Chapter Text
It started with a random question a fan asked, just a simple; “Who do you like best in Achievement Hunter?” that made his head spin. Because, theoretically, the answer should have been Geoff, the one he’d had the biggest crush on for years, the one whose laughter filled him with such warmth, from his toes to his heart, the one who made everything okay. Reality wasn’t that simple, however, as his thoughts strayed from Ryan’s nervous sounding laughter to Ray’s nervous habit of speaking from the left side of his mouth. All of his (the, he meant the, they weren’t his) boys’ small habits, everything that made them, well, them.
During a Thursday, lying in bed at three in the morning, Jack Pattillo realised that he didn’t feel anything even remotely platonic towards his co-workers.
Gavin and Ryan weren’t at all sneaky and them trying to hide their relationship was one of the most hilarious things Jack had ever seen in his life. Gavin wrote lovely Ryan on Ryan’s little desk for fuck’s sake!
But, Jack smiled to himself just thinking of those two, he was happy for them and they wouldn’t be Gavin and Ryan if they didn’t do everything as a big spectacle, even when trying to hide.
Michael and Ray, however, took Jack a long time to notice. He wouldn’t have noticed at all, in fact, if it wasn’t for Michael getting drunk off his ass one day and, when he leaned so very close to Jack; whose heart definitely do somersaults and who did not close his eyes, waiting for a kiss that never happened, only to hear a whisper of “Ray is being a jealous baby again,” from a giggling Michael.
“What do you mean?” he’d asked, pushing away all feelings of disappointment, clinging to the curiosity he felt.
Michael laughed loudly like he always did drunk but, when he spoke, the slur of his words was almost not noticeable: “He’s a busta.”
That, of course, just made him start giggling once again. Jack, maybe a little bit too drunk himself, joined him.
(Later, when Ray’s hands found themselves wrapped around Michael’s torso, claiming it was a special hug meant to help sober up, Jack was certain he didn’t imagine Ray pressing a quick kiss on the underside of Michael’s chin. Surprisingly enough Michael didn’t have a horrible hangover the next day.)
When Jack saw Geoff kiss Michael in front of Ray, he remembered that night and actually feared for Geoff’s life because, boss or no, Ray was vicious when angry. Instead Ray laughed, mock-whispering: “No kiss for the Puerto Rican? That’s racist, Geoff. Don’t worry though, I’m use to it.”
It looked like he was going to continue but, before he could, Geoff had silenced him with a kiss. Michael laughed in the background whilst Jack, Gavin and Ryan watched the sight, baffled.
(It would be Michael, with a grin on his face, who explained what polyamory was. Jack would swallow down the hope blossoming in his chest, congratulating the three.)
Three became five in a short amount of time, when Jack thought about it. He was happy for them, he was, but a feeling in his chest seemed to make that happiness dim. He ignored it though, continuing on with his life.
After a while, the feeling didn’t just diminish the happiness, it started to suffocate him, like it wanted his whole existence to only focus on that one thing and, when he learned that it seemed to be that strong when he was with the others, the amount of times when he visited Joel or Burnie or anyone started to sky-rocket. So much so that he started to only go into the office for videos. He even moved a laptop and chair near Joel’s, a testament of how much time he spent there.
Despite everything; it was Caiti, over a Skype call, who gently forced him to talk about what was wrong. The call was mostly Jack being confused about his feelings and then the rest being emotional but Caiti was wonderful, caring and everything she always was. Jack wondered how much easier his life would have been if he fell for her instead. She’d live in America, most likely, and Jack wanted that life; where he didn’t love five men who made his life confusing and Caiti, one of Jack’s closest friends, would be around all the time.
As it was, Caiti sounded sad when she informed him “you’re envious and hurt” and, thinking about it, yeah, he truly was. Caiti made everything better though, even if for a moment, so it was okay.
(She promised to hug him extra tight the time they met and Jack looked forward to it so much.)
Joel had wanted to go out drinking and Jack agreed to go, the conversation with Caiti still on his mind. He had to forget it because he couldn’t ruin the guys’ relationship. He couldn’t make everything awkward for them. They couldn’t know. Not ever.
Joel, however, left out the part that the rest of Achievement Hunters would be coming with, maybe purposely, maybe because Jack had never before needed a reminder that his co-workers were going out with them so he could say no. He couldn’t drop out though, not when Joel’s hand grasped his sleeve in a way that Jack could only describe looked painfully tight.
Maybe he really did leave out who came with them purposely.
Joel, for the lack of a better word, dragged Jack towards a booth and shoved him in it, forcing him to sit between Geoff and himself.
The rest of the guys joked and laughed and Jack genuinely had a good time and when he started to talk with them with more than one worded answers, Joel’s chest puffed out like a proud mother's would but Jack didn’t care because he could ignore all of his emotions when there was alcohol in him, he could act like he hadn’t realised he loved them yet, they were all just friends and he could pretend everything was fine.
That was, of course, until Michael pressed a kiss to Ryan’s cheek and the illusion shattered. Glancing at Joel, Jack immediately noted the narrowed eyes that the man eyed him with and, after placing a hand over his mouth and angling his face just right, the older man mouthed a ‘I get it,’ and stood up.
“I’m leaving. Jack, I’m so winning that match,” he announced, looking amused at the groans from their boothmates. Jack, understanding that Joel was giving him a way out, soon found himself walking out of the bar. He expected it to only be an excuse but still ended up staying over at Joel’s, playing video games and watching movies until Joel fell asleep on the couch.
It felt like the old times and Jack appreciated his friend so much.
(They woke up their legs tangled, backs’ hurting and sweating but Jack couldn’t find it in himself to care.)
It was Geoff who cornered him, of course it was, asking what his problem was because he was confusing and hurting the guys and Jack swallowed because he couldn’t cry.
But it hard not to because he’d loved Geoff for so long, way before any of the other guys had come into the picture, and he’d lived through Geoff being happy without him, being surrounded by ‘his boys’. He still remembered the late nights they just played video games together, no matter how shitty they were and he knew the exact time they stopped happening (both the date and the fact it was Geoff and Ray’s sixth individual date and Jack had smiled, saying that it was okay to miss one and then everything always came up and he stopped waiting for Geoff to show up at the office because neither of them could ever choose which house to stay over at). Jack remembered a lot of things Geoff had forgotten, it seemed.
“Just,” Geoff paused, moving his eyes away from Jack, taking in the surrounding room, the Achievement Hunter office, and Jack hated irony so much, “what did I do wrong?”
And suddenly the dam broke because Geoff hadn’t done a thing wrong, Jack just fell from the wrong person and then acted like an asshole to them because his feelings got in the way and it wasn’t Geoff’s fault that Jack fell in love with him and his boyfriends.
“I love you,” he rushed out, watching Geoff’s eyes fly to his form, startled, “I love you and the guys and I’m sorry.”
Geoff stood there for a long time, muttering something before he started talking: “I-”
But Jack had known Geoff for a long time, knew that tone, had seen him use it on fans. The I’m-sorry-but-I-can’t-do-that voice that suddenly made Jack’s stomach fall and he really didn’t want to hear it. He didn’t want to hear how Geoff didn’t feel the same way or, if he did, how the boys mattered to him more.
“It’s okay,” he interrupted, “You don’t have to love me back. I just wanted to tell you.”
Maybe escaping to Joel’s office afterwards was cowardly but Joel didn’t ask questions, even let Jack call Caiti from his laptop and Jack appreciated his friends so much it hurt because Caiti just offered distractions and didn’t force him to talk about anything.