the ache in his muscles, next, the ugly sore feeling from pushing himself to the limits and not properly stretching afterwards. There’s a tingling on his side, and sharper pain on the back of his head, although he can tell it’s been bandages. And when he tries to wiggle his fingers he notices his hand is warm, held tightly in someone’s hand. It’s bigger than his, and rougher, but the warmth makes Jimin feel more comforted as he slowly comes to and blinks open his eyes.

He’s in the hospital, of course, even if he doesn’t remember how. It’s all white, and his room is rather dark but he can tell it’s bright outside from a crack in the curtains. The hallway outside his room sounds to be busy, too, but the door is closed so he can’t see. Looking to his side, where he can hear the breathing, Jimin realises that it’s Namjoon there, holding his hand and head laying beside their clasped hands.

It feels so normal, at first. Comforting, like they hold hands every day, and they’ve never let go. But as Jimin wakes up more, really lets it sink in that Namjoon’s holding his hand and sleeping at his side, the realisation that this isn’t normal hits him hard. Namjoon’s never even touched him before, but suddenly Jimin’s woken up in a hospital bed and Namjoon has fallen asleep holding his hand. All he remembers is being in the practice room before waking up here, he has no idea how long it’s been or what happened for him to get here. Just thinking about it is making his head hurt (worse than it already was), and he has to close his eyes and take a few breaths to calm himself down.

“Jimin?” Namjoon’s voice is deep and groggy with sleep, and when Jimin opens his eyes again to look at the older man his face has red lines from the wrinkles in the fabric he was sleeping on and bags under eyes. It makes worry shoot through Jimin’s heart, frowning at the older.

“What happened? Why am I here?” Jimin squeezes Namjoon’s hand a little tighter, not wanting him to let go and lose the warmth. Namjoon had been so cautious to not touch Jimin before now, he feels like the older will realise what he’s doing and let go, never touch him again.

But Namjoon’s hold on his hand is just as steadfast, even lifting Jimin’s hand to press his forehead against it with a small sigh, a relieved sounding one. “I went to visit you at the studio and you just collapsed from exhaustion and malnourishment.” He lifts his head to look Jimin in the eye, a stubborn yet sad look in his eyes. “Were you not even eating, Jimin? You looked so frail, I thought you were a ghost. When Jungkook called saying you hadn’t been back to the dorm and were ignoring his calls, I nearly panicked.” He shakes his head with another sigh, bringing his other hand up to hold Jimin’s as well. “Sorry, I’m not trying to lecture you. I was just worried. Everyone has been.”

Jimin chewed his lower lip guiltily, knowing it’s his fault for worrying his friends. He had gotten so wrapped up in losing weight, in how ugly and fat he felt, and here he is in the hospital. And Namjoon looks like he’s barely gotten any sleep, almost looking sick himself.

“I’m sorry,” Jimin whispers. He looks from Namjoon’s face down to their hands, his own looking a lot smaller when it’s got both of Namjoon’s surrounding it. Jimin’s gaze draws Namjoon’s attention back down to their hands, and he gets an odd look on his face, contemplative and confused.

“Also, Jimin…” Namjoon seems to mull over the words in his head, not looking Jimin in the eyes anymore and focusing on their hands instead. “When you collapsed, and I made sure you were okay- well, when I touched you for the first time-” He sighs, removing his left hand from Jimin’s to pull up the sleeve on his right wrist and expose in arm. There, Jimin sees a pair of used and abused ballet shoes, just like the kind he’s thrown out after using them until they can’t be worn anymore.

It takes Jimin a moment, looking at the tattoo closely without an end to Namjoon’s sentence. But then he sucks in a deep breath at the realisation, the true understanding of it. “We’re…” Jimin’s voice is barely even a whisper, to surprised to properly speak. Gently pulling his hand out of Namjoon’s, he pushes himself to sit up slowly, not wanting to hurt himself by sitting up too fast. But he has too look, now, look at his tingling side and see the proof on his own skin.

As soon as Jimin’s sitting up he’s pulling up his hospital gown, exposing his left side to the cool air and staring in awe at the part of his tattoo he’s never seen before. There’s so much more ink on his skin, now, and he can’t help but to trace a finger over the new ink, dark and fresh and looking just as old and dirty as the first half of the tattoo always looked. It almost makes Jimin laugh, to think these old shoes somehow represent the smart and beautiful Namjoon. But then he remembers Jungkook’s joke all those months ago, and he really does laugh, small giggles he covers up with his mouth. “Oh my god,” he whispers to himself. Jimin looks back at Namjoon, surprised but pleased, happy to find out that he’s his soulmate.

But Namjoon still looks pensive, and it makes Jimin’s smile drop in worry, remembering what Yoongi said about Namjoon being scared of finding his soulmate. “Shit, Namjoon, I’m sorry. You didn’t want it to be me, did you? I’m so sorry, I- we don’t have t-”

Namjoon cuts him off, looking more upset and confused. “Wait, Jimin, hold up. Why wouldn’t I want it to be you?”

Jimin looks at him, a little confused and conflicted. “Well.. Yoongi said you were scared to find your soulmate… and that you were particularly cautious around me.” He starts chewing on his lip again, looking down at his hands in his lap nervously.

“No, no, god, that dumbass. Yoongi doesn’t know what he’s talking about, Jimin. Hey. Look at me, please.” Namjoon takes Jimin’s hands and waits for him to look him in the eyes again before continuing, looking serious but not mad or irritated. “I’ve always been a little nervous, yes, but I wasn’t scared to find my soulmate. Maybe a little more cautious than some, because my parents were soulmates but they didn’t really… get along the best. And the only reason I may have been more careful to not touch you was because, honestly, I just knew you were the one.” Namjoon rubs his thumbs over the back of Jimin’s hands, and a small smile spreads over his lips. “I knew you were the one, but I just had a lot of worries still. I didn’t know if you’d be happy it was me, or if somehow you’d distract me too much from my studies and the company me and Yoongi have been building.

“But after you collapsed and I had the proof right here that it was really you, and while you’ve been asleep, I’ve had more time to think and come to terms with it. It’s not because it’s you. In fact, I think it makes me feel even more confident to think you’re my soulmate and not anyone else. You’re so bright and supportive, and even if you do require a lot of affection…” he pauses and they both chuckle, Jimin squeezing Namjoon’s hands happily, “I’ve realised that just because we’re soulmates, doesn’t mean I won’t be able to achieve my dreams. If anything, we can both be there to support each other, and take care of each other.”

Namjoon lifts a hand up to Jimin’s face, brushing his hair back and then cupping his cheek. “We haven’t known each other for too long, Jimin, but I really care about you. And if you feel the same, I’d love to take you out on a date when you get out of here.” Namjoon’s sincere expression turns into a smile, dimples and all, and it makes Jimin smile right back at him.

For the first time in his life, Jimin feels like all of his pieces are in place. He nods in agreement, happy and excited to finally have Namjoon touching him gently, and asking him out on a date. Jimin may be inexperienced with everything and anything dating-wise, but he knows Namjoon will treat him right and make him feel loved. “Of course I’ll go on a date with you, Joonie. I don’t think I really knew it was you, but I always hoped it was. You’ve always been so good to me since we’ve met…” He sighs, and leans his face into Namjoon’s palm. He never thought too much about who his soulmate could be, all these years, but he couldn’t have asked for anyone better than Namjoon